How young people want to think when they get married that it is forever. If, in addition to the legal marriage, the newlyweds get married, then they make a vow before God that they will be together forever and nothing will separate them. But, unfortunately, we are all human, and we are in a bad mood. If spouses see nothing but home and work, then they get tired of their shared society. In this case, you should rest separately and devote time to yourself.
Dependence on something
Instead of truly stating "I'm sorry," they often say some variation of "I'm sorry, but" or "I'm sorry if you were offended." But he undermines the apology by immediately retconning the crime and ostracizing his Democratic rival Hillary Clinton and her former president husband.
Candidate Clinton also had difficulty expressing genuine regrets about some of her statements, such as when she did more than just regret calling half of Trump's supporters "deplorable." Instead, she simply expressed regret that she had been "grossly generalized" in the way she described the American electorate she chose to offend.
Often, when living together, people get tired of each other. Some say they lack freedom and air. This happens more often with men. Women even have maternal feelings towards their husbands - they want to please them.
Some people like it, but after a while, excessive care gets boring and begins to choke. The husband understands that his wife’s company irritates him. He wants to run away from her. Returning home becomes agony for him.
To varying degrees, many of us struggle with both the act and the concept of a sincere apology. Some people tend to express remorse for their actions, while others, usually women, are chronic redirectors, sometimes annoying people around them for apologizing for all sorts of things that are not their fault. In his new book, Why Don't You Apologize? Lerner draws on four decades of practice to help us better cope with the pain we have caused or received.
When each other is too much
We're all connected, we've all messed up, and we've all unwittingly hurt others the same way we've been hurt by them,” Lerner said. The need to give and receive apologies is with us until our very last breath. When done right, a good apology is deeply healing. When done incorrectly, it can jeopardize or even end the relationship.
Why did your wife become annoying?
Unfortunately, my husband can’t help himself. He loves his wife, but she also burdens him. There can be many reasons - from the wife’s behavior to the presence of a spouse’s mistress.
Causes of irritation
Let's look at the reasons for such drastic changes in the spouse's behavior.
1. The husband is tired of his wife’s attitude towards him.
How to avoid a crisis in the family
In the interview, she summarizes the key points she makes in her book about how to say "sorry" and what it means.
Lerner suggests that most people mean well, but some don't know how to properly apologize. In addition to the aforementioned "I'm sorry you were offended," they can also slip into "but" as in "Sorry, but." In these cases, the offender is not focusing on where he should be: with his actions and the harm he causes. Instead, she offers excuses, minimizing the damage or blaming the patient for being too sensitive, not tough enough, or lacking a sense of humor.
She either cares too much about him, or, on the contrary, forgets. Also, the reason may be the constant complaints of the other half about everyday life, about children, about the fact that her husband earns little money and she has to constantly save.
2. Addiction to something
My intention was not to offend anyone. Another bad apology occurs when the offender expects her apology to be an "automatic ticket" to forgiveness and redemption, pushing the offended person to overcome their hurt feelings before they are ready.
Finally, there is the “intrusive apology.” Lerner recalled a client, Selina, who understandably cut off contact with his friend Lisa after learning that Lisa had slept with her husband. A few years later, Lisa, while working on her program Alcoholics Anonymous 2, received Selina's phone number and left her a voicemail. When Lisa didn't hear from Selina, she left another voicemail and then wrote a letter. Lerner says someone in Lisa's situation needs to find their own way to forgive themselves without second-guessing their former friend.
It can be computer, alcohol, from machines, from friends. A woman does not like that a man brings money to someone other than his family. He spends little time at home and brings in less money. His wife starts nagging him.
3. Mistress
The husband has another woman, he forgets about his legal wife, everything about her begins to irritate him. He compares him to his mistress and understands that his wife has many shortcomings.
At a recent breakfast, Lerner's friend kept apologizing—sorry about how she bumped into another friend on her way to their table, regretting that she sat by the window too quickly, and regretting that she accidentally grabbed someone else's menu. Lerner didn't think her friend was being polite, just annoying, especially since everyone else felt the need to reassure her, they weren't offended.
