I will describe how to properly get rid of depression, what needs to be done for this, and I will give simple advice to single women on how to bring joy back into their lives.
There is nothing eternal on earth, unfortunately. In an instant, a flower fades, which pleased with its bloom for some time. Leaves are falling from the trees. And the hot passions of love can turn into a cold martial law, which often leads to depression.
Love is a wonderful feeling that can give lovers a lot of positive emotions. Next to your loved one, it seems that nothing is impossible: the eyes shine, the gait becomes light, you want to flutter, flutter, flutter...
But in an instant it may seem that the earth is disappearing from under your feet, nothing around you interests you, all the colors of nature have disappeared somewhere, everything outside the window is gray and boring.
And, no matter how much you want to hide your mood, friends and work colleagues begin to notice it. What really happened?
Depression after divorce due to loneliness
And something happened that just recently seemed impossible to you - separation from your loved one. And no matter how harsh this sentence may sound, you need to do everything possible to remain as cheerful, sweet and desirable as before.
To be fair, it should be noted that some people experience this period quite calmly and have the strength to pull themselves together and plunge into the stormy cycle of life from the very first days, simply simply pushing thoughts of separation out of their heads.
But more sentimental people experience a breakup with a loved one for a long time, and over time they can even sink into depression.
Depression after divorce in women
Such a sad outcome negatively affects the way of life and everyone experiences it in their own way. But why? After all, it would seem that this is the logical conclusion of an outdated relationship, and separation should, on the contrary, spur you to renewal?
The fact is that depression after a breakup from loneliness mainly depends not so much on the feelings you experience for your ex, but on the collapse of your plans and hopes.
And, sad as it may seem, depression after divorce is much more common in women than in men.
The fact is that it is women who like to imagine themselves in a wedding dress, plan in advance all the stages of the wedding ceremony, how they will raise their children together, build a house and “die on the same day.”
Important! But life doesn’t end there. You can still meet that one, beloved person with whom you will realize all your plans and will be a happy and beloved wife.
And even if there is a break in family relationships, this is not a reason to become depressed, but, of course, you shouldn’t “judge” either. First, make sure that this is not another family scandal, but a really serious reason that you cannot come to terms with, and only after that make an adequate decision.
Apathy and bad mood are two faithful companions after a divorce, and you need to avoid them in every possible way.
Otherwise, long live depression! In terms of stress on a person, divorce is second only to the experience of losing a loved one.
Divorce on the stress scale
We so often experience stressful situations at work, in transport, at home that they directly begin to destroy our health. This observation enabled the American doctor of psychology Thomas H.
Holmes developed a scientific method for determining stress levels. He created a scale that reflected the most common stressful situations according to the level of their impact on a person’s mental state.
On this scale, divorce falls between the death of a spouse and imprisonment . This proves the devastating impact of separation from a husband or wife on a person’s nervous system. Divorce entails a whole series of difficult experiences and events - division of property and housing, concern for the future of children and their depressed state when choosing a parent with whom the child will continue to live. This is a change of housing, destruction of habitual ties, explanations with relatives, and so on.
On the Holmes scale, the death of a spouse is assessed at 100 points, divorce at 73, and imprisonment at 63 points. For comparison, changing jobs is 29 units. These numbers are, of course, arbitrary. Different people may perceive the same events differently. For some, retirement is a long-awaited vacation, while others cannot imagine their life without their favorite job.
To determine your condition, you can take a test using the Holmes scale and, if your score is high, seek help from a psychologist.
Calculation for example. Svetlana, 47 years old, experienced a divorce from her husband in one year after 20 years of marriage (73). Before this, she lived alone for 6 months while her husband was on a business trip (65). At this time, she underwent surgery (53), after which she changed jobs twice (47+47). During the divorce, property and housing had to be divided (29). There was a need to take out a loan for an apartment (45). The amount of stress resulted in 359 points. All this affected the woman’s psychological state and led to prolonged depression, which must be treated.
