How to inspire and motivate a man? Is this necessary?

In most families, there is practically no division of household labor as such. A man most often resolves various issues related to home renovation. For example, he can replace the current faucet or install a new socket. As for all other matters, they most often fall on fragile women’s shoulders

Very little time passes after marriage and now a young woman, who, in addition to home life, also has work and caring for a child, becomes exhausted and exhausted.

Naturally, such a depressed female state negatively affects married life. In order to establish peace and balance in the family, and not drive your marriage into crisis, it is important to create a specific action plan that will motivate a man to help around the house.

Paradoxically, it is almost impossible to “force” a man to help around the house. Therefore, psychologists tend to use the term “motivate” and identify seven consistent and effective steps to achieve this goal.

What ways to motivate men don't work?

give him money. You should never even give a man a loan. You are destroying yourself and him. The man will feel guilty towards you for taking money from you, and you now know that he is a weakling. He will be angry with you, without understanding why, this will definitely not strengthen the relationship, much less inspire him;

feel sorry for him. To think that he cannot support his family and try to help him. Pay your bills temporarily instead - rest assured, there is nothing more permanent than temporary. Go to work yourself, especially a second one. You let him know that he is weak and has taken on a tug that is too tough for him. And you are strong if you can save him;

telling him: go work there, create a business, do this, bring that. If you give clear instructions, you will have to carry them out yourself. Out of principle, he won’t do anything, because no one can tell a real man, and it’s unpleasant to feel under the thumb. And if he does something, he will lose the last drops of responsibility and self-respect, because responsibility for orders lies with the commander;

make a scandal, hysteria, find fault, nag and plan, call him a rag and a spineless mollusk. This mollusk will crawl even deeper into its shell, and it will no longer be easy to get it out of there. It is very likely that he will run away with the shell;

take offense, play the game of silence and indifference. He’s already lying on the sofa because he doesn’t have the strength to do anything, and now you’re taking away his last;

prove that the child or someone else “needs” it. Hiding behind the interests of the child, parents, other people - there is almost no chance of raising a man. He can always remember his childhood, when he didn’t have half of everything that his child has, and he grew up normal. Almost any man can figure out this stupid manipulation in one go;

make fun of him when he brings in his salary and say that there is no sex or food for the poor in this house;

compare him with others: Vaska from the next door at your age already drives a Mercedes, Leonardo DiCaprio became famous at the age of 20, and what have you achieved? Can you imagine if a man told you: your girlfriend Lenka is a beauty and a great housekeeper, Meryl Streep is a great actress with huge fees, she has also managed to take care of her family for decades, but what do you need me with your cellulite and pretensions? It is almost impossible to create something by comparing with others, but it is easy to destroy;

offer the options yourself. “Let me borrow some money, then we’ll pay it back somehow”—you’ll have to pay it back yourself. “Borrow money from your friend Vasya, he won’t refuse you.” “Why can’t your parents help us if their son is so stupid?” “Let's save on groceries” - expenses can be reduced to almost zero, this will not inspire a man, especially if saving was your idea, not his. There is no need to look for solutions instead, you will have to take responsibility for these options. And the man will get used to the fact that his smart wife will decide everything for him and he can calmly go with the flow;

show by example. A woman gets three jobs to show a man that this is also possible and it wouldn’t hurt him. But instead of work, he goes into computer games, because at least there is someone to save, but at home no one needs him;

giving birth to a child in the hope that it will motivate him. For some, this works with the right approach. The rest of the men remain in the family for the eldest child, or even run away from problems into bad habits or to another woman;

demand to do something because “you are a man, you must,” and tell him that he is not a man if he is not able to provide for his family or at least himself.

Dear women, at what point did you recognize yourself? In all?! The situation needs to be saved urgently!

Not giving a man money is the best way to make him courageous and responsible. From this day on, your salary was reduced and generally delayed, you were fired from your job, you urgently need money for your mother, whatever, but in the coming months you have nothing to invest in the family budget. The man will have to move, or sit on nothing but pasta. If they have money, of course.

If you love your job and can’t quit it, then you need to gradually withdraw your money from the family budget. I’ll tell you exactly how to do this in the following articles, so subscribe at your convenience: on VKontakte, or on Telegram, or by email, and don’t miss out.

Sorting books for motivation

Be bold! Jen Sincero

In this refreshingly entertaining guide, bestselling author and world travel coach Jen Sincero offers 27 chapters full of fun, inspiring stories, sage advice, simple exercises, and the occasional swear word to help you: Identify and change the negative beliefs and behaviors that are holding you back from getting what you want. whatever you want, create a life you completely love.

By the end, you'll be more confident, understand why you are the way you are, how to love the things you can't change, how to change the things you don't love, and how to use power to get your way.

5 lessons from the book Be Daring

• The world benefits when you live in accordance with who you truly are.
• You are responsible only for your words and actions. How people react to what you say or do is not your responsibility.
• The only time you fail is when you quit. The rest of the time you collect information and learn.
• Gratitude strengthens faith. Faith transforms your life.
• Concern about other people's opinions of you prevents you from living an authentic life. You are simply magnificent just the way you are.