But in any case, it can be caused by low self-esteem, an excessive desire to please, or fear of disapproval. Whatever the reason, Lerner says people need to tone it down. Research shows that more men than women squint when apologizing, and that's because men are still raised to see it as a sign of weakness, Lerner said. It gives a person a superior advantage,” Lerner quotes the man telling her. And once you let your guard down, another person can take advantage of you.
4. Work
The husband is annoyed that he disappears at work and is tired, while the wife does not work and sits with the children, constantly spending money.
5. Temporary reason is wife’s pregnancy
Many people know that a pregnant woman’s preferences are strange. At 2 a.m. in winter, she might want fresh strawberries. Drastic changes in attitude. This kind of behavior from a husband can begin to irritate him over time.
Often people don't get the apology they feel they deserve because they contributed, unwittingly or not, to the problem. Lerner said people will not apologize if they are forced to accept more than their fair share of blame.
In addition to owning your part in any conflict, you must stick to the facts when telling someone how they hurt you. Lerner said that even a slight exaggeration of what happened will raise the other person's defensiveness. When it comes to serious injury or betrayal—like a spouse cheating on her partner—“a true apology is a long-distance run,” she said. It starts with “Sorry,” but it doesn’t end there.
How to improve your relationship with your wife
1. A man should try to understand first which of the reasons crept into their relationship. Discuss the brewing quarrel with your spouse and decide how to overcome this difficult stage.
2.
Notice everything she does good - praise her, give her compliments, give her gifts.
The offender needs to sit in the hot seat for a long time and put aside his defensiveness and periodically listen to what he probably does not want to hear. Just saying "I'm sorry" won't help the other person feel secure in the relationship again, Lerner said.
More than anything, the hurting party wants to know that we truly “get it,” that our empathy and remorse are deeply felt, that we bear whatever pain we caused, and that there will be no repetition, she said. Lerner said people often don't understand the purpose of forgiveness in personal healing or reconciling disputes. And there are some situations, like the aforementioned Selina, where it is not necessary or even desirable to forgive.
3.
Don't isolate yourself. If there is a problem, share with your companion. Who else but she will help you?
After all, you once married her and were happy with her. Crises happen in all families, but you should not be afraid of them. They need to be resolved.
My husband is annoying: what to do - important tips
Lena
In a marriage, each partner cannot regularly experience only boundless happiness, love, gratitude and joy. All sorts of illnesses, stressful repairs, nervous visits from relatives, issues of upbringing provoke splits between spouses, which sometimes go beyond spending the night in separate beds for one day.
If you notice that you are experiencing negative emotions towards your husband, in particular if your husband annoys you, then this is a signal of large hidden problems in the relationship that should be resolved immediately. Irritation acts destructively, killing admiration for your spouse, respect for him, pride in his actions, love for his human qualities. Perhaps his new habits or emerging negative character traits have created a gap in the relationship, so you should not ignore the problem - we fight irritation and enjoy spending time with our loved one.
According to statistics, 80% of women can confidently say that if they returned to the past, they would never marry their current spouse, while the reasons for irritation for the majority are identical, which is what I want to consider in the article. So, why might our husbands annoy us?
1. My husband is a pig and a lazy person.
This is exactly how my sister described her husband, telling me recently how much her husband infuriates her, and she doesn’t know what to do. A similar problem was discovered by an old friend who was cheating on her spouse due to changes in his behavior after marriage. Yes, when we meet a guy, he goes out of his way to please us - flowers, sweets, walks, perfume, push back a chair, take off his coat, warm his hands in winter, fix a closet door. And, of course, the rules of etiquette - our dandy came on a date in full dress, smelling of perfume and aftershave, with polished shoes, and when he eats, he uses cutlery and drinks in careful sips. As if with the wave of a wand, in marriage our prince is transformed and turns into a big “pumpkin” - he doesn’t clean up after himself, doesn’t touch dirty dishes, hangs garlands of socks and clothes.
