The desire to become an insensitive person is not uncommon among both young people and older generations.
The main reason is the reluctance to experience pain from betrayal and insults, which can cause mental trauma and negatively affect self-esteem.
In fact, the path to a minimum amount of emotions is not easy, but in this article we will look at ways in which this can be achieved.
How to become an emotionless cold creature?
In addition to the fact that the lifestyle of an insensitive person means that it is almost impossible to offend him, spiritual coldness has additional advantages:
- A person who practically does not react even to the most serious shocks is usually respected and considered very strong.
- The image of an insensitive man attracts girls, because they think that he can solve any problem “without raising an eyebrow.” Girls say about such young people: “Behind him is like behind a stone wall,” because with him action always comes first without wasting time on emotions.
- It is much easier for such people to move up the career ladder, because no emotions interfere with working on themselves and self-improvement.
Let's look at how you need to restructure your behavior and attitude towards life in order to become an insensitive scum.
How to become calm and learn to control your emotions is described in the video:
Cultivating selfishness
From childhood we were taught that selfishness is a very bad quality. Children are taught to share their toys or even give them to semi-familiar playmates in the sandbox, because “you need to share” and “are you greedy?”
The same goes for delicious food that I wanted to eat myself, and not give more than half to my parents or brothers/sisters. This is how individuals grow up who are always ready to sacrifice their interests in order for society to consider them good.
Unfortunately, this approach does not allow you to fully enjoy life, because playing in public takes a lot of energy.
Reference! Many begin to feel ashamed of their reluctance to help relatives and mentally torture themselves. If you recognize yourself in these lines, stop this violence right now!
Selfishness is a completely healthy concern for oneself and one’s interests, which should be accepted as an axiom. From now on, answer a firm “No” to any request for help that you don’t want to satisfy!
If the person asking is not part of your family, don’t even explain the reason for the refusal. It will be difficult at first and you will feel anxious about what people think about you. But over time, only the feeling of freedom and happiness will come from the fact that now every minute of life belongs to you personally!
Spend the time that will be freed up only on yourself:
- engage in self-development,
- take yourself to new cafes and feed yourself delicious food,
- buy quality care products,
- Don’t skimp on self-education.
After some time, you will understand that by helping everyone around you, you were trying to earn the approval that you can give to yourself.
The pros and cons of selfishness are described in the video:
We say no
How many times have you had to do something just because in our society it is not customary to refuse those who ask?
Many people take advantage of this with pleasure, constantly pretending to be weak and unable to cope with the hardships of life and sitting on the neck of a good friend.
You need to remember one phrase: everything that happens in the lives of other people is their personal responsibility. You don't have to rush out and help them.
Important! The only thing you must do from now on is take care of your needs and make it your life's work.
A little practice can help you learn to say “no”:
- For a week, refuse to satisfy all requests that are addressed to you if you feel even a hint of doubt that you want to help this person.
- For every refusal, mentally thank yourself and allow yourself a small weakness: your favorite candy or watching a movie instead of cleaning the apartment in the evening.
- This will give your brain the motivation to learn how to cope with anxiety over people’s opinions.
Cold-blooded man
Attachment to a cold-blooded person can bring pain and suffering to someone who is not ready for emotional distance. People with cold hearts have special habits that help determine whether you really are someone you shouldn't get attached to.
They don't ask anything about you
Most often, indifferent people do not show interest in their interlocutor and do not hide it. Regardless of whether you are in a platonic relationship with such a person or a romantic one, they will not be interested in how your day went or how you are feeling.
If such a person still tries to find out some information from you, this means that he needs it purely for personal purposes.
They are far away
These people may be far from you not only physically, but also emotionally. Often, when talking with such a person, you get the impression that in his thoughts he is very far away, although in fact he is standing in front of you.
They are very restrained in showing emotions. Cold-blooded people rarely reveal secrets and allow themselves to show their vulnerabilities. They just prefer to keep their distance.
