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June 8, 2020 — No comments
If you have admitted to yourself that you are afraid of women, you are a brave person. If you are ready to deal with this fear, you are a real hero, and that’s good. Because in order to find out the truth about yourself, you need a fair amount of courage. So, let’s deal with the fear of women using systemic knowledge about our own unconscious.
Why women are scary and dangerous
The times of the Holy Inquisition have passed; a woman has long ceased to be “a fiend of hell and a source of evil.” “Witch” is practically a compliment. It's been a long time since people have burned red-haired people, independent people, or beautiful people at the stake.
But why is there still a fear of women? What is his nature and how to stop being afraid of them, women?
To see a woman as a dangerous enemy, it is not necessary to absorb all the negative experiences of humanity; it is enough to have your own personal trauma. Anyone can be afraid of women, even their favorite and hero. For example, the hero of Jack London - the legend of Alaska and the involuntary conqueror of women's hearts Elam Harnish - was not afraid of anything except women and their love.
First love - joy or pain?
Ceasing to be children, teenagers group into flocks. Boys strive to prove themselves, to win their place in the hierarchy, just as an adult has to do. The girls hover around, looking for a feeling of security and safety outside the home for the first time. When young people get married, girls strive to please, laughing boisterously at the jokes of the boy they like. Or over the boy himself, who opened his soul, breaking his faith in himself and in love. If ridicule of love occurs in public and shame also becomes public, then the depth of the trauma intensifies many times over. The young man is experiencing a real breakdown: in addition to the fact that the greatest and purest thing that he strives to give away is devalued, he is also demoted in rank. And ranking, as well as developing the skill of giving, is the most important task during this period.
The psyche protects us by displacing the most painful experiences into the unconscious. We may not consciously remember the episode we experienced, but since our life is still guided by the unconscious, this trauma, against our will, writes the script of life. How to stop being afraid of women if you have experienced great pain? One time is enough, if it is the first, to hang an impossible anchor on the most masculine of masculine actions. A person simply cannot be fulfilled in a relationship. How to give if this giving is associated with pain?
Fear of women and, if there is an anal vector, also resentment towards them will prevent the creation of a happy, inspiring relationship with a suitable woman. Problems will most likely appear in the very first stages of interaction - starting with choosing a person and getting to know each other. Where can a man get fuel for achievements if he is deprived of inspiration?
In women's hands is a man's present and his future. A woman is a stimulus for growth, she is a source of inspiration, she is a successor of his genes into the future.
What if he rejects you? Woman attracted
Whether a man understands it or not, the strongest desire that cements his entire psyche together is “I want a woman.” Social achievements, discoveries and inventions are made in her name and for her. Even a very talented and energetic man without a muse will, at best, work only half-heartedly. He will not be able to reach the limit without her presence in life - an inspiration and comforter.
A woman, in the same way, cannot achieve her maximum potential without him - a protector, support and support. He will not be able to fulfill his main desire - to have children. She will not be truly happy, since nature intended for us to live in pairs. And any single woman is automatically in active search. How does she implement this? Unconsciously - through smell. She emits pheromones signaling that there is a mate request. It is this smell that makes a man feel feminine attractiveness.
And so the brave knight, seeing the beautiful stranger, slams on the brakes, turns his horse around and, straightening his shoulders, rides up to her. From now on, everything is in the hands of two. Or rather, in their heads. Nature has done its job - it has brought together a potentially suitable man and woman. What happens next depends, of course, on both, but again, mostly on the woman.
If she rejects him, then in a sense it is akin to death. The chosen one does not accept his return, does not give him a chance to succeed with her as a man. That is, give her protection, security, offspring, pleasure. Why not"?
Will it or won't it? Woman chooses
The idea of the danger of beautiful women has developed largely thanks to skin-visual women with a negative butterfly script. The butterfly attracts, that is, it calls and beckons, and then refuses. Moreover, it attracts not in some figurative sense, but in the most literal sense: a man picks up pheromones that a woman emits sincerely, although without intent, right and left. Breaking hearts one after another, such a girl herself suffers from loneliness and unfulfillment, occasionally filling with insignificant satisfaction from her attractiveness.
