“Oh, you such rubbish, come here, who did you tell!” The woman crumples and throws her pants in her frightened daughter's face. With her nostrils flared and her lips pursed so that the neighbors wouldn’t hear and find out that behind the wall, physical abuse of children is the norm, she continues to hiss: “I said, put on those damn pants, you stubborn ass! Do not want? What do you want, hit your ass with a belt again? That's rubbish, when are you going to start listening to me? Or are you doing everything on purpose to spite me? I’m warning you for the last time, if you don’t wear these pants, you’ll have to blame yourself. I’m going around you with a belt so much that it will hurt to sit!”
Her five-year-old daughter lets out a drawn-out sob sound that sounds like “no buuuuuuuuuu,” covering her face with her hands. She already knows, now she will get her mother’s hand on her back, on her neck, on her head. And then mom will leave the room, slamming the door, her eyes sparkling with rage, and begin frantically washing the dishes, wiping the dust or scrubbing the floors.
After some time, mom will return with tears in her eyes. She will ask her daughter for forgiveness, hug her and say that it is not her fault, that her daughter herself provokes her with her disobedience. And the daughter will cling to her mother, sobbing, and know that soon the physical violence will happen again.
Physical violence against children in the family
Do you think such mothers look like monsters? No, to all the people around them they look like quite prosperous, educated, modest, caring mothers who always know what is best for the child. Who do everything correctly and conscientiously. And only those closest to the family know that there are times when they lose control of themselves, turn into cruel tyrants and physically beat their children.
- What makes such women behave harshly towards their most beloved children?
- Where does this aggression come from and how to eliminate it from relationships with children?
- Is there protection from violence?
- What consequences for children arise as a result of aggressive outbursts in their mother?
The System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan gives the most detailed answers to these questions. It is in it that the entire mechanism that triggers such desires in the mother is fully revealed.
Causes of violence against children in the family
All people react differently to the world around them, feel bad states inside themselves differently and bring them out in different ways. This depends on the set of mental properties that is given to each person at birth; depends on the extent to which a person has managed to develop these properties and how he realizes himself in society.
Outbursts of aggression and a tendency to physical violence are always an outburst of bad states in the psyche of people with an anal vector.
Where do these bad conditions come from?
Women with an anal vector by nature have a number of unconscious desires: to have a family, give birth to children, take care of their husband and children. Loyalty, honesty, decency, purity in everything are their values. They also have a large sexual libido that demands its satisfaction.
When some desires are not fulfilled for a long time, frustration arises, the woman becomes angry, irritable, and aggressive. And then the reason doesn’t matter - physical violence in the family is guaranteed. Such a woman will always find a way to take out her “badness” on another. And most often children become lightning rods for her.
You should not think that a woman in such a state deliberately wants to harm her child. This is wrong. She really cannot control herself at this moment, because she is at the mercy of unconscious mechanisms in her psyche.
Most often, it is sexual frustration that is the reason that triggers these outbursts of aggression, provoking physical violence against children in the family, as well as verbal sadism towards them.
Female psychological violence: 10 ways to drive a man
Usually, when you ask men what the famous “female psychological violence” is, no one can really explain anything. They use mooing, grumbling, scary eyes, phrases like “well, this is how it is, you know it yourself,” and similar things that do not clarify anything, but only confuse them even more.
In search of an answer to this question, I directly sat down with several men I knew, and frankly said that I would not cry until I received intelligible, clear and extremely easy-to-express explanations through my mouth. And now, hallelujah, you and I have at least something. At least some characteristics of this disgusting phenomenon.
1. Increased emotionality (in common parlance – “chicken coop”)
We are talking about groups in which people are constantly discussing something emotionally, gesticulating, actively arguing, then making peace, and at the slightest provocation a bazaar breaks out. It seems like nothing is happening, no events, but it’s very difficult to be in such a group. This, by the way, is noted by both men and women, but it is believed that in most cases the situation of the Brazilian series takes place where the team is female. Three men complained to me about such violence through chatter. One is a student studying in a women's group, and two are fathers of several girls living in a small city apartment. Maybe we should just expand our living space?
2. Screaming and panic in an alarming situation (“brain drain”)
We are talking about such a feminine characteristic as high anxiety. Women do, on average, worry more actively and more, and for less significant reasons. This allows them to avoid danger in time, protecting their offspring. But this also makes them hysterical and alarmists in the eyes of men. And men in women’s eyes are cold, insensitive and emotionally stupid dorks.
3. Tears
I don’t know why this is violence, but many men believe that this is the case. From childhood they were taught that tears are bad and indecent, and the very sight of a crying woman is unbearable for them. And if he himself was the cause of the tears, turn out the lights altogether. An emotional abuser, no less.
