about the author
Diana Balyko is a playwright, poetess, journalist, practicing psychologist, NLP trainer, author of psychological trainings and books on the psychology of relationships.
Graduated from the Belarusian State University, specialization. "historian" (2001). In 2000, she worked in New York in the newspaper “New Russian Word” and on the radio “People Waves”; in Minsk she published the newspapers “Top Ten” (1998) and “Alfa-Afisha” (2001 – 2002). In 2004, she became a student at the Literary Institute in Moscow (correspondence department, specialty - drama). Author of the poetry collections “Many, Many Days” (1999), “Windows Wide” (2001), “Running Line” (2003). Author of fifteen books on the psychology of relationships (EXMO, 2006-2008).
The author of thirteen plays, staged, published and awarded at various international drama competitions and festivals (the annual competition of the STD of the Russian Federation, "Eurasia" (Ekaterinburg), the Volodin Drama Competition in St. Petersburg "Five Evenings", "Lyubimovka" (Yekaterinburg) .Moscow), "Premiere.txt" (Moscow), "Free Theater" (Minsk), partner dramaturgical and directing laboratory under Mikhail Ugarov in Yasnaya Polyana, 7th and 8th forums of Russian writers in Lipkah, international theater festival in Minsk "PANARAMA").
Business coach, certified master of neuro-linguistic programming. Studied at the Minsk NLP Center under the guidance of Andrei Metelsky, 2006 - 2008.
Member of MAPP (International Association of Writers and Publicists) since 2004, BAJ (Belarusian Association of Journalists) since 2004, SPB (Union of Writers of Belarus) since 2004.
Instead of a preface
“Everything is poison, and only the dose makes it a medicine,” our great medical brother Paracelsus liked to say, crunching sauerkraut, pouring an already extra glass of Armenian cognac from a bottle.”
Vyacheslav Chukhrov, “From the life of remarkable people”
We love and tolerate them. We turn their heads and get caught in their web. We catch them with the tip of a manicured nail, and then we cling to the hem of their jackets - “Just don’t leave!” We believe that each of them is the only one in the world and for life, but at the same time we know for sure that we have a dime a dozen of them and don’t want to take them. We take care of them and with their help we assert ourselves. At times we hate them and perceive them as the greatest universal evil. They pay us in the same coin. Who are they? Men - husbands, friends, fathers, lovers - are a sealed secret, the most interesting object for our women's research.
On our television for many years there has been a popular program for intellectuals “What? Where? When?". These three simple questions make experts scratch their heads and wrinkle their foreheads. NLP also has three basic questions, by answering them correctly we always easily and naturally achieve success in any area that interests us. These questions are “Why?”, “How?” and why?".
The question “Why?” will tell you about your true goals and intentions. The answer to the question “How?” will suggest the right path, create the most effective model of behavior to achieve the goal. The question "Why?" will open your eyes to the reason, background and basis of your desires.
And now an unobtrusive example.
For what?
Women love studying and dissecting men no less than going shopping and chatting on the phone. And even more. After all, if it weren’t for men, then there would be no practical sense for us women to rush around the shops, looking for the sexiest lingerie, revealing dresses, extravagant suits and fashionable high-heeled shoes that visually lengthen the leg. After all, if it were not for men, then there would be no practical sense for us women to chat for hours on the phone with our friends: after all, we are talking mainly about men. And no matter how emancipated a woman is, no matter how high a position in a large company she holds, no matter how strong she is in all areas of life, she, to be honest, always wants to find a man who will consider her weak, call her his girl and will remove from her tired shoulders the overwhelming burden of responsibility, the sleepers of complexes and ridiculous beliefs that she for some reason took upon herself.
And this entire book is dedicated to the hunt for such a rare (or maybe not so rare?) specimen of a man (and maybe even specimens? Give me two, after all!). And this entire book is dedicated to, guided by the simple rules of NLP, expanding the horizons of the female worldview, pushing the boundaries of consciousness, breaking patterns of perception and seeing that the world is much brighter and more voluminous, people are kinder and more benevolent, men are more reliable and stronger than it seemed yesterday . And this entire book is dedicated to teaching women, using easily applicable NLP techniques, to create an energy field around themselves, a circle of power, to use all resources to achieve goals (and formulate these goals correctly!), to open the way to their unconscious, not to bend under the world, and bend it to suit you, changing and improving every day everything that seemed an unshakable given. And this entire book is dedicated to how to turn any man’s head with one click of his manicured fingers, catch him in a curl of curls, bewitch him with a smile, intoxicate him with words, hypnotize him with his gaze, drive him crazy with an unexpected angle, and then fall into the hook of love and... the abyss... completely and irrevocably, selflessly admiring the existence of another person.
