How to Leave Jealousy Behind in a Friendship

There are several views on the roots of this feeling. Poets and prose writers described jealousy as “the base companion of true love,” thereby insisting on the absolute naturalness of the feeling.

Psychiatrists say that jealousy originated in primitive times - a kind of defense mechanism: men went on long hunts, women remained “on the farm.” Both of them risked finding new lovers in separation, which means remaining abandoned or raising someone else’s offspring, as a result, a behavioral reaction was developed: in the event of a potential threat, people are aggressive and belligerent towards both the object of love and the one who could bring this unity of hearts would interfere.

Psychologists, as in the case of most other feelings and emotions, see the origins of jealousy in our past, acquired experience and conclusions drawn from certain life conflicts.

However, no matter how you look at it, the fact still remains: in society, jealousy is considered something indecent, shameful and unacceptable. Yes, and doctors are unanimous in the opinion that “all diseases are from nerves” and jealousy is, perhaps, one of the most destructive and destructive feelings in this aspect .

So you definitely need to fight jealousy! Moreover, it is quite possible to get rid of it forever and for all reasons!

Causes of jealousy

I looked for the topic and couldn't find it. Anyway. I have my own view on this “phenomenon”. It seems to me that friendship does not exist, but some friendly relationships are possible. As long as they don’t transform into something more... And about my friend... Eh.. no, I won’t talk to her, she won’t understand. and this conversation won’t be of any use; they won’t communicate less anyway. I tried to tell him about my jealousy, but I didn’t talk about my friend. However, he thought about her, but didn’t seem to tell her about it. He assured me that he only loved me. I want to believe, but something inside me doesn’t give me peace(

Quote(Poison @ 28.6.2010, 22:28)

I looked for the topic and couldn't find it.

Quote(Poison @ 26.6.2010, 11:35)

I don’t think that I will now describe some new situation, I just have a friend, she communicates with my boyfriend. It seems like it’s just friendly, but it seems to me that they spend too much time on each other, although I trust them both, but still... jealousy sometimes wakes up, what do you think? This is fine? is everyone like this? Or am I already inventing a problem for myself?

I have a similar situation, only on the contrary... I have a friend, she is a young man and he somehow reacts very actively to me, and she is jealous!!!

It’s normal that you are jealous, but jealousy is not confidence in your partner... but does your friend have a boyfriend?! if there is, you will become friends with him and look at her reaction!!!

Quote(pimpochka @ 6.7.2010, 11:56)

does your friend have a boyfriend?! if there is, you will become friends with him and look at her reaction!!!

girlfriend doesn't have a boyfriend

So, this question raises serious suspicions for you. And, accordingly, jealousy. In a good way, for the sake of his own peace of mind, a man should at least once arrange a “meeting on the Elbe” in order to dispel all your doubts, but this just doesn’t happen.

And so you think for a long time and painfully: why is he hiding his girlfriend?

And at some point you understand - you need to do something? But what? First of all, no ultimatums. You are a wise woman, and men, for the most part, are often like children. Therefore, try to calm down and look at the situation soberly.

What is jealousy and how to stop being jealous of a guy - recommendations

Jealousy is an emotional state filled with claims and dissatisfaction with the person for whom you have intimate feelings, a reluctance to share him with someone or something, a constant thirst for control over the emotions, feelings and life of your chosen one.

Sometimes jealousy and love live side by side and reinforce each other, which can lead to mutual destruction and severe mental trauma. Jealousy in women arises from constant comparison of themselves with the previous companions of their chosen one, they say, what if I’m worse than them, or he still loves his ex.

How to stop being jealous of your boyfriend:

First of all, understand that a sense of possessiveness is inherent in each of us. This is not a pathology of the soul or a disease. However, it is very difficult to overcome this condition and living with it means making yourself unhappy;

Try to calmly discuss with your man the reasons for your concern without personal insults. Explain to him why this makes you uncomfortable. Don't make him justify himself for every little thing. Give him the opportunity to speak to the end. If this person is dear to you, try to speak delicately to him;

Start trusting your boyfriend, especially if he has not given you any reason to think that he is deceiving you and has not acted treacherously towards you before. Trust is the building block of stable and strong relationships. Make the trust mutual, because he trusts you;

You should not control his life with phone calls and letters. This is unnecessary and can only irritate your loved one, sometimes putting him in an awkward situation in front of colleagues and friends;

So that there is no room for jealousy, start your own life. Try to be independent from your chosen one. Leisure, hobbies and communication with new people will bring a stream of diversity into your life, and it will not be focused only on everyday life and your relationships.