Eight rules of efficiency: smarter, faster, better. Duhigg Charles

Read this book to learn about eight performance concepts that help explain why some people and companies can achieve much more than others. Drawing on neuroscience and behavioral psychology, as well as the experiences of successful CEOs, generals, pilots, FBI agents, and Broadway songwriters, this well-researched book shows how productive people and companies view the world very differently from those who finds less success.

For example, a group of Google employees conducts a four-year study on how the most effective teams function and finds that interactions within a group are more important than group members. Moreover, the experts behind Frozen almost gave up when faced with some problems. However, they decided to shake up their team in a way that would initiate a creative breakthrough that would lead to one of the most financially successful cartoons to date. This book explains that the common thread in these success stories is that people know that their performance depends on specific decisions. The things that separate busy people from productive people are the ways decisions are made, ambitions that are accepted, and seemingly easy goals that are ignored. Leaders can create cultures to drive innovation and data engagement for success.

This inspiring book uses rich storytelling to explain how people can improve their daily lives. This innovative performance study can help anyone learn ways to achieve success without enduring stress, struggle, or sacrifice. In this book, the author explores eight ideas that are most important for increasing productivity, including motivation, team, focus, goal setting, managing others, effective decision making, innovation, and data absorption. Readers claim that this book is written vividly and eloquently.

3 lessons from the book Eight Rules of Efficiency: Smarter, Faster, Better.

• Motivation is a skill you can develop.
• To achieve something, focus on fewer things at once.
• Embrace creativity as a form of productivity. This spark of innovation motivates you to discover ways to overcome obstacles caused by stress and fear.

Strength of character. How to develop the main quality of successful people. Angels Duckworth

The author of this book, psychologist Angela Duckworth, shows her readers that the secret to success is what she calls “a grain of sand.” She speaks to all types of people, from parents to students to businessmen, to emphasize the importance of combining passion and perseverance. Duckworth refers to her own experiences early in her life that led her to this conclusion.

The author talks about real-life cadets reliving their initial experiences at West Point, teachers trying to work with students in urban schools, and insights achieved by such successful students as JP Morgan's CEO, Jamie Dimon, and Seattle Seahawks coach. Pete Carroll. Some of the most valuable takeaways that the reader should take away from this book are why a person's effort is so important towards a long-term goal, how one can learn passion and perseverance, and how one can create a lifelong interest in their craft.

Readers find this book insightful because it talks about what goes on in the mind during failure and how those thoughts can make a big difference in the future. Readers say this is a great book for your own success, especially if you agree that success is all about hard work.

4 lessons from the book Strength of Character. How to develop the main quality of successful people

• A grain of sand is something you can develop, similar to a growth mindset.
• A grain of sand is a better determinant of success than talent.
• Your success can be determined by how well you handle failure.
• Those who can persist in routine tasks are likely to produce incredible productivity.

Choose yourself. James Altucher

This is one of James's best motivational books, it consists of nothing but positives. Because that's the whole point of the book, when it comes to "what" you should invest in to be successful, his goal is to "choose yourself." Featuring real interviews and case studies, James shows us how today's global market is ripe for aspiring entrepreneurs who will succeed if they invest their energy in themselves.

This is a wonderful book that is sure to motivate and inspire you to make the most of your own talents.

3 lessons from the book Choose Yourself

• View failure as an opportunity to improve.
• You have four bodies: spiritual, emotional, mental and physical. You have to take care of everyone.
• Do only what you love to do.

Achieve your maximum. Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton

The author uses his theories from his first book to help the reader understand where their strengths and talents lie. The purpose of the book is to debunk the myth that everyone has their own calling, from which one should not deviate in life. The author presents the idea in a very free form. He argues that instead of pursuing callings that are likely to lead to dead ends, it is better to pursue what you naturally want to do. This will lead to a happier and more successful life.

This idea can also apply to raising children in a family. If your child comes home with multiple 5s and 4s but also has a 3, do you spend your energy focusing on the bad grades or praising your child for the good grades? Instead of trying to correct weaknesses where your child has no desire, the author argues that it is better to encourage them where they are strong.

This is a great book to change your way of thinking. Regardless of one's personality, readers have found that this book and test can dramatically change the way you view the world and approach life. One small negative about this book is that it doesn't go deep into his theory, but only skims the surface; However, the author does a very effective job of showing how he developed this theory over his years of study.

3 lessons from the book Achieve Your Maximum

• Most organizations spend too much of their resources training people to meet a certain performance standard.
• Success comes more easily when people or organizations recognize their strengths and apply them.
• People, companies and organizations must find ways to manage weaknesses to free up more of their resources, invest and focus on making their strengths work for them.

Think and get rich. Napoleon Hill

This book was written in 1937 and has become a classic. The text and formatting of the original book have been preserved as much as possible to remain the same as in the original release. This book was originally published during the Great Depression and is about the art of convincing yourself to become rich. It covers highly effective and important steps to take and equally important steps to avoid in the process. While some people do not find this book very helpful, others rebut this opinion by saying that you need to apply the strategies described in the book to improve your life.

