Unfortunately, no person can be immune from betrayal, no matter how much he loves and values those who decided to take such a step. For the first time after this, it begins to seem as if someone has pulled the rug out from under your feet and life will never be the same. Indeed, if the traitor was very close to you, then his act cannot but affect you - now, most likely, you will be more suspicious and withdrawn. However, you must understand that one day the pain of betrayal will subside, turning into only an experience from which you can learn some lessons.
What to do when you've been betrayed
Betrayed by a beloved man
First of all, try to recover from this story as soon as possible. Realize that since something like this happened, then this man is clearly not the one sent to you by fate, but a kind of test for you. Don't close yourself off from friends and family and become depressed. By withdrawing into yourself, you are left alone with the betrayal that has occurred, and besides it, there will be almost nothing else in your life for a certain period. Don’t allow this to happen - erase the offender from your life, and fill your time with new hobbies and meetings that will gradually displace this story from the list of important events. This will not be easy to do - you will have neither the desire nor the mood to lead an active lifestyle, but in this case you need to force yourself. Understand that this is the only way you can help yourself get rid of your unpleasant past.
When the traitor is your own husband
Once upon a time, this person offered you his hand and heart, and you gave your consent, confident that you would go through your entire life path with him, hand in hand. Of course, it is very painful to find out in the end that your beloved has decided to betray you, but in this case you should not act out of hand, especially if children are growing up in your family.
Talk to your husband and try to understand what prompted him to do this. If you see that your spouse sincerely repents, and you understand that, despite everything, you still have feelings for him, then find the strength within yourself to give your family a chance. Devote the evening to talking about why this happened, determine how you can live with it further, and try not to return to this conversation in the future to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the house.
If you understand that you will never be able to forgive, or your husband does not express much regret about his actions, then perhaps you should think about divorce. After all, a good family life, with such options, will probably no longer work out.
Betrayal by your best friend
The betrayal of a friend can sometimes hurt no less than the betrayal of a relative or husband. If your friend is real, then you probably trusted him with your personal secrets, supported him more than once in difficult life situations and consulted on many issues. Now it will be difficult for you to imagine your life without this person, but it is important to realize that if this happens, then the friendship is no longer there, and it’s time for you to go your separate ways.
An exception can only be in the case when a friend or girlfriend was forced to take this step, not of their own free will, or made a ridiculous mistake. In general, you need to give the person a chance to explain themselves, and if you understand that the betrayal could have been avoided, then pause your communication so that everyone can rethink what happened. After months, you yourself will be able to understand whether you want to return your friend to your life.
How to survive a person's betrayal
In a situation where you become aware of betrayal on your side, try not to do anything. It is necessary to let everything go to chance. You don't have to try to be strong. If you want to cry out your grief, cry. Don't push tragedy inside your soul. It is best not to do anything until you feel the strength to continue living.
You will slowly begin to find yourself as you realize the utter devastation. Follow your desires now. Take a bath if you feel like it or eat if you feel hungry. And then go to rest. You need to sleep and regain your strength. To make it easier to fall asleep, turn on relaxing music, create twilight in the room and wrap yourself in a blanket.
A restful sleep will restore strength and give rest to the mind. After resting, do something pleasant that does not require mental activity. Do some light exercise, enjoy a fun movie, take a walk, play with your cat or dog. These simple activities will fill you with energy and help you make decisions.
After you come to a state of peace, think about whether you need to suffer because of what happened? Is the grief that great? Perhaps you will be able to make the right decision.
Is it worth forgiving the betrayal of loved ones?
Each person has his own ideas about betrayal - some believe that it is exclusively about betrayal, while for others it is enough if a loved one takes the opponent’s side in a certain dispute. If you yourself understand that, in general, nothing terrible happened, then you should not torture your loved one - talk to him and come to an agreement. Explain why it is important to you that this does not happen again.
If someone offended you but does not ask for forgiveness, then you need to try to forget about him and understand for yourself that this story is unnecessary in your life, and it is better to devote your time not to thinking about what happened, but to new impressions and other people. It is much more difficult if the person has repented and you would like to improve your relationship with him. Unfortunately, being prepared to forgive does not always guarantee that it will happen. You may want this, but in reality the resentment will not go away, and conflicts will flare up between you again and again. It is worth trying to forgive a person who admits his mistake, but be prepared for the fact that, despite your desire, you still will not be able to turn this page in your thoughts, which is why sooner or later you will have to break off relations with the offender.
How does betrayal happen?
Repeatedly held social surveys showed that betrayal came as a surprise to most people. Their trust was broken in the things that mattered most to them. And along with him, faith in people disappeared. From this we can conclude that it is impossible to foresee betrayal. And, accordingly, it is also impossible to insure against it. Any betrayal, even if we have already experienced it before, is a complete surprise to us. And the feelings that destroy our soul flare up again with the same severity.