The Nature of Friendly Jealousy

The closeness of best friends is a very valuable gift that should be appreciated. In such sincere relationships, girls share secrets, spend free time together, and support each other in difficult times.

The importance of friendship is confirmed by the fact of jealousy. This sensory-emotional state manifests itself when a person is afraid of losing or loses an emotional connection with a significant person.

Often jealousy is born in one of the girls in the following situations:

• a friend starts new friendships with a third girl,
• she gets a young man.

In situations with a guy, jealousy is often a product of envy. While there was no young man, everything was fine in the relationship. But after meeting him, a negative feeling developed. In such a situation, the jealous person thinks as follows: she has a boyfriend, but I don’t, but she’s no better than me. The friend’s happiness hurts the girl and makes her suffer.

In addition to envy, the reasons for jealousy towards a friend include the following aspects:

• fear. Over time, love relationships will completely replace girlish friendships. The jealous woman will remain alone. Shy and reserved girls are often dominated by a feeling of fear of being alone,
• sense of ownership. Your friend's attention should belong only to you, as it was before,
• selfishness,
• self-esteem. Inflated self-esteem creates the idea that a friend can only communicate with you. Low self-esteem gives rise to feelings of guilt, a feeling of unworthiness of one’s presence nearby,
• excessive demands on friendships. The misconception of friendship as an obligation that limits communication with other people.

Often your best friend's jealousy is directed at you. This happens when a guy appears in life or active communication with another interesting friend.

The reasons for jealousy are clear - the girl is afraid of losing a close friend, cannot overcome selfishness, and during friendly communication she has developed strong possessive feelings.

Signs of such jealousy:

• there is resentment for spending time in the company of other people,
• in conversations, a friend unobtrusively tries to instill doubts about the sincerity of a guy or another friend,
• quarrels often start over trifles,
• Accusations of betrayal slip through conversations,
• my friend is constantly depressed.

How to stop a guy being jealous of his ex

Jealousy is not a positive feeling, which can sometimes destroy relationships and lead to divorce of spouses. Sometimes jealousy in certain doses can rekindle the fading love between spouses. But in general, jealousy is the lot of weak and insecure individuals, as well as those who doubt their partner’s fidelity.

If you notice that you are jealous of your man for his ex-girlfriend, since he remembers her quite often in his stories, then first of all you need to take control of your emotions. First, take a closer look at your loved one. If he remembers his ex with tenderness and sadness, then that’s one thing. But he can also talk about it as an element of his past life. Then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Each person has his own past, without which there is no future.

If your chosen one truly misses his ex, then you need to think about why. No need to get excited. Firstly, do not doubt yourself, your beauty, erudition, or the fidelity of your man. If he is with you, then you attracted him with something. Maybe you have unique qualities of empathy and support for people or other qualities that his ex didn't have. He will hide a lot in order to avoid disputes with you at home.

Jealousy is expressed in the fear of losing a partner and losing power over him. Many women are afraid that their husband will return to his ex. This fear is most often justified by dependence on your loved one in a material and spiritual sense.

But if you find yourself a hobby, passion, express your creative endeavors, find a job or part-time job you like, then you simply won’t have time to be jealous of his ex, beat yourself up and speculate on something. These actions should increase your self-confidence so that you become relevant at work and as a person.

If you feel that your jealousy is crossing all boundaries, then you need to seek help from a specialist, and not fight it alone. Moreover, more often than not, female jealousy has no basis and is caused solely by attachment to a partner and fear that he might be interested in someone else besides you. This can have a detrimental effect on your relationship with a man.

How to stop being jealous of your boyfriend and husband towards other girls

Not every woman admits to herself, and even more so to a man, that she is jealous of him. She can throw a guy tantrums day after day with or without cause, but she is not able to honestly admit that all this is connected with banal jealousy. There is a reasonable explanation for all this. Some ladies simply do not consider it necessary to talk about their feelings. And some experience great fear because:

• A woman is ashamed to admit her jealousy, both to others and to herself;
• The girl is afraid of appearing weak to herself and others;
• A woman is afraid to admit her insecurity.

