Psychology of a 40-year-old woman: midlife crisis

Midlife crisis can happen to both men and women. In women, it occurs between the ages of 40 and 55 years. At this time, women experience physiological changes associated with the premenopausal period or menopause. It lasts a long time and is accompanied by depression, sadness, despair, low self-esteem and other negative experiences, but how to survive a midlife crisis in women?

What is a midlife crisis and its symptoms?

A midlife crisis is a long-term emotional state (depression), which is provoked by the fact that a person begins to overestimate his experience of middle age, when certain opportunities that were childhood and youth dreams have already been lost (or may seem lost). And one’s own approaching old age is no longer perceived as something abstract, but as a very real near-term prospect.

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This condition is characterized by a number of symptoms, namely:

• depressive moods;
• self-pity;
• feeling of inner devastation;
• the feeling that a person is trapped;
• a sense of the injustice of life.

Symptoms intensify if a person’s physical condition changes: weight increases, endurance decreases, the first wrinkles appear, the skin sags, and demand among members of the opposite sex decreases.

External signs of a midlife crisis include:

• a person refuses his achievements, even if others recognize them;
• loses interest in many areas of life that were previously very important to him;
• his reference persons change and then he begins to attach more importance to the opinions of completely strangers than to his loved ones;
• value orientations change;
• people begin to behave more freely and eccentrically.

What causes this painful condition?

The main causes of the midlife crisis

American scientists decided to find out the extent of the midlife crisis. According to their data, only 23 percent of those studied had its symptoms identified. But the majority of the population still copes with this condition quite calmly (to one degree or another). This is due to various factors, the main of which are certain personal characteristics.

Let's further understand the main reasons for the midlife crisis in men and women.

What triggers a midlife crisis in men?

For many representatives of the stronger sex, the onset of the age of thirty-seven to forty-one years is a rather unstable period of time. It seems that before this, different things happened in life and there were also many ups and downs, but now the situation is becoming more dramatic - the man realizes that he has already lived half his way.

The following factors provoke this condition:

1. Deterioration of health . The overall energy balance decreases, chronic pathologies worsen, plus sexual function may deteriorate. Even if there are no bad symptoms yet, the physical body still gradually begins to change, which is often difficult to accept morally.
2. Roles change . The children have already grown up, and some have even managed to have grandchildren, which implies even greater responsibility than before. Not everyone has the desire to take it upon themselves.
3. A person plunges into his inner world . Begins to ask questions, how was the first half of life? Were all the actions truly correct? And most importantly, where did the person end up as a result of earlier decisions and actions taken? Therefore, many people, as a result of all these thoughts, begin to feel depressed if they realize that they did not do everything correctly.

Characteristic features of a midlife crisis in men

For the most part, the midlife crisis among the male half of the population provokes a rethinking of their own social and professional success. A man evaluates how successful his career has been and whether he was able to become happy in principle? At the same time, people who are most affected by the crisis are those who were actively involved in their careers, but did not achieve success in it. Although this is far from the only reason for frustration: the condition worsens in proportion to the accumulation of internal discontent and tension in several areas of life at once.

There is an opinion that the crisis of forty years among the stronger sex follows one of two scenarios:

1. Feeling of a strong decline . The main reason for this scenario is that your career or life in general has not lived up to expectations. Then the development of depressive states, apathy, and internal depression is typical, which is quite difficult for a man to cope with.
2. A complete revaluation of the life lived is the next version of the development of events. In this case, the desire to start life over again is typical, which involves a complete internal and external restructuring.

But still, you don’t need to be so afraid of the midlife crisis, because not all men suffer from it. For some of them, this period has a completely calm development, and for some, there is even a clear rise. They are motivated to make dramatic changes in their careers, become mentors and experts, and are ready to stay at their workplace for days, succumbing to the “second wind.”

Recommendations on how to deal with the problem

It is not at all necessary that a midlife crisis be characterized by painful symptoms. You may well be able to help yourself to get through this period more smoothly.

