Dear girls! From the very moment someone small was born in you (and even more so if two or more of them were born) - you simply have to rejoice and fly! There is simply no other way. A miracle has already happened, which many have been waiting for months and years, something has already happened that is beyond the control of anyone except the Creator... So why are we slacking? We fear. We are afraid for the child. We are afraid for ourselves. We are afraid of the future. And most importantly, we are afraid to admit to ourselves that we are afraid...
Since I am not a theorist, but a practitioner who had the good fortune to give birth to four children, I clearly remember all these mixed feelings of joy and anxiety.
Fear one: something might happen to the child
First we need to figure out what exactly we are afraid of. Perhaps for each of you this is something “secret, unusual, not like everyone else,” moreover, shrouded in preliminary diagnoses of doctors and all-knowing forum regulars. But most of all, you and I are afraid of one thing: that something will be wrong with the child . I'm right? Of course, any mother first of all worries about her treasure, and only then about everything else.
All of us, when really, really needed, can be strong, sometimes capable of incredible things, despite all diagnoses. Believe in yourself and your body, listen to your body and give free rein to positive thoughts. That's all.
Don’t read “horror” stories about childbirth, don’t watch the news, don’t let negative information get into your head. Just turn off the TV first. Even if you have already read something and tried it on yourself, try to get rid of the negative. How? Look for the positive!
You have no idea how many advantages you now have over the rest of the people on the planet! Now is the time when you can allow yourself to do what you have long dreamed of, and all this will be of great benefit. For example, during my different pregnancies I wanted to do things like yoga, English, and handicrafts. How nice it is to draw pictures by numbers, placing the “canvas” on your tummy! Or learn how to cook something unusual! Basically, find something that makes you smile.
Symptoms of anxiety during pregnancy
Some degree of anxiety is natural during pregnancy. Your body is developing new life, and the prospect of complications and having or raising a child can be quite daunting.
Symptoms include:
- feeling of uncontrollable anxiety;
- concerns about your health or your child;
- inability to concentrate;
- frequent irritation;
- tense muscles;
- bad dream.
Sometimes anxiety attacks can lead to panic attacks. These attacks can start very suddenly with the above symptoms.
Symptoms of a panic attack include:
- It's difficult to breathe;
- feeling like you're going crazy;
- something terrible could happen.
Fears are preserved
The second and most difficult thing is to visit the maternity hospital “on the way”, long before the birth, that is, to lie in care. The atmosphere itself is tense, not to mention the real (not like on forums) roommates who have...
This is where the whole mechanism starts in our head, already ready for fears. Stop. Let's immediately agree that at this stage we will keep the flow of our thoughts on the topic of pathologies under control, okay? After all, if you begin to develop them and day after day tell everyone around your “very scary” story, you yourself will believe in it. For now, this is your preliminary diagnosis.
During my visits to gynecologists long before all my pregnancies (and also in the intervals between them), I heard something like the following: tilted uterus, narrow pelvis, 3rd negative blood group, endometriosis, varicose veins, hormonal “distortion”, etc. That is, a completely suitable set for being scared and never giving birth, and if you do give birth, then “as if to bear at least one.” As a result, all four of my children were born peacefully. After all, they didn’t know everything that the doctors knew!
During my first pregnancy, I was “lucky” to get saved at about 32 weeks. I lay there for 10 days with increased tone and went home on my word of honor - to rest more, not to move the furniture and not to do general cleaning.
Of course, my bedmates and I talked about all the pressing topics, which did not instill optimism, and my world shrank to the size of a hospital ward. It was sad and for some reason I felt sorry for myself, so defenseless, not to mention the baby. But on one of the monotonous sick days, an episode occurred that not only cheered me up then, but also somehow left an imprint on my future life.
And this is what happened. One of the women, finishing a huge mug of tea and peacefully scratching her lower belly, said that she would be back soon, and somehow left unnoticed. And after 2 hours she really came back... Already without a belly! She came for things herself, in person, having just given birth to her fourth (!) child.