Is it possible to forgive cheating with another woman?
Depends on the situation. If there are no children in your family, then the decision will be easier. It is also worth paying attention to factors such as the repentance of the chosen one and whether the other woman was a permanent lover or whether their relationship turned out to be fleeting.
It happens that a man deliberately lives for several months, or even years, in two families, unable to decide who is dearer to him. In this case, it is better to ease the agony of choice and start looking for a life partner for whom you will be the only woman you love.
It’s a completely different case if your lover was seduced or spent the night with another woman after a quarrel with you. Under such circumstances, it is also not easy to forgive a person, but if he sincerely repents of what he did, then you can try to understand him. Most likely, this connection was fleeting and meaningless to the man. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately pretend that nothing happened - ask to be given a few days to think about what happened. After this, tell your lover that you forgive him, but if this happens again, you will not be able to stay together. During the period of your reflection, the man will probably realize how dear you are to him and how much he does not want to lose you, and subsequently will value your relationship more.
Of course, if you understand that even a fleeting affair is too much for you, and you will never come to terms with it, then you will have to end the affair. You will come to the same decision sooner or later if the chosen one does not feel guilty for what happened, and periodically raises reasonable suspicions of new betrayal with his behavior.
If you haven’t been together for too long and haven’t started a family yet, then you should think about whether you want such a person in your life. A guy who decides to betray you is unlikely to value you highly. However, if you see that he is very upset about what happened and considers it a big mistake, then you can try to give him another chance, and nothing more.
Are there children in your family? Then in this situation, you have to think not only about yourself, but also about them. If betrayal by your spouse occurs systematically, again and again making you upset, worry and cry, then, undoubtedly, an unhealthy psychological climate reigns in your family, which is not good for the children. Instead of spending time with your child, you are busy thinking about what is going on in your relationship with your husband. By forgiving the traitor again and again, you do not save the family at all - only its appearance is preserved. By doing this, you undermine your health and spoil your mood, depriving the child of communication with a happy mother.
The situation is completely different if the spouse stumbled once, realized his mistake and does not want to lose you. Talk to your husband, make it clear to the end why this happened, and how you can restore trust. Convey to him that this should not happen again if he wants to be the head of a friendly and happy family. It may be necessary for the two of you to visit a family psychologist if you realize that you cannot cope with what happened on your own. For a person who regrets what he did, his own betrayal, like it for you, is a serious stress. Consider a change of scenery for a while and relieve tension in the family by going on a short trip together or at least spending a weekend in an interesting place.
How to forget a traitor
Try to mentally at least try to forgive him, and realize that only a weak person who still has to grow above himself is willing to betray him. Understand that because of this, he will have to face problems more than once in his life, and be glad that you will no longer be around during that period.
Understand that first of all, now you need to take care of your mental comfort. An extremely unpleasant situation happened to you, which should be considered as an important life lesson. Think about what you can take away from this lesson - now you will become stronger and, perhaps, you will be able to understand people better.
It's not easy to decide to cut someone out of your life, but it's much harder to actually do it. If you have clearly decided that you do not need such a person, and you are worthy of another relationship, then first of all, cut off contacts with the traitor, and do not initiate meetings, conversations or correspondence with him. Do not follow his life through social networks and do not inquire about his affairs through friends - understand that you must completely leave the person in the past. If you have time to find out about the everyday life of the person who betrayed you, then you clearly need to find something more interesting and much more productive for you to do.
First, set a period (for example, a month) during which you will not show interest in the life of the person you want to forget, and also will not respond to his attempts to get in touch. At this time, it will be very difficult to follow your decision, but you will make your task much easier if you find a new hobby or go on a trip to another country or city. Understand that the sooner this painful connection is broken, the sooner something new and good can enter your life.
How to force yourself to forgive?
There are situations when a person who has experienced betrayal cannot forgive his offender and continues to think about revenge. No matter how strange it may sound, revenge will not only not help, but will also aggravate this whole difficult situation. It will not add exclusivity to you and will not solve the problem. Therefore, if you cannot forgive, then try to at least understand the traitor. To do this, you need to think and delve into yourself in order to finally understand what exactly you did wrong that your offender decided to do such an ugly act. He probably also felt very bad at that moment for some serious reason. And these reasons, most likely, were you. And this means that you, in turn, also, without knowing it, caused him harm. Now all that remains is to understand exactly how this happened. As you understand, you can forgive. And immediately after that you will feel better.
Psychologist's advice: What to do if betrayed and how to live after
Step 2.
Do not try to analyze what you personally could have done to prevent the betrayal from happening. You are not responsible for such a step by another person - it was he who decided to do this and, most likely, he had another choice.