In short, this entire book is written for women and dedicated to men.
How?
If throughout the book I ask you questions and suggest you do something yourself, practice on cats or men, you should know that all the questions are not rhetorical, and the techniques are not written for reading, but for doing. NLP is a practical science.
This book is truly magical, and NLP techniques really work, but only if you fulfill one condition. It's simple, but vital. It is important that you answer the tests honestly and complete all the exercises that you will find on the pages of the book. If you just read them, you will learn almost nothing.
On average, a person remembers only 10% of what he heard, about 30% of what he saw, but as much as 70% of what he learned independently in action. Therefore, you will best learn and remember what you do yourself.
What is NLP? For several years I have been collecting scientific, pseudoscientific, pseudo-scientific and simply “human” definitions of NLP. I read dictionaries, ask people who came to the trainings, formulate it myself...
The most laconic and honest definition of NLP today I heard from a participant in the training “Negotiations... doomed to success”:
– NLP is when I lie, but everyone believes me.
If we take into account that “a thought expressed is a lie,” then, in my opinion, this definition of NLP is the most correct.
NLP is an art. Yes! The art of creating beautiful stories and convincing people of what you believe.
NLP is a science. Undoubtedly! Its own categorical apparatus and terminological base, textbooks and seminars, entire institutes and apologists, technologies and psychotechnics, tools and methods. For the first time on a state scale, NLP was tested in the USA, in the presidential election campaign of Ronald Reagan, then in Russia, in the first presidential election campaign of Boris Yeltsin. The slogan “Yeltsin is the President of all Russians”
textbook corresponds to what in NLP is called
a “hypnotic truism”
;
and the election campaign slogan “Vote or lose”
in NLP terms corresponds to the use of the “
avoidance of the unpleasant”
.
NLP is manipulation. Obviously! Smiling at passers-by, smiling in response to compliments, giving compliments to others, nodding, showing the interlocutor that you are listening to him attentively and understand what all this verbal nonsense is for, hugging when meeting, speaking with an American in English, being Russian - all these are insidious manipulation of people. Don't you think it's funny? I think no. I believe that you are damn interested in learning to CONSCIOUSLY do everything that you previously did INTUITIVELY.
Yes Yes. All people use NLP techniques every day and every day they find themselves under the gun and under fire from these techniques that others use. But often you do it unconsciously: you use it intuitively, you intuitively defend yourself. Sometimes with more success, sometimes with less. Then you start to analyze, but you can’t always understand why at the last party you sparkled, were the life of the party, and this time everything went wrong, why yesterday it seemed that Vasya was about to propose to you, and today he got off the hook, why In the place of the head of the sales department, which by right should have gone to you, was this fidgety Irka. And dozens and hundreds more “Why?” You simply lack the tools to analyze and evaluate situations, and then create successful behavior patterns. This is exactly what NLP teaches.
NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING (NLP)
– a methodological concept of hidden influence on human thinking created in 1975 in the USA by a group of psychologists (J. Grinder, R. Bandler, R. Dilts, J. Delozier).
Influencing people, winning them over, captivating them with your ideas, making them followers of your charm and intelligence, easily persuading them, interacting effectively in all areas - this is the practical purpose of NLP.
And don't be afraid of terms. They are simple and clear. And don't be intimidated by the technicians. They are easy to apply and very effective. Read this book and become a true NLPer - a bright, irresistible, successful and self-confident woman. And let, when someone asks about you: “How much does she look like?”, everyone who knows you will answer: “At 100!”
Why?
Why me? Why did I take it upon myself to teach you NLP and talk about how to effectively manipulate men? Is it just because I myself am married, but at the same time there are always men next to me who are ready to offer me their help, care, attention, tenderness, respect and love? Is it just because I have more male friends than women? Is it only because in all areas of vital importance to me I compete with men on equal terms? Of course not.
I just consider myself worthy. Worthy of doing everything that interests me. And that means talking with you on the pages of this book about the most fascinating process for me - conquering and seducing men.
People who teach others how to become rich for a salary of $500 make me laugh. And I am attracted to truly successful people - harmonious, bright, happy, for whom success is not always equivalent to a tight wallet.
NLP is the science of success models. In any area. I achieve success and recognition even where fame usually comes after death.