They are great at manipulating people
Those with a cool heart love to manipulate. The thing is that they very weakly, and often do not feel any pity or compassion towards others.
They can learn useful information about their “victims” and then use it against them. If you notice that there is a cold-blooded person in your environment, know that he definitely has a couple of skeletons in his closet and a list of those who were not lucky enough to catch his eye.
They
look down
on people “Cool people have a constant need to talk about themselves in the most flattering way possible and often remind others of their superior qualities that deserve envy,” says Professor Preston Nee.
You should constantly monitor how they treat people whom they consider “below” themselves. For example, to service industry workers or the homeless. People with cold hearts have too little empathy to be treated as people worthy of respect.
Something is always missing
It is difficult to find a common language with people who have a cold heart. When they are around or interact with you, there may be an uneasy feeling that something is missing in your relationship.
Regardless of whether your relationship is platonic, romantic, or even family, you will have many difficulties with such people because they have no attachments. The most common missing link is emotional connection.
They are self-obsessed
Me, me, me. People with a cold heart are almost always selfish and focused only on what concerns them in one way or another.
“Subconsciously, such people view others only as additions to themselves and as helpers to satisfy their needs. They always put their own needs above everything else...” says Dr. Seltzer.
They are incredibly self-centered. If you did something better than them, they will still claim that in fact it is not so.
They don't have close friends
“For emotionally unavailable people, relationships and connecting with others are just a way to keep themselves busy until something more interesting comes into their lives,” says author and relationship expert Sarah R. Kline.
They often speak very unflatteringly about their former partners. A number of failed relationships can be found in their past. One gets the impression that they are simply not able to get along with one person for a long time.
Cold-blooded people are also quite emotionally distant even from their family. They find it difficult to find a common language with people, but at the same time they easily part and let go without regret.
They are excellent liars
When you see a potentially “cold” person in front of you, be careful not to fall for his lies. What he says may just be part of the manipulation he uses to gain control over people.
They may lie about very minor things, such as how their day was yesterday or what school they went to. But this does not mean that they are not capable of big lies.
Those with a cold heart may lie about past relationships or about their “friends.”
“Once you recognize the lies in the stories being told, you will be surprised that you ever believed these absurd, unreal facts,” says divorce recovery expert Cindy Holbrook.
Conclusion
Getting close to those with a cold heart can result in big troubles for you. However, by knowing their signs, you will always be one step ahead. Don’t be afraid to weed out indifferent and cold people from your life, because you probably deserve a much warmer and more caring attitude.
With the modern pace of life and its tension, rarely can anyone boast of self-control and calmness. Even naturally phlegmatic people, under the pressure of circumstances, break down and lose their temper. And how can one be cool-blooded when tension grows every day: on the one hand, a person is pressured by external circumstances: problems in the family, at work, poor environment, lack of communication, financial crisis, on the other hand, his internal state, often caused by these very circumstances. But learning to manage your emotions and find peace is extremely important: your personal life, relationships with others, career, and health depend on it. A feeling of inner harmony is a state that any normal person strives for.
Malice, anger, intolerance, rudeness create tension, take away physical and mental strength, exhaust, destroy relationships and families. By learning to control your emotions, you can significantly improve the quality of your life, manage to do much more, and significantly expand your circle of friends. There are many recommendations that aim to develop the ability to remain cool-headed. The most important of them come down to the following basic rules: There is no need to dramatize events. Of course, everyone tends to exaggerate the complexity of a problem that concerns them personally. Many people think that a pimple on their own nose is more important than hunger in African countries. You should not exaggerate the negative and escalate the situation.