But it is possible and even necessary to talk about this feeling.

Hints and bursts of aggression, which many women use to convey their jealousy to a man, do not always work. The guy may simply not understand what is happening and what he is doing wrong. And sometimes a man can perceive such feelings as a cunning female game. In this case, he will deliberately provoke and provoke the woman, not realizing that he is causing her real pain.

It is important for a woman to explain to a man in a timely manner, and most importantly, correctly, that she is very jealous of him. Try to tell your lover about your feelings, about how you are worried when he looks at or flirts with other girls. A woman should not be afraid to admit that she is afraid of losing her lover. During this conversation, a woman should avoid:

• Tears. Women's tears usually prevent men from correctly perceiving information. As soon as the lady begins to cry and tear out her hair, the man awakens to a feeling of pity, and all the words spoken at this time go into emptiness.
• Krikov. By raising her tone, the woman will force the guy to take a defensive position. Most likely, such a conversation will end in a serious scandal, but will not lead to the desired results.
• Reproaches. This is also not the best way to convey important information to a man. Perhaps, with her accusations, the woman will be able to force the guy to admit his guilt and even apologize, but in the future it is unlikely to bring the desired results.

When explaining to a man that you are being “eaten up” by jealousy, you need to build the dialogue correctly:

• Choose a time. You should not start a serious conversation about the jealousy that you experience while walking or in the presence of strangers, such as friends or relatives. Do not start a conversation if you see that the man is tired, irritated, or anxious. It’s better to talk on a day off, when you both don’t have to rush anywhere.
• Tell him openly about what is bothering you. Do not speak in general phrases or veiled formulations. Just specifics. If you get jealous when he just looks at other girls, say so. If jealousy awakens in you when he allows himself something unnecessary, for example flirting, speak up too.
• Support your words with facts. Your tirade should not seem far-fetched, so you need to give specific examples; it was the guy who took liberties. At this point, be careful that the presentation of facts does not degenerate into reproaches.
• Give him a chance to explain himself. Be sure to listen carefully to the man's point of view. Don't interrupt him. Perhaps he will be able to convey information to you and explain his behavior. If his arguments are convincing, you will understand that all the worries and fears are not worth it.
• Challenge his statements. If you are not satisfied with the explanations, then calmly object to him and bring new arguments. It is important to stand your ground and not deviate from the course that was originally planned.
• Summarize. The dialogue must lead to some result, so tell your man what the consequences will be if nothing changes in your relationship. Please note that this should not feel like blackmail. But you must convey to him that your relationship may end if he is constantly very jealous, or when you get tired of being jealous, living in stress.

A woman must carefully prepare for the conversation that has been planned. The more convincing the arguments and clearer the reasoning, the better. After the conversation takes place, the woman can only observe whether anything has changed in her partner’s behavior. If yes, then she succeeded in achieving her goal. If he continues to behave as before, then perhaps there is a need to repeat the conversation, choosing different wording. In the case where the man was not affected by either the first or subsequent conversations, the woman will have only three options:

• Resign yourself and leave everything in its place. He will behave as before, and the woman will continue to be jealous, slowly “killing” the relationship. Here you need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship will end on its own anyway.
• Try to change yourself. As they say, you cannot change the situation, you need to change your attitude towards it. If a guy is “impenetrable,” then maybe it’s time for a woman to learn to take things a little easier.
• Break up with him. Sometimes relationships aren't worth saving. It may not be about the woman or her jealousy, but about a particular guy. Perhaps, by starting to date other young people, a woman will be able to increase her self-esteem, rid herself of fears, and you will become truly loved.

How to stop being jealous: advice from a psychologist

How to stop being jealous, answers Elena Poryvaeva, psychologist:

Are you asking how to get rid of jealousy? But maybe you just have a desire to command. And you will invent a reason for jealousy in order to force him to make excuses for something that never happened. After all, there was another woman after you broke up, and then he still came back to you!

