No matter how ideal a family may be, sooner or later a moment comes when spouses begin to look at life, at themselves, and at their partner in a new way. This is a natural path of development that occurs in every area of our lives, and family relationships are no exception.
Sociological research reveals several stages in the process of development of the family institution, and, as a rule, the transition from one stage of development to another is accompanied by a crisis in family relations.
Discussion questions
Nevertheless, there is still a fairly large number of official families where its members live together. This raises the question:
1. What is considered a family: a formal unit of society or the actual existence of close relationships between its members? There is a certain layer of families that actually do not have close relationships between their members, and everyone lives their own life and has their own interests. The reasons for maintaining such families are banal and simple:
- convenience in material terms - it is no secret that living together is generally cheaper than living alone. Suffice it to remember the costs of housing and its repairs, the purchase of durable items, etc., which have to be done once, not twice;
- convenience in everyday life - household functions are shared between family members, which makes life easier;
- there are social prerequisites - if for some reason it is beneficial for at least one of the family members to have marital status (perhaps he occupies some significant position or high social position, and the stability of his family increases his prestige and reputation);
- the family is preserved because of the children and the reluctance to traumatize them;
- there is a fear of uncertainty and leaving the comfort zone (which, of course, is actually habitual discomfort);
- Women are characterized by a fear of public condemnation and recognition of themselves as untenable as a woman and wife. This was especially common in Soviet times and is now gradually losing its relevance.
Of course, the list of reasons is not complete. But confirming the presence of a sufficient number of such “families”, we will conclude that there are fewer and fewer real “normal” families left. This again confirms the thesis about the crisis of the modern family.
2. The second debatable question: is the identified crisis of the modern family really that bad? Maybe this is a natural evolutionary transition to a new plane in accordance with the general development of civilization? When answering this question, you need to remember what functions families perform and analyze how they change.
What to do in such a situation?
So, a crisis is on your doorstep, what should you do to make it pass as quickly and painlessly as possible?
Many married couples face a crisis, and most have overcome it quite successfully. Remember that you can handle everything too.
Consequences of the modern family crisis
1. One of the most basic functions definitely suffers - raising children . More precisely, it should even be said that the very attitude towards raising children is changing. Nowadays, the qualitative component of education has significantly strengthened, which means the additional development of children through all kinds of clubs, sections and paid classes. In Soviet times, this came down to visiting free clubs in a schoolchild’s home or, at most, visiting a music or art school, often on the initiative of the child himself and at school age. Now almost any self-respecting parent considers it his duty to participate in the epidemic of early development, and from the age of 2-3 the child attends several additional classes. BUT: with all this, the same child is most likely raised in an incomplete family or with one stepparent, and less quality attention is paid from the parents. The functions of communication are reduced to ensuring the living conditions and physical needs of the child. Those who are most fortunate are taken to playrooms in shopping malls, to theaters, exhibitions and zoos, but face-to-face interaction is still lacking. The environment and social institutions, but not the parents, are directly involved in raising the child.
2. Reproductive function also affects the crisis of the modern family. Fewer and fewer children are being born in Slavic families. For every family there is... children. Many, even being officially married, consciously refuse parenthood. The problem of abandoned children remains relevant. The family crisis is also affected by the fact that the health status of women of reproductive age does not allow many to have children even with a strong desire, which affects the stability of family relationships.
3. Communication function. The high rhythm of modern life, significant time spent on movement, and the availability of communication means lead to the fact that family members prefer to communicate outside the family, and the house itself is perceived as a place to relax. There is no time or energy left to communicate with your spouse and children. Sometimes spouses separate, realizing that nothing connects them anymore, and that communication has turned into a formal routine.
4. Emotional function. Ideally, a person should satisfy his emotional needs in the family, and at a minimum, receive more positive than negative emotions in it. However, high expectations from family relationships and the desire for family ideality (provoked by numerous ideal photos of other families on social networks) sometimes lead to the predominance of negative emotions, which is reinforced by disagreements in solving ordinary everyday problems.
