When a woman gets married, she expects her life to be happy and harmonious. But this is not always what happens. It is difficult to avoid misunderstandings, quarrels and scandals. As a result, the loved one feels offended and begins to move away. Relationships are deteriorating more and more. And then one day, the woman finds out that her husband wants to divorce her.
This is a real blow to her pride. She is offended, filled with not the best emotions. She begins to prove that she still loves him, tries to offer different options for getting out of the current situation in order to become a happy family again. But, as a rule, this all happens at the peak of emotions. Therefore, nothing can be changed.
What are women afraid of?
Often, many women cannot decide to file for divorce because they are simply afraid. Usually they are stopped by the following reasons:
- Not every woman can decide and take full responsibility for minor children on her shoulders. And many simply do not want to feel guilty that they allegedly broke up their family and deprived their children of their father. It is because of this that a woman remains in marriage and simply suffers.
- Relatives who have no idea what is happening in the family often take the husband’s side. And this begins to put a lot of pressure on the woman, because she has no support at all, which is fraught with doubts and remorse about her actions.
- Financial issue is one of the main obstacles to divorce. This is especially true for those women who are completely dependent on their spouse. In this case, everything becomes even more complicated, but for some women, finding a job will be an excellent opportunity for self-realization.
- Loneliness and fear, which provokes psychological discomfort. It is difficult for a woman to accept the idea that she now has a new status - “divorced.” For many people this is extremely unpleasant.
Of course, there are other individual reasons why women choose a terrible marriage over peaceful singleness. However, there are situations when divorce is simply necessary. Otherwise, such a marriage is fraught with undermined health of the lady, both physical and psychological, but is it really worth it?
Features of divorce when the husband does not agree
In a situation where the husband does not want to consent to the divorce, the process takes place as usual, as would any divorce in court. The only difference between such a divorce and a peace agreement is that it most often occurs in court and drags on over time. In the end, even if the husband doesn’t want to, the couple will still be divorced. There are some features of this process that are worth considering.
When the husband cannot come to court (for good reasons), he can entrust this to a trusted person. This failure to appear is fundamentally different from when a person does not want to go to a court hearing.
This fact complicates the process, the meeting is postponed every time and time passes.
The law provides that if the defendant fails to come to court three times, the divorce will take place. But this rule applies when there are no children under eighteen years of age and no joint property. You don’t have to mention the reasons for the divorce if you wish, because any of the spouses has the right to divorce according to the law if he wants to. If the husband does not consent to divorce, and the wife is pregnant at that time or the child is under one year old, then the woman has the right to divorce, but the man does not. What to do in this situation? All that remains is to wait until the child reaches one year of age. Often both parents want to keep the child with them. Then the court will have additional work to do. Many things need to be taken into account: the financial situation of each spouse, whether the father or mother can provide full-time care for the child, the state of the spouses' property after a divorce, and the state of the place of residence. In our society, children usually stay with their mother, but there are cases when the court makes the opposite decision.
Usually a man cannot give a child what a mother gives, and many of them do not want to take responsibility for children. What should women who decide to get a divorce do, even if the husband does not have consent for the divorce? You should act boldly, contact a lawyer and remember that her rights are protected by the law.
Where to submit documents
If there is consent for divorce from both spouses, the package of collected documents is usually submitted to the registry office at the place of residence. In the case where the husband has not given consent and does not want to do this further, the matter must be resolved in court. Naturally, the documents are submitted to the court, which is located at the husband’s place of residence. When the husband cannot appear in court for an important reason, the court hearing takes place at the place of residence of the plaintiff - the wife. The law provides the possibility of divorce without court, in the registry office in some cases. This is possible when:
- one of the spouses is declared incompetent;
- when one of the spouses goes missing;
- when one of the parties is in prison (for a term of more than three years).
Also, the law of the Russian Federation, if the husband refuses a divorce, provides for the allocation of a certain period during which the wife can try to persuade her husband to divorce. This period is two months and begins from the moment the spouse submits the application . All the nuances regarding divorce, when the husband does not want to get a divorce, are discussed in detail in the family code of our country. The period for consideration of documents can be increased to three months if the wife changes her decision.