There are many interesting points and ideas in this book. For example, the author states that 99% of people have no purpose in their lives and are therefore trapped in jobs that make them unhappy. In addition, he offers a worthy idea that sexual transmutation is an effective strategy for achieving success. It is here that a person transfers the energy of his libido to other goals, the direction of which is getting money. The author also emphasizes that most people do not achieve full success until late in life, or at least after 40 years of age. A few examples the author points to are Thomas Edison and Andrew Carnegie, both of whom were over 40 years old. when they acquired their fortune. Reviews from readers indicate that the author's ideas are very intriguing and applicable to people of all backgrounds.

4 lessons from the book Think and Grow Rich

• Self-hypnosis trains your mind to achieve your real results.
• Make your own decisions and stand by them.
• Recognize and master six fears.
• Write down your goals.

Illuminate: How to Give Inspiring Speeches and Create Effective Presentations. Duarte Nancy, Sanchez Patti.

This book focuses on the idea that people who can change the world are those who truly believe they can do it. For example, Steve Jobs was able to captivate his audience when he started his company, which led to the emergence of Apple Inc. This is because he told his listeners about his vision of the future and invited them to join his ideas. This guide shows that while having a vision for the future can be one thing, getting other people to follow your lead is another. Using persuasive communication, anyone can turn an idea into a movement. Because of the valuable insights and immediate impact this book provides, many people choose to read it multiple times to continue motivating themselves to work together with their followers rather than trying to start their vision alone.

3 Lessons from Illuminate

• The role of the leader is to be the standard bearer of the group.
• A leader's vision is the starting point of a new venture.
• Every enterprise goes through stages: dream, leap, struggle, climb, arrive and dream again.

Extreme responsibility. Jocko Willink

Jocko Willink lived through some of the worst combat in Iraq as a Navy SEAL before writing this book. While in Iraq, he helped American troops secure Ramadi. Through his experience, he learned that leadership is the most important element of success or failure. Returning to the United States, he began the SEAL leadership training program and then expanded his leadership training to successful companies and clients.

This is a compelling book that includes direct instructions and application methods. She is great for business management and challenges existing leaders to fulfill their goal of leadership and winning. One great thing about this book is that it is structured in a simple and clear way. The book focuses on just one main point in each chapter of a story, and then draws attention to the main principle of that story and how it can be applied.

4 lessons from the book Extreme Responsibility

• There are no bad teams, only bad leaders.
• Leaders take responsibility for both the success and failure of the team.
• Always explain why something needs to be done.
• Simplicity is always the key to success.

Why is it important to relax to inspire a man?

As you understand, a man most often does not understand words. Action is needed on your part, and the best thing you can do is not to drag money into the house yourself, but to lie down next to it.

Both of you are relaxed and lying down. The man is uncomfortable, he’s used to lying spread out all over the sofa, and here you are. Not the same anymore.

Then you run out of the last sausage in your house. You ask: “What are we going to eat today? I really want to cook something tastier for you, but I don’t have anything. I don’t know what to do.”

For some men, such a hint will be enough, but neither your upbringing nor your life principles will allow you to go to work. He will roll up his sleeves and go to work, having previously borrowed money for food for the week. Because it is important for him to save a woman from something, in this case from starvation.

But not everyone is so easy to move. Most men will begin to make claims and deadly options:

why should I work, I always owe you something, go work yourself, you can do better;

borrow money from your parents/relatives/friends, then we’ll pay it back somehow;

I’ll borrow money from my parents myself, maybe I won’t have to pay it back;

let's sell furniture/jewelry/kidney;

I can’t find a job (for three years now), go do some more work yourself.

To which you answer him: “Darling, you are a real man for me, and I cannot afford to humiliate you with feminine handouts and money borrowed from my parents. Then they will not respect you as a man, but you are worthy of respect. If you take money from your parents, then I won't be able to respect you. I believe that you can handle everything, because you are my best, that’s why I chose you.”

At the same time, it is important for a woman to fulfill her feminine duties: to cook deliciously, to be sexy and beautiful, to smile, to have interesting conversations with a man for him and for herself, to thank him for everything, to admire him and call him well done, to raise children and to inspire a man to help in their education, come up with interesting activities for both of them on the weekend.

Desires and possibilities

Have you ever wondered “Why is life unfair”? I work three jobs, I see vacations only in my dreams, I buy clothes at a second-hand store, and someone doesn’t do anything - and gets everything. If you are now stuck and trying to find the answer, you are making two huge mistakes.

1. You compare yourself with others . I bought a cool car, and someone bought their own plane. You have an average startup, and someone else rules the empire. The other always seems more successful, but this is not a reason to give up.
2. Looking for someone to blame . Born in the wrong country, parents not Rockefellers, education not prestigious. You do understand that these are stupid excuses, right?

I want and need . So you’re standing there, scratching your turnips and thinking, “Why do I need this?” Get out of your comfort zone, push yourself, do something.

• I want it. I’m tired of working for “uncle”, I have cool ideas and a desire to change my life. This is super motivating.
• That's how it should be. To whom? To your dad, so that you quickly buy yourself an apartment and move out? Or a girl who wants to show off in front of her friends, that she is not dating a rogue? It is unlikely that you will quit your current job and start busting your ass to achieve the goal imposed on you.
• It would be nice to change something. Or maybe that’s normal. So your friends are the same managers, security guards, and cashiers. Why do you need these prospects?

What's stopping me?