Of course, there are people smarter, more talented, more beautiful, richer, more successful and more carefree than me. But there are changes in my life. And they are always for the better. I'm moving forward. I am alive. And this is the main point.
Summing up
Whenever I could not write, I would not write. Whenever I could not love men, I would not love them. I wouldn’t love them and wouldn’t write about them. But I love and write. And happy in my choice.
I believe that for every woman, a man is the biggest mystery, danger, pain and pleasure. A man is a woman's song. A woman’s life is a song laid at the feet of a man, a song without which a man is not complete, not harmonious, without which he simply cannot live. This means that a man (whether he wants it or not, admits it or not, agrees or resists) is entirely dependent on our song, which ignites the blood and relieves pain, quenches thirst and heals wounds.
Truly loving men is the only sure way to turn danger into pleasure.
Love and remember that this is not your responsibility, not a given, dictated by hormones, world order or family traditions, it is simply your choice - a woman’s choice. One of the elections. Just like everyone else.
Lesson 3. Nonverbal reinforcement of suggestive phrases
At one time, the founder of non-directive hypnosis, Milton Erickson, experimenting with hypnotic techniques, made an important discovery. If you insert certain keywords into some content-neutral text and highlight them in some way (if the text is written - in a certain font or color, if it is pronounced orally - with intonation, pause, slowing down speech, decreasing or increasing the volume, gesture, change postures or positions of the body in space), the unconscious will accept them as a guide to action.
This method of hidden messages is also known as the “marking technique.”
. This technique can be used both for trance induction and for suggestion in the process of everyday communication. Its use is to non-verbally highlight that part of the utterance that contains the suggestion. Someone inspires by patting the interlocutor on the shoulder. Someone makes eye contact at the moment of suggestion, looking away at other moments. Someone pronounces suggestions a little more quietly. Someone - nodding to the beat of their words.
The consciousness of our interlocutor, as a rule, does not pay attention to such nonverbal movements. However, his subconscious sees everything and hears everything. And, noticing that some of our words are particularly reinforced by gestures and voice, he draws conclusions about their importance.
Imagine hiring a new employee. The boss says to the newcomer: “Currently YOU (emphasizing the word in his voice)
you are among our employees and understand that each of us MUST meet the requirements and criteria imposed on him. We all, one way or another, have to OBEY the requirements and regulations. It seems to me that this is not difficult at all.” What did the boss actually say? "You must obey me." If this is repeated five times, the attitude will be fixed in the employee’s subconscious.
I hope you get the basic idea of the technique. Now let's start working it out in practice.
If you are conducting business negotiations, tell your partner:
- Imagine that I am making you the best business offer possible. Such that you can say to yourself with a clear conscience: “Everything suits me!” (emphasize the phrase “everything suits me” with your voice)
. What would it be like?
If you need to awaken emotions, say any emotional message about any person while pointing at them. The less explicitly you indicate, the better, of course.
When communicating with a girl, you can say the following:
“I wonder if our meeting was accidental or if it was supposed to happen?” Here you are walking along the most ordinary street and by chance you can meet the best person in your life (mark yourself)
.
Do you (point at the girl)
believe in chance?
Has it ever happened to you that you fell madly in love with a person you just recently met? (in the words “whom I just recently met,” you point to yourself).
In a group, you can talk about Masha, rolling your eyes upward, and about Petya, glancing at the trash can.
To create a feeling of comfort in your interlocutor when talking with him, highlight words indicating peace, relaxation, self-immersion, harmony:
— Autumn is coming... the leaves from the trees begin to fly away... and sometimes it’s so nice
to see how
smoothly
in the air and
quietly
falls on the ground.
If you work as a trainer, you can non-verbally inform your interlocutor about your professionalism:
— Fitness classes perfectly heal the entire body if you do it under the supervision of an experienced instructor with a medical education
(mark for yourself)
.
After that, you just have to wait for the result.
Here is an example of using the marking technique that I found on the Internet. Pay attention to the man's gestures, how they reinforce his words.
You can get more examples of using this technique from the “Practice of Covert Hypnosis” course. Let me remind you that the 30% discount on its purchase is valid for only 2 weeks from the date of subscription.
See you soon!
Receive an advanced course in covert hypnosis Complete training under the guidance of a mentor
Chapter 1. THESE FUNNY ANIMALS, or MEN IN OUR LIVES
– Who do you think is wittier: men or women?
- Of course, men! Women laugh at what they offer to women all their lives.
This book is about seduction, flirting and manipulation of men. Therefore, the object of our study, what we will dissect and examine under a microscope, are men, not NLP techniques. So let’s put the subject of research on our backs and proceed to a detailed description.