4. Insults
This is a point with which I agree without controversy. Indeed, you cannot insult anyone, neither M nor J. The only question is what exactly is considered insults. It's one thing if your wife called you a perforated contraceptive, or dog excrement. And something completely different is comparisons.
5. Comparison with other men in financial terms (“and Vasya’s salary is higher”)
This is perhaps one of the main complaints that husbands make against their wives. And they even give a detailed explanation of how this mechanism of violence works. It turns out that the man is already extremely wounded by a society in which achievements are demanded of him, and they point out to him that he is a sad beggar. At home, you see, he wants to relax and know that he is loved for nothing. However, how many wives in their family life find out that their butt is not like that of young Claudia Schiffer?
6. Comparison with other men sexually (“and Vasya has a bigger penis”)
In fact, most often in the original there is no talk about penis size. It’s just that a woman begins to remember all the grievances in a row, and eventually agrees to the point that she is not satisfied in bed. I am against such measures, and I believe that sexual problems should be discussed separately. Gently, without shouting and in a friendly atmosphere.
7. Denial of intimate relationships (for the purpose of blackmail)
We are not talking about when a husband and wife who are pretty fed up with each other, after 30 years of marriage, arrange a small funeral for their sex life. We are talking about those cunning wives who give out sex in doses only on payday, or in this way squeeze out trips and gifts (this, they say, happens). However, according to the experience of my friends, men also “squint” at sexual relations. But at least they don’t require fur coats.
8. Offenses (pursed lips, sad face, wet eyes, not accompanied by a detailed explanation of what exactly you did wrong)
The atmosphere in the family deteriorates, and the reason is not clear, a feeling of guilt is intensified. Then it turns out that the reason was the butt of some lady you looked at two months ago. I’ll say right away that men have an analogue of this behavior - unspoken, causeless jealousy.
9. Constantly repeated requests to do something (“take out the Christmas tree, it’s May Day”)
This is where I'm surprised. What if, in fact, taking out the Christmas tree and trash is your responsibility, but you don’t do it? What should a woman do? Should I do everything myself, taking on other people’s responsibilities, or just leave the tree until next year, when it will become relevant again? Isn't it easier to grow up and just fulfill agreements?
10. Well, and the worst thing. The answer that amazed me. No longer shows emotions (a female robot who regularly gives access to her body, cooks, communicates... but no longer loves)
Honestly, I didn’t expect to hear this from a man, but come on. Not all, it turns out, is lost. They only say that they despise emotions. And they themselves... are simply well encrypted...
What do you think about female psychological violence? How do you think it manifests itself, how to deal with it?
The real causes of child abuse
And such women are also very worried about the lack of a family, if there is none. Family for women with an anal vector is one of the most desirable values in life. The tension inside is gradually growing - in proportion to the grievances towards men and towards life.
But even when married, a woman may experience bad conditions associated, for example, with the fact that her husband does not give her such a desired feeling of security and safety. And again frustration arises, and again the woman lashes out at others and physically punishes the child. Of course, deep down she knows that this is wrong.
But man is designed in such a way that he always justifies himself, and our consciousness comes to the rescue here, in any way coming up with rationalizations for outbursts of aggression. For example, a woman begins to say that the child is to blame, he asked for it. And in general, a little strictness in upbringing never hurts.
Children and violence: the consequences of spanking and slaps
The consequences of such behavior by a mother are always definitely negative. This can be observed in a child both several years later, after adolescence, and in the coming days and weeks after another dose of violence. How can a small child protect himself? Physically, no way.
How these consequences will manifest themselves and to what extent depends entirely on the vector set of the child and the mental state of the mother. And also the degree of damage to the psyche that she managed to inflict.
System-vector psychology says that a mother’s poor mental state is guaranteed to create a loss of a sense of security and safety in the child. And without it, children’s psychosexual development may be inhibited.
Let's look at examples in more detail.
If a mother releases her tension on a child with an anal vector, he begins to “behave badly.” He is more stubborn, performs actions very slowly where speed is needed, and can begin to torment animals. He may be so offended by his mother that he will carry this feeling throughout his life.
People with a grudge against their mother have practically no chance for happy, healthy relationships and good self-realization in life. This is how teachers potentially turn out to be sadists, critics and sofa sitters who are unable to earn money.
Physical abuse of children with the skin vector has no less dire consequences. Receiving stress from their mother, such children become even more restless and may steal. For their future life, their “broken” psyche already in childhood creates a scenario for failure or lays down a tendency towards masochistic aspirations.
And then, instead of living life to the fullest and finding themselves in the profession of an engineer or legislator, they become failures: they cannot achieve success in anything, or these successes are small and worthless. Girls develop a tendency towards prostitution. And in the presence of the cutaneous-visual ligament, victimization can develop.