So if you want to live happily with your husband, get, for example, a dog so that you have someone to command besides your spouse. And if you need to turn your husband around and force him to give you an account of everything, then take note that you can hardly expect a long, happy family life here!

“How can I stop my boyfriend being jealous of his ex-girlfriend? They have a fairly warm relationship, they regularly call each other and sometimes meet in a friendly manner. If I am openly and hostilely jealous, he will simply communicate with her quietly, hide it, I think. I don't consider myself worse than her, but. How to behave correctly, please advise! And how to distract yourself without tormenting yourself? Victoria Panko."

How not to be jealous of your boyfriend’s ex, answers Elena Poryvaeva, psychologist:

Well, why do you need to be jealous right away? You definitely shouldn’t be jealous of your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, but you have the right to ask some questions and get answers to them.

Well, if your boyfriend considers your friendly communication with the man with whom you had an affair before him normal, then. Either he decided long ago that everything was not in your favor (and will even be glad if you give him a reason), or. Look, doesn’t his back itch? Maybe the wings are already emerging. Maybe he really thinks that his relationship with his ex is friendly. But I wouldn’t be particularly mistaken about her.

And in general, about the guy too. You can communicate with your ex without fighting and mutual accusations, you can even smile sweetly at each other during random meetings. But if the sensual relationship is completely completed, then the communication will be absolutely formal, well, there, hello, how are you.

How to stop being jealous of his past, answers Elena Poryvaeva, psychologist:

Secondly, even after registering a marriage, the person does not become your property! Moreover, with a trusting marital relationship, even what everyone had in the past becomes each other’s common business - only this is material for better mutual understanding, and not for jealousy.

Jealousy is inherent in every person, but if you do not get rid of it, then it becomes a burdensome burden. Sometimes this feeling negatively affects your health, forces you to take rash actions and simply interferes with your life. Girls begin to wonder how not to be jealous of a guy, tracking his every move and worrying that he doesn’t start hanging out with someone else. But how to overcome jealousy and live happily? First you need to understand yourself and find the real reason for this condition.

How to stop being jealous yourself

A disturbing state indicates problems in the personality of the jealous person. This situation, if not acted on, will lead to the loss of friendship.

Listen to the advice of psychologists, they will help you stop being jealous of your friend for another friend or boyfriend.

1. Admit there is a problem. It lies in you, not in your friend or boyfriend.
2. Analyze the situation. Understand that jealousy harms everyone, especially you. This feeling destroys relationships and spoils the mood. If your friend is truly dear to you, negative feelings need to be overcome.
3. Look at your friend through the eyes of your boyfriend or new friend. Highlight those features in her that attract other people. Develop these traits in yourself. Development and self-improvement are the best way to overcome jealousy.
4. Try to look at the situation through your friend's eyes. What prompted her to change her behavior? Could it be you? Your behavior may complicate her life (build a relationship with a guy). You need to understand that every person has the right to a personal life, in which there is no place even for close people. This is normal, you just need to accept this state of affairs.
5. Don't think about your friend who is hanging out with someone else. Find an interesting activity for yourself. Spend your free time on development rather than negative experiences.
6. Make a list of the positive and negative aspects of your friendship. Is this really that important to you? Often girls exaggerate the importance of friendship for a particular girl, succumbing to momentary emotions, resentment, and selfishness.
7. Try to reduce the number of meetings when a friend is with a guy. If jealousy is directed at another friend or company, try to start communicating with them as well. If you have common interests and there are no problems in communication, disturbing feelings will become less annoying.
8. Talk frankly with your friend, admit to her your worries.
9. Enjoy life, get over your shyness, make new acquaintances, expand your social connections.

Self-analysis: turn on your head

Girls determine all doubts about a guy themselves, depending on their character, desire to be together and their own attitude towards themselves.

1. Living in the past. Many representatives of the fair sex begin to compare their relationships with previous unsuccessful experiences. If a girl has already been betrayed before, she will also suspect the current guy of cheating. Here it is necessary to get rid of all the negative thoughts that constantly haunt you and overcome mistrust.

Mistrust. Suspicion is observed in almost all girls. If there are doubts about your appearance and success, then jealousy also takes place. In such a situation, grievances often arise for no apparent reason, so you need to learn to cope or get rid of your suspiciousness.