Step 3.
It’s not easy to force yourself not to think about what really worries you, but you can do it differently - consciously switch your attention to something else. It could be about travel. Just don’t choose a tour during which you will lie on the beach all day - opt for a more varied pastime. However, if a beach holiday is ideal for you, then perhaps it can become therapy for you. If your vacation is still far away, then think about what could distract you right now. Why not sign up for a group fitness class, pool, yoga, art class, or some form of dance today? Try yourself in some new direction, spend time beneficial for your body and mood.
Step 4
Unfortunately, betrayal often brings not only emotional distress, but also a serious blow to self-esteem. Over time, you may decide that, in general, you deserve this outcome of events, and are not worthy of anything good at all. Get rid of this assumption. The person betrayed you not because you are not perfect in some way, but because he himself was unable to find a more worthy way out of the situation - he did not have enough decency or willpower for this. You should only regret that you were forced to come into contact with someone else's weakness, and help yourself recover from this situation. Pamper yourself with small and large pleasant purchases, meet friends, be open to new hobbies and acquaintances.
Close people hit you the hardest; you trust them with your most secret things, and in return you receive betrayal and prolonged depression. Everyone wants to believe in the sincerity of feelings, but what to do when fate has prepared a test? Betrayal cannot be prepared for, it cannot be cured with medication, and it cannot be erased from memory. How to cope with pain and despair without seeking help from a psychologist? Let's try to figure it out together.
Psychological techniques
Keep a diary
Buy a notebook and write down the good moments that happened during the day. Did the handsome stranger smile? Let's write it down! Gave flowers for no reason? Great! Did you give up your seat on the minibus? The world is not without good people!
Focus exclusively on positive things that make you smile and glow with happiness. Create a cozy atmosphere around you and energize those around you.
Go to a psychologist
Increasingly, modern men and women are turning to professionals who can help them understand their own thoughts. The trend came from America and is gaining rapid momentum every year. There is no need to be embarrassed to visit a psychologist, he is not a psychiatrist. You only need to be afraid if you sign up for a session with the latter.
Prohibited tricks
No need to be a bitch
A common mistake many girls make is a disdainful attitude towards others as a result of the betrayal they have suffered. Don't be like them, there are worthy people left in the world. The light did not fall like a wedge on the former lover. Don't attack others, don't judge them, and don't interfere in other people's lives. Remain humane and reasonable so as not to lose those who are truly dear to you.
Now aggression can be directed at the male half of the population, however, not all of them are bad. There are those who know how to protect, appreciate and respect their beloved, you just haven’t met such a man yet.
In films where a guy betrays a girl, she whiles away the evenings with a bottle of tequila, drowning in what is happening. Everything is simpler in life. A drunk lady looks extremely unattractive: incoherent speech, crooked gait and constant lamentations about her pitiful fate. Do not forget that alcohol is a temporary measure; it will dull the pain, which will return in the morning along with a hangover. The most you can do is have a drink with a friend, she will stop you if you have too much.
Leave the past in the past
You should not regularly compare “before” and “after”. What has happened has passed. There is no need to imagine the development of events that would have occurred if you had noticed strange behavior earlier or prepared a delicious dinner on time. Turn off your imagination, stop developing a non-existent scenario. If you ignore this advice, you will exhaust your body, being in foggy thoughts. Live in the present and think about the future!
Don't know how to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Invite a friend over, drink wine with her and cry. You shouldn’t keep your emotions inside, otherwise they will burst out at the wrong moment. If it’s really bad, visit a psychologist, he will help you understand the situation. Go shopping, buy cool things that will be the envy of all your friends. Book a trip to the sea and start a holiday romance! Don't be upset, life goes on!
Video: how to forgive the betrayal of a loved one
The betrayal of a loved one is that unexpected blow of fate that you never expect.
When the one whose heart beats in unison with yours betrays you, when you breathe hard from pain, thoughts obsessively do not allow you to sleep, pain haunts you. She cannot be cured with pills; she will return tomorrow or in a month. And throughout your life, even if the cheater has long been forgiven by you, a thread of memories will stretch. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to start enjoying life at least after some time? Betrayal is the collapse of trust, hopes and feelings. It seems that it is impossible to build strong relationships again if your soul was trampled by a once close and dear person. How to start living simply without tormenting yourself by searching for an answer to the question: “Why, why was I betrayed?”
Why do people betray
Don't start making excuses. Even if during repentance you hear accusations against you from an unfaithful person, do not dare agree with them. Yes, you could be wrong in some way, you could even act wrongly towards this person. But do not believe that betrayal was a necessary measure. There is always a choice, so your loved one could have done differently without betraying: talk to you, offer to take a break in the relationship, save face in front of you. Whether to forgive betrayal is, of course, your decision. But can you trust this man?
