When you met your man, you probably knew that he had some kind of past. So why are you now wondering how to stop being jealous of his ex-wife? Didn't you love him the way he is now?
Of course, you don't want to share your loved one with anyone. This is an absolutely understandable and natural desire. But you should also take into account the fact that even if you really want to, you cannot change what happened in his life, therefore, to suffer from jealousy of a past life is simply stupid.
Ways to stop being jealous of your loved one!
- Are you jealous? - It's your own fault!
You yourself are to blame for everything! Is the guy cheating? - Leave the guy! Has the man gone on a spree? - Leave the man! It's a pity? - You will feel sorry for yourself when your psychological barrier is trampled by a cancerous tumor! Who will you be jealous of then? - If no one is around anymore...
Positive psychology comes to the rescue!
- This is the first thing to do!
Throw away, sweep away, throw away all the jealous negativity that interferes with your life!
- Renew yourself!
Change yourself and the world will change! Change your image, hobbies, what you did before... - cross it out and urgently find something new! Thank God that you live in the 21st century and there is plenty of new stuff!
- A new acquaintance will relieve the symptoms of jealousy!
Meet again! First, just get to know “just anyone” to distract attention from past feelings. Then find someone you don't need to be jealous of.
It's simple! No man - no jealousy!
What will the psychologist advise?
In order to eradicate strong unreasonable jealousy, you need to find an interesting activity for yourself that will help in this matter. It should bring pleasure and occupy free time. Next, it is important to be able to talk with your loved one and talk through all your experiences and anxieties. If you consider his behavior unacceptable, you need to talk about it, otherwise how else will he know why you are offended. Only through sincerity can you make your union stronger.
Trust is the key to success. By trusting each other, you don’t need to control every step of your other half. Give each other personal space. It’s not nice to constantly check your phone, correspondence, and contacts on social networks. A quarrel can arise out of nowhere.
To maintain a trusting relationship, all decisions must be made mutually. Ask for advice, let him delve into your feelings about this or that matter. Discuss weekends together, vacations, plans for the future.
What to do if you are not only jealous, but also in love?
- Reciprocity
Get yourself a man who will make your man jealous!
- Quarrels and showdowns will begin!
This is fine! This is how it should have happened, because your mutual jealousy caused a wave of indignation between your boyfriend and your wave of indignation! It turned out - Boom! Hit!
- Put the question squarely!
Either he stops being like that, or you break up!
Your loved one will definitely make a choice! And believe me, whatever it is, it will be good for you!
There is simply no other way! Everything else is a bluff!
If there is a justified feeling of jealousy
The psychologist's advice on how to stop being jealous of your husband, for the most part, consists of first understanding how justified this feeling is, what are the reasons and background for its occurrence. For example, if the thought appears that “I am very jealous of my husband” in the following situations:
- He flirts with girlfriends or acquaintances;
- Makes hints or outright compliments to someone other than his wife;
- Prefers not to report where he is going and can easily leave for the whole night;
- Regularly refuses intimacy;
- Hides phone conversations and correspondence too.
In such situations, an unpleasant feeling and suspicions can arise even in the most cold-blooded woman. The man behaves in such a way that every wife will have questions and concerns.
Of course, in such cases you shouldn’t pretend that everything is fine. This is, at a minimum, disrespect on his part. And we need to talk. But calmly, without screams and hysterics. And maybe during the conversation it turns out that he has good reasons for leaving at night (for example, it is work-related or he is helping one of his friends, but does not want you to worry).
He also needs to be told that you do not accept his open flirtation with other women. But there needs to be a fine line here. You shouldn't show your feelings openly. Despite the behavior of the faithful, you should not lose your dignity and descend to a showdown in front of strangers. When emotions subside, jealousy may be replaced by a feeling of shame.
In addition, the male psyche is designed in such a way that they do not like hysterics and scandals. It would be much better to talk calmly and put forward logical arguments.
How to learn not to be jealous?
Kolya very often says that he loves me and that he will never leave me. I kind of believe his words. But at the same time, it’s hard for me to believe in them. I don’t want to blame my mom, but she also added fuel to the fire with her conversation. She told me to be careful. Like, maybe Kolya will return to Tatyana (his ex-lady) after some time. I admitted and still admit that this could happen. They are connected by their daughter! A child is a very important person. For Nikolai - especially. I can see how much he loves her. And I understand the whole situation perfectly. But…. I'm terribly jealous of his ex.
So that I would stop being jealous of him, he took me with him!
We rode in the train as if on “volcanic expanses”. He saw, of course, how worried and worried I was. I tried to calm him down - no luck. My whole body was trembling with fear and with the understanding that I was formally taking my beloved to the one with whom he was before me.
So many thoughts flashed through my head that I was confused about where I started thinking and why. Saved the Internet on the mobile. Dissolving in it for a moment, I didn’t remember where we were going and why.
- In fact, he took me to another city to introduce me to his daughter!
And I didn't mind. But I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he would see the one he loved so much before...
He cut his wrists because of love, ran after her, did everything for her...
I love him as much as he loved her!
I won’t hide that I would also try to do something with myself if I felt that we were growing too far apart. Nightmare! You can't love a man like that! You can’t show that love is infinitely strong... But he seemed to have caught it. It’s good for him.