The presence of alcohol and drug addiction of the husband
This is indeed a valid reason for divorce. After all, dependent people gradually become asocial, degrade and lose the ability to perform their family functions. Of course, a woman needs to think about what it’s like for her children to live with such a father. Is it right that a child is forced to see his dad in an inadequate state every day? Indeed, often in this case, children are simply afraid of their father, and this affects their psyche. Think first of all about the health of your child!
Where to go for divorce?
- Property disputes
The beginning of the procedure is the study of legal requirements and provisions of regulations.
Table No. 1 “Legislative regulation of the issue”
| Normative act | Key regulatory issues |
| Family code | Grounds for termination of marriage in the registry office and court. Rights of participants during and after divorce proceedings |
| Civil Code | Resolving property issues related to the division of joint property, including debt obligations of spouses |
| tax code | Determining the amount of state duty, which is universal throughout Russia |
| Civil Procedure Code | Consideration of a divorce dispute in court. Rules for filing a claim, deadlines for consideration, result |
| Federal Law “On Civil Registry Office” dated November 15, 1997 No. 143 | Algorithm and nuances of divorce through civil registry authorities |
| Resolution of the Plenum of the Supreme Court No. 15 of 1998 | Divorce procedure in the presence of minor children. Restrictions applicable to parents wishing to end the marriage |
| Federal Law “On the Protection of Children’s Rights” No. 124 dated July 24, 1998 | Guaranteeing the rights of minors during divorce and after its registration |
The law defines a list of grounds when divorce is allowed only through the court, and when through the territorial registry office.
Table No. 2 “Start of divorce - choice of the authority considering the application for termination of the marriage union”
| Condition | MARRIAGE REGISTRY | District Court | World authority |
| Consent of participants | Only with a mutual decision to end the marriage. It is permitted to submit an application unilaterally in exceptional circumstances:
| Unilateral divorce or mutual decision | Only mutual consent |
| Children | Children are adults or not common. Marriage with children can be terminated unilaterally under the above exceptional circumstances | With and without children | Regardless of the presence of children |
| Property | No material disputes | There is a property conflict when the value of the claim is more than 50,000 rubles | Property is divided if the claim price is up to 50 thousand rubles |
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Physical violence
He hits, it means he loves. Do you think so? If yes, then this means that you are very mistaken. There is simply not a single valid reason on the entire planet for a husband to hit his wife. Physical violence cannot be tolerated! Many women think that their husband will change and this will not happen again, but, most likely, these thoughts are an illusion. The sooner a woman files for divorce, the better it will be for her health and life.
Moral violence
Along with physical violence there is moral violence. If a husband constantly insults, humiliates, ignores, then gradually the woman will simply become one continuous lump of disease. With each bullying, the husband simply destroys the self-esteem of his own wife, gives rise to a bunch of inferiority complexes, and this is fraught with psychosomatic pathologies. If there is a child, then, watching how the father behaves with his mother, he can develop complexes, and this is also fraught with problems with relationships in the future.
Constant betrayals
Is it worth ignoring cheating? If this happened once and the husband truly repents and regrets his actions, then you can forgive. And if infidelity occurs openly and at the same time goes along with complete disregard for one’s lawful wife, then such disrespect cannot be tolerated!
How to decide on divorce?
Psychologists can share one method designed to solve incomprehensible situations. Especially in circumstances when feelings say one thing and the mind says another. This practice is nicknamed “Cartesian Questions,” and this is exactly what they sound like:
- What will happen if you decide to do this? (Answer).
- What won't happen if you decide to do this? This question is designed to establish “secondary benefits.” It is thanks to the answer that you can find the advantages of this situation and the advantages that you are likely to lose.