You are unlikely to find a reason for the betrayal. Why did your loved one betray (deceived, did not lend a shoulder, became cowardly)? Because at some point it was in his interests. Because the last thing he thought about was you during the betrayal. My own “I” overpowered human values. And even if he had his own reasons, understandable only to him, are these the reasons to justify him? Therefore, do not believe it when many culprits are found during the showdown. First of all, the one who committed this act towards you is to blame. Think carefully before you forgive betrayal.
State after betrayal
Experienced psychologists still cannot give clear advice on how to behave after betrayal. Despite the fact that this issue is being studied in depth these days. Betrayal is considered to be a difficult life situation, so the problem of effective behavior after it is quite acute.
Practicing psychologists who deal with the most difficult cases use the theory of coping, developed in 1987 by the famous American psychologist A. Maslow. It was he who coined the term coping behavior, which means the use of various behavioral attempts to solve internal and external problems that plague a person. In other words, coping behavior can be called a person’s readiness to solve the problems he has accumulated, using different methods for this. And the sooner he comes to this, the better.
Let’s imagine the opposite situation, when a person’s actions are governed not by common sense, but by raw emotions. Behavior in this case will be expressive. For example, an abandoned woman will first feel deep resentment, then righteous anger, and after that she will fall into depression. Moreover, when going through all these three stages, she will act under the influence of those emotions that are currently raging in her soul. Namely, to beg to return and curse, scold with the last words and forgive, thereby confusing an already difficult situation. But this will not help solve the problem. Therefore, you need to try to control your emotions and try to get rid of the negativity that has accumulated in your soul.
Should betrayal be forgiven?
Should betrayal be forgiven? Undoubtedly. But only for yourself, not for the sake of the betrayer. Daily thoughts about how to survive the betrayal of a loved one will not allow you to move forward. They will begin to poison your life and will not allow you to create new relationships in which there will be no place for deception. When you were exchanged for someone else, when you were given a backhand blow - how to forgive the betrayal? Forgive in order to live and enjoy every day?
If the person who betrayed you has a conscience, then it will punish him. Tears will punish you more severely than your words. Only conscience can plunge a person into repentance; it is impossible to hide or escape from it. It is not easy to survive a person’s betrayal, but it is possible if you do the work on yourself. And let the bonus of the trauma suffered be the opportunity to meet new people, events, and feelings along the way. Never before has life stopped because of betrayal. Don't stop yourself.
No matter how hard it is, you will have to get used to the idea of betrayal. Understand that the person who hurt you is an ordinary weak person. And certain needs intervened in his life, for the sake of which he acted so vilely towards you. See the benefit in this: you will become stronger in the future. Yes, more distrustful, tougher, more closed, but stronger.
If you are looking for how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, the advice of a psychologist will help you. So, start working on yourself today, now.
Give free rein to your tears - don't act like nothing happened.
You will deceive others, but not your heart. Allow yourself to cry all the tears, release all the negativity, so that the spring in your chest finally unclenches. Be weak.
Alcohol is not your friend.
Not a single problem has yet been solved with the help of alcohol. In addition, if you go too far, you may make a mistake (start calling the traitor, sort things out with his new passion, if betrayal has occurred). The next morning, in addition to mental pain, the “wonderful” consequences of drinking alcoholic beverages will come to you.
Remove things that remind you of your tormentor out of sight.
His numerous belongings and photos decorating the apartment are unlikely to help him survive a person’s betrayal. Often girls cry over everything connected with their ex-partner: his toothbrush, the kettle in which you heated water together, the sand “on which he walked.” Don’t take the situation to the point of absurdity: get rid of everything that worries your thoughts, and don’t attach hidden meanings to everyday things.
Find something to do.
Give yourself over to the work process and show off your professional skills. Sign up for a yoga course. Plan your day so that there is a minimum of free time. It is ideal if you choose an activity in which you have zero experience: complete immersion in the basics of a new activity can captivate your thoughts, leaving not a minute for suffering. If they approach, go outside and look for something to do with yourself. Go for a walk in the park. This will help cope with betrayal better than seclusion.
Change something about your appearance.
Get a new haircut, buy a bright dress, make changes in your life. Become more attractive, because you have a new life ahead of you! Have you heard about the benefits of shopping? Updating your wardrobe on a psychological level helps improve your mood. Has your ex-partner never liked redheads? Now nothing stops you from such a change in image.
Don’t drive away new acquaintances and remember old friends.
When alone, you are unlikely to stop tormenting yourself with thoughts of how to survive the betrayal of a loved one. On the contrary, the lump that you roll in your head will only aggravate the situation. Let you laugh at first and listen with half an ear to the stories of your comrades. Over time, everything will change. Do not doubt.
