How to help a man overcome a midlife crisis?

This term has other meanings, see Midlife crisis (meanings).

Middle age crisis

- a long-term emotional state (depression), associated with a reassessment of one’s experience in middle age, when many of the opportunities that a person dreamed of in childhood and adolescence have already been irretrievably lost (or seem to be lost), and the onset of one’s own old age is assessed as an event with a very real term (not “sometime in the future”).

Literature

• Stein M.
  In the middle of life. Jungian approach = In Midlife: A Jungian perspective. - M.: Cogito-Center, 2009. - 160 p. - (Jungian psychology). — ISBN 978-5-89353-270-8.
• Hollis J.
  Pass in the middle of the road: How to overcome the midlife crisis and find a new meaning in life. - M.: Cogito-Center, 2013. - 206 p. - (Jungian psychology). — ISBN 978-5-89353-350-7.
• Hollis J.
  Finding meaning in the second half of life: How to finally become a truly adult = Finding meaning in the second half of life. - M.: Cogito-Center, 2012. - 334 p. - (Jungian psychology). — ISBN 978-5-89353-358-3.

Symptoms of midlife crisis in men

1. Constant depression, reluctance to work, to do something that I previously liked and brought income.
2. Devaluation of the partner, unfounded claims against her, putting forward conflicting demands, attempts to control. Some men leave their family several times and return again. This period usually begins after 40 years.
3. The emergence of new hobbies, a change in occupation, clothing style.
4. Decreased sexual activity. For married men after 30 years of age, interest in sex noticeably decreases, while for their wives everything remains at the same level. This traumatizes the male psyche.
5. Self-pity, short temper, harsh reaction to any criticism.
6. A return to the hobbies of youth. This could be a specific sport or hobby.
7. Replacement of depressed mood with outbursts of causeless rage.
8. Attempts to self-actualize through sexual relationships with young girls.
9. There may be an interest in esotericism, philosophy, religion.

Many men begin to panic fear of old age and illness, and therefore abruptly give up all bad habits, immerse themselves in sports, eat only healthy foods, and go to doctors. If loved ones do not share the new philosophy, they are accused of malicious intent.

Notes

1. MedlinePlus. Minaker, K.L., Dugdale, D.C., III M.D., & Zieve, D., M.D. (2011)
2. Erik H. Erikson, Joan M. Erikson, The Life Cycle Completed: Extended Version (W. W. Norton, 1998)
3. Obstetrics and Gynecology Recall. Lippincott Williams & Wilkins (1 January 2005).
4. Products - Data Briefs - Number 193 - March 2020. Cdc.gov
   . Retrieved June 15, 2020.
5. PsycNET - Option to Buy.
6. Marina Melia.
   Business is psychology: Psychological coordinates of the life of a modern business person. - M.: Alpina Publisher, 2014. - 301 p. — (Episode 15.MUST.READ). — ISBN 978-5-9614-4673-9.

[edit] Reasons

Powerful arrival of crisis

If it’s not one of the three backbiters in the center, then your place is probably on the right. After the first million, life is no longer the same...

• It is human nature to dream, and to dream without any restrictions. With rare exceptions, people in childhood and adolescence dream of more than they achieve in the end (and this applies not only to losers and beggars, but often even to the most successful people in this world). In childhood and adolescence, it is common for a person to live not in the present, but in the future, and no matter how bitter the failure, he subconsciously knows that he still has everything ahead of him, and that all his dreams will come true. But sooner or later an age comes at which, according to established stereotypes, it is customary to collect stones, and the matured young man understands that he, most likely, will no longer become an astronaut, will not discover the seventh continent and will not invent a perpetual motion machine. That is, he is aware of the fact that he faces the dull life of an ordinary person, which is a strong psychological stress for him. At the same time, I remember how many polymers were irretrievably lost at the dawn of my foggy youth, and how luxurious life would be today if not for it. As a result, depression sets in.
• The human body is also not an eternal machine, which in addition gives periodic failures. The “age of awareness” approximately coincides with the age when the body presents a man with a number of unpleasant surprises: the hair slowly begins to thin out, excessive beer consumption leads to the appearance of a beer belly, the heart reminds itself of shortness of breath with every sneeze, the MPH increasingly shows half past five. In general, it’s not very pleasant.
• The two previous points resonate and close in a vicious circle: psychological stress clearly does not work for the benefit of the body, undermining already less than ideal health; health problems (especially with potency) in turn aggravate stress and depression. In a word, quiet already.
• At the same time, the suffering man notices that his wife (if, of course, she exists) is gradually turning from a pretty girl into a woman of exactly the same middle age with all that it entails, which causes him additional mental trauma, and also creates additional problems in bed, which There are already problems (see above) that again spoil the mood, and subsequently the well-being.
• The vicious circle turns into a spiral that gets tighter every month. This cannot go on forever, and usually leads to one of the following endings:

1. The male resigns himself to his fate, neglects his life plans, his wife, and his health, and the man in the prime of his life turns into an ordinary aging redneck.
2. The comrade cannot come to terms, but he lacks the willpower to fix something. As a result, he cannot stand it, and his health puts the last end in his biography in the form of a heart attack. Well, or a stroke, depending on your luck. Some, whom nature has endowed with a healthy heart but not a brain, become heroes.
3. The man still remembers that he is a man, and, in spite of everything, he overcomes himself, breaks his circumstances and lives happily ever after. Sometimes he even achieves what he dreamed of in his youth. In general, this is a rather rare option, because...