• Laziness. Which is hidden behind excuses like “Now is a crisis, it’s not the time to start something.” A man kicks a dick in the office or crushes a sofa because “there is no decent job.” It seems like you want change, but you don’t want to move.
• Outsider mindset. You are like a child who is waiting for mommy to come and solve everything. He will buy a cool position for his son, throw in money, and protect him from problems with his powerful chest. My advice to you: remember that you are a man. Don't just check if your balls are in place, but start moving and solving your problems yourself. No one will come and do it for you.
• Fear. Either you continue to engage the rear, weigh the pros and cons and still do nothing, or you look fear in the eye and overcome it. There is no third.
• Reluctance to develop. I am a good employee, I am appreciated. What if I'm a lousy leader? Why do I need these hemorrhoids? I’ll sit quietly until I retire, until my ass is covered with moss.

Do you know what the difference is between successful people and losers? A successful man rejoices at the goal achieved; he gets a thrill from the result itself.

And the loser continues to sit on his ass straight and fulfill his small “wants”. Such periodic stroking of the ChSV: I bought myself a phone on credit or scraped together money for a normal restaurant - it seems like life is more fun. And you don’t need more.

The funny thing is that 90% of people who tell you how to increase motivation at work have not achieved anything themselves. Well, yes, I watched the video, wrote down my goals, and dreamed. That's all. I sort of managed it.

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Read also: How to be a man and not an asshole? Etiquette rules everyone needs to know

Motivating a man. Methods and tips

In this article I will tell you how to motivate your man. What types of motivation are there and how to skillfully use them so that a man works, develops and invests in your family. I will give you step-by-step instructions, using which you will understand how you can motivate a man to grow and develop. And also, I will tell you about tips that may hinder you. As a result, you will have an understanding of how to make a man motivated to develop and improve the well-being of your family.

Remember!
You can't make a rose bush grow faster even if you pull it up by its branches.
Only if you regularly water the bush, carefully trim dry branches, remove parasites from the leaves, and protect them from the scorching rays of the sun, can you expect lush flowering. Success is like a rose growing in a garden; it must be cultivated with patience and persistence. And it is better to use techniques and methods that are adequate to the expected result.

Types of motivation

If you've ever wondered: how to motivate a man to have a successful career, help around the house, a healthy lifestyle, a feat in the name of a beautiful lady? Then our article is for you. Let's see what types of motivation exist that can act as an incentive for development and growth.

The first source of motivation is fear.

Authoritarian leaders and dictators play well on human fears. They quickly learned that intimidating a person can force him to perform the desired actions. Men skillfully use this motive in relationships. They intimidate and remind women of their age and fading youth.

“Who will need you, at thirty-five and with two children?”

Women are not far behind either. If they feel that a man is very attached or in love, they give ultimatums.

“Either you change jobs, look for an additional source of income, or we break up.”

Sometimes you can motivate yourself to succeed in such a dubious way.

The second source of motivation is a sense of duty.

From childhood we were taught that a man should be the breadwinner, and a woman should be the keeper of the hearth. Therefore, we are very easy to manipulate using fairly standard statements:

“You should earn more money because your second child is coming soon.”

Many people in relationships put pressure on a sense of duty and get their way, forcing their partner to perform certain actions that they consider necessary for the interests of the family. This method works, but is ineffective.

The third source is identifying the partner’s needs and meeting them

This method is more effective and humane. You study your partner's needs and give hope for a certain gain. What, besides material goods, can act as a prize?

• Tasty food.
• Space sex.
• Attending a football match together.
• Increasing social status, career growth, fame.
• Peace of mind in the family.
• Opportunity to engage in hobbies.

Each relationship is individual, but the mechanism of action of the message is the same: if you do this, you will receive this benefit, life will become more pleasant and richer. As a result, both partners will be satisfied. Therefore, it is worth learning this method and putting it into practice.

The fourth, highest level of motivation is love.

Psychologists call love the most effective and efficient way of motivation. With age, passions subside, love turns into the form of mutual acceptance, tenderness, openness and respect for each other.

Classification of men's rank

There are such characteristics of men as rank and primacy. Our whole life has a certain hierarchy. Someone leads, someone obeys. Let's call each position a service rank. The pattern is simple: the higher the position, the greater the power and, accordingly, the higher the official rank.

The desire to become a leader, to have power, money, to manage a company is called the ranking instinct. Everyone has it, but in some men it is more pronounced, and in others less. There is a classification of rank: high-ranking ( leader, leader ), mid-ranking and low-ranking ( follower ).

I think it is clear that men with a low ranking instinct do not strive for power and above-average wealth. These men choose peace rather than fighting for a high position. They are lacking initiative and do not want to take responsibility.

The desire and desire for power and wealth is called the ranking instinct, but it is not enough to just want to become successful, you need certain qualities, and this is already ranking potential. One man, in pursuit of success, will “ go over his head ” and illegally remove all competitors, while the other will strive for power in order to suppress the weaker.

Both have high instincts, but no potential . All that remains is to envy and try to harm the successful. By the way, in society it is customary to create conditions for the cultivation of performers; everything is done to reduce instincts, for obvious reasons.

Primacy of a man. Kinds.