What not to do for those who have been betrayed
Betrayal is a very strong blow to our soul.
First of all, self-esteem suffers: often the victim feels that he is not worthy of love. This feeling is false, but getting rid of it is no longer easy. A person loses trust not only in a former lover, but in people in general. In addition, betrayal can lead to depression and withdrawal. What to do if the psyche is damaged? Don't make the situation worse. First of all, don’t drown your sorrows in a sea of alcohol. Ethanol will never help and is generally harmful. You also shouldn’t become a bitch or a bitter person. You shouldn't punish other people for something that isn't theirs. In addition, this way you can miss the one who will become your true happiness.
Also, don't look for someone to blame. There is no need to blame yourself for everything that happened, nor to place all the blame on the traitor. The search for “truth” in this case is unproductive and will simply undermine the already damaged nervous system.
Do you need to continue the relationship?
Whether you can forgive the betrayal of a loved one, only you can decide. There is a desire to glue the broken cup and continue to try to drink coffee from it - please. But in general, if a person betrayed you once, then you are simply not dear to him, which means he will do it more than once. You can forgive a friend who set you up, but know that he will set you up more than once. Do you really need this happiness?
Let's not lose trust
It’s good if your friends are ready to help you and tell you how to survive the betrayal of a loved one.
This will really help. But what to do when you just want to close yourself and never talk to anyone again? Remember that only time heals. No need to generalize. Don’t think that all men are traitors, etc. If it were so, there would not be so many happy and friendly couples. Don't label everyone of the opposite sex. If this is not the first time you have been betrayed, it is likely that you yourself are the problem.
Try to remember the good things. Surely, in addition to the traitor, you have reliable and loving people who have proven their love more than once. Concentrate on the good qualities of people, because they clearly outnumber the bad ones. And yet, you can do good yourself. This is generally the best way to get away from your own grief and not be disappointed in people. So, take part in charity events, become a volunteer and you will see how many kind and caring people there are.
- Also see:
How to get out of the darkness?
As after any other severe shock, after betrayal we go through several stages:
- Acute pain. Now all the colors have suddenly faded and you don’t want to contact anyone. But you don’t have to - now you really need to be alone with yourself and digest everything on your own;
- Resentment. Sometimes it is accompanied by hatred;
- Humility. You have already accepted the situation and realized it. Now you can forgive this person, but think about whether you need to give him a chance. If you are not able to forgive, then now you are preparing to cross out the person forever;
- Feelings slowly fade away, and mental balance is restored.
How to act in order to survive all these metamorphoses as quickly as possible?
Try to understand. Not even a fact, but the real reason for the betrayal. Perhaps your significant other cheated on you because your love for her has already passed and life has remained out of habit. Your loved one simply couldn’t stand your indifference.
If your beloved really turned out to be a dishonest person, then all that remains is to thank life for taking you away from such a person.
Understand that you have the right to be weak. If it hurts and you want to throw and tear, then do so: scream, break dishes, tear up shared photos. But only once. Next, you will need strength to restore mental balance.
Understand that life goes on
It seems to everyone who is offended and betrayed that they will die, that they will never be able to. But they live! And you, too, live, breathe, hear... This man was not air or water, he was an ordinary person, and, moreover, not the best.
And you have friends, hobbies and favorite music. Don't let betrayal take that away from you.
Looking for new experiences
The same works in all cases. We don’t sit within four walls, but do something interesting, otherwise your grief will take on universal proportions.
Just let this man go
Bring something better into life than this unhappy love.
Living in the present
You understand that. This means you shouldn’t replay everything: this is what would have happened if you had done something differently or said something different a couple of days before the betrayal. This only speeds up your brain and eats up your energy. If you had said something different a couple of days before the betrayal, then nothing would have changed, really.
Make an appointment with a psychologist. A psychologist is not one who calms mentally ill people, but one who allows people in difficult situations not to become psychotic. So, calmly seek help from a professional when you are unable to cope with your emotions on your own. That is why he is a specialist, so that he can consider your situation soberly and objectively, and also point out what is not noticeable to you in this situation. Be honest with the professional and follow all his recommendations.
Get a happiness diary. You can even use a notepad. But write down in it everything wonderful that happened to you during the day, all your positive emotions.
We use positive attitudes
You are not unhappy or abandoned, but interesting and free. As soon as the thought that you are unhappy enters your head, immediately replace it with a positive attitude. Remember that unhappy people will never attract positivity and luck into their lives.
Look to the future
Imagine standing wet and cold at a dark bus stop, hungry and ready to cry, but the bus never comes. And then a miracle happens and you are already warming up on a comfortable chair on the bus. After another half an hour, you are already in a warm house, emerging from your wet boots into a warm robe and drinking hot tea with cheesecake. But just thirty minutes ago you couldn’t even think that you would be so happy, right? The situation is the same with betrayal: time will pass, and you will be happy again.