1. Do analysis and accept your reality as it is without illusions. The ability to accept your past opens up new opportunities for the future. Please note that acceptance should not be associated with recognition. You simply accept the situation that exists in the present, but what will happen in the future is your personal choice. Stop blaming yourself and constantly going back to the past. Instead, we advise you to start assessing all the successes and mistakes that have been made previously and move towards the future.
2. Set your own values . Take the midlife crisis as a chance to reassess your values. Changes in the latter can occur annually and this is quite a variant of the norm. At the same time, over the years, there is a decrease in personal growth and determination, but in return the importance of relationships with others, the ability to find reference points in the environment and demonstrate one’s own skills increases. Think about what is truly meaningful to you and how it can be translated into life?
3. Find balance ! By balancing different areas of your life, you feel in complete control of the situation. Therefore, spend enough time with family and friends, relaxing, but at the same time do not try to spend all your energy on them.
4. Monitor your well-being . If you have any ailments, it is important to go to the hospital immediately. Conditions of frequent mood changes, depression or aggressiveness are often provoked by reduced testosterone. Then you should make an appointment with an andrologist. In general, it is recommended to maintain the healthiest lifestyle possible, a balanced diet and moderate physical activity.
5. Improve your relationships . It's no secret that coping with any troubles is much easier when you have the support of loved ones. In addition, by communicating with others, we automatically reduce the level of stress in the body. Therefore, talking with your close circle, having fun spending time together, asking for help and helping each other is now vitally important.
6. Start finding new goals . A new goal helps to change the focus of your attention. This means that you urgently stop thinking about the past and consoling yourself with false illusions: instead, set real goals and set out to achieve them.
7. Pay attention to your hobbies . This may seem strange to you, but the lower our daily activity, the less energy we have. And prolonged passivity provokes a decline in mood and even leads to depression. Therefore, do not give up your hobbies, which can give you a lot of pleasure and energy now.
8. Don't stop your development . Just like when you were a child, be curious and open to the world around you. Improve your skills in important areas of life. Give up the stupid prejudices that it is “too late for you to do something” or that “beginners must be young people.” Remember that your youth really depends only on your attitude, and not on the date of birth in your passport.

Causes causing the 40th Anniversary Crisis

There are many of them, let's look at the most basic ones:

• Significant changes in appearance: wrinkles appear, the skin loses its elasticity and sags, hair turns grey. All this causes moral discomfort, especially if a woman is accustomed to paying a lot of attention to her appearance.
• There is less energy, now you need to treat yourself more carefully than in your youth. The body will not forgive “heroism”; you need to rest more.
• Menopause is approaching. Hormonal “swings” lead to sudden changes in mood, plus here we should add dry skin, weight gain, and discomfort during intimacy.
• Children - we are talking about their absence, when a woman feels that she was unable to realize her maternal instincts, or about the offspring growing up and leaving their parental home. In the latter case, “empty nest syndrome” develops, a feeling of uselessness and use.
• Parents - if they are still alive, then now is the time when they need care and concern from their daughter. If they suffer from illnesses, then looking after them can become very problematic and take up a lot of strength and energy.
• A crisis of unfulfillment arises: questions appear in my head: “Have I been doing the right thing all my life?”, “Was I able to benefit the world?”, “Was my work meaningless and useless?” Many representatives of the fair sex are forced to work at jobs they don’t like for the sake of money or to fulfill other people’s expectations, but at the same time ignore their own desires and needs. Internal dissatisfaction grows and reaches its peak by mid-life.
• Family relationships are being rethought. Children grow up, the need to preserve the family for their sake disappears, plus the woman begins to value herself more. Therefore, she may suddenly discover with surprise that she has lived for many years under a roof with a complete stranger. As a result, divorces often occur after 40, and ex-spouses find new lovers.
• Fear of old age and death appears. In principle, it is natural for a person, but with age it begins to visit more and more often.
• The fear of being alone in old age is especially relevant for women who have not started a family or given birth to children.

Why do women develop a midlife crisis?

Contrary to popular belief that this phenomenon affects only the stronger sex, women are also affected by age-related cycles. At the same time, for representatives of the fair sex, the crisis occurs even earlier - as a rule, between the ages of thirty and forty years.

And its main provocateurs are:

• Changed appearance . Whereas until the age of thirty there was no need to take too much care of one's appearance, from now on it becomes much more important. Many ladies even moderately downplay their age or even hide it. Most of all, of course, those people who have not yet managed to arrange their personal lives and passionately dream of a family and a child begin to worry. For them, changing appearance is perceived as a great threat to their personal happiness.
• Hormonal imbalances, deterioration in general well-being . The body now requires much more careful care than it used to. It is also important to be examined regularly by doctors. There is a decrease in the energy balance as a whole.
• Career, personal life, changing priorities . By analogy with men, women also analyze their lives: find out whether they did everything right, did they do what their soul required, did they set their life priorities correctly? In some cases, these reflections occur against the background of maternity leave or the post-maternity period, when a woman is forced to return to work and restore her career. It is possible to develop self-doubt, fear of not keeping up with younger colleagues.

And, in principle, one fine morning a woman can wake up and realize that she devoted herself to the maximum to her family and children, but was never able to realize her creative or professional abilities. And these thoughts worry her greatly. Or, on the contrary, if all the energy went into work, then a feeling of oppressive loneliness appears.

There may be disappointments in your other halves; feelings often turn into mechanical, cold, and distant.

How does a midlife crisis occur in women?

Two-thirds of the fair sex are characterized by a desire to change something in their lives between the ages of thirty-seven and forty-three. Many people want to have another baby or make a drastic change in the scope of their work.