Unjustified expectations. Life is not a movie, but you still want romance and some unusual actions from your loved one. Basically, it’s not clear what you want, so communication with a guy has a negative connotation. He in no way corresponds to the image of a Don Juan and perhaps he gives his love to another. It is better to adequately assess reality, because no one is able to get a star from the sky or get rid of their friends in an instant. Therefore, you should not get stuck on the unattainable and stop being jealous of other girls.

Constant doubts. The cause of a jealous state is often a girl’s lack of confidence in her feelings. There is no need to keep a guy close to you unless he becomes part of the girl's life or she likes someone else. In order not to be left completely alone, you will have to make a choice.

• Waiting for an offer. A wedding celebration is the dream of almost all girls, which is not so easy to get rid of. But with the white dress, family life will begin with all the problems, housekeeping and children. How many are ready to give themselves up to a completely new family? On the other hand, a guy may not propose for certain reasons and not through another girl. You need to be a little more tolerant and learn to discuss everything with your significant other.

Test: threshold of jealousy.

Find out how jealous your wife is of others using the test below prepared by us. The result depends on honest answers.

1. Do you think that the wife should be under control?

2. Do you often spend leisure time together?

3. Do you think lying is the worst phenomenon in human life?

4. Does the number of ex-men your wife has directly affect your respect for her?

5. Have there been any girls who cheated on you?

6. Would you take revenge on everyone who once offended you? Only honestly!?

7. Was your first love at an early age and turned out to be unpromising?

8. Do you look at your wife’s gaze when a prominent man passes next to you?

9. At school, you studied almost perfectly in the first grades, but as you got older, your grades worsened?

10. Do you have your eye on young girls?

11. Do you regret that you didn’t meet your wife earlier, then a lot of things could have been different?

12. In your childhood, did your mother often leave home for a long time, without explaining where?

13. Do you often imagine your wife in bed with someone else?

14. Is a female social network account freely available to you?

15. Checking a woman's phone?

16. Was there a moment in your wife’s past when she was dragged into bed through naivety?

17. Do you feel resentment towards peers from the past that still persists to this day?

18. Do you prefer that she doesn’t wear much makeup?

19. Do you prohibit your wife from meeting her friends?

20. Do you often call to find out where your wife is?

If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

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External factors

To understand what worries you, you need to take a pen and a piece of paper. Next, you need to remember all the events that have happened over the past 3 months. How the communication went, how the young man behaved and was there any evidence of jealousy. Here are a few key points to pay special attention to.

1. Everything has changed. The girls are very worried that the relationship has changed, and now there are no those bright emotions and passions that were before. The loved one has become more restrained, and it is more difficult to overcome the strange feeling of betrayal. The main thing to remember here is that living together is not a permanent holiday. Over time, both partners settle down and the relationship moves to a new level. In this case, there is no point in being jealous.

There are fewer and fewer words about love. It is very difficult to find a guy who will talk about love day after day, especially since men tend to hide their feelings. If the other half constantly repeats that he cannot live without his beloved, then later his words simply will not be taken seriously. Why repeat what is already clear?

The guy moved away. Lately, has a young man shown less concern and spent more time without his girlfriend? He may have personal reasons for this, such as work, study or helping his family. Perhaps the jealousy here is unnecessary, and perceiving the situation less acutely will help get rid of it.

Gossip. There are many ill-wishers who will want to convince the girl that her lover is cheating. You need to treat all the information you hear adequately; you just need to learn to trust people, and especially those with whom you want to build a strong family. If doubts still prevail, then you will need to take a closer look at the guy’s behavior.

When it becomes clear what reasons caused jealousy, you need to start changing the situation or change yourself. But if there are no visible reasons, then you need to direct your energy to fight this feeling.

If a woman is jealous, it is unlikely that she will be able to completely get rid of this feeling. But it is in her power to treat jealousy consciously. To do this, first of all, she must:

Understand what jealousy is

Jealousy may have a real reason when it is caused by objective reasons. A woman knows for sure that her man is cheating on her with another woman, or even more than one, and does it regularly. And her jealousy already has many shades; anger, indignation, resentment, and disappointment are mixed in with it. The man probably guesses that she is suffering, that she is in pain, but this does not stop him.