You can also remember the past. Once upon a time, some grievances and troubles seemed the most terrible to you. And now? Was everything really so hopeless? No. Now know that everything will pass.
Do what you love
Your hobby will be a great way to lift your spirits. If possible, do this constantly and every free minute. Try to bring all your skills to perfection. If you are a creative person, then it is best to sublimate your personal drama into new works. Who knows, maybe you will give birth to a masterpiece and become a classic? If you manage to switch, over time the severity of the pain from betrayal will pass. By the way, when you lived with your husband or boyfriend, did you have a lot of time to do what you loved?
How to survive betrayal as an adult
Love (and other) dramas happen not only in youth.
But how to survive the betrayal of a loved one when you are over 40 or 50 years old? Forget to think that at this age it is no longer possible to meet new love. It’s possible without the mistakes of youth. You probably already have grown up children who will support you in a difficult situation and it is worth living for their sake. If they are adults and live separately, it’s time to fulfill their long-standing desires, to go where they really wanted, to learn what they didn’t have time for before. And just let the traitor go like a wise and mature person. Do not forget that youth continues for you, which means you will definitely attract new love. If it’s too hard for you, you can tell yourself that betrayal and betrayal do not exist. There are only different worldviews and different life circumstances. We imagine relationships and general rules differently, which means this may not even be a betrayal, but simply a selfish act. Well, why do you need this egoist?
Betrayal can take many forms. A loved one who has an affair, a close friend who spreads bad rumors about you, a business partner who runs away with the money and leaves you to deal with creditors are just a few typical examples.
In my work, I come across such stories from time to time, and what strikes me most is the emotional reaction that betrayal evokes in those who are its victims. It causes wounds, confidence crumbles into dust, and shame often lurks beneath the rage and amazement.
Some people react to betrayal by hiding from the world and avoiding communication altogether. Sometimes they try to keep the fact itself secret - especially when it comes to personal life. The victim of adultery may not want to make the incident public for fear of public shame.
Isolation condemns us to loneliness and alienation, which can ultimately result in depression
The one who was betrayed is not to blame for what happened, but he may feel responsible for it and feel shame. In therapy, I often ask clients, “Why are you so ashamed? Were you the one who changed/stole/lyed/spread rumors?”
By hiding information about a painful event from others, we thereby deprive ourselves of the opportunity to receive support or see what happened from a different point of view. Because of this, we begin to blame ourselves for naivety or argue that we ourselves provoked the betrayal. Isolation condemns us to loneliness and alienation, which can ultimately result in depression. But to successfully heal the trauma of betrayal, we need the exact opposite.
How to heal from the trauma of betrayal and regain your confidence?
1. Allow yourself to process what happened.
Some people take action immediately, but it's okay to give yourself time before reacting. This is especially important if you have thoughts of revenge.
2. Take care of yourself
– both physically and emotionally. Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, and be kind to yourself.
3. Try to protect yourself from further damage
, which the “traitor” can inflict on you. For example, if a business partner turns out to be financially unscrupulous, deal with financial issues as quickly as possible. If you have been cheated on, but you decide not to break off the relationship yet, protect yourself from possible diseases.
4. Tell someone you trust about your experiences.
This is not the time to hide. Communicate more often with those who value you, know your best qualities well, and will help you maintain your self-esteem.
Don't let what happened ruin your relationships with those who have never done anything wrong to you.
5. Don't take blame for what happened.
Remind yourself why you stayed in the relationship with the person who betrayed you and what you hoped for. Show yourself compassion, remembering that betrayal is quite common and many have experienced this.
Sometimes after betrayal it seems like we can no longer trust anyone. It is important to maintain relationships with people who can help us, communication with whom gives us strength and brings joy. Don't let what happened ruin your relationships with those who have never done anything wrong to you. Try to find time every day to talk about something pleasant and positive.
The collapse of many moral values has become the scourge of modern society. The family foundations that had existed for centuries in the way of life of previous generations could not withstand the pressure of immorality and pseudo-freedom. As a result - a huge number of betrayals, betrayals, broken hearts. There can be a huge number of reasons for betrayal, but when the fact itself is already known and it is impossible to change anything, they lose their relevance. And in the foreground there is the question of how to survive the betrayal of a loved one.
Of course, it seems simply impossible to cope with emotions and suppress resentment, despair and pain, but this is only in the first minutes. In fact, all this is experienced. The main thing in such a situation is to get out of it with dignity, not to lose yourself and not to be humiliated. And we’ll talk about how to find the strength to do this.