- What won't happen if you don't decide to do it? This question puzzles the left hemisphere of the brain. However, if you try to find the answer, a person can get rid of the usual conscious thinking and turn on other neural channels of the brain. You can look at this situation from a different perspective. This process will help you realize those values and inner strengths that you did not know before. Therefore, in this case, you need to want to find the answer using intuition, but not logic.
- What happens if you don't? This highlights the cost you will pay if you continue to live your life as before. Or you will understand that the break will be a step forward for you, an incentive that will change your life in a positive way.
Often, when thinking about whether to file for divorce, a woman puts money first. She has an insoluble dilemma - financial or spiritual comfort.
There are a couple of options to resolve this situation. The first is that a woman takes responsibility for her existence, becomes independent and financially independent. That is, she chose feelings and sincerity over money.
Another is that a woman gives preference to finances and convenience, but for this she needs to adapt and endure, saving herself from full-fledged emotional living. Is this torment worth it, because there is only one life, rather than having to live it in suffering?
The husband left the family for his mistress, but does not want to get a divorce
Seeing your husband's infatuation with another woman is very painful. It hurts even more when he leaves his family for the other one. During this period, the deceived wife is seething with anger and rage, pain and resentment, and she really wants to quickly get a divorce and erase the traitor from her life. But before you tear all the threads of your marriage, think about whether your family can be saved. Think about it, if your husband left the family, but is in no hurry to get a divorce, it means that something is holding him back, and you can take advantage of this.
Why do men decide to leave?
Some men may have a mistress for many years. Moreover, the other woman, however, is not dirty and vile, as you would like to think. She sincerely believes that your husband is suffering in his marriage, that the only things keeping you from being with him are obligations like children, a mortgage, or illness. but also that he was going to leave you all along. Most likely, she also loves him and believes that someday he will become her husband. In the end, sooner or later she confronts a man with a choice.
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The deciding factor for a man in this case is not how good his relationship with the other woman is. The decisive factor is how good their relationship is with their wife. And if at this moment some kind of crack or conflict appeared in family relationships, rest assured, the husband will go to her. After all, he probably shares all his problems with her, and she can use them for her own benefit. But, as practice shows, leaving for a mistress does not mean divorce. Why doesn't a man immediately file for divorce? There are several reasons for this:
- Perhaps he left rashly, in a fit of emotion during a scandal. Now he regrets it, but pride does not allow him to return.
- He is not yet ready to radically change his life. Men after a breakup are not ready to immediately marry another woman. They want to stay longer as a bachelor.
- He does not file for divorce, because in this case he will have to marry his mistress, and the man does not want that. He didn’t leave one family just to get married straight away.
- Maybe his remorse is preventing him from getting a divorce. He feels guilty before you, before the children, before his family.
Where do men leave the family and do they leave?
Question about triangles: why do all psychologists invariably say: “men rarely leave the family.” In my circle, many people are in their second marriage. And one day they all left the family for their mistress. There was not a single situation “the marriage had exhausted itself, got divorced, was a little single and got married again.” Maybe something has changed in modern society?
Let's imagine a trivial situation. A woman comes to a psychologist who is waiting for a happy, so to speak, moment when her beloved man will finally announce to his family that he loves another (that is, her), wants to connect his life with her, will gracefully leave his upset relatives and happily rush off to my beloved.
For all my sarcastic description of a common situation, this often looks exactly like this in the fantasies and hopes of our generalized heroine.
What is the main error in perceiving reality in these fantasies? No, it’s not that he, this man, will not leave the family. Men - like women - are leaving their families. And sometimes they don’t leave. And it happens that they drag the cat by the tail for a long time. No, it is not the very expectation of leaving “them” for her that is a delusion. A happy delusion is the idea that a married partner will resolve all his marital problems without it affecting her in any way. She will remain on the sidelines, pure and beautiful, simply modestly waiting for her happiness.
If someone in this text saw a condemnation of this woman on the topic “Oh, how can she! Destroyer of the family! Immoral scoundrel! - then no, these are, as they say, your fantasies.
