How to stop being afraid of obstacles and problems?

Fear of sex and its causes

psychological trauma received at an early age .

This could be violence committed against a child or seeing a sex scene that caused shock , as well as a suggestion from parents or other adults that sex is an obscene, shameful activity that can only be done after a stamp in the passport.

Experience is the son of difficult mistakes...

Fear of sex can develop from memories of past bad experiences and often haunt girls, preventing them from starting new ones.

Panic over repeating past mistakes cannot force girls to engage in sexual intercourse.

Rudeness and unpleasant words spoken by a man during a quarrel or in a fit of anger about inability in bed can also cause a psychological block before sexual intercourse.

Complexes and self-doubt

Girls often have complexes about their appearance - imperfect figure, cellulite, wrinkles, stretch marks and other imperfections . Sometimes a girl is so fixated on the fact that her partner will notice all the “imperfections” of her figure that she cannot proceed directly to sex. Girls are also afraid of disappointing a man, becoming a terrible mistress and a “log” in bed.

Fear of pregnancy

Despite the many methods of contraception, they still sometimes fail. Therefore, many girls are afraid of getting pregnant after one sexual intercourse. This fear is mainly born from the fact that you don’t trust your partner or don’t know him yet.

Rape

This terrible humiliation cannot be without consequences. As soon as a young man touches a girl, all the details of the rape appear before the eyes of the unfortunate woman, and sex, of course, becomes impossible.

What happens if I focus on the present instead of the future?

It can be useful to separate the weight of expectations from the real weight of current difficulties. How do thoughts about what you need, for example, stop being “small”, influence your fear in specific situations? Or ideas about future problems of relatives that will need to be resolved someday?

How will it affect your emotional state if you shift your focus from future problems and all sorts of shoulds, focusing on what is happening in the present moment?

Fear of first sexual experience

Being afraid before your first sexual intercourse is a completely natural feeling . In medicine, there is a special term “primisodophobia”, which refers to the fear of losing virginity .

Causes of primaisodophobia:

• first of all, fear of the unknown , of possible failure;
• lack of experience does not increase self-confidence;
• physical discomfort : pain, blood, and so on;
• fear that the man, having received everything he wanted, will now end all relations with the girl;
• condemnation and warning of parents who interpret sex as a base, shameful and forbidden activity;
• lack of trust in a partner.

Or the girl doesn’t really want to part with her innocence, but simply follows the advice of her friends and the persuasion of her boyfriend. In the latter case, fear is caused by the girl's unpreparedness for her first intimacy with a man .

How can a girl overcome her fear of sex?

In order to overcome the fear of sex, you need to identify the cause of this fear. Having understood the cause of your fear , you can begin to get rid of it. There is no ideal “recipe” - everyone has their own method of dealing with this fear.

Visit to a specialist

A psychoanalyst or sexologist will help you understand your fears and get rid of them. Childhood trauma or phobias associated with violence are difficult to overcome without the supervision of a psychologist, so you should not be embarrassed to seek help from a specialist .

Collection of information

Other people's experience is no less useful than your own. Therefore, it would be useful to study books and other materials on psychology, communicate on forums, real stories and worries of your friends.

All this will help to once again analyze the sources of the problem and eradicate it.

Increased self-esteem

and hours of self-hypnosis will help raise self-esteem and give more self-confidence . Try to love yourself, constantly repeat to yourself, as in the famous movie, the phrase “I am the most charming and attractive!”

What is the fear of sex called?

Sexual relationships are a necessary condition for everyone to live a full life. And here we are not talking about increasing the birth rate and heirs, but about the elementary joys that sexual intercourse gives. Let's find out how to overcome the fear of sex, but first let's define this problem.

Sexophobia, intimaphobia or genophobia, as psychologists call fear of sexual intercourse, has its own forms and types. Psychologists characterize these terms as fear of sex and any other form of physical intimacy. Their classification:

• fear of first sex;
• touch phobia;
• fear of sex with a new man;
• aversion to physical intimacy;
• sexual intercourse without satisfaction is sex with fear.

IMPORTANT! If you feel such signs, seek help from a psychologist or hypnologist and do not put the question off for a long time.

What is already working and how can you help yourself?

When faced with new challenges, we tend to forget about our past successes and strengths. What qualities, abilities, and skills of yours helped you resolve difficulties before? What self-help techniques have you heard about but haven’t tried yet (such as mindfulness practices)?

Useful practical advice on self-help for anxiety can be found in the books “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris, “Freedom from Anxiety” by Robert Leahy, “Anxiety Comes and Goes” by Georg Eifert and John Forsythe.

Fear of sex: causes and consequences

Both concepts are emotional processes, the first means an action, and the second an emotional state. Fear of sex manifests itself in both the male and female parts of the population.