To learn to objectively assess the situation, you can start with the simplest thing: stop using words and phrases like “always”, “never”, “well when finally”, “I knew it.” This vocabulary is typical for people with a maximalist character, who cannot live a day without creating dramas, against the background of which Shakespeare’s Hamlet will seem like an ordinary soap opera. It is better to replenish your vocabulary with the phrases “It’s okay,” “I can do it,” “It can be worse.” Over time, they will help you learn to look at the problem from a different point of view and look for solutions instead of falling into hysterics. There is no need to tell others about the problem that has just arisen.
Of course, with some complexity it immediately seems insoluble, and retelling its essence under the sauce of violent emotions to friends and family will certainly give them the impression of the impossibility of finding a way out. The interlocutors (sometimes based on good intentions) begin to empathize and express sympathy, thereby increasing tension and preparing the ground for the final loss of control over the situation. It is better to first analyze any problem that arises alone, and, if possible, with a fresh mind. Fatigue and hunger can contribute to inappropriately inflating the complexity of the situation. It’s better to rest and eat first, and then analyze and look for possible solutions.
To maintain composure, psychologists advise using the method of visualization and metaphors. You can imagine the problem as a knot that gets tangled and tightens as anxiety and panic grow. With inner calm and concentration, on the contrary, it weakens, and it becomes possible to untangle it with ease. The ability to critically look at an irritated self from the outside, through the eyes of those around you, and then mentally imagine yourself as calm, restrained, able to focus and concentrate on finding a solution, also helps a lot. The image should be as bright as possible, thought out to the smallest detail. It is necessary to feel it to the smallest detail and realize the feeling of psychological comfort that communication with this still imaginary character creates.
It is necessary to eradicate the habit of shouting, moving nervously, rushing from corner to corner in a state of nervous tension. You can start by developing a manner of speaking quietly, slowly but confidently, thinking through all your words and assessing the reaction they can cause in your interlocutor and others. Gestures must also be controlled. Unrestrained people are characterized by violent gestures and expressive facial expressions that can convey their emotions without words. When developing an external habit of calm gestures and maintaining a restrained facial expression, emotions are automatically regulated, since a conditional connection has been established between them in the brain over the years, and a change in one link in this chain certainly leads to a change in another.
The next step is to identify the situations that most often provoke a loss of composure. For some, this is a noisy environment, loud music, for others, on the contrary, the absence of sounds. When looking for reasons for loss of self-control, every little detail should be taken into account: from the time of day to the food eaten and the degree of workload or state of boredom and idleness. Information about personal irritants helps prevent a violent outburst of emotions. The best advice on how to become cool-headed is to become aware of your ability to exercise self-control. To do this, you need to remember as many situations as possible in which you managed to remain calm in the presence of rather difficult circumstances.
Sometimes the presence of a child, strangers, or a phone call, which makes it possible to switch, helps to prevent the violent expression of emotions. Creating relaxing rituals helps a lot. For some it may be calm music, for others it may be complete silence, for others it may be watching aquarium fish. You can light scented candles. The smell of lavender, pine needles, lemon balm, and tea tree has a relaxing effect. A very important point is proper diet and adequate sleep. If you have increased nervous excitability, you should reduce the amount of coffee, tea, and sugar consumed.
Sometimes the cause of irritability is high or low blood sugar levels. It should be measured regularly and adjusted if necessary. Exercise, yoga and meditation are excellent ways to get rid of negative energy. Of course, each person knows what helps him best. It is important to remember that pacifying escaping emotions is much more difficult than preventing their manifestation.
Being able to remain calm in any situation is very important for every person. Negative emotions such as fear, anger, and panic can exhaust any person, and do not give anything positive in return.
Anyone who cannot control their emotions can develop an unpleasant chronic disease. And, conversely, people who are able to maintain composure are more likely to succeed, get everything done on time and do not spoil relationships with other people. How to develop composure?
There is no need to make mountains out of molehills. Try to soberly assess what is happening in any situation. Watch your thoughts. Give up the phrases flashing in your head like: “as always” and “when it’s finally.” Instead, tell yourself: “I am stronger than these circumstances” or “this is not so scary” - you get rid of anxiety and everything seems much simpler.