It’s not just beauties with a negative scenario who refuse. A woman can simply be demanding and, in accordance with her natural task, rationally choose someone who will become a reliable protector and a good father. That is, she unconsciously reads a man’s potential - the higher he is, the more attractive he is to her.
A strange, but interesting and mysterious woman with a sound vector can both attract and repel. With her head in the clouds, she remains a woman, often an attractive woman. But if a man does not share her strangeness and depth, that is, is not the same sound, she may simply not notice a worthy person in every sense. If her high needs for knowledge of herself and the universe are not fulfilled, then she does not see anyone at all but herself. Such a woman often does not understand what she wants. A man next to such a woman is naturally lost. What can he give her?
Uncertainty
When there is no practice, uncertainty goes through the roof. Why? Yes, because a person does not understand at all how to GET TO KNOW, why do exercises, why you need to behave this way. And much more.
Imagine that you are playing sports. Boxing, for example. The first week you will get used to it and walk silently, you will be quieter than water and lower than the grass, since this is something new for you. When you already have experience and practice, you open the door with your foot and behave like a king. Or like Conor McGregor.
If you watch the video below, you will notice how sometimes it is not easy to overcome all your fears, but it is possible. Just one moment, a fraction of a second, can decide everything. Just take the plunge, watch the video, go outside and do it
The same thing happens with our fears before dating and with our uncertainty: at first we mumble, nothing works out, but over time we learn what and how to do, how to approach, how to get acquainted, and we are already starting to do it much easier. I think you agree with me.
If you have written everything down and you have a desire to take your first steps today, then take it and do it. If you encounter a problem that you approach a girl, everything is fine, but communication does not work out, then return to the blog: I will leave an article “What and how to talk about with a girl” especially for you. Good luck to you!
How to stop being afraid of girls: questionable decisions
Often a man goes to special courses. If a person with anal grievances takes a pickup course, he will generate nothing but a negative experience, both for himself and for women. Why? Because due to the unconscious desire to “restore justice,” a man’s interaction with women will essentially be revenge.
As a result, an outwardly positive, but deep down aggressive man will either be turned away over and over again, or will enter into an unhealthy relationship with a woman with mirror traumas who unconsciously strives to play the role of a victim.
Immaturity or disease?
Fear of dating, fear and even hatred towards women is a phenomenon that is opposite to the very essence of the male desire to give, fill, protect. What prevents the realization of basic male aspirations?
1. To give something, you must first have it.
To become a good teacher, you must first accumulate knowledge. To become useful to society, you need to acquire the skill of implementation. To love a woman, you need to be mentally developed, only then is return possible.
In psychoanalytic language, a mature quality, that is, a developed one, is directed towards others. An undeveloped quality is always selfish. It is normal for a child to receive for himself. In the course of development, the property is reduced, that is, it turns into its opposite, and then it already benefits society. The earner saves not for himself, but for everyone - for example, an engineer designs a bridge, saving space and time for people. And so everything is in its properties.
Sexuality develops according to the same principle. An adult receives pleasure from giving to another what he loves and values. An adult man is happy with the pleasure his beloved woman received with him. This gives him incomparable inspiration.
2. To give something, you must get pleasure from it.
According to the law of nature, giving always includes receiving. We learn this through experience—learning to share what is valuable to us. It’s nice to eat candy yourself, but it’s even nicer to please your mother by giving this candy to her. It's nice to be loved, but the one who loves himself is truly happy.
A person develops the skill of giving. This is a key skill for an adult of any gender; without it, neither a man nor a woman can exist.
How to stop being afraid of women?
The first and main remedy is to concentrate correctly. On what? On a woman, on her soul and shortcomings. What does it mean? To systematically see her psyche, that is, the vectors and their state, and therefore desires.
How it works?
First, when another person feels that he is understood, he involuntarily reaches out to us, feels affection and responds accordingly.
Secondly, you will understand exactly what to expect from the other person.