How to identify a traitor
There are no ideal relationships, and this is no secret to anyone. However, despite minor quarrels and other everyday trifles, no one, as a rule, can even imagine that things could lead to betrayal and separation. Most women tend to deny until the last moment and very diligently “not notice” what is happening. There is basically one reason for this behavior: panic, anticipation of drastic changes in life that are sure to come. Be that as it may, life will never be the same. Even if a previously loved one remains in it, trust and carefreeness will be gone forever. Now you have to think about what to do after your husband’s betrayal: forget or forgive?
Few people think that a disaster can be prevented in the early stages. The main thing is not to miss the first obvious signs of trouble. The fact is that no matter how hard a man tries, he will never be able to completely hide from you the romance that has begun, even if only at the level of flirtation.
First of all, this will manifest itself in his behavior. The sparkle in his eyes will disappear, he will become more and more distant, and all your attempts to find out the reason for such drastic changes will be met with either ridicule or aggression. Then problems at work or business trips will become more frequent, and when making any decisions, your voice will lose power. Once you notice all this in your man, find the courage to admit that he probably cheated on you.
It is impossible to prepare for treason or betrayal, because for every person such sad news turns into a real tragedy, and we are not always able to survive it on our own. Of course, you can pour out your soul to your family or close friend, but they will never be able to objectively assess the situation, and besides, you don’t always want to dedicate such intimate secrets to your closest ones. Agree, you will be able to forgive and understand your loved one, and your loved ones will forever remember the pain that he caused you. Therefore, the best solution would be to find out the advice of a psychologist on issues of betrayal.
Before you ask for help, you should accept the fact that going to a specialist is not a panacea, and you can only help yourself. And the task of a psychologist is only to guide you in the right direction and make you understand that you are strong enough to cope with your experiences. The main recommendations are as follows.
The first thing to do is get ready. No, no one is saying that you shouldn’t cry or be offended. Cry, moreover, sob, you need to fully react to all the accumulated emotions. But you should not devote more than two days to this activity, otherwise you will simply “get the taste.” After the allotted time has passed, try to return to society and spend as much time as possible communicating. You should also not understand by communication as sitting with a cup of something hot or intoxicating, and throwing mud at the past or present. Go shopping, entertainment centers, theaters, the main thing is not to isolate yourself.
Consider a relationship problem as a reason to take care of yourself. Take a break from everyday problems and spend the time you have working out at the gym, going to a beauty salon or spa center. This will not only allow you to relax, but will also put you in proper shape. After all, stress has never transformed anyone, right?
It is very important not to get hung up on thoughts about how to live after your husband’s betrayal and divorce. At first, they will only aggravate your depression and prevent you from living in peace. At the very first memory or experience, try to switch and direct the mental flow in a completely different direction. At the same time, it is advisable not to drink alcoholic beverages at all, since under their influence you can either arrange a showdown with an unfaithful lover, or suffer even more and feel sorry for yourself. Agree, both options are not the most suitable.
It may seem like a paradox, but you need to stop being offended. Forgive and let go, and sincerely, without further plans of revenge or attempts to return. Just remember only the positive moments of your life together and be grateful to him for them. However, you should not go overboard with gratitude and friendliness; remember, you should never agree to an offer to be friends. Can a person who has lost your trust forever be a friend? Of course no. And he will be able to open your wounds, moreover, this is exactly what he will constantly do.
Thinking about how to continue to live after the betrayal of a loved one, we often become isolated and strive to be alone. You should not give in to such impulses under any circumstances. Throw out all CDs with sad films and dull music from your house. Go to a place where you will be surrounded by a lot of people. It doesn’t matter where: in shops, cinemas, even on public transport. Those around you simply will not let you get hung up on the thought of how to live after the betrayal of your beloved man, who until recently was an integral part of your life.
Female infidelity. How to survive it?
A woman has long ceased to be solely the keeper of the home, becoming a full-fledged participant in social and cultural life. However, very often men forget that, having placed on her fragile shoulders the same responsibilities as his own, he provided his companion with equal rights. As a result, cases of betrayal on the female side are becoming more and more frequent.
What should a man do in such a situation and what strategy of behavior should he choose? First of all, decide whether you want to maintain a relationship with her? If yes, then you should accept the fact that they will not have to be preserved, but revived, rebuilt from scratch. If you cannot bear to see a traitor next to you, and you are confident in your intention to break up, do not rush to drown the pain in alcohol. There is no truth in wine, and this is a proven fact. Analyze the reasons that could lead to the breakup, find those moments for which you are to blame. And start working, working on yourself, eradicating in yourself what caused betrayal on the part of your loved one. This is what will allow you to recover and start over from scratch.
The collapse of friendship, betrayal of a friend
Friendships play an important role in the life of every person. With whom, if not a friend or girlfriend, do we discuss and experience the most important moments? That’s why betrayal by someone so close is so painful. What to do in such a situation?