When a problem arises, first try to think it through on your own, and only then share it with others. When you convey information to another person with horror on your face, you see the same reaction on his face. Typically, they begin to sympathize with you, exaggerating their emotions, and scaring you even more.
Don't run from corner to corner and don't scream. Control your gestures. Speak slowly and move smoothly. You must try to look calm, so you yourself will not notice how you gradually calm down.
When you are in a difficult situation, in order to calm down, imagine the problem as a tangled and incomprehensible knot. When you get nervous, the knot tightens. Conversely, if you are calm, then he relaxes and it is easier for you to untangle him.
How can a girl become a cold and insensitive bitch?
Usually girls want to acquire the status of a bitch because they were previously burned in a relationship.
Pain that could have been avoided if they had not been so kind and tender-hearted may not go away for years.
Reference! The best motivator on the path to the image of a bitch is the opportunity to devote your life to yourself, and not to an environment that does not appreciate it.
To do this, you should adhere to the following settings:
- Personal interests and plans should be higher than what a man offers, even if you really want to meet him.
- Self-care is a daily ritual that cannot be ruined by any external circumstances. It is worth creating your own style, including hair styling, beautiful makeup and perfectly selected clothes. Under no circumstances should you run to the grocery store or go to bed without removing your makeup. These simple actions will help you feel self-love that does not depend on external circumstances.
- Take time for self-development. Read fiction or professional literature daily. This will help you learn to speak beautifully and interestingly.
- Stop worrying about a man's feelings or his wallet. If you still feel awkward when you refuse to meet someone on the street, break someone's heart, or are treated to a cup of coffee, it's time to realize that this is the correct alignment of things, because you deserve it simply by the fact of your existence.
- Set your conditions at the beginning of relationships with men. Meet only at a time convenient for you, maintain a mystery during dating, do not agree to sex simply out of a feeling of “it seems like it’s time.”
In fact, being a cold-blooded bitch is, first of all, living the way you want, even if it makes the lives of those around you less comfortable.
And every woman deserves this, you just have to really want it and work on your attitude towards yourself.
Watch the video in which a girl tells how to become a bitch:
Insensitivity and coldness guarantee stability in achieving your life goals, but require release, which will prevent the negative impact of pent-up emotions on the body.
Learn to say "NO"
How often do people ask you for help? How often do you answer “No”? Perhaps you are one of those people who, at the first request, will drop everything they are doing and will solve the problems of colleagues, acquaintances, and friends? Then everything is bad. You urgently need to change your life!
Learn to say “No” if it is not beneficial for you. Learn to refuse, even if the person really needs help. After all, it's not your problem, right?
But there is one more point to consider. Suppose you did help the person, what next? Perhaps you will experience strong positive emotions from the fact that you did a good deed and helped a person. But do you need it? After all, it is possible that feelings will cause attachment to a person, or the person will be very attached to you. Such “joy” is of no use to a cold-blooded person. Mind your own business, and if it is not beneficial to you personally, always refuse help.
Brutal “shooters” raise cold-blooded killers
State Duma deputies propose to ban Dmitry Vinogradov’s favorite computer game. The legal consultant who killed six people this Wednesday had been playing Manhunt, a stealth action game whose name translates to “Man Hunt,” for several years. The correspondent watched the “murderous” scenes with a psychiatrist. And I tried to understand - are cruel games really so dangerous?
“A blow, blood everywhere - everything affects the deep structures of the brain,” psychiatrist-criminalist Mikhail Vinogradov comments on the game. — The first reaction of psychologically stable people is rejection and a desire to turn off this game, to leave it with a feeling of disgust and disgust. And people who are not mentally well are not necessarily sick - they are psychologically unstable, offended by life, by fate, as they believe, they begin to develop an aggressive attitude towards the world, and it is possible that the person who cuts down trees in the park what if this saw doesn’t stick into a random passerby.” Lawyer Dmitry Vinogradov, however, did not choose random people as victims - he shot his colleagues with two hunting carbines, five died on the spot, another one died later in the hospital.