You can imagine my shock... I was sure that something incredible must happen to a woman before giving birth. And to return after a couple of hours alive and unharmed - as if she had gone out to the store to do some shopping - is too much! While the neighbor “moved” to the postpartum ward, we stood with our mouths open. If only we could do that! And 8 years later, I went to my third birth with about the same pride - to give birth to my twins. She returned almost as quickly, only probably more tired than that woman.
I give this whole long example in order to say: even in the pathology department you can find a positive , cling to it and not let go for as long as you like.
FEARS OF PREGNANT WOMEN AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM
Pregnancy is a natural process of the appearance of life on earth. However, upon seeing two test strips for the first time, any woman experiences a range of emotions, not the least of which are fear and anxiety.
What are expectant mothers afraid of and how to overcome these fears? Let's talk about this in today's article.
Concern for the child's health
This feeling is born with the first confirmation of pregnancy and will go with the mother throughout her life. If after birth parents, as a rule, can realistically assess the degree of danger, then when the baby is in the womb, his well-being is a mystery to the mother.
At the same time, worries in most cases are unfounded if you do not fall into the risk group for miscarriage: pathological conditions of the expectant mother’s body, immunological factors, genetic and chromosomal disorders and environmental factors.
But even if there are any factors in your life that can disrupt the course of pregnancy, timely and qualified medical care will help to avoid serious consequences and reduce the risk of miscarriage.
Thus, the most you can do during this period is to reduce the level of internal anxiety. This can be achieved by:
- timely medical examinations,
- healthy lifestyle,
- moderate activity.
You should not overdo it on any of the points: there is no need for unnecessary medical interventions, switching to strict diets, sports until you lose strength, or, conversely, passive pastime, lying in front of the TV.
In most cases, with sufficient control of the main indicators of the baby’s development, the mother’s good health and a general positive attitude, there is no reason for anxiety or worry. Think less about the bad, communicate with your baby more often and listen to yourself, and if you have concerns, do not wait in fear, but consult with specialists.
Physiological changes in the body
“I’ll get fat / lose weight / my breasts or stomach will sag”... This is probably the second most pressing female fear.
Fortunately, not all women know such problems as toxicosis, excess weight, stretch marks, and swelling.
But, if you are not so lucky, always remind yourself that all these changes are related to providing the child with better development conditions, and at the same time stock up on proven tips:
- Breakfast in bed, a glass of water with lemon on an empty stomach, split meals, and avoiding heavy meals before bed will help against morning toxicosis
- To prevent stretch marks, natural oils (coconut, almond and olive) will help, nourishing the skin and making it more elastic. The effect can be enhanced by a light natural scrub in the shower (ground coffee beans and oatmeal are suitable);
- Correct water balance (about 2 liters a day), reducing the consumption of salt and sweets, massage (self-massage) of the legs and arms will help against edema Avoid prolonged standing and sitting; before going to bed, do not forget to lie down with your legs raised above head level to relieve tension;
- Weight gain can be slowed down through healthy split meals (don’t eat for two, the baby is not as gluttonous as you think, and now it’s definitely not him who wants the extra pie :-)!) and moderate activity (aqua aerobics, swimming, gymnastics and yoga for pregnant women, breathing exercises, walking in the fresh air);
- problems with the intestines can be solved by eating vegetables (beets are in the forefront), fruits and dried fruits in any form: bake, make decoctions, compotes, grind with nuts and honey;
- relieve tension , and bathhouse lovers can pamper themselves (albeit not often) with temperatures up to 60-70 degrees.
Fear of childbirth
This fear is absolutely natural - the unknown always looks scary. The main thing here is not to fall into despair and think everything over carefully.
Ask yourself:
- What exactly scares you about childbirth?
- How strong is the impact of each item on your emotional state?