Solution:
Often men's selfishness and inability are the work of their restless and caring mothers, who allowed their son any whim, turned a blind eye to all these “sock” little things, because a woman is called to serve her man. A husband who has absorbed such treatment since childhood is unlikely to change, so do not try to re-educate him. You can try to fight, but gradually teach order and usefulness, for example, asking to wash the dishes on the weekend, take out the trash on the way to work, or keep an eye on the porridge on the stove while you are in the bathroom. If you season your request with words of gratitude and compliments, the man will literally blossom from the benefits and begin to take the initiative. And when he helps you around the house properly for the first time, he will begin to appreciate your work and will no longer just leave a tea bag on the white set.
2. Everyday romance in a man's way.
Literally every second man in a marriage begins to behave questionably, his manners literally evaporate. Sometimes I am surprised that my husband once ate fish on dates using a knife, and always carried a handkerchief in his shirt pocket. At home, this neat guy disregarded all the rules of decency, turning into a real prehistoric Ramapithecus. But I was lucky, as it turned out. Friends complained that their precious specimens were burping, slurping and farting all over the house, without the slightest bit of embarrassment. The lexicon began to swarm with dissonant curses, now you can not hide your friends, and invite drunks and prisoners to the hearth, the songs in the apartment are selected accordingly - one chanson or rap about weed. Where does this behavior come from? As a rule, people from intelligent families become so brutal, where the mother kept order, tucked napkins into the collar for dinner and forbade even saying the word “damn” - so the poor husband decided to “break away” at least in his own family. There is another theory - the husband’s daddy was an authoritative example for his son, making dubious sounds, shouting curses, eating with his hands at the table.
Solution
: here it is difficult to find a way out of the situation, because bad habits are so difficult to give up, especially when there are no compelling reasons for it (the argument “I feel unpleasant” is not authoritative for the husband). Unfortunately, if you happen to fall in love with such a brutal man and not notice his habits in the early stages, you will have to fight only by talking, otherwise irritation will seethe in you more and more every day, and any pure and gallant handsome man will persuade you to adultery. Press on the fact that your husband’s behavior is so repulsive that your sexual desire has begun to disappear (this will affect their natural “machismo”). Tell them that you envy your friends and their well-groomed, polite men, and that you did not marry such a man. If it doesn’t help, think about how you can continue to live with such an aborigine?
3. Regular forgetfulness.
This irritates me in any people, and especially in my beloved husband, because it hurts that such a close person is not able to remember something for the sake of my peace of mind. Unfortunately, it is such a feature of the male mind that he selectively remembers only things that are necessary and interesting to him - the score of a football match 5 years ago, the name of his favorite porn actress, the release date of a blockbuster.
Solution:
I struggled, cried, suffered for the first months until I left to live with my mother. And then I reconsidered the situation and realized that my husband has too many other positive character traits, so I am ready to forgive forgetfulness. It is impossible to force someone to remember if a person does not want it; memory is short-term. If I need to buy something, I put the list next to his phone, write down the day’s tasks on the refrigerator and send a follow-up email to him at work. It’s much easier to remind a couple of times a day than to waste the same time on frayed nerves.
4. He devotes more time to himself than to his family.
This is the kind of hubby my sister got - childhood has not gone away, so the husband sits behind “shooters” on the computer and in the company of friends with beer. And they, by the way, have two children with whom they need to learn lessons and carry out educational measures. And the wife is young and beautiful, she wants attention, sex in the end, why not get irritated here!
Solution:
to involve your husband in family events, recreate for him an atmosphere of unobtrusiveness, relaxation, relaxation and lightness. Many girls are to blame themselves, believing that spending time with family means speaking English with a child, helping with making puree, or fixing a clogged disk on the computer. Men, being morally weak creatures, run as fast as they can from these problems. Our breadwinner comes home from work, where his nerves were exhausted, and he does not want to continue to “serve” in his home. If you want him to be with you, set the table with his favorite dishes, put on a sexy dress, turn on your favorite movie. Do you want to play with children? Gather the family for a picnic, grab chips, pizza, adult beer and play active games. Sending your husband to push a child in a stroller does not introduce him to fatherhood, believe me.