Psychiatrist Mikhail Vinogradov says that he does not need any examination to diagnose the “Moscow Breivik.” And from the photo it’s clear - schizophrenia. Passion for violent games most likely only worsened the patient’s condition.
“Medicine has its own external signs for each pathology. In the photo here there is a complete inconsistency of facial expression with the situation - tension, anger. Frozen face. Well, it would seem that the man is sitting, drinking something. Look at how tense and unfriendly the look is,” explained the psychiatrist. The criminal’s mother told the investigation that her son, indeed, suffered from depression, took potent drugs and spent several hours a day at the computer.
The favorite game of the killer lawyer Dmitry Vinogradov is on sale for free, the price is 899 rubles. True, anyone who still wants to purchase this disc will have to show their passport at the checkout, because the packaging is marked “Prohibited for children.” The same markings are on another game, which is in the hands of 9-year-old Fedya. But in this “shooter” he has already completed all the levels. “An Assassin, you can say that he is a hired killer, he takes revenge on someone, carries out tasks. I played Assassin. Brotherhood of Blood,” we went through it all, I liked it, especially his blades, which he unnoticed, says young Fyodor Timofeev. Dad bought the disk for Fedya. We asked him why? “I think it develops them, if not to overdo it, then quite well. And I love to play myself. – Specifically, “shooting games”, “war games”? – Well, they are different: developing, with labyrinths, developing hand motor skills. We understand the line between the real world and toys. Children must gradually understand that there is a line, and what is possible on the screen is not the same as in life.” What good are children if adults don’t understand, says State Duma deputy Vladimir Burmatov. He proposes to create a special interdepartmental commission that will control the content and distribution of computer games. First of all, on the Internet, where there is no way to check the user’s age. Even a schoolchild can download any game on the Internet. Burmatov: “It makes sense to discuss with providers, Internet providers, so that access to sites where these games are available also has an age limit. And it was included in the packages: 16+, 18+.” But for now, violent games are freely available. And they are popular on the Internet. Here are just some reviews from “headhunters”:
— The number of options for murder and the obvious sadistic inclinations of the main character are amazing. Despite the fact that the game is so many years old, it still does not lose its appeal for bloodthirsty players.
- Oh, how fun it is to cut up enemy carcasses with a chainsaw!
- The game is great! The executions alone are worth it! In general, I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn’t played it, it’s a really cool theme, it was impossible to tear yourself away when you played it for the first time. And the computer games salon confirmed that “shooting games” are the top sellers, bringing in almost 50 percent of the total income. The store director, Nikolai, honestly admitted that he did not want them to be banned. But he doesn’t allow his 9-year-old son to play violent games. He says it's calmer this way.
Cultivate selfishness
An insensitive person should not care about anything. Stop paying attention to the events that happen in the lives of friends and loved ones, stop taking part in improving their personal lives, and so on. Again, this is none of your business. In the end, you will be indifferent to everything, you will develop an egoist in yourself, the world will revolve only around you.
It will be difficult at first, but conscience and shame will quickly leave you. Do only what benefits you, make contacts only if you need them, look down on people and go over their heads. Nothing should stop you from achieving your goal. Especially if it’s someone else’s problem. This doesn't concern you.
Suffer again and again
It’s worth mentioning right away that this method works differently for different people, and can either make you insensitive and indifferent, or send you into a protracted binge.
It is not because of a good life that people are looking for opportunities to become cold and insensitive. Do you agree? After all, something or someone probably touched you to the core? Apathy towards the source of pain and suffering appears immediately. But this state should be prolonged as much as possible, returning to memories again and again, experiencing everything again from the very beginning. Don't try to forget everything, suffer. Over time, your sensitivity to the situation that hurt you so much will become less and less. And what was the cause of suffering a month or two ago will today make you feel completely indifferent. Over time, you will get used to this state, and it will become completely natural for you. And if history repeats itself in the future, it will no longer hurt you.