- What can be done to completely remove or reduce the negative impact of fears?
I'll tell you with my own example. I was very afraid of the upcoming birth. I understood that no one stays pregnant for life. And if giving birth was so scary, then mothers with many children would not exist at all.
I studied the reason for my fears. After having an honest conversation with myself, I found out what scared me and identified methods to effectively deal with my fears:
- I may not be ready to start the process - I began to always carry all the documents and the minimum necessary with me, always kept a charged phone with the necessary contacts in a notebook, packed a bag for the maternity hospital with everything necessary and as comfortable as possible;
- I don’t trust doctors I don’t know - my husband and I decided to enter into a contract for childbirth with the opportunity to choose an obstetrician-gynecologist and held meetings with applicants in advance;
- I’m not sure that I’ll be ready at the right time - I made a rough plan with possible options for the development of events, actions in case of deviations from the planned course, discussed all my wishes with the doctor;
- I don’t really trust the medical staff - I chose a partner birth with my husband. The main thing is to discuss with your partner “on shore” what kind of help you expect, understand what he can do and ask him to be as flexible and patient as possible;
- I’m worried about the conditions in the hospital - for peace and comfort, we chose to stay with the child in a separate room, where my husband helped with the baby while I gained strength after giving birth. In your case, it could be your mother, friend, assistant.
After I identified all the things that frightened me, found solutions for them and informed everyone close to me about my plans, I felt much calmer and I was able to focus on communicating with the baby and buying his dowry.
Fear of losing attractiveness in the eyes of a partner and ruining the relationship
As a rule, this fear is born more due to psychological problems or a lack of proper sensitivity in the partner.
Remember, a pregnant woman is beautiful, her eyes shine, and her position forces those around her (and her partner, first of all) to help and support her in everything.
Buy beautiful outfits that suit your tummy, dress up, take care of yourself, arrange a photo shoot together - this period will soon pass, leave as many positive memories about it as possible.
Sexual abstinence, which is necessary in some cases both before and after childbirth, hurts a man and can cause conflicts in the family. This is where affection and care will come to the rescue: hug and kiss your husband more, discuss all issues, find solutions together, do not remain detached from your husband’s needs and do not take uncompromising positions.
If your partner remains indifferent, do not despair - there is a chance that his coldness will dissipate after the first meeting with the baby, and priorities and values will change after the first tremors or ultrasound.
Pregnancy is not a hindrance to your career or studies
If a woman does not work as a sleeper, then she can calmly continue to build a career until the start of maternity leave and longer (if she feels normal). No one has the right to ask you to “leave”. Future mothers, remember, the law is on your side!
Moreover, even if the expectant mother decides to take her allotted maternity leave, the opportunities to keep herself busy are simply endless - job market announcements are full of offers for remote work, and creative people can discover their talent and earn money with it in their free time.
Issues of social adaptation are also resolved through special communities on social networks, and no one has canceled meetings with friends and attending social events - everything is based on well-being.
Studying can be interrupted for a while or transferred to evening or correspondence courses. By the way, many of my friends managed to get additional education while on maternity leave!
From my experience, I can say that I don’t know a single woman for whom maternity leave would interfere with work or study, but I know many who have successfully solved the problem of combining motherhood and career.
And not the least important factor of fear is money!
With proper planning and study of the issue, financial investments can be minimized.
Things to consider to minimize costs:
- How comfortable are you with using the services of an antenatal clinic;
- Is there a real need for paid pregnancy management or can we limit ourselves to one-time visits?
- If there is a need to attend specialized courses, check with your antenatal clinic or maternity hospital - usually their quality is better and the price is cheaper than private ones;
- If the doctor chosen for childbirth is seen in a paid clinic, is it possible/necessary to visit him at the last (most significant) stage;
- Is it important to choose a doctor for childbirth - often qualified specialists deliver births in maternity hospitals, especially since no one can give you 100% guarantees;
- If you need a separate room, ask about renting it without purchasing a contract for childbirth: it is much cheaper;
- Remember that during contractions you can come to any maternity hospital, and they will be obliged to admit you free of charge!