5. Recreational function. This function suffers in proportion to the financial situation of the family. The more money the spouses have, the higher quality vacation they can afford, and very often this vacation takes place separately from each other. This includes both one-time trips to restaurants, theaters and other entertainment venues, as well as long vacation trips. When people cannot afford quality rest, they are forced to spend time together, otherwise many prefer to relax alone. And the opposite trend - many lawyers argue that the number of applications for divorce has peak periods - after the New Year holidays and summer holidays. The reason is simple - during a vacation together, people who are not accustomed to spending long periods of time together become so tense in their relationship that they want to get a divorce. To be fair, we note that many such hastily submitted applications are later withdrawn. Until next vacation... )
6. Household function of the family. This function also loses its relevance with the development of civilization, technological progress and the material security of families. The presence of modern technology greatly facilitates the performance of household functions, and many of them are generally transferred to third parties - food can be ordered at home or dinner in an inexpensive cafe, a cleaner can be invited weekly to clean the house, things are dry-cleaned or even replaced with new ones.
A common life together has also ceased to be beneficial in living together - now almost everyone is able to provide themselves with a comfortable existence and the need to adapt to their partner rather interferes and kills love over time.
7. Economic function of the family. With the growth of general material security, the importance of the economic function of the modern family decreases, since many people are able to completely independently provide for their own living. And a partner for marriage is no longer selected based on whether it is easier to live with him, but according to completely different criteria.
On this topic - a video from the program “Ariadne’s Thread”. The guest of the program, Elena Barbash, discusses whether modern people need a family.
1 part:
Part 2:
Family stages according to E. Duval
The life cycle of a family consists of eight stages, which are based on two functions of the family - educational and reproductive. These stages depend on factors such as the presence or absence of children in the family, as well as their age. So, the crisis in the family by year can be as follows:
- The period of family formation, at this stage there are no children yet (0-5 years).
- The period of childbearing when the age of the firstborn is not older than three years.
- The next period is when children become preschoolers, the age of the first child is no older than 6 years.
- A family with school-age children, the first-born is no more than 13 years old.
- The period when children become teenagers. This period of time assumes that the oldest child is between 13 and 21 years old.
- A family that “releases” children from their nest into adulthood.
- The next period is when the husband and wife enter adulthood.
- The final stage is the aging family.
These stages can be considered basic, but certainly not the only correct ones. Not every married couple can be considered through this classifier. Still, absolutely every family is individual and there are many family groups, the relationships in which cannot be attributed to any of the classifications known to us.
In any case, no matter what the family is, no matter what specific characteristics it has, at a certain stage of the life cycle it faces difficulties and crises typical of the current stage. We all know that being informed means being armed. Knowing these stages of crises will help you cope with them much faster and easier. If the situation is too complicated, then it would not be a bad idea to contact a family psychologist. In Moscow this will not be difficult.
Conclusion
If we summarize everything that we have noted, we can conclude that the value of the modern family is naturally declining. People are getting married more and more often because they really want it, and not because society demands it or because it is easier and more convenient. And they make the decision to divorce more and more easily if something goes wrong. The reasons for the crisis of the modern family are numerous, and the main ones include an increase in the general technical level, an improvement in the level and quality of life, and the trend of individualization.
So can we talk about a crisis in the modern family or is family relationships simply undergoing a transformation? Do the problems of the modern family affect the crisis of family relations?
What do you think?
Crisis of the first year of family life
During the first year of marriage, the newlyweds begin to get used to each other. They have to adapt to each other, learn to respect each other's habits and desires, and adapt to jointly running a common household. And the more differences there are in the level of culture of young people and in their ideas about family life, the more difficult the process of adjustment becomes. During this period, quarrels and conflicts between newlyweds arise mainly on domestic grounds and for the most insignificant reasons: who should go for bread, who should take out the trash, how the family budget should be distributed, and so on.
How to overcome:
If a man and a woman are initially ready to make concessions to each other and adapt to their partner, then the crisis of the first year of family life goes well. But sometimes, during the process of adjustment, newlyweds discover such global contradictions in their views on family life that their marriage begins to crack at the seams.
What is a crisis in a relationship?
A relationship crisis is a period when an existing relationship is no longer satisfactory in the way it is now. With the onset of a crisis, partners can no longer live as before and need to change their usual patterns and established foundations.
Main symptoms:
- The habits of your loved one, which previously went unnoticed, suddenly begin to irritate
- There is a feeling that a “pink veil” has fallen, hiding the true appearance of a person until this moment.
- Sexual attraction to a partner and the desire to spend time with him fade away
- Loss of interest in the life of a loved one, in his professional or personal successes