This short text is about how a woman who hopes to stand modestly on the sidelines and wait for a complex triangular situation in which many people, several families, tangles of feelings and emotions, decisions and consequences of decisions are involved, as a rule, remains modestly standing in aside.
And a woman who, after 35, believes that there are many men who have been divorced for a long time and are trying to get married again. and this group - her main contenders for her hand and heart - is also quite naive.
Men have changed. The world has changed. Society has changed. Life has changed. Women have changed. And in the last decade, men often get divorced not in order, in the banal language of Soviet newspapers, to “tie the knot again.” Men are increasingly getting divorced to gain freedom. For example, in which they did not have time to live in their youth.
Once, at the very first training program for family psychologists, a man of about forty told the other participants: “Convince me that I should get married and that I should change my lifestyle. My daughter has grown up, my ex-wife is married again. I come home from work, pour a little cognac with lemon, make myself a sandwich with salmon, and turn on the TV. My evening is going peacefully. I have enough communication at work. I have enough accomplishments in my business. There are a lot of women for both romance and sex. My apartment is cleaned when I'm not there. The coffee is brewed by a coffee maker, and the laundry is washed by a washing machine. Why should I want to change anything?
So, if you want to find someone who got divorced long before you appeared “on his horizon,” you may well have difficulties. He already feels good - both without you and without his other beloved.
If you expect that they will divorce just for you, because you are beautiful, and you will never be affected by those who left you, you are most likely also mistaken. Children from previous marriages, financial obligations, the affection of your partner’s parents for your ex-wife or ex-husband, your feeling of guilt, your partner’s guilt - all this may come into your life, even if you really wanted to wait out “someone else’s” storm on the sidelines .
Although there are always exceptions.
1. Men leave families. And they go to their mistresses. This does not mean that in a few years they will go to their next mistress. The idea “if he leaves someone, he will leave you too” is a social stereotype that well regulates the expectations of a third party. Often during consultations, men admit: “I am going to leave the family, and I will do this as soon as I find a suitable woman.”
2. Women also leave their husbands. Sometimes from families. More and more often and easier. The better the life of society is. the easier it is to break up socially.
3. It is almost impossible for new husbands and wives to remain “pure” in such stories. Choose. Stand on the sidelines in anxious anticipation for years or realize that you are starting a new family, and you will have to go through many difficult, unpleasant and, at times, quite dirty moments. Condemnation from your loved ones is almost guaranteed. Or on the sidelines. but clean.
4. Men don't always leave for someone else. “A beautiful and brave woman crossed the road, her love was like a precocious cherry” - a good explanation for the injured party. Often men go into a lonely life in every sense. Free swimming. Women, by the way, are increasingly doing the same.
Mistakes of women who are trying to get their husband back
Dealing with a person who wants to leave is different from dealing with a person who has been caught and does not want to leave. The choice a man makes is not about another woman, although both his wife and mistress think so. The choice depends on what he wants for his future. Anything you do that creates resistance or shows disapproval will push him away. Although his behavior is very bad, you cannot force a man to stay by trying to show him in a bad light. Your accusations, attacks or pleas are of no help. These attempts will make you even more unattractive in his eyes and will not save you from divorce.
The biggest threat to your relationship is not your lover. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. There's nothing magical about it. She's just an opportunity that her husband jumped at, so don't get too caught up in thinking about her. The real problem is the loss of spiritual connection with your husband. He does not care about marriage, does not remain faithful to the family. And the reasons for this lie in the fact that he is not satisfied with something about you. Perhaps there are often scandals in your home. Perhaps you have begun to devote less time to your appearance. Or maybe you often deny him sex? Understand that men are designed in such a way that they will not delve into problems or start a showdown. They will simply find a way out that is more convenient for them.
Spousal reunification is impossible in two cases:
- If there is no emotional connection and sexual attraction between them.
- Another situation is when a man has already devoted himself to another woman. Evidence of affection is that he moves towards her, promising to marry her, and has a child in common with her.
