Even though a woman is an emotional being, she will never take such a decisive step just like that. A woman thinks about her departure for a long time, weighing the pros and cons. And if it has already happened, it means that she made her choice, and it turned out to be not in favor of her husband. As a rule, in the last time before a breakup, the situation becomes tense, the wife seeks confirmation of her decision in everything, and the man is subjected to a rather biased assessment. It is difficult for him to control himself, and he makes the main mistake: he gets nervous, defends himself and makes retaliatory attacks instead of analyzing where everything is going, changing tactics and preventing divorce. But then the door closed behind his wife, the house was empty, and only then the man realizes how late the brakes were applied, and wonders how to return his wife to the family: the advice of a psychologist will help set the desired vector for actions.
After a breakup, a woman can go “nowhere,” which, in essence, means moving to her parents, to her maiden home, or, conversely, throwing her husband out of her own apartment. At the same time, the woman has no replacement for him, she just wants to live alone for a while and put things in order in her life. Or maybe she will go to someone else, who, during her doubts, managed to show her his superiority over her unlucky husband. The second case is much more complicated, but there are still certain chances to turn back time.
Why do women leave their families?
Life often presents surprises: both pleasant and sad. The departure of a beloved wife can be considered an unpleasant surprise. As a rule, such a decision by the beloved is completely unpredictable for the husband.
But this is a completely logical end to a relationship in which not only the former love, peace, but even mutual respect for each other have long since disappeared. Family discord is stressful for both spouses.
And if a couple has children, then the tension increases several dozen times. Nothing happens for nothing. A wife will never leave her husband without good reasons. When they exist, the fairer sex understands that staying in the family is not the best idea.
The thought of leaving comes suddenly, due to increasing problems and lack of mutual understanding in the relationship. Perhaps, shortly before the separation, the husband often heard reproaches addressed to him, as well as his wife’s indignation regarding certain points.
Most likely, the beloved responded negatively to requests to correct something in his behavior. This could become the starting point in the relationship between the spouses. In any case, the fact remains: the wife left the family, and the husband is experiencing a serious emotional shock.
Whatever the relationship between spouses, a man will always perceive the departure of his beloved as a personal tragedy, a blow below the belt.
The first and completely normal reaction for a representative of the stronger sex is anger, aggression and resentment. He doesn't understand what to do next. The scenario of the future life, which had long been predetermined, suddenly crumbled like a house of cards.
The man is devastated, he is angry at the whole world and at his ex-wife. Depending on their character, each man acts differently. Some find solace in alcohol, others in the arms of an unfamiliar woman. But this won't solve the problem.
More reasonable and calm individuals try to find salvation in their favorite work. They spend their free time so as not to think about what happened. This is the most correct decision in the current situation.
After some time, the pain will subside, the resentment will go away. Later, the man will begin to think soberly and analyze not only his wife’s action, but also the reasons that led to his wife’s decision.
Reasons for a woman leaving the family:
- I didn’t have enough patience for my husband’s antics . Many wives endure their husband's inappropriate behavior for years. Hoping to save their family, they do not leave immediately. And men think that if the wife stayed, then everything suits her. One day there comes a turning point when patience comes to an end, and everything collapses in an instant. The woman, without waiting for any changes for the better, loses hope for changes and leaves the family;
- the husband does not want children . In some families, men are categorically against babies, or simply the desire to have a child is postponed indefinitely. When a woman does not receive a satisfactory answer, she leaves forever. A husband must understand that motherhood is an important period in the life of every woman. The desire to become a mother is quite natural;
- spouse's addiction to alcoholic beverages . Representatives of the fair sex can tolerate the alcoholism of their loved one for a very long time. They make excuses for their husband and try to find positive aspects in their marriage. Sooner or later such a union will inevitably fall apart;
- insults and moral humiliation . This is the most common reason for a wife to leave. For many men, daily reproaches are completely acceptable. They are not satisfied with their spouse's behavior. They constantly criticize everything their lover does. Because of this, scandals and quarrels arise. A man takes his anger out on his woman. Later he says that this will not happen again, but still, after a few days everything starts again;
- assault . Some representatives of the stronger sex allow themselves to beat their wives. Hitting a woman is for a weakling. Not every wife is ready to endure beatings. Therefore, many spouses decide to leave the despot;
. Spouses often forget that marriage is a painstaking effort on both sides of the union. Over the years, passion fades away, but this is not a reason to turn life together into a routine. At first, the husband and wife talk less, and later they spend time in different companies. A man and a woman who loved each other not so long ago no longer have anything to talk about. Communication gradually fades away. Ultimately, the spouses become roommates. Since husbands are often quite happy with this, wives are more sensitive and receptive natures. Women are the first to decide to leave the family;
love is gone- treason _ This reason is a severe psychological trauma for both parties. If a man cheated, then the woman will leave immediately, without listening to excuses. She will not be able to bear the insult and betrayal on his part. In this situation, both are to blame: if one of the spouses cheats, it means that he is missing something in his family life. This also applies to those cases when the wife found a lover and went to him.
Something went wrong
Before you try to fix everything and start living together again, you need to thoroughly understand the past. Agree, it would be stupid to make again the same mistakes that led you to divorce. And you can find out how to experience such periods in the least painful way in my article “What to do when a family collapses.”
What are the main reasons for family discord? Misunderstanding. When both spouses do not respect, trust or listen to each other. Are you sure you knew how to listen to your ex-wife correctly? It is to hear, and not just listen! It often happens that a man listens, even nods in response, but does not catch the essence. There are many reasons for this behavior: he does not consider her chatter significant; she constantly talks a lot and it’s hard to extract the essence from this stream; her problems are not as important as his and so on.