By the way, have you ever thought about the work of a doctor, or a morgue employee? What about the fate of the military? They face pain and suffering every day. They literally immerse themselves in them and quickly get used to them. Over time, many people get used to the pain and no longer notice the suffering of other people. With such work, you will definitely no longer be touched by tears, prayers, or the suffering of others. This is one of the most effective ways to become an insensitive person.
The dark side of willpower: how self-control makes a person cruel and cold-blooded
Willpower is often rated as one of the most important human qualities. It is people with a high level of self-control and tough character who become excellent leaders who can lead a team. However, not all so simple. It turns out that willpower can make a person cruel. We retell the BBC material about why organized people are more likely to become cold-blooded tyrants.
First studies
A few years ago, eighty Parisians gathered to take part in the pilot episode of the new game show La Zone Xtrême. The producers divided everyone into pairs - one person had to ask questions, the second to answer them. Only on stage they were explained to all of them rather frightening rules - if the participant being interviewed made a mistake, the second one would shock him. With each question the voltage increased - on the final 27th round it reached 460 volts. If the couple reached the end, they won the show.
The participants did not have any material reward for winning, but most of the people who asked questions continued to use the shock even when they heard screams. Fortunately, all the sounds were just acting. Everyone who applied the current unknowingly participated in a complex experiment - it was thanks to him that scientists were able to study how character traits affect a person’s moral behavior.
It turned out that people with a higher level of self-control are willing to give an electric shock one hundred volts stronger than others. It got to the point where the person making the mistake would go completely silent - indicating to the participant that he was unconscious.
The study authors note: “People who are accustomed to agreeing and being organized, those who are good at social integration - all of them have a much harder time disobeying.” It was precisely these participants who were ready to torture a person with electric shock. They probably didn't want to potentially argue and conflict with the producers. Following this work, a new wave of research emerged that examined the “dark side” of people with high levels of self-control and willpower.
Working with impulses
For decades, self-control was considered an undeniable advantage. Remember the popular marshmallow test. Almost every study found that people with high levels of self-control led healthier lives, got better grades, were less likely to take drugs, and were more likely to exercise. This is why some scientists have even called this trait a “moral muscle” that helps us act ethically.
Teacher Liad Uziel from Bar-Ilan University decided to take a closer look at the issue of self-control. He suggested that this trait is useful for a person in achieving any goal - both good and bad. To test his hypothesis, he conducted the popular psychological experiment “The Dictator Game.” In it, one participant receives money, after which he is asked to share it with a partner. Due to social norms, we often cooperate and give part of the amount to another person. Uziel and his colleagues found that people with high levels of self-control shared money if they feared being judged for being stingy. When the decision was made anonymously (without extra glances and the possibility of judgment), they acted much more selfishly than those who had low self-control.
People with high levels of self-control behave more carefully when they do something that would not be approved by society - for example, they are more likely to get away with dangerous driving or cheating on texts. They carefully evaluate social norms of behavior and adjust so that their reputation does not deteriorate.
The banality of evil
The authors of the La Zone Xtrême show experiment drew parallels between their work and what philosopher Hannah Arendt once explored. She analyzed the behavior of Nazi Adolf Eichmann and introduced the concept of the “banality of evil” to explain why ordinary people commit cruel acts. According to the authors of La Zone Xtrême, the personality traits that cause us to behave immorally may not just be “common”, but also appropriate and socially approved in other situations and occasions.
Research shows that high self-control is not the most important trait. Moreover, it can be dangerous. Perhaps for some, this will be a reminder of how important it is to appreciate colleagues and loved ones who have discipline problems.
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