Now I’ll briefly talk about the primacy of men. Everything is simple here. There are several types of primativeness, let's look at them in detail.

♦ Highly primative - obeys instincts, not mind, logic or education. Just such a person will not engage in illegal actions. This could be the leader of a gang, a famous scandalous person.

♦ Medium-primative - acts based on instincts and reason. When combined with high ranking, these are many entrepreneurs.

♦ Low-primitive - they act mainly based on reason. Almost completely controls his instincts. Very many scientists and politicians, combined with high rank.

There is a very clear definition of ranks in combination with primativity in the book Man and Woman: War or Peace? A. Byuryukova. I recommend reading it. The book describes all the options for combinations of rank and primativeness.

Step-by-step instructions: how to properly motivate a man

Answer honestly the question of who is more interested in moving towards success. Those who need it should change. Since you are reading this article, then you will have to work on yourself.

A woman can create herself as the muse for whom a man is ready to perform feats, become successful and rich.

When next to a man there is a woman who believes, remembers his merits and abilities, trusts him, and shows readiness to support him in the most difficult situation, then the man is much more likely to succeed and will believe in his own success.

Please note:
failure is just part of success.
You must understand that if a man wants to achieve great heights, he will have to endure serious stress, losses, and falls. On the path of self-development, you will have to learn new skills and actions:

1. Do not devalue ideas, but discuss them
   . Show genuine attention rather than curiosity. Don't control a man, don't bring fuss into his life. On the contrary, trust your man (you will succeed, you are smart enough). And say goodbye to worries and uncertainty.
2. Don't run ahead of the locomotive
   . You should not offer your help. There is no need to get a second job and work like an ox. You shouldn't compete with a man. It will end like this: “Where would you be without me?” This clearly shows pride and rivalry.
3. Learn to believe in your man
   . Often an abundance of compliments and active acceptance hides a lack of faith. Monitor your thoughts, change them. Do I want to be the woman who believes in him? Imaginary and true faith in man. Notice the strengths of your man, do not attach importance to his mistakes. Think more about your merits, build the image of a successful person in your mind brick by brick.
4. Calmness and trust
   . Not only to the man, but also to the Universe. When a woman is in a feminine state, a man is more easily inspired to succeed.
5. Calm your wild imagination
   . Stop worrying and worrying. Stop scrolling through scary pictures in your imagination: you are left alone, in debt, etc.,
6. Don't be afraid of your man's success
   . What will happen if he earns not $2,000, but $20,000 a month. This is a different power, a different energy. Develop yourself. Fill yourself with different content.
7. Pamper and love yourself
   . Let a man pamper you, spend money on you. Accept signs of attention with gratitude, do not chop off your wings. Get used to luxury and abundance. Remove the fear of money. Do not refuse a man's desire to give you luxurious gifts.
8. Live with pleasure
   . Enjoy bad weather and delicious food. Charge your man with your own positivity.
9. Thank your man
   . For his help, for being there, for gifts and attention.

The path of change is long and thorny, so don’t rush to push a man to change right now, don’t rush things. Give the man a month, six months, a year or two to realize the changes and make a decision. This is the last, tenth item on our list.

Watch a short video on how to make a man miss you. This video talks about an idea that will help you better motivate men:

How to inspire and motivate a man? Is this necessary?

book-oboz

2 months ago Well, here’s another example: a man knows how to love women and decided to descend to the level of his chosen woman, with whom he has lived for many years, so that she feels comfortable, that is, feels his love and care. He knows how to do it and does it. And she likes it. She likes that he shares her interests, helps in everything and tries to prevent her desires. And he does this because he loves her. But deep in his soul he expects the same reciprocal attitude towards himself. But he is not there. He waits and hopes that one day she will become wise and understand that he, too, is worthy of her interest in himself. Now the question is: why does he think that he “sank” to her level, and not “rose”? What does she think? And she used to tell him: “You always hover somewhere in higher spheres, you need to be simpler. Say directly what you want, don’t come from afar. Don’t invent anything for yourself in advance - as it is, so it is. I don’t want to delve into higher spheres; I need to live a simpler life.” The man read a book in which there was the following thought: “There are people with cosmic energies and with earthly energies. A union of people with different energies is difficult. Cosmic energy will be subject to destruction in such a union.” He considers himself a carrier of cosmic energies, he lives more in a world invisible to others and solves many problems there, and this takes a lot of energy, but the woman does not understand this and does not accept this as the main task in a man’s life, for her it is an abstraction , non-existent, and therefore tertiary... With all this, in the real material world, her man is perfectly adapted - a lucrative and interesting job, three children whom he is raising well with her, there is everything in the house and everyone’s needs are satisfied. But a man is constantly burdened by a woman’s grounding in material things, she constantly “inspires” him to satisfy her needs, and neglects his interests, while deeply believing that she “does only good for everyone,” takes care of everyone and generally does everything right, so only her concerns are little appreciated. The man thinks: “It’s okay, we will overcome all difficulties and rise together to a new level of relationship.” And he himself has little faith in it, because nothing, by and large, changes. That is, it seems to be there, “something good,” but in the wrong direction and in the wrong way. And it seems that there is no need for it. Finally, the day comes when the woman leaves, say, for a resort, and the man sighs with relief and suddenly realizes that living alone is much more pleasant and easier. There is no need to answer questions justifiably: “why did you do this? why do you need that? why didn't you do it? I told you what, and you?... And that he doesn’t seem to love her anymore, all this is just affection, a long-standing habit of being together. He doesn’t write her SMS and doesn’t even remember her and isn’t sad... And a wild thought comes to him: “Did I corrupt her myself, indulging her needs?” Or is this typical female selfishness? And what now?... And he makes a decision: “now I will live as I understand it and as my cosmic energy tells me.” But then she will return and again begin to make claims that I should do this and that because “it’s necessary.” And what will he answer? And he already answered himself and even once to her: “I’m no longer interested in you.” He also said: “I feel like a good offices worker with you, a service worker, I’m tired of playing on your field all the time and by your rules. I'm stopping this game and I don't need any of your payment for my services. I don’t like it anymore and it’s not interesting to me.” And he will live for himself and the way he likes, the way he imagines the world through the eyes of his cosmic energy. What will the woman say? (This is not me asking and not about her. This is a question for women from men)