This is the most understandable type of jealousy, when jealousy is natural and justified, but it is also the least common. In this case, a woman should think about what might be causing her man’s behavior and whether it makes sense to continue the relationship. Does she want to be with a person who will constantly provoke her and cause negative emotions in her? Will working on such relationships yield results? This situation requires a response.

More often, another type of jealousy occurs when it is not entirely clear whether there is a real reason for jealousy or whether it is far-fetched. For example, a woman came with her husband to a company where there were attractive unmarried women. After some time, she notices that her husband is talking enthusiastically with one of these women. Well, don't keep him on a leash!

Of course, every family has a different understanding of the boundaries of what is permitted. Some women will not attach any importance to this fact: the husband is not a prisoner, he has the right to communicate with whomever he wants. And here the relationship is built on trust. A woman of this type will probably come up and naturally join in the conversation.

Of course, in this situation it is difficult to answer unequivocally whether there is a reason for jealousy or not. It seems not, but at the same time there is. Here it is important that the man knows when to stop. If he meets another woman too often in a friendly manner, runs to solve some of her problems at the first call, and often talks about her, then there is still cause for concern.

Here it is worth asking yourself: does this situation threaten our relationship? Is this a real reason for jealousy? You need to honestly admit to yourself: yes, I am jealous. Psychologists advise saying these words many times - mentally or out loud where no one can hear them. This needs to be done with different intonations, imitating characters from funny cartoons.

You need to repeat it until it becomes funny. This will allow you to abstract yourself from the negative emotion that has captured and absorbed all your attention. Now you can ask yourself again: is there a specific reason for jealousy?

A wise woman differs from an infantile one in that she is responsible for her emotions and does not allow them to overwhelm her and make irreparable mistakes. In a fit of jealousy, it is easy to destroy a relationship, and, as they say, destroying is not building. Accusations and unjustified jealousy can only worsen the situation. A hysterical woman, shaking the nerves of both the man and herself, will only achieve that he really leaves, even if he had no intention of doing so before, to a place where they will be friendly and affectionate with him.

A jealous woman weakens her position, because she tacitly admits that her relationship with a man is not as strong as she would like, that she is worse than other women. And this already indicates her low self-esteem and she must work with this.

So, such a reason for jealousy is often invented by the woman herself. But inciting this feeling in oneself, spying on a man, making accusations, trying to extort a confession of treason from him only provokes him to give a real reason.

Along with jealousy, which may have at least some basis, there is also causeless female jealousy. Firstly, this is jealousy associated with some life periods or characteristics occurring in the female body. For example, during pregnancy, after childbirth, when, against the background of hormonal changes, a woman becomes vulnerable, easily excitable, and tearful. It seems to her that she has become unattractive, uninteresting, and her husband will leave for someone else - better. Psychologists advise not to get hung up on negative thoughts, not to forget about increasing self-esteem, self-development, then you won’t have to doubt yourself and your strengths. And a woman with high self-esteem will not let others, including her man, doubt this.

Women who consider themselves the center of the universe are prone to causeless jealousy. They are sensitive to any distraction of attention from them and directing it to someone else. And here psychologists recommend doing psychoanalysis or turning to a psychotherapist, because life in a state of constant jealousy is unbearable.

So, we figured out the reasons for our jealousy. What other first aid can you give yourself during the next attack?

Talk more with a man about your feelings

Therefore, it is so important not to harbor resentment, not to accumulate irritation, not to invent reasons for jealousy, but to find time and the right words to understand each other.

It will be easier for a woman to get rid of jealousy when she conducts introspection and understands its origins. Among many reasons, psychologists identify three:

1. Dislike. The woman is jealous because she lacked her father's love and attention. Now she wants to receive them in abundance from her man;
2. She copies her mother's behavior pattern. She saw how her mother treated her father, how she controlled him, threw tantrums and scenes of jealousy, and now she is trying to transfer this model to her relationships with men;
3. Fear of losing a man, becoming unnecessary to him. In this case, a woman needs to engage in self-development, work on self-esteem, a sense of self-worth, and her own image. And then she will no longer be afraid that she will be betrayed, abandoned, humiliated. She will become self-sufficient and self-confident, they will fight for her, they will want to spend time with her, they will look after her so that someone else does not take her away.