I hope I was able to debunk the most common fears.
Pregnancy is one of the happiest periods of life. Live to the fullest - admire the beauty, try to avoid obviously stressful situations and thoughts, and if you couldn’t eliminate the rush of panic, take a deep breath, close your eyes and exhale your fear!
Happy pregnancy and harmony to you!
Fears that doctors stir up
They, of course, have power over us. Especially considering our situation and emotional state. But you must understand: a doctor is just a person who can both help and make mistakes.
I remember how I sobbed inconsolably when the doctor pronounced a verdict that perhaps one of the twins might have a serious pathology... It was terrible, especially her tone, which left no hope.
I refused the puncture, since the intervention could simply provoke a miscarriage, which meant the loss of both... The doctor was mistaken. No pathologies. But how much strength it took to endure and not think about it, to make your choice and forget until the next ultrasound.
Don't be influenced by others. Whatever happens, for the sake of the child, control yourself. This is very difficult, but it is very important.
Risk factors
While anyone can experience anxiety during pregnancy, there are certain risk factors that may contribute:
- family history of anxiety or panic attacks;
- personal history of anxiety, panic attacks, or depression;
- previous injury;
- drug abuse;
- excess stress in everyday life.
Night terrors
It is especially difficult to endure fear attacks at night. This is probably due to the fact that at night we, as a rule, are left in silence and alone with ourselves, even if our husband is peacefully snoring nearby.
There were times when you woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t breathe, trying to recognize the baby’s movements. And so an eternity passes. The child sleeps peacefully, and the mother begins to stir her stomach almost in hysterics. Phew, finally woke me up, oh happiness!
I began to prepare for such nightly things. I put the night light close, on the nightstand - my favorite book and a tablet with some movie, preferably funny and on an abstract topic. For some reason, the movie “Sex and the City” helped me, maybe it was vulgar, but it put me on a different wavelength very quickly. And also juice, water, dried fruits in an assortment... All you had to do was survive one painfully scary moment, and then - entertainment!
The main thing is to switch your attention as soon as possible .
Causes of anxiety during pregnancy
Pregnancy brings about an abundance of hormonal changes that can alter your mood, which in turn can make it harder to cope with stress. And stress can lead to anxiety.
It's no surprise that the constant stream of physical changes that occur during pregnancy can certainly cause some anxiety.
Fear has big eyes
“Fears live in us and are part of the work of intuition and self-defense,” says Yulia Plotnikova, lactation consultant, perinatal psychologist, doula and mother of four children.
Julia is sure: fears are born from ignorance.
A person is afraid when he does not feel his body, does not know the principles of its work.
— If we do not hear simple signals from the body to change the environment and rhythm of life, this will be followed by the body’s natural reaction to discomfort. Tension, a surge of adrenaline and, as a result, a mental disorder, its release from a balanced endorphin-oxytocin state.
Let's imagine: we sit at the computer all day in one position. The body becomes numb, tired, and the rhythm of its blood circulation is disrupted. The first, often unnoticeable signals are stabbing sensations, discomfort in the body, which we already feel when we straighten up and move away from the computer. Often we repeat the same thing for weeks until we are completely exhausted, and the body throws up mild unpleasant sensations.
It's the same with emotions. If we are in a negative emotion for a long time, this is fraught with the appearance of depression.
Fear creates tension and a surge of adrenaline, it does not allow you to think calmly, it leads to dead end and numbness.
This is a vicious circle: the more we are afraid, the more tense we become and again we are afraid of unpleasant sensations in the body. As a result, the likelihood of stumbling upon what we fear increases. Isn't it easier to understand yourself? Therefore, it is important to develop carefully and evenly in all areas: physical, intellectual and emotional.