Depression after divorce in men
It should be noted that depression after divorce in men has recently become quite common. Moreover, they tend to dramatize this situation more, and often drown out their grievances in alcoholic drinks.
This condition can last even longer than in women. The main key point is the inability to have fun, as a result of which men begin to move away from life and prefer slightly different technologies for getting out of the situation than women.
It could be:
- abuse of alcoholic beverages and other psychoactive substances, which, in fact, only aggravate the depressive state
- disruption of psychological processes, which is reflected in the inability to make serious decisions and concentrate
- Loss of interest in work, career growth and material well-being. That is, a man loses his status as a “breadwinner” with all the ensuing consequences
- Loss of appetite, which leads to either significant weight loss or weight gain
- Attacks of aggressive behavior and inappropriate thinking
- Decreased potency
- Suicidal thoughts
How to get out of depression after breaking up with a loved one, how to survive depression?
We must correctly understand that our life is structured in such a way that we always have to do something for the first time: first time in first grade, first love, first quarrel with a loved one, first reconciliation, wedding, birth of the first child, etc. . And, unfortunately, there is a place on this list for divorce.
But divorce needs to be viewed from a different perspective, as an opportunity to rise to a new level in life. It is clear that after a divorce, a woman will have to realize that she is no longer a Wife who loves and is loved, and it is difficult for a man to realize that he is no longer surrounded by the care of his wife and has lost his status as a breadwinner.
However, regardless of gender, depression must be fought in the early stages and adequately found that resource that will help to correctly adapt to a new status and to new living conditions.
Among the many questions that you will try to answer for yourself, there will undoubtedly be “how will my new life begin?” The psychologist's answer is clear:
“It all depends on you, on your willpower and behavior.” Of course, a visit to a qualified psychologist will help you cope with depression.
But there are also “home” methods that are no less effective in helping a person say goodbye to depression and become a full-fledged person.
So, stop whining, feeling sorry for yourself, crying into your pillow. Life is beautiful, and you must, well, simply must, enter into it and enjoy all its delights.
For my part, I would like to recommend the most effective methods that will help restore happiness to your personal life and say goodbye to depression forever.
Let's start, perhaps, with the fact that you need to tell a like-minded person about your feelings and experiences, that is, share with him. But this advice only applies to those of you who really have a loyal friend or sister nearby. You need to avoid communicating with those people who can only gloat and not help.
These are the so-called “pseudo-friends” who may have been jealous of your relationship, but now you will give them a reason to “calm down”.
If you are not sure that you have a true friend, then you should probably skip this step. It’s better to turn on fun music, sit in front of the mirror and express everything as best you can.
Psychologists advise it is better to sing than to cry and swear. I don’t want to go into details, but, nevertheless, unspoken pain and suppressed sobs affect the functionality of the thyroid gland. That is why pain should not be endured in silence!
Sing loudly, with all your heart, throwing out your pain and negativity.
Naturally, you don’t need to sing songs like “I loved you, but you didn’t forgive me,” but something that can bring joy to an already gray life.
For example: “I’ll send you to heaven for an asterisk” or “get out.” And tomorrow will be a new day and it should be much better than the previous one. Now, go to bed and “good night.”
Real stories
People around you are sometimes wary of divorced women. Married ladies are afraid of rivalry; ordinary people condemn them for breaking up with their legal spouse, without delving into the details of the tragedy that occurred. A woman who has been abandoned feels orphaned. The ground is disappearing from under your feet, and fear for your child’s future is growing. But there are truly happy stories about which one can say “if the bride leaves for someone else, then who knows who was lucky.”
A divorced woman considers the main problem in arranging her happiness to be the attitude of her new partner towards her child.
You can find a husband with three children in his arms, as happened with Oksana. The first time she married very young at 19 years old, of course, for love. The first child, Ivan, was born. My husband started drinking and going out. He humiliated and beat his young wife. Oksana left several times, but then returned, she was afraid to be left without support with her child. Then the second son was born. The nightmare continued. She was helped by her friends, who collected the documents themselves and took them to court. A difficult divorce left a woman without housing and belongings.