First, reconsider your relationship. Remember, were there any manifestations of insincerity before? Often, many people hide banal self-interest under friendly intentions, which sooner or later makes itself felt. If you did not notice such intentions on the part of your ex-friend, think carefully about whether you yourself could have provoked such an act? Agree, we all tend not to notice negative manifestations on our part.
Try to sincerely forgive the offender, believe me, you will immediately feel better. It may be that over time you will even be able to return to friendly relations. If possible, discuss the current situation directly with the culprit, because often what you took for a disaster turns out to be a simple misunderstanding, which can always be resolved through dialogue.
And most importantly, do not project your pain and resentment onto others. After all, if you were once hurt, this does not mean that everyone will do the same now. Continue to live, communicate with new people, and perhaps you will soon find a person who can become your true and loyal friend.
What is the most painful thing a person experiences? There can probably be many answers to this question - we are all very different. But nevertheless, few things cause such pain as someone close to you (or who seemed so for some time). Yes, yes, exactly a loved one, after all, everyone today is most likely familiar with such a common proverb: “They always betray their own.” Of course, our own - because how can strangers betray? We didn’t rely on them, we didn’t trust them, we didn’t reveal our heartfelt secrets, we didn’t think about them and ourselves as parts of a single whole.
And your own... How hard it can be when you are faced with deception on the part of someone whom you seemed to completely trust. Or you will find out that your friend is acting in concert with your enemies against you. Or you suddenly find out that he is aiming for your place, intriguing, slandering, playing a dirty and dishonest game...
The point is not that “our own” has the ability to stab in the back - we rarely let strangers into the rear... It’s not that he can inflict maximum damage. Something else is much more important. It seems that the ground is disappearing from under your feet, it’s even becoming unclear how to live further if this is the case here...
“Do not trust in princes, in the sons of men, for in them there is no salvation” (Ps. 145:3). And again: “Cursed is everyone who trusts in man” (Jer. 17:5). And again: “It is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in man; it is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in princes” (Ps. 117:8-9).
But they had already hoped, they were already hopeful. And now they were not just disappointed, deceived, but precisely that they were subjected to a curse! And how to cope with the feelings that overwhelm us, how to heal heart wounds, how, ultimately, to forgive?! After all, the Lord definitely expects us to be reconciled internally - both with what happened and with people, so that there is no dejection, depression from what we have experienced, no embitterment, or bitterness left in us.
It seems to me that in such cases we almost always make the same mistake, which, of course, is based on our wrong attitude towards our “I”. Where does this feeling of betrayal come from? From there, it is likely that we previously believed that we were connected with a person by those relationships that imposed certain obligations on both us and him. But in fact, do we have the right to demand from him - another - the same thing that we demand from ourselves? From myself - please! But from the other - no. This is not a business, not a contractual relationship with signing a bunch of papers, stamps and seals. This is a living life in which we must act according to our Christian conscience and not be arbiters in relation to someone else’s conscience.
And why do we generally perceive what a person does as necessarily related to us? He, most likely, thinks about us least of all. He thinks about himself - about his circumstances, problems, interests, needs, and so on. He does not set himself the goal of betraying us, hurting us, annoying us, hurting us, he simply does what is most convenient and profitable for him, that’s all.
We are sad because we are experiencing how, uncomfortable in our souls... But it would be good to figure out why exactly. If because we were betrayed
,
they were not faithful to us
, that is, do we really have grounds to demand this loyalty and condemn the one in whom we did not find it? Perhaps not: people are not faithful to God, let alone us. If it’s bitter because we were deceived in a person, thought about him better than he turned out to be, and now we recognize him and seem to have lost him, then well... He is free to be what he wants, and we can only step aside, but again - without judging.
Is it difficult? That's not the right word! So much so that it’s rare that you can immediately set yourself up and act like that. It is difficult, but possible - with the help of the One who so often forgives genuine betrayal and apostasy, including ours. And if we do not deliberately etch the wound in the heart, do not turn it into a slowly, painfully corroding ulcer, but resort to an infinite number of times the Betrayed and Abandoned, but not Betraying or Forsaking anyone, then He, of course, will teach us how to troubles and sorrows to benefit your soul. And more than that - how to get closer to Him through this, to become at least a little similar, at least a little closer...
Unfortunately, no person can be immune from betrayal, no matter how much he loves and values those who decided to take such a step. For the first time after this, it begins to seem as if someone has pulled the rug out from under your feet and life will never be the same. Indeed, if the traitor was very close to you, then his act cannot but affect you - now, most likely, you will be more suspicious and withdrawn. However, you must understand that one day the pain of betrayal will subside, turning into only an experience from which you can learn some lessons.