How to behave towards your husband's mistress
Situations are different, so it is quite possible that your friend or colleague has become a homewrecker. If you live in a small town, it is possible that you know your husband’s mistress. Therefore, you cannot avoid meeting with her. It is important to develop a line of behavior towards it:
- behave, first of all, with dignity: do not make a scandal, do not insult her, do not spread dirty rumors about her;
- remember that this is not some kind of sex symbol, but an ordinary woman who is also worried, jealous and feels guilty;
- you have many levers through which you can bring your husband closer to you: a common home, children, joint holidays and events;
- do not let your mistress find out about some negative situations in your life, about conflicts in the family, problems with children, she will definitely use it against you.
Remember, you have one undoubted advantage: you are a legal spouse, you have a lot in common, and in this fight it is unknown who else will lose. If a man has left for her, but is in no hurry to divorce you, let this woman worry!
Is it worth bringing back my departed husband?
Many psychologists advise the lady to carefully consider the need to return her lover. What factors can influence this?
- A woman must understand that a partner who left once can do it again, which means there will be inconstancy in the relationship.
- If partners have feelings for each other, you need to try to save the marriage.
- If a man decides to commit meanness or betrayal, it is worth restoring the relationship only in the most extreme cases.
- After leaving and returning, there will no longer be the same trust in the family.
- Restoring relationships will take a lot of time, which will most likely be wasted.
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Not all unions deserve to be fought for to the end. But if a woman loves her husband immensely and cannot live without him, such a struggle makes sense.
How to behave if your husband leaves the family: important advice from a psychologist
If your husband left the family, this is not a reason to become hysterical and think that life is over. There are correct behavioral tactics that will help you avoid stress and solve the problem with dignity. We will share it in this article. You will learn why spouses leave their wives, how to react to the desire to file for divorce, and how to behave when breaking up. You will also decide what to do after the breakup of a marriage, whether it is worth returning the departed man and how to do it competently. You will find advice from experienced psychologists and a way out of the situation.
How to cope with your husband leaving your family
Of course, a woman’s initial task is to pull herself together and not allow emotions to prevail over reason. There is no need to suffer and consider yourself the most unfortunate woman. The sooner you stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept the truth, the sooner you will begin to heal and create a better, happier life. A few tips will help you with this:
- If your husband left home, this does not mean that you are to blame. Even the most beautiful, successful and rich wives are cheated on.
- Forgive your husband, even if he doesn't ask for forgiveness. Don't let the most negative emotions take over you.
- Stop comparing yourself with another woman It is pointless and useless to compare yourself with her, trying to understand why your husband left for another. It's a waste of time and energy! Accept that for some reason your husband had to leave.
- Rest more and engage in self-development. You definitely need to take your mind off your depressive thoughts. Spend time with your children; it is especially important for them not to feel the pain of the situation.
- Take care of your appearance, update your wardrobe. In these difficult times, it is very important to feel like a beautiful and desirable woman.
- Don't refuse help. It doesn’t matter whether it’s friends or family, a spiritual mentor or a psychotherapist, but someone needs to be nearby. Someone who will help you not to lose yourself and your faith in good things.
And at the end of the day, just bring newness into your life. This is your chance to start a new chapter in your social, professional, personal or spiritual life! Take a vacation, join a new gym, join a new social club, change your job, move to a new city. If your husband left the family, it may be the end of one stage of your life, but the beginning of a completely new era!
What to do after your spouse leaves
And now the woman is left alone, what should be the algorithm for her actions? It all depends on the specific situation. If a man does not have a new girlfriend, it is better to behave as follows:
- occasionally meet in a common company or at parties, while looking chic;
- invite your husband to your place so that he can pick up the remaining things and at the same time remember the warmth of the hearth;
- if the couple has children together, spend time together, emphasizing the importance of family values;
- if a man is seriously offended, there is no need to ask for forgiveness; you should prove through your actions that the woman has repented (show how upset you are, say that you will improve).
What's expected?