Links

• Jungian psychology about purpose and meaning in life
• The meaning of life and the double crisis in human life
• Interview with Jungian analyst Stanislav Raevsky, about midlife crisis

What to do and what not to do?

Psychologists advise:

1. You should not focus on the fact that the man is in crisis. He is well aware that something is wrong.

2. Don’t put pressure on his emotions and feelings. The nervous state may not be able to withstand the double load: intrapersonal conflict and interpersonal conflict together will force him to get rid of tension, as a result he may commit rash and rash acts.

3. It is worth letting the man know that you are always ready to support him, no matter what he does. Don't ask him to become the same. Do not distance yourself or leave him during this difficult period.

4. Men are predisposed to the fact that they must solve their problems on their own, and drawing attention to the fact that something is wrong with him during such critical periods as a life crisis is of no use. It is not recommended to drag him to psychologists and take him to doctors. However, listen to what the man is trying to tell you. Perhaps he himself will want to consult with a specialist in the field of psychology about his condition. Support him in this endeavor.

5. Make sure that the man does not become addicted to any addiction. This is especially true for alcohol. Noticed - try to bring him back “to reality”, show him your support and remind him of everything that is valuable to him in life and what should not be given up.

Anti-crisis measures for women

Living with a man who suddenly turned from a “strong shoulder” into a capricious teenager is a test. A crisis can be the beginning of the end, or it can strengthen relationships.

Here are some recommendations that will help you survive and not lose your family and self-respect.

Article on the topic

Good things around you.
What happiness consists of and how to look for it 1) Understanding the situation .
This is also a challenge for your man. Do not throw reproaches and do not try to overprotect your loved one. 2) Words of approval . Remind your partner of what he has achieved. Thank him even for small help and small achievements, show that he is needed and important to you.

3) Healthy lifestyle . Unobtrusively offer everything that can positively affect your health: healthy nutrition, vitamins, exercise.

4) New hobby . Try to diversify your leisure time together or, for example, give your partner a certificate for the photography training course that he so dreamed of. Show that you respect his dreams.

Let the crisis become not an obstacle for you, but an opportunity to better understand your loved one.

[edit] How they are trying to fight the subject 95%

Fur against baldness

Doing it wrong

Detector from the bourgeoisie.

• A diary of the younger self is compiled/dug up, in which is written “What was I dreaming of” or even a list of “cons/pros” a la Robinson Crusoe, or two notebooks with the inscriptions “What I don’t like” and “What I like.”
• Burdened by the crisis, Maine is trying with all his might to show that he is still the same person, which is why he is constantly trying to pretend to be a juvenile idiot. Moreover, sometimes quite successfully (not in terms of youth, but in terms of stupidity). There are different methods. Some dress in a distinctly youthful style (even if it suits them like a cow’s saddle), grow a mouse tail from the remnants of their hair, and hang out with a contingent fit enough to be their sons. This in itself is not something bad if the person is truly young at heart and does not notice his age (in which case this article is not about him). But when the described actions are attempts by the victim of the subject, it always catches the eye and looks pathetic.
• If his means allow, he takes a young dependent lover (aka “gray hair in a beard, a devil in a rib”). Not because he fell in love with Chan, but simply to prove to himself and those around him that he is still wow. Chan, of course, don’t be a fool - he promptly sucks (yes, you got it right) out of our hero the loot and the last bit of health (after all, he still doesn’t lead a healthy lifestyle, and Chan, unlike him, has a still young body... ). The topic is perfectly covered in Nabokov’s novels, as well as the natural fail that you can somehow wrap your head around it... but 95% of the author for the most part does not read, and those who read are not necessarily on the list of other patients.
• He simply drowns his troubles in alcohol. As you might guess, as a result, he often becomes an alconaut, completely wasting his health, his career, his family, his property, and all other polymers.
• He hangs out heavily in the company of people like him. Together they are enthusiastically engaged in a posing demonstration of masculinity. This is expressed in watching football and loudly cheering for your favorite team, men's conversations about blackjack and whores and other simulated attempts to form an alternative image of a mature macho. During gatherings, beer is absorbed by the tanks, which at best leads to an increase in the belly, at worst - to the previous point.
• At home, the desire to demonstrate male viability is expressed in domestic violence, demonstrative education of the younger generation and maximum self-affirmation at the expense of the latter.
• Some go all in and try with all their might to “make their dream come true.” ICHSH, without even trying to do it with any intelligence. Someone sells an apartment with a dacha and buys a red Ferrari (to crash it in a week), someone gets a tattoo on his bicep that he liked from a guy on the beach (and which may later turn out to be the identification mark of a prison devil or even a rooster), someone -he starts skydiving and doing other extreme stuff, despite categorical health contraindications. Such things differ from a normal hobby in that this is all done not so much at the behest of the soul, but because of the desire to “make up for lost time.” Most often, such throwing ends badly.