And I sit and I’m jealous, I stand and I’m jealous, I sleep and I’m jealous…. I'm always jealous of him. And to everyone! Especially to Tanya. I'm jealous in vain, maybe? Constant thoughts that he might, sooner or later, return to her, drive me to a state of madness.
By the way, I wrote down her number on my mobile phone. Even though I know that I will never call. It seems that I’m not stupid, and I seem to understand life quite well…. I realize that you can’t keep a man with jealousy, but I’m jealous all the same.
Is it stupid to waste time on jealousy?
I learned to be jealous... How can you learn not to be jealous? How to learn to trust?! Tired of myself. I'm confused, and I'm suffering like the last fool!
- He doesn’t pick up the phone – I start to worry.
- I hear extraneous rustling noises and I start thinking bad thoughts.
- If he says the wrong word, I’m fantasizing.
God, how can I live like this? I tried to “forget” all my feelings at once, to treat everything with indifference. As long as I talk and think about what I have planned, I am brave. When I want to check everything, he doesn’t care, as if he’s shying away from me. If I don’t change my attitude towards life, everyone will shy away from me!
Friends know...
You yourself understand that everyone has their own concerns. My problem is purely my problem. And so, being alone with her, I drive myself into a huge corner. From which, subsequently, I cannot find the strength to get out.
- He calls his daughter - I'm out.
- He writes her a message - the same condition.
- And just recently he called me by her name...
In those moments, I wanted not to live. I don’t know how I survived. Maybe it saved me that I was smoking through the window, drinking delicious champagne and he was nearby?
In his defense, he said: “I’m with you, not with her!”
Of course! But with the same success he can be with her if he wants! Will he want to?.. If I ask him, he will get angry. If I don’t ask, I’ll ask later, when a lot of painful things have accumulated. But we, as I remember, agreed that we would tell each other everything without delay.
Drink, perhaps, for courage, a couple or three glasses of aperitif... I'll ruin everything! You need to think soberly, and not with the brain of alcoholic drinks! Yeah, I say one thing and do something else. Oh, how wrong I am living! Everything needs to be fixed. And then, with my driven states and moods, the hour is uneven... In a word: the road to a psychiatric clinic is guaranteed for me if I don’t stop. Of course, I will try to avoid the psychiatrist, because I don’t need her. Yes, and I tell her: she has enough patients without my participation. We are not made for each other.
What impudence!
She asks Kolya to pay her a bill for some purchase. Very arrogant of her! I would go and earn money myself. Why does she involve him in her problems?
Habit is an acquired taste. If I were around, I would very quickly wean Tanya away from Kolka. I won’t divulge what methods, so as not to spoil the whole thrill if my plan is implemented!
His child will go to school soon. He wants to buy all school supplies for his daughter. Let him buy it! But don’t let this scoundrel take advantage of you!
Kolya is not an ATM!
She doesn't have the slightest right to extract money from him. She seems to have her own invented rights. She lives by them. Let him do it alone!
How to get rid of jealousy towards your ex - tips
It's been several years since he left his ex, but for you the relationship still resembles a threesome tango. She left for another city, he erased her phone number, but every now and then you come across evidence of her recent, as it seems to you, presence in your life.
Either an old photo forgotten in his album, or CDs given by her, or he suddenly remembers her, trying to give you a compliment. But the result is the opposite. And the further his former lover recedes into the past, the more acute the question sounds for you: how to get rid of your jealousy?
1.
If it becomes clear that a spark of slight jealousy no longer supports the flame of your love, but leads to destructive consequences, then it’s time to take urgent action. Jealousy, as psychologists say, is for the weak. To stop being jealous of your husband's ex-wife, try to overcome your weakness.
2.
Men, unlike women, live in the future, not the past, and are not prone to memories of former women. Of course, he unconsciously compares you with some of his exes, but you shouldn’t get hung up on this and, moreover, organize competitions with “ghosts” from the past.
However, if he increasingly remembers his ex-girlfriend in your presence, it is worth observing his emotions. If he is indifferent and talks about the former part of his past life, you should not be jealous. If you notice melancholy, also do not rush to suffer.
Think about what attracted him to you? What sets you apart from your loved one’s ex-girlfriend? Perhaps your loved one is going through a difficult period in his life. He's having problems at work and can't help but yearn for the old carefree times. Support him at this moment, and the ghost of past love will instantly dissolve.
3.
A good solution to the problem of jealousy towards your ex could be your new hobby. This is not about love on the side. Try to focus all your attention not only on your loved one; there are many ways around you to spend your time in an interesting and creative way.
Find a hobby, devote more time to your appearance and your health, your loved one will immediately notice how prettier you have become. Finally, just work harder. Admit to yourself honestly that your jealousy is largely due to your financial dependence on a man and the fear of being left without a livelihood.
To stop being jealous of your ex-wife, try to gain financial independence or at least find a new source of income other than your chosen one. Your self-esteem will immediately go up, and your spouse will look at you with different eyes.
As soon as you are in demand at work or in a public organization, the need for you and your loved one will immediately increase. You will now spend your free time together more often - and you will no longer have the time or desire to remember your ex and be jealous of her.