Other ladies dare to undergo plastic surgery and begin to hide their age, as it is difficult for them to adapt to the natural flow of time. At the age of forty-five to fifty-five years, menopause occurs. The majority of women perceive this time as their first real encounter with approaching aging. Hormonal changes occur, which inevitably affects mood and general well-being. Exposure to difficult feelings, depression, irritability and anxiety cannot be ruled out.

Of course, not all females find this period so difficult. So, if a woman fully accepts herself, her body, believes in herself and feels enough love and support from her close circle, and also has some kind of hobby and takes sufficient care of herself, she may not even feel what the notorious middle age crisis.

Useful recommendations on how to overcome the crisis

• Pay enough attention to your health . If you begin to observe uncontrollable mood changes that were not there before, this is a clear reason to visit your gynecologist-endocrinologist. The specialist will be able to select the appropriate therapy for you based on the tests performed. Do not delay your visit to the doctor - now your body especially needs attention and care, so your task is to provide it with it.
• It is important to appreciate and listen to yourself . Don't strive to be perfect - value and love yourself for who you are. It is not uncommon for a representative of the fairer sex to feel valued and important only if she serves others: her spouse, children or grandchildren. And when the children (and grandchildren) have already grown up and no longer feel such an urgent need for care, the woman begins to feel that she is not needed and is devastated. This is completely wrong! Remember that you yourself are of great value, without any conditionality. You definitely deserve to be happy, to feel inner harmony and peace. Therefore, learn to listen and hear yourself and love yourself simply for being you!
• Find yourself hobbies . Believe me, even if the best years of your life were spent studying, working and raising children/grandchildren, then even at the age of over 40 and over 50, you can (and should) find a hobby that will give you positive emotions. Therefore, do not hesitate to go to a dance hall, yoga studio or cross-stitch master class - the main thing is that you really like the hobby.
• The topic of appearance is very important, but not vital . Stop thinking that you are just your appearance. Of course, appearance is of great importance, but not the most important thing. It is important to give enough care to your body and face, but not become completely obsessed with them. After all, the more you concentrate on the topic of appearance, the further you are from real life and the more unbalanced its other areas become.
• Engage in improving relationships . Let the people dear to your heart always know and feel this. Pay enough attention to your family circle.
• Give yourself some personal space . Get all areas of your life in order, but still find enough time for yourself. Regularly go on dates with yourself - to a cafe, beauty salon, or just to the park. Treat yourself to pleasant surprises and give yourself enough care.
• Train your stress resistance and positive thinking . During a midlife crisis, it is important to pay enough attention to your psycho-emotional state. Often during this period, many people experience emotional exhaustion. If this happens to you, you need to ensure complete relaxation. Also, train your general stress resistance and try to remain optimistic.

Symptom 6. You will decide that you are terminally ill.

The spot on the cheek is not the result of excessive smoking, but an evil melanoma, of course. The pain in your chest is not because you sit at the computer too much, but because your fiery engine is worn out and will stop tomorrow. You'll probably die of a heart attack. Or from a stroke. Which, in essence, is for the best - because otherwise Alzheimer's will visit you tomorrow. Or Parkinson, Addison and Huntington, and many other interesting men. Actually, these are the only interesting men who will visit you from now on. Well, Kondraty is still here.

Solution: go to the doctor. He will definitely find some nasty thing in your tests that won’t cause you to die, or even to live badly. But! In 20 years, this nasty thing will certainly make itself known if you don’t immediately give up smoking, alcohol and delicious food.

Table number five, fresh air, daily routine. Terrible recommendations, it’s better to go straight to the morgue. That's exactly what you'll think. And you will also think about the fact that, it turns out, you have twenty years of normal life ahead of you, and not six months of hellish torment before a tragic, untimely death.

To conclude the topic

• Midlife crisis is a common phenomenon among men and women between the ages of 30 and 41.
• The cause of the crisis is often dissatisfaction with the life lived, unfulfilled dreams, decreased energy and fear of approaching old age.
• You can cope with the problem if you devote enough time to yourself, maintain normal health, improve relationships with your loved one and loved ones, have a hobby and look at life with a positive attitude.

Finally, I suggest you watch an interesting thematic video material:

Marissa

How to survive it

We found out that a midlife crisis is not only a male problem, but the fair sex is not immune from it. How will he cope with it? Is it possible to survive a midlife crisis without the intervention of a specialist?

Everything will depend on the severity of the disorder. If these are mild emotional torments that do not cause very significant discomfort, then you can try to cope with this condition on your own. A simple change of environment, new entertainment, new work projects, new interests, caring for loved ones can help, which will help you feel important and self-confident.

In the case of severe mental disorders, more careful work on oneself will be required, and sometimes even the intervention of a doctor and medication correction. You need to try to look for emotional nourishment in simple things, to realize yourself in other social roles. But you should remember that you should not refuse the help of specialists: a psychologist, a gynecologist, a neurologist, and also that starting to take any medications on your own is contraindicated and can be dangerous to your health.