So, you cannot solve the problem of understanding each other if you do not learn to hear your partner. A girl may indeed talk a lot, but it is up to you to learn to understand her.
Sex. Another point that is often a reason for divorce. The bed has been cold for several years now. No spontaneous, passionate sex. Even simple harassment is no longer there. Your wife doesn't excite you, or you don't excite her. But even here everything depends only on you. If you want to rekindle that spark, you will definitely succeed.
Treason. Yours or hers. It doesn't matter whose betrayal it is. If it occurs to one person to find satisfaction in other hands, it means that something is wrong in your family. And here there is not only one person to blame.
Everyday life. This is the word I hear most often in family therapy. Like, everything is fine, but somehow boring, nothing happens, always in bathrobes, at home. No flirting, only household chores and chores. Have you ever thought about how you can overcome this everyday problem? What have you done so that your wife sees you not just as a husband in frayed sweatpants and a stained T-shirt, but as a handsome man who once won her heart?
The first thing you need to understand is to solve your old problems so that you can start with a clean slate. Otherwise, all the old grievances, mutual claims, dissatisfaction with your partner will not allow you to calmly build a new, happy future.
If your wife left for her lover, how to get her back?
This question is asked by many men whose relationship with the woman they love is on the verge of breaking down. Most are convinced that if a spouse leaves for a lover, then nothing can be done.
This is a big misconception. Real feelings do not pass so quickly, because relationships are built, developed and maintained over many years.
Partners must make every effort necessary to maintain love. A person who immediately gives up without trying to save the marriage is not confident in himself and his abilities. Before you begin to implement the plan to return your beloved to the family, you need to pay attention to the current situation.
In this case, much depends on the internal motivation of the person who was abandoned. Many men cannot get used to the idea that their marriage is being destroyed by a complete stranger. You should not drag out the situation, but you should try to return your beloved as soon as it all happened .
When a lot of time passes, the spouses become unaccustomed to each other and stop suffering. In a few years, not a trace will remain of the old feelings. The point is not at all in the absence of love, but in the fact that people do not want to return to mental suffering.
To return your beloved, it is enough to simply sincerely ask for forgiveness for all offenses. Admitting your mistakes greatly increases the chances that your spouse will return. In some cases, you will have to reconsider your views on life.
A man must be sincere in his desire to return his beloved woman.
Not a single person can calmly watch his beloved leave for another. Dark thoughts immediately come to mind. The abandoned spouse needs to work with his grievances.
Otherwise, pain and disappointment will prevent you from saving your family. By analyzing his own actions, a person only becomes stronger.
Attempt No. 2
I believe that the word return is completely inappropriate here. Since you are learning to correct past mistakes, we are talking about starting to build a new relationship with your ex-spouse. After the divorce, something changed for you and for her. You are no longer the same as you were, say, six months ago. Therefore, your relationship should be new.
Now let's understand what tactics I use to conquer my former passions. The first point is that it is best to completely disappear from her field of vision for a short time. Let it cool down a little, relax, let go of negative emotions. Let all your quarrels and scandals that usually accompany separations subside.
During this time, you need to understand what was going wrong, what didn’t suit her about you, and what didn’t suit you about her. Learn from old mistakes and don't repeat them again. If she was irritated by your perfume, for example, change it. Was she mad because you spent too much time playing computer games? Find another hobby that will interest her and show a new side of you to your spouse.
The second point is that jealousy sometimes plays a great role with women. In the article “How to Make Your Wife Jealous,” I share secrets and tricks that will help you make any girl nervous.
The third point is to remember only the good things that connect you. Don't forget to keep in touch with her parents or mutual friends. Be aware and admit to your past mistakes. You can even ask if your ex-spouse sees a way out of this situation. It is likely that she has a ready-made solution.
The fourth point is that if you have a child, then under no circumstances should you drop out of his life. Moreover, children often help ex-spouses establish contact.
It will be difficult to start caring for your ex-wife who already has a new boyfriend. But this is not a barrier either. Perhaps against his background you can play even better, show all your good qualities, remind your wife about your happy moments.
Remember that you are building a family together. Therefore, it is extremely important to recognize reciprocity. If your ex-wife has already moved far ahead and no longer sees you as her life partner, then there is no need to smash your forehead against this impregnable wall. In this case, try to simply maintain human relations.
I recommend that you read the article “Relationships between husband and wife.” In it I give useful recommendations on how best to build family relationships.
Why did you divorce? Who was the initiator? How long ago did you realize that she was your one and only love? Have you already made any attempts to reconnect?
Try, work on yourself, learn from past mistakes and you will definitely succeed. Good luck to you!
Interesting articles on the topic:
We are all adults and must work on our shortcomings. The husband is a mama's boy, but doesn't he really understand that he is already an adult and must be responsible for his actions? This question…
Good afternoon, dear ladies! Have you ever wondered how a man finds a woman for a happy marriage? Just feelings and love at first sight or cold calculation and mutual benefit?...
Hello, dear men! It's no secret that a woman sometimes doesn't know what she wants. How can you understand her desires and mood? Today I offer you a detailed article on the topic...
If your wife leaves for a woman, how should you react?
If the woman she loves leaves the family, that’s her choice. In such a situation, one should not draw hasty conclusions.
If a wife leaves for a woman, this may indicate that she lacks warmth and affection, kindness and moral support.
The main thing is to find a way and talk to your wife without offense or emotion. It's better to find out everything at once. If it is possible to fix everything, then you need to act immediately.