You can learn to focus and see a person’s soul at Yuri Burlan’s “System-vector psychology” training. We acquire the skill of seeing people's psyches as they are, and not through the prism of our own traumas and false beliefs. By the way, we also free ourselves from any imposed stereotypes, as well as anchors and traumas repressed into the unconscious during growing up. As a result of the training, the man:
- knows what a woman wants - both in general and each specific one;
- knows in advance which woman suits him sexually, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually;
- can easily establish contact and build the desired relationship with the chosen one.
In a new - balanced - state, we attract other people and find ourselves in different situations. By consciously monitoring our states and reactions, we can manage ourselves and build the life we want, with who we want.
“... I went to a female psychologist twice a week: I immediately told her that I could not communicate on equal terms with a girl who I potentially liked. She gave advice on what to do, but it did not solve any of my psychological problems, and some were even harmful. Initially, she made sure that we had an emotional connection with her and the desire to look for someone became not particularly important. I spent 2 months on her “services” for half my salary and only became disillusioned with psychologists. Having come to the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan, I finally saw how the psyche works, both mine and other people’s, based on the differences between one and the other...
... Now 1 year and 3.5 months have passed since I met my wife. We are married and continue to love each other. Every day our feelings only intensify and become more conscious. I want to fill her life with happiness, I want her to enjoy every day of our life, and like in a fairy tale, I want to die on the same day as her, only in a hundred years! And now I want to live!..”
Alexander E., St. Petersburg
Author Oksana Agadzhanova
Editor Tamara Tkachenko
Proofreader Natalya Konovalova
The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”
Causes
On the Internet, on various forums, you can often come across various statements, for example, “I’m afraid to meet girls. What to do?" - the answer is quite simple. In order to answer this question, you must first learn about the reasons why this condition may occur. So why are guys afraid to meet girls?
As a rule, a man’s fear of a woman comes from distant childhood. For example, if the family had a strict upbringing.
The emotional state of a child is quite easy to control, which is why manic responsibility towards one’s little son can partially or completely suppress his will. In addition, the development of gynophobia can occur in single-parent families where there was no father. In families where the child is raised only by the mother, the formation of a man is also negatively affected, and also complicates the relationship between the sexes.
As children, they are more likely to be friends with girls and are afraid of losing contact with them. Such guys are most susceptible to any mental disorders.
Tense relationships, failures in bed - all this gives rise to the fear of a repetition of this event.
In addition to this, there are also other social factors that cause the appearance of this condition:
- Watching pornographic films at a very young age;
- Incorrect role of sex in family life;
- Violence in family.
RELATED MATERIALS: Fear of large spaces, objects, buildings, depth
Often, gynophobia in men begins to manifest itself towards a girl after she becomes pregnant. Lack of sex, unusual behavior of a woman, misunderstanding of the nature of pregnancy - all this forces a man to reconsider his attitude towards a pregnant woman. However, you should understand that pregnancy is not a death sentence and you can live a full life.
We sort out fears
Let's briefly examine the fears listed above.
Fear - You don't want to look stupid
Beliefs that will help you change yourself: - I allow myself to look stupid. - Let others think of me as they want.
Fear of awkwardness
- I may feel awkward. I am a human and this is natural for a human. Let the girl see my embarrassment. It's possible she'll find it cute. Maybe she's tired of arrogant and unprincipled guys and is looking for someone like me.
Fear of public condemnation
— I act within the law. and do good things: I say kind words to the other person and lift their spirits. Everyone wants to be liked. It's okay to talk to people. It's normal when you like a girl. If a girl comes up to me and tells me that I'm cool, how can I be offended by that? So why should she? She will only be pleased. And the nice things you do to other people are only encouraged by society.
Inferiority complex - I'm not worthy of a girl
Nonsense. Why are you creating a Goddess out of a girl? Does she herself want to be the ideal that you draw for her? I doubt. She wants lightness, she wants to be anyone, including she likes it when she doesn’t wear makeup or is unwashed. I want to enjoy life and be accepted in a bad mood. She may use foul language and may like other boys. Who are you to hold another person to your standard of how things should be? If you don't like a girl, go to another one. But don’t you dare set boundaries for a girl about who she should be.
Her
body contours are too good to even think that I might like her.