Tips that don't work

Women's magazines are full of advice on how to inspire a man to have a successful career, how to get him to go to the gym, how to persuade him to get off the couch.

Women begin to act decisively, but for some reason men withdraw into themselves, do not want to be frank, share their thoughts and experiences. Why does this happen? Let's look at three popular tips through the prism of knowledge about types of motivation.

“Advice” first

In the presence of a man, call your mother or girlfriend, complain about your difficult financial situation, tell them that you don’t have enough money to buy a refrigerator or a trip to Switzerland. Children want to visit the entertainment center, but you haven’t been to the salon for a month. Perhaps, having heard your conversations, he will think and begin to act.

Why doesn't this work?

The method is absolutely not viable. None of the motifs are included here. Your endless chatter and whining into the phone will only anger the man. He will withdraw even more into himself and move away from you.

How to proceed.

Try to spend less time talking on the phone. And if you already called, then tell your mother, yours and his, what a great guy he is. Yesterday I nailed a shelf in the kitchen.

Today you placed decorative plates on it that you brought from Morocco. And on the weekend you are waiting for guests to demonstrate the updated kitchen. Satisfy your man's need for recognition and approval.

“Advice” second

Motivate a man to take action through children. Parents always wish their children all the best. So that they do not suffer from lack of money, lack of food, toys or seaside holidays

. Therefore, casually mention your baby’s dream. Let the father think about where to get money to make his child happy.

Why doesn't this work?

This advice is ineffective because it is based on pressure on a sense of duty and manipulation of children. Instead of the expected effect, you will most likely receive aggression in response.

A man will simply begin to accumulate resentment, anger and irritation inside. This will result in quarrels and family scandals with tears and mutual reproaches.

How to proceed.

Try to manipulate a man less. Offer to consider the options together, the benefits of each decision. Let him make the final decision on his own: send the child to the village with his grandmother for the summer or buy a ticket to a children's camp in Spain. After all, he is the master of the house, an accomplished adult man.

“Advice” third

Every woman dreams of walking arm in arm with a dizzying handsome man so that all her girlfriends will be jealous. How to motivate a man to play sports and go to the gym? Accidentally leave a magazine with fit handsome men on the table. After leafing through the publication, your man may feel jealous, think about it, and start working on his own figure to arouse your admiration.

Why doesn't this work?

The feeling of jealousy is unproductive in nature, causing anger and unmotivated aggression. The advice is based on the ineffective motive of fear that you will leave him.

How to proceed.

Take care of yourself, your figure. Start visiting a fitness center. When the first results appear, share your joy with your partner, tell him that you really want to be slim and fit next to him. So that together you look like a harmonious, beautiful couple.

All recommendations are based on the motive of satisfying the needs of the partner. To bring the highest level of motivation to work, check if there is love in your relationship.

Watch the video “How to find out whether a man loves you or not. Nine signs." The video presents a convenient checklist of 9 questions. By answering them honestly, you will understand whether it is worth working on your relationship and moving towards success, or whether it is better for you to break up and look for new partners.

Answers on questions

How to motivate my man to give gifts?

For a man to start generously giving you gifts, learn to receive gifts with gratitude. When accepting flowers, a box of chocolates or a souvenir, express positive emotions and show good humor. A man will subconsciously remember the emotional reaction, feel significant, and he will want to experience this state again.

How to motivate him to marry me?

Let's start with an important note: a man must make the decision to marry HIMSELF. Remember the paradox that a woman’s strength is in her weakness and become for him the woman he wants to protect from life’s adversities. Think about the main female roles and try to change them periodically. Be either a caring mother, an ardent lover, or a devoted friend.

How to get a man to get off the couch and start working for the good of the family?

The advice is simple: do not scold or reproach a man. It’s better to ask him to get a job and find an effective incentive. Buying new things for him and paying for a swimming pool for the kid probably won't work. But a new spinning rod for an avid fisherman or the purchase of a new SUV for a car enthusiast may well become an effective bait.

How to motivate a man to start a family?