• Complexes regarding your appearance. Often both girls and young people avoid intimate relationships because they are dissatisfied with their appearance, body structure or deviations in physical development.
• What matters is the society in which a person finds himself during adolescence. Peers provoke fears through personal humiliation and even violence.
• Psychological trauma of childhood. Most often found in people who grew up in dysfunctional families. Bullying or violent acts by adults always leave a dark mark on the future of children.
• Sex phobia occurs in 90% of cases during the first intimacy with the opposite sex. In this situation, a lot depends on the partner. A bad experience sets the stage for further problems.
• If a person has had one partner for a long time, changing him becomes a big problem. Disappointed in love, some individuals doom themselves to loneliness.
• When sexual intercourse is not enjoyable, a person develops a phobia towards this process. Don't practice sex with fear. This can only make the situation worse. Don't try to force yourself to overcome yourself. In this case, knocking out a wedge with a wedge is not the best option. It’s safer to tell a psychologist about your problem and get help, for example, from a specialist in working with fears and phobias, Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

Strict upbringing

Phobias in women often arise due to parental control and systematic lectures that men take advantage of the female sex, and then abandon pregnant women to their fate. Sometimes parents instill in childhood the puritanical notion that sexual intercourse is immoral and is not done for pleasure, but only to prolong the race.

Parents instill in their daughters that their first sexual experience should only be after marriage, and that intimate relationships outside of marriage are contrary to God’s laws. Such indoctrination forces girls to shun young men and provokes the emergence of new complexes.

IMPORTANT! Children often live the lives of their parents. Troubles in the relationship between father and mother can affect the future sex life of their child.

Violent actions in any return impose a taboo on sexual relations and here one cannot do without the help of a psychologist. Those who have suffered from the cruelty of other people can no longer live a normal life and enjoy the joy of love. A competent specialist will be able to pick up the keys to a load of problems on a psychological level. Fear of intimacy also manifests itself in aggression. Most often, these people are closed and unsociable. They either avoid physical contact completely or are unable to enjoy sexual intercourse without violence.

Fear of first sex

The main reason for the phobia of sex among representatives of the fair half of humanity is passed down from generation to generation and has already become overgrown with all sorts of myths. We are talking, of course, about the fear of losing virginity. This is an extremely delicate problem, which, one way or another, is familiar to any woman.

Every girl who has reached puberty and knows at least something about sex often admits to herself: “I’m afraid of first sex.” This is, of course, the fear of severe pain, which supposedly certainly accompanies the first sex. In fact, the first sexual intercourse is indeed accompanied by pain and discomfort at first. But it’s impossible to talk about the unbearable pain that will absolutely happen when a girl loses her virginity - this is a myth. It depends on the structure of the body, on the degree of relaxation, on genetics, on the pain threshold, even on the skill of the partner. So losing your virginity is not always very painful. Be that as it may, the girl focuses on this discomfort and tries not to have sex in the future and even stop talking about it. And it is extremely difficult to overcome this emerging fear; moreover, over time it develops into coitophobia.

There is another aspect of phobia before first sex. This is a kind of cult of virginity, which is customary to preserve, which cannot be suddenly lost. They believe that after one time of sex they will feel dirty and used. Therefore, no matter how much I “want”, the fear of sex often wins.

How to overcome fear of sex?

As a sociological survey has shown, medications in solving the problem of sexophobia provide only a temporary effect. Psychologists have developed methods to help get rid of phobias, and it is worth considering each of them.

Scenario change

It is possible to displace the problem from a person’s subconscious. To do this, a person faces his problem face to face. Psychologists suggest taking a piece of paper and writing on it all the negative factors that, in his opinion, affect sexual problems. It is necessary to disassemble each item into its components and re-think it. If the cause is a trauma from the past, the person must clearly understand that what happened cannot be changed, and provide a list of important, positive aspects:

1. Write about what kind of family you want to have and how many children.
2. Remember the feeling of falling in love that every person has experienced at least once in their life.
3. Give the advantages of relationships with the opposite sex.
4. Write about the desire to experience intimate desire and satisfaction from intercourse.
5. Rewrite your sad story with a happy ending.

Set yourself up to think about this positive outcome every day and with the help of self-hypnosis - the problem will go away. Practice daily by reading your lists over and over again.

On a note! It’s a good idea to make a small note on your sheet of paper with a happy scenario stating that intimacy is natural and beautiful.

Close and dear ones

With such a phobia, not only the person himself suffers, but also the partner who is next to him. It is precisely this that can help establish intimate relationships and drive away the fear of sex. Long foreplay, which brings pleasure, will help drive away anxiety, nervousness and dark thoughts during sexual intercourse. With their help, it is easy to relax and surrender to your feelings.

It would be a good idea to visit a psychologist for family therapy, who will model situations and help you get out of your discomfort zone. Remember that everything said in the specialist’s office will remain between you. Sometimes speaking out is the most necessary condition to drive away the bad.

IMPORTANT! During foreplay and sexual intercourse, do not control the process, but surrender to passion. Talk about what you feel and accept the awareness of this fact.

Hypnosis helps not only to cope with the problem, but also to eradicate the causes of its occurrence. With the help of trance, the hypnologist easily transports a person to a time when there was no fear of intimacy and makes an installation so that the memory is filtered and cleared of the phobia. Hypnosis can remove negative elements of thinking and build a new base of beliefs and principles.