Portrait of a man through the eyes of women
Having accumulated the experience of generations, talking with my readers, training participants, true NLPers, friends and simply acquaintances of women, I concocted a certain portrait of a man through the eyes of women. It turned out to be versatile and extremely attractive if used skillfully.
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When two or more women get together, they talk about men. So let's continue...
So, I invite you to familiarize yourself with the typical features of typical individuals.
Men consider themselves irresistible. They pat their beer belly with satisfaction, calling it a work blister, smooth their bald head, saying that they have lost hair on other people’s pillows, and have no complexes about crooked or short legs. At the same time, they are driving their wives to the gym, because next to any man there must certainly be a fashion model. At the same time, they all the time climb onto the stool of self-affirmation, which stands under the ceiling hook for the chandelier: “If you don’t believe that I am head and shoulders above others, then I will hang myself, and you will find out who you lost!” That's what they are - hysterical
, shocking male individuals.
But a huge number of men simply do not know what suicide is, and therefore will never climb onto the stool, but will simply drive their wives under it. They’ll put the wife in the kitchen to cook, and they’ll put her at the computer to type up manuscripts and take care of the thoughts of a genius. ABOUT! This is a paranoid psychotype.
Such an unsightly-looking little man will suck all the juice out of you. Suvorov, being a frail boy, set out to become a commander - and became one. Do you know that there is a “Napoleonic complex” in psychology? Napoleon's short stature despite his plumpness and his rapid advancement in society are known to everyone. Exactly. Do you want to become Josephine? Or Desdemona? Pray for the night!
Men are extremely arrogant. Their self-confidence extends to such proportions that they think, while watching sports on TV, that if they concentrate hard enough and loudly shout “Goal!”, they can help their favorite team, despite the fact that the match is being broadcast on tape and this is the third replay. for those who have bad memory.
Men love phones with a lot of buttons. This helps them feel important. The thirst for championship lives in every man. It manifests itself in literally everything. Even in a pathological desire to open a fresh newspaper in the morning. The thought that a man is not the very first always has a detrimental effect on his psyche.
Men are self-confident because as children they identify with knights, strongmen, astronauts and other superheroes. This is how their parents raised them. And it is right! Women, as a rule, have low self-esteem because in childhood they identify themselves with Cinderella - a woman who is constantly undeservedly humiliated, exploited, and little female happiness comes to her only through washed mountains of dirty dishes, sorted peas and tears during long evenings. "Who is guilty?" and “What should I do?” - two eternal Russian questions. Of course, the parents are to blame. But we forgive them. The technique of forgiveness is described in my book “Taboos. Net. 40 NLP rules for living a high life." So what to do? Increase your own self-esteem. This is the subject of my other book, “How to become a star in life? 30 NLP rules that will change your world." At the same time, there is no need to lower the self-esteem of men. Do you really want an insecure, doubtful, nervous and stunted man next to you?
Menopause is much more funnier in men than in women. It directly depends on self-esteem. When women go through menopause, they gain weight and often become depressed. When men go through menopause, they try to meet young girls and ride motorcycles.
Men love to cook shish kebab on coals. Any task (even cooking) becomes interesting for a man if it is associated with danger. The most serious danger for a man is a woman. (This rule also works in reverse.)
On average, men have a higher body temperature than women. If your apartment is cold in winter, it is recommended to sleep in the same bed with a man. Men are portable heaters who snore.
Every NLPer knows that marrying a divorced man is justified from an environmental point of view. In our world there are fewer men than women, and everyone knows that any resource that is not abundant should be reused. If a man says: “I’ll call you” and doesn’t call, it doesn’t mean that he forgot to do it, it doesn’t mean that he lost your phone number, it doesn’t mean that he died. This means he doesn't want to call you. It can be difficult to free yourself from a man without hurting his masculinity. The phrases “Get away, you bastard!” and “I don’t want to see you again, you freak!” in your man's brain may sound like a challenge, a flirtation and an invitation to a sexual rendezvous. If you really want to get rid of a man, try telling him: “I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have children from you.” And if in response to this he does not run away, but just closes his eyes painfully and quietly exhales: “Me too,” know that this is a real heroic act, much more decisive than the notorious parachute jump or scuba diving into the depths of the sea.
Now you know everything about men... Or you don’t know anything...
But this can be fixed. Because now, after the collective image, we will move on to dismemberment. We classify men by psychotypes.