Question for a psychologist:

Good afternoon I’m 32, my husband is 33, we’ve been together for 7 years, we’ve been living together for a year, no children. Our relationship is already established, I love him, he loves me (shows concern). From the beginning of the relationship (which I initiated), he showed detachment, after a couple of years he thawed out, and I thought that now he might think about marriage, but time passed and nothing changed. Having talked with him on the topic of marriage, I heard from him only a negative reaction to marriage as such, he is sick of weddings and he does not understand those who arrange them. I objected that we could just sign the wedding without making a celebration, maybe go somewhere together to relax, but this option didn’t satisfy him either, his mood deteriorated and I never returned to this topic. They say that men are slower to make such serious decisions and they need time, but another 3 years have passed and nothing. All my friends got married and had children a long time ago. They have no time for me. I am tired of public pressure (I live in a small town), rumors have already begun to circulate about me that I am sick with something, people of the older generation come up to me and begin to lecture me about how selfish I am for not having children or getting married, but they They don’t know that I want this with all my heart, well, I can’t get married, what will I do? This is all very unpleasant. I told my boyfriend about all my experiences, he said not to pay attention to the opinions of some left-wing people, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me. Some relationship experts recommend shaking a man up with an unexpected act, and I decided to move to Moscow alone. We did not break off relations. He supported my decision, didn’t ask to stay, didn’t miss me when I left (according to him), didn’t even ask where I would live or if I had found an apartment (but that’s his characteristic, he’s not sentimental). I rented a place, tripled my work and began to wait for his feelings to awaken and call me back. We communicated on the Internet and occasionally called each other. A year and a half of such a long-distance relationship, but there was not even a hint of its development, moreover, I learned that he was glad to be alone, quit his job and lives on his savings, no one picks his brains. I’ll say a few words about his family, there was overprotection there, his mother told him what to do, she decided everything for him, perhaps that’s why he was happy to live on his own. I realized that my plan had failed, at the same time problems with work began and I returned back. We live together again, he hasn’t worked for two years, I support us. He says that he will work, but he is not looking for work, he watches TV series and plays, his intimate life is also a mess, and he does not show sexual interest in me. Now I’m writing this and I understand that I need to run, but for some reason I believe that the time will come and everything will get better. Maybe he's depressed? How to encourage him to start a family?

Question author: Victoria Age: 32

Myths about how to motivate a man to succeed

To begin with, I will list a few popular statements that are clearly myths:

– women who have had many relationships know how to motivate a man and can do this with anyone;

– sex is the best motivation for him;

– if you promise something important for him in return, you can motivate a man to almost any action;

And there are an endless number of such useful things on the Internet! Now forget about it and get ready to absorb some really important information about your man.

.

Motivation of a man

It is worth reminding a man of his past success or already achieved goals and assuring him that he is talented and capable. Remind about its importance in the family, society, and work.

A woman herself should know a man well and help him understand himself, see a hidden resource. The key to achieving the goal will be:

• clear plan;
• patience and positive attitude;
• confidence in yourself and your partner;
• sincere motives and feelings.

It is important to create the mood to achieve something. There are various methods for this.

Small steps

It is very difficult to think about big goals, especially if a person does not feel the strength to realize them. Suggest small steps he can take to achieve his goal. The best option would be to help him make a list of things that stand in the way of achieving his goal.

Common goals

It is difficult to motivate a person to perform a certain activity if the result of its implementation is the satisfaction of the interests of another.

Correctly specified common goals, the result of which will be the satisfaction of the needs of both partners, have a high chance of being realized. The realization of his own desires is the best motivation for him. A woman should gently and correctly make her desires common.

Some have responsibilities towards their family and this can be a motivation to achieve success. In such a situation, the desire to provide for the needs of others, loved ones, and relatives can play an important role.

To be an example

A successful woman can be a good example and inspire a man. When a woman reaches a certain professional level, social status, or financial security, men instinctively try to surpass her. This situation will be motivational for both partners and will give impetus to constantly develop and achieve new results.

Look attractive

A woman's appearance influences her husband's success and can inspire him. For most men, a well-groomed woman is an incentive for career development.

Actions become more focused and productive.

Gratitude and Praise

Often men lose the desire to do something without receiving gratitude and support. Gratitude is necessary for both small and serious steps in implementation.

Compliments are a great way to inspire. This should be sincere praise for real actions; it will become an effective motivator.

Who is he really?

First you need to take into account that a man is 100% internally motivated

, because:

1) A man always acts according to plan.

Even if you don't agree with this plan, he still already has it, which means nothing can force him to abandon it: be it planning to build a skyscraper or watching TV.

Rest assured, he has a plan even for this. How to motivate your loved one in this case? Try to inspire him, become a muse for him.

2) Motivation and inspiration work differently.

At first glance, these are two identical concepts, but in reality they do not have much in common.
Motivation can be defined as an internal drive to action.
This sounds a little confusing, so read the previous sentence a few times before we move on.

3) You should take into account that the source of inspiration does not directly affect motivation

and cannot ask or demand that she prove herself.

The very presence of a source (it could be you as a desired woman, muse, inspiration) is quite enough to motivate a man.

4) Motivation works when a man’s internal state, his readiness and external inspiration coincide

. You've probably noticed that men react differently to the same events at different periods of their lives.

Is it worth trying to hint?