But most importantly, she was freed from the tyrant! With renewed vigor I took up renovations in the apartment I bought on credit, worked two jobs and enjoyed life. The children were nearby and gave strength and hope.
Soon a fan appeared and a relationship began. When Oksana became pregnant, he demanded that the older boys be given to their father. Oksana decided to leave. The third son was born. I worked day and night, the boys helped. That's how we lived. And then I met Sasha. By that time, the eldest son had become a cadet, the second was successfully involved in gymnastics. The boys immediately accepted the new man and became friends with him. And then the question of marriage arose in itself. Everyone was happy, the children, Sasha, and Oksana.
How will my new life begin?
When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do is smile and greet the rising sun. Open the window, take a deep breath of fresh air and go to the bathroom. Often women after a divorce lose interest in themselves and their appearance.
You have no right to do this, because this leads to a worsening of the depressive state. Look at your reflection in the mirror and smile. Tell yourself that you are the most beautiful and most charming and dream on the topic: “How will my new life begin?” Do your morning hygiene routine and head to the spa.
This is the ideal solution, which is necessary not only to put your appearance in order, but also to plunge into an atmosphere of peace and tranquility. Take the first step into your new life!!!
The next step is shopping. If possible, then it’s worth purchasing new outfits that will perfectly highlight all the advantages of your figure. Shopping is a powerful antidepressant that affects women on a subconscious level.
And even if in the first few days you fail to notice changes in your psychological behavior, then after a week or two you will feel much better.
Bad thoughts will leave you, the desire to take revenge on the offender, and now to the question: “How will I live without my loved one,” you can give an affirmative answer: “I will live happily and wonderfully.”
At one time, you have already composed a story of a happy married life, made plans for the future, etc. Now the moment has come when you need to implement them, but with another person or even at first, make decisions on your own.
Be cheerful, cheerful, active, communicate with friends and expand their circle, because you already understand how to make your life wonderful and are confidently moving towards this goal.
A little realistic skepticism
Spouses who have been married for a long time lose interest and passion in the relationship. For each of them, a partner is an everyday occurrence, so there are times when, after the divorce process begins, trepidation, attentiveness and courtesy return to the relationship.
In a marriage where both partners are young, filing for divorce sometimes becomes a rash step that they regret within a week. After all, even a long quarrel cannot destroy the union of two hearts. In a more mature marriage, filing for divorce becomes a manipulation for the sake of a fundamental change in behavior. In this case, each spouse evaluates the possibility of a compromise, and the decision to divorce depends on this. In marriages after ten years, divorce sometimes becomes a truly necessary option. However, thanks to everyday habits, even such family unions can be saved.
After receiving a divorce certificate, the ex-husband and wife are looking for support, but due to spiritual closeness they find it in each other.
The described outcomes are possible only in cases where the reason for termination was a minor detail or temporary misunderstanding. If a marriage brings problems, depression or financial dissatisfaction for a long time, then you will have to admit the need for divorce.
READ How parents can tell their child about divorce without harming them
How to make your life beautiful?
The main thing to remember is that a woman with swollen eyes, sad and offended by her life will not be able to discern the approaching happiness. Moreover, as a woman, hardly anyone will notice her.
And maybe this is precisely the moment when real happiness should return to you, true love that will last a lifetime. But in this state, you will definitely miss it.
Depression after a divorce from a loved one is a disease from which no one is initially immune. And the disease goes away only if adequate treatment is taken.
Remain a woman first and foremost. A desirable woman, a beautiful woman! Try to do everything to make your life filled with bright colors. Strive for the beautiful, and everything in your life will work out.
After some time, most likely you won’t even want to remember this period. And even if you remember, you will be able to find many positive moments there, without which you would not be able to become as happy as you are today.