About classifications
There are no fewer classifications of men by species and orders than there are... women themselves. Because every woman, based on her personal experience, draws a table in her brain in which she divides men into handsome princes and vile toads, adequate and inadequate, greedy and generous, smart and stupid, sexual giants and impotents... Ladies sort their gentlemen by zodiac signs, skin color, height, education and wallet size. I prefer to divide men into two types - mine and other people’s, relatives and non-relatives... Intuition and many years of experience in psychological practice literally tell me at first sight that with this man you can have fun in bed, raft down a mountain river, enter into contracts for the publication of my books , and with this it is better not to go to a party, not to get involved in business negotiations, not to flirt, because our psychotypes are incompatible, and the maps of reality (pictures of the world) are completely different. I don't believe in complementarity (complementing each other), I believe that the wolf does not complement the sheep well, and the snake is not the turtle's sister. I prefer to look for a kindred spirit, someone who looks not only at me, but also in the same direction as me.
But before you learn to calibrate (calculate, predict, read a person like an open book, based only on gestures, manner of speaking and dressing) and divide men into suitable and unsuitable individuals, you should familiarize yourself with the main features of the main psychotypes.
All psychotypes are welcome to humanity
But are they all suitable for you personally?
The list of psychotypes is as follows: paranoid, epileptoid, hysteroid, hyperthymic, schizoid, psychasthenoid, sensitive, hypothymic, conformal, asthenic, unstable, cycloid. I give this list in order of decreasing aggressiveness and increasing defensiveness.
All psychotypes are welcome to humanity. But we will consider only five main psychotypes, those that are more common than others.
Of course, every person contains traits of different psychotypes. And a flexible person manifests itself in different ways in different life situations. In a family, a man can be schizoid, but if he is appreciated at work, then over time in his career he will become paranoid. The hysteroid easily disguises itself as all other psychotypes, but its demonstrativeness gives it away... And yet, with all this wealth of choice, there is always accentuation in a person (the predominance of the traits of one psychotype).
Everything in nature is useful and necessary. Schizoids generate ideas. Paranoid people isolate significant ideas from many others, vague and unrefined, give them strength, act as propagandists and co-authors, and organize a movement for these ideas. Epileptoids bring the idea of the paranoid to perfection and to the minds of many, popularize it, sharpen it even more, join his circle, the party, organizing other epileptoids and non-epileptoids. Hysterics sin and repent, publicly and shockingly. Hysteroids glorify paranoid leaders, epileptoid governors. These are them, the hystericals, the “eloquent epic writers” who talked about the red cavalrymen, for whom the main thing is to fan the world fire on the grief of all the bourgeoisie. Hypertims circulate among everyone, they are suppliers and auto mechanics, revelers and grunts.
Paranoid
The paranoid psychotype does not have such a deviation from the norm that borders on madness, but there is a main personality trait that determines many other things - an unusually pronounced sense of purpose. So let’s not confuse a paranoid person with a patient with schizophrenia, in whom paranoid syndrome is the leading one.
Generally speaking, any person sets goals for himself and achieves them. But the tactics of “working with a goal” can be twofold. You can set a goal and select means to achieve it. And you can see the means and “select” the goal according to them. In life there is a mixture of both tactics.
For example, we have planned a purchase, we earn or borrow money, we go and buy it, or, on the contrary, we have earned money - we go to the market and see what delicious things to buy with it.
A paranoid person almost always prefers the first tactic: he sets a goal and finds means to achieve it. He has come up with an ideal partner and is looking for him. And other psychotypes simply choose from existing options.
NLP and copywriting
NLP, or neurolinguistic programming, is a direction in practical psychology. NLP techniques, which are used in copywriting, allow you to manipulate the consciousness and opinions of potential buyers of goods and services in order to convince them to purchase such a product.
The famous American trade expert Elmer Wheeler was a master at promoting a particular product or service. The advertisement texts he invented made it possible to increase the sales volume of the advertised product by two to three times. He shared his experience in the book: “Proven Selling Skills.”
Many people know his advice for those who write advertising texts: “Don’t sell the steak - sell its sizzle in the frying pan.” In his book, Elmer Wheeler shared another secret important for copywriters: a smaller part of the text should be devoted to the benefits of the product, and a larger part should be devoted to evidence of this.
Elmer Wheeler was not only a talented marketer, but also a psychologist. After all, in order for the texts written by a copywriter to be convincing and achieve the goal, he must have a good understanding of the human psyche and understand the motives that drive people when making purchases. Therefore, he must be proficient in NLP techniques.