Any man will tell you that hints for him are completely useless efforts. Unfortunately, we are not able to recognize women's cues.

There are no receptors in our brain that respond to them. You may not believe it, but you will have to accept it. It is unlikely that you will be able to motivate your loved one in this way.

How to motivate a man to succeed: two truths you didn’t know

Why does a man lie in seal mode on the sofa and not even try to climb to new heights?

Does he abandon the work he started halfway, and all your calls, threats and blackmail remain unheeded? Is it possible to help him become successful?

Do you remember that men are from Mars, women are from Venus? And the strategy that seems right to you, for some reason does not work with the stronger sex.

Welcome to the world of men. It seems illogical to you, so we want to reveal two simple truths. They will change the way you look at things forever.

Common Myths

Where do women get inspiration to be a guy's motivator? They read “useful things” on the Internet, listen to equally unlucky friends, colleagues, and parents.

And it’s not always the case that a lady who has had dozens of affairs is a relationship guru. And in the end you will just copy her mistakes

TOP 3 most common misconceptions:

1. For the sake of sex, a man is ready to do anything, so if the lady is unhappy, you need to drive the slave to the sofa and blackmail her with sex more often. Then a job will immediately be found, and the family will have more money, and they will bring flowers and gifts every day.

Another way

Be direct. We love it

. In this case, we immediately receive specific requests and requirements from you. We have plenty of receptors that perceive this.

So don’t take it to heart if your boyfriend makes a puzzled face when you ask: “Do you remember what day it is?”

.

Even if you actively hinted to him for three months. It's better to tell him directly what you want. This will significantly save him and your time, not to mention nerves.

Do you still want to know how to motivate a man? Are you tired of reading?

Conclusions about the primacy and ranking of men

Summarizing all of the above, we can say that men with high rank and average primacy have several times more chances of achieving success than men with low rank. This means one thing - if a person’s psychotype does not allow him to become a leader or an entrepreneur, then no matter how much effort he puts in, he will not be able to become the best. Of course it’s very rare, but there are exceptions!

Why did I tell all this? Girls, if your man has not achieved any heights in life, or he is unable to become a good entrepreneur ( leader ), do not demand this from him and do not be offended. Perhaps it’s just not his thing and he will be or is already strong in something else. The main thing is to be a good person! Thank you for your attention, always your Maximum income!

Men and boys

The time has come to reveal the first truth to you ,

which I spoke about - the entire adult male population of our planet can be divided into two types:

1. “Boy”
   is rarely independent, requires constant care, dreams a lot. Men of this type can be motivated to do any action, but this does not mean that as a result you will get what you really wanted.
2. “The man”
   knows what he wants. Solve any problems independently. He always has a Mission - the main goal towards which he is constantly moving.

Determine what type your lover is

very easy. It is enough to understand whether he has a Mission, or whether he lives with dreams that he never brings to life.

Therefore, when you try to motivate your loved one to do something, think about who you want to deal with - a “man”

or with
"boy"
.
If with a “man”
, be prepared for the fact that
you won’t be able to influence him much, because he knows better when the time comes
for what you are asking for.

For example, you asked a man for a fur coat. He already has an internal plan for when he can bring it to you, depending on his capabilities. If you want to speed up this process, you will most likely run into a protest.

He had already built his own plan internally! And to the question: “How long can you wait?” he will always have adequate arguments: because now is the wrong time, the wrong circumstances, etc. And you should come to terms with this if you really want to get what you want.

If he gives in, then you are dealing with a “boy”

. But do you need it? Who do you want to become for him? Beloved or mother? In this case, you are not motivating the man, but educating him.

The following articles will help you understand yourself even better:

It's time to finally find out the second one

for today and
the most important truth
of how to motivate the man you love.

My answer will surprise you: No way! Absolutely serious! “But why not?”

- you ask.

Because ambitions to achieve goals in a man can come and go. And this cannot depend on you. This can only be influenced by his internal focus on the desire to accomplish something.

When will this happen? - When the time comes. There is no other way to make it move in any direction than the one in which it is already moving.

Men act according to the internal plan. There are no other options. And here you can become the reason that will inspire him to carry out his plans.

The closest thing you can do to motivation is just being close to him, loving him, supporting him and not stopping him from moving on the chosen course. This will best motivate him to action. Much better than all your previous attempts to motivate your beloved man with the help of special techniques and secrets that fill the Internet.

And remember: you are a very important component of his Mission

.

Some women are often disappointed and realize that they are dating "boys"

who do not and most likely cannot have ambitions and goals.

While it seemed to you that you were successfully motivating your loved one to perform great deeds, in reality he simply obeyed. Because he does not have his own Mission.

If your relationship has been going on in this way for quite a long time, there is a huge chance that you managed to raise a henpecked man.

. Alas, he is unlikely to succeed.

It is important to realize that together with him you are slowly moving along the road to nowhere. After all, you need a man with a Mission .

Is not it?

A selection of motivational books

Motivation is about everything that motivates you. There is a combination of external and internal motivators in our lives, but internal motivators have proven their effectiveness time and time again. What motivates one person may not be what motivates another because we are all unique and this is the most important thing to remember when understanding intrinsic motivation and trying to change your life. This list features 8 inspiring and motivational must-read books for men and women.