After a careful approach to previous problems and solutions, you will be surprised to discover that in order to eliminate the obstacles in your marital life, as well as in order to achieve the established goals, it is absolutely permissible to do without separation. This happens due to the fact that the main part of the positive factors that a person is so focused on is already present in life; the woman simply does not see anything positive. As long as you have not yet decided to end your marriage completely, there is a chance for a fresh start. Just to get started, there is no need to radically change your partner. Just change your thoughts, your opinion about the situation. If you have reached such a realization, then take the chance and change while you are still together with your previous partner. Because with a new one you will have to start from scratch. And there is no guarantee that everything will work out better with him.
Take into account that another person may not be found at all. Especially when the lady’s demands are too high, and among the representatives of the stronger sex there are very few who are impeccable. Psychologists advise to philosophize a little: to sort out expectations and possibilities. It is also important to believe in yourself, no matter what the future holds for you.
So, what can a woman expect when she decides to divorce her husband? Naturally, subconsciously she expects only one thing - a happy ending:
Marriage by mutual stupidity
There are times when a woman herself does not know why she married a man. It seems that the partner is good, cheerful, smart, handsome, but there is no feeling that he is exactly what is needed. People often enter into marriage out of stupidity “out of spite,” when a girl wants to take revenge on her former boyfriend. This often ends in divorce. Keeping your partner close to you or tolerating an unloved person is not worth it. But in any case, you need to think about whether your partner is really as bad as he seems.
Another option for marrying out of stupidity is marrying for fun or so that relatives no longer put pressure on you. Despite the fact that in the 21st century a woman is free to decide how she wants to live, many believe that a girl should get married before the age of 20-25. And God forbid this happens later or she doesn’t want to be with someone. As a result, a representative of the fair sex marries the first suitable guy, and then suffers all her life. Divorce is the best thing she can do, as she will get a chance to honestly find a new, already beloved spouse.
It's worse if there are children in the marriage. You should talk to your spouse, discuss the details, go for a consultation with a psychologist, so that the child does not suffer from seeing mom and dad quarrel and hate each other. A specialist will help you survive the breakup with minimal losses and get rid of depression.
Reality
But let’s return to reality and see in what monstrous way subsequent actions can disappoint a person:
Signs that divorce is near
The couple feels the inevitable approach of divorce intuitively. This is often determined by many signs that can be called a warning. There are a lot of cases when one of the spouses had a presentiment of the approaching breakup, but did not have enough reason to somehow talk about what was happening. There is no need to rush to think whether to divorce your husband or not. Perhaps a heart-to-heart conversation will improve the situation.
The first sign is limited communication between the couple. The partner suddenly becomes withdrawn, immersed in his personal experiences, he does not want to share his thoughts with his other half.
However, if trouble is really approaching, then further developments can be predicted. After self-immersion, a man will be more “cold” with his wife:
Marriage for love: if love has passed
Love is the greatest gift of fate that a person can receive.
This is the only moral basis for creating a family. But love can be different: one-sided and non-reciprocal, mutual, manic, obsessive. If only one person in a couple loves or has loved, divorce is inevitable. Since in this case one does everything, the second only receives.
If the love was mutual, and now you feel cold, then you need to try to renew the former passion. Many scientists claim that feelings fade away after a while. It’s just that two people who are together most of their free time get used to each other - this is in the best case. At worst, irritation and hatred come. Only a psychologist can help here.
You also need to learn to relax properly - not sitting at home at the computer or watching TV series, but traveling, skydiving, walking together. But at the same time, it is useful to spend time apart: the husband can go fishing, the wife can go shopping with her friends. If you have children, you can give them to their parents for the weekend, or hire a nanny. The main thing is that everyday life does not consume the family in the future. In this case, the reason for divorcing your husband is boredom, which is quite easy to get rid of.
To interest a man, you need to start taking care of yourself - join a gym, visit a cosmetologist, hairdresser, get a manicure. But a man must try, otherwise it will be a one-goal game. He should also attract his partner - be well-groomed, smell nice.