Most of the reasons why our husbands irritate us come from ourselves - either we unconsciously choose “damaged goods” at the beginning of the relationship, stubbornly not noticing the shortcomings, or we indulge them in the first years of marriage, allowing our husband to do what he wants, or we jumped irritably completely unfairly (perhaps hormones - sometimes the husband gets annoying during pregnancy). In fact, everything can be solved; it is important to identify the cause and begin to eliminate, rather than tolerate, the object of irritation nearby.
Why is my wife annoying?
Men have a lot of claims against women, often contradictory and ambiguous. But a particular man usually has one main complaint about a particular woman and a couple of minor ones. It is quite easy for a woman to identify them and take measures to eliminate them or at least correct them, if, of course, she wants to save the marriage.
Here are 10 things to keep in mind if you're trying to find change and peace in your relationship. The first thing to do is find the reason. - Carefully observe the last defensive situation you had with your partner and take note of what happened. Just like now, without emotion, write line by line and see if you can find out what stimulated your partner's defensiveness. Question: Has your partner made bad economic decisions in the past and your conversations revolved around money?
Is there a defensive attitude emerging around this issue? But if it doesn't work, it could be a serious problem. In the meantime, you can only control your reactions to this defensiveness, and calmly asking questions can help this person discover the source of their defensive attitude. You could say something like: What did you hear that made you respond the way you did? Where was the tone that you responded to? What part of the conversation was the most annoying for you? By speaking calmly, you can help the person go deeper into their consciousness.
Men most often complain about the following things:
husband gets annoyed at everything
Hello girls everyone! Please help, maybe someone has encountered something similar, no one in the family, although my mother has 4 children and two sisters with children, this has never happened, they don’t understand me. Insomnia has started, which has been tormenting me for a month now, my milk has disappeared due to my nerves, and I’m still worried about this now. The pregnant woman was full of energy, she walked the dog right up to the birth, and she always wanted to arrange something in the house, especially for the baby. It all started with the fact that labor did not occur. They put me in prenatal care, stimulated me with pills for 2 days, I had pain at night, but I still slept. The birth was very difficult, I thought I would die, but in fact the worst thing, as it turned out, lay ahead. In the maternity hospital, the child was very restless, woke up every hour and was very loud, had to be rocked to sleep for a long time, constantly cried, mourning her previous life. Upon returning home there was such joy from home. The child, again, was restless, but I fed him and then passed out, although I managed to sleep for 4 hours at best, I could never sleep during the day. I cried constantly and felt sorry for myself. And just as I began to somehow get used to it and love for the child appeared, my husband fell ill. I spent the night alone with the child in the room and during the day only my husband was afraid to come near him, and one night after feeding I could no longer sleep. The next day I was afraid that I wouldn’t fall asleep and of course I didn’t fall asleep, I was so panicked I thought I was going to die, I had a terrible headache and I was shaking all over. The neurologist prescribed Phenibut and if I didn’t sleep before Donormil, in the end I could only sleep with Donormil and then slept as if in some kind of delirium. Then I went to a psychiatrist and prescribed phenozepam. I slept with him, but now the dream has disappeared again. And everything started to irritate the dog, the fact that my husband was sleeping and I couldn’t, and the apartment was already starting to irritate me, although I used to love it so much, making plans for how I’d get out of maternity leave and what else we’d finish. Now I don’t want anything, I can’t relax, I watch the film without getting into it, also with people and music, a constant feeling of anxiety. It’s just like evening and getting ready to go. Although I like to put the child to bed, I iron things so that they are warm, diapers. I always dress him in clean and ironed clothes. And he began to settle down easily at night, after bathing and feeding he sleeps from 21:30 until about 4 in the morning! At night, after eating, I stroke his head and he falls asleep for another 7 39, as if he was telling me: get some sleep, mom. But I can not