Physical violence deprives society of its intellectual elite
Children with a visual vector, when stressed, can begin to throw constant tantrums and cry for any reason. Without a feeling of security and safety from their mother, they are forever left with fears that hinder them in later life. These can be panic attacks, various phobias, and hysteria.
Visual figurative intelligence has the potential to develop to extraordinary heights. Talented scientists, researchers - they all have a visual vector. And the correct development of a child with a visual vector in the sensory sphere can in the future give the world the greatest humanist, actor, artist.
A child with a sound vector may withdraw into himself during domestic violence and not react when others approach him. Instead of perfect hearing, autism spectrum disorders may appear. And then, instead of a brilliant mathematician, society will receive a social non-adapter. Instead of a great composer or writer - a drug addict.
Moreover, physical violence in the family can also be committed against the mother when fights between family members occur in the house. This will have an equally negative impact on the child, depriving him of a sense of security and safety.
How Russia tried to protect women from violence
The flash mob participants are seeking consideration in the State Duma of the draft federal law “On the Prevention of Domestic Violence.” In addition to Alena Popova, lawyers Mari Davtyan and Alexey Parshin worked on it.
The draft law was introduced into parliament in 2020 by deputy Salia Murzabaeva and senator Anton Belyakov.
It has three main innovations:
- definition of the concept of domestic violence and its types - economic, psychological, sexual.
- Police and judicial protection orders are protective orders issued by the police or court to prevent the person accused of violence from approaching the victim.
- Not only the victim, but also witnesses or other persons can report domestic violence.
The bill was returned to its initiators due to the fact that it was not accompanied by an opinion from the Russian government (this is required by the Constitution). Since then it has been in the archives.
— The hashtag #IDidn’tWantToDie appeared for a reason: it is dedicated both to women who were killed as a result of domestic violence (they did not want to die), as well as to women who are now serving time for killing a partner in self-defense from domestic violence. That is, in the interpretation: “I didn’t want to die, so I defended myself from the aggressor.” If there was a law, it would protect such women even before the death of their partner and would not force them to take extreme measures of self-defense, says Alena Popova.
She and her supporters want to collect more than 1 million signatures on a petition demanding a bill against domestic violence. In this case, the chance of its consideration by the State Duma in the first reading in the fall of 2020 increases. At the start of the flash mob (July 19), 470 thousand people signed the petition. By July 24, there were more than 600 thousand signatures.
Without hate speech, bullying, harassment and insults: feminist Lelya Nordik spoke about activism and the fight against injustice
Report “7x7”
What should a mother do with aggressive outbursts?
There can only be one piece of advice here, but it is very effective and efficient.
Only an understanding of natural mental properties can forever save you from such outbursts of aggression.
- If you know what it is inside of you that is now pushing you to assault yourself;
- if you understand what consequences a child may have from such cruel treatment;
- if you know how to recognize the hidden unconscious desires of your child -
then you can clearly understand the full extent of responsibility for your actions to your children. Learn to get rid of your bad conditions not through stress relief and physical impact, but in other natural ways.
System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan knows for sure that it is quite possible for both women and men to learn to avoid violence against children. Hundreds of women who experienced similar passions in their relationships with children were able to cope with this problem.
Ekaterina A., Moscow
You can learn more about ways to effectively interact with children, about the intricacies of understanding yourself and your real desires at the free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register using the link.
Author Anna Mednikova
The article was written using materials from online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
Every fifth Russian woman has been hit at least once
One of the organizers of the flash mob and co-author of the bill on the prevention of domestic violence, Alena Popova, on her Facebook page provides data from Rosstat: over the past year, approximately 16 million victims of domestic violence have been counted in Russia. 38% of women in Russia have been subjected to verbal violence throughout their lives, and one in five have been hit or beaten at least once.
In 2020, Novaya Gazeta held a hackathon (a forum at which experts from different fields solve a problem together) about the problems of discrimination. Mediazona journalist Yegor Skovoroda and his colleagues conducted a study on how murders committed by women are related to domestic violence. They analyzed 2.5 thousand verdicts of murders committed by women from 2020 to 2018. In 80% of cases, convicted women were subjected to domestic violence. Another study found that in 83% of cases, women convicted of exceeding self-defense defended themselves from their partners. In 38% of convictions, it was mentioned that the partner had previously beaten the woman.
Russian judge of the European Court of Human Rights Dmitry Dedov reported in July 2020 that the ECHR received about a hundred complaints of domestic violence from Russian women. The first decision of the Strasbourg court on domestic violence in Russia became known on July 9. The ECHR awarded Valeria Volodina, a resident of Ulyanovsk who fled the country, compensation of 20 thousand euros for the fact that the police did not protect her from an aggressive partner.