Fear of first sex

Anna! I understand you, such a problem cannot be solved by advice, it requires some work, usually 2-4 meetings, it’s different for everyone, depending on the complexity of the situation. You can work via Skype, or meet in Moscow. Contact me - I’ll help. Here is an example of working with this problem****

I'm married but still a virgin. Fear of pain. Posted in Articles | July 27, 2014

I already have a number of articles on this topic, but this one will be somewhat different, and it is related to the fear of pain. Often, gynecologists talk about the problem of prolonged deflowering and vaginismus, suggesting artificial defloration. But this, basically, does not solve the problem of starting sexual activity.

In my practice as a sexologist, psychologist and psychotherapist, such situations do not occur so often, and they are quite solvable if you do some work. But what surprised me was that in one week I had two clients with a similar problem (one from Moscow, the second from Voronezh).

In the first case, “deflowering” lasts two and a half years. In the second – 6 months. We must give credit to husbands, these are truly loving men who are afraid of hurting their young wife and go with them to the end. There are cases when such marriages last many years, and people, without having sex, give birth to children, resorting to IVF, and the virgin marriage continues. But this is a completely extreme case, and we will not dwell on it.

So, I want to note, as a sexologist, what contributes to what is happening with these girls, because in these two cases the problem was not vaginismus at all ( Vaginismus (from the Latin vagina - vagina), increased sensitivity of the external genitalia of a woman, due to why, when trying to have sexual intercourse, the muscles of the pelvic floor and vagina contract convulsively.), and in fear of sex. Well, and besides, there are a lot of personal problems. And then you have to work with all this tangle. I want to say that such work does not take 1 hour, and it all depends on the depth of the problem and the readiness to solve it.

In the first case, these are ordinary classic problems that are solved in consultation with a psychologist and psychotherapist. These were: closedness, tightness, there was no joy and happiness. Further, there was no vision of the world, dissatisfaction with oneself. Then it came: “I haven’t grown up” (an unconscious block saying that little girls shouldn’t do this).

The list can be continued: “I am demanding, there is no tenderness in me, I feel heaviness throughout my body and a lack of energy.” There is no desire or interest in sex: “when he tries to enter me, it hurts me terribly, although in general I can bear the pain.” It should be noted that the spouses are the same age, the couple is in their early twenties, and they are each other’s first. This suggests that there is an excess of adrenaline here, and the situation repeated itself every time.

The client also said: “I don’t want to go further, my excitement, which was at first, is subsiding.” Here, as a psychologist and sexologist, I can add the following: it is possible to get stuck in the erotic phase, when a girl is immature and not ready for sexual contact, and move on to the sexual phase, since kissing and hugging can already be sex for her.

The next point for such clients is excessive control: they are afraid of losing it during orgasm and, as a result, problems in this area.

The desired state to which I will lead the client is: “to become an adult, open, strong, confident and relaxed, and also to love yourself and your body, to be harmonious in everything, and finally, to become and be a woman in every sense of the word.”

The second case is easier, although the work is still ongoing, it’s just a fairly positive girl, she has a good perception of herself, but there is also a fear of losing control, and again, a fear of pain.

We must pay tribute to the gynecologist who met her on the way, and when the client started talking about artificial defloration, he immediately told her that this was unlikely to resolve the current situation, here she needed to work with the problems that lived in her head.

I will also note, as a good psychologist, sexologist and psychotherapist, that when it comes to sex, at the moment of caresses, when everything comes to its logical conclusion, she is suddenly overcome by fear. By the way, there is also an incorrect perception of oneself, or as they also say: “the body diagram is disturbed.”

Both girls are thin and short, and they believe that a penis (of normal size, in their words) can cause them unreal pain due to the discrepancy in anatomical size.

Here the second girl herself began to slowly experiment with herself: she tried to insert a tampon, and even insert a pencil into herself shallowly (sexologists in such cases recommend actually inserting either your fingers, a pencil, or a small vibrator, and understand that there is nothing terrible in this ).

And the next thing we had to work with was imprint moments. The first was an attempted rape, then everything worked out, but the girl received a set of negativity for herself, which we removed, along with dependence on that situation.

But then a memory came about the story of one of her friends. She married the guy she loved dearly, but he turned out to be ruthless and sadistic. And during the wedding night, after depriving her of her virginity, he entered her several more times, despite the blood. She endured and was silent until the ambulance took her in the morning, and the girl had to get stitches.

All this also supported the “fear of pain” problem. After working through these situations, the fear of sex has partly disappeared, but much remains to be done.

This is such a difficult article. It’s just that since such material has accumulated, I think it should be provided to the reader. Well, those for whom this is a real problem will be able to look at it from the other side, and by putting their heads in order, they will be able to normalize their personal lives.

Fear of first sex

Liliya Veniaminovna Afanasyeva, psychologist Voronezh
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How to help a man overcome his fear of sex?

Find out how easily and simply you can help a man overcome his fear of sex and improve your intimate life!

What is important to know?

How to eliminate sexual impotence is discussed here >>>

A man cannot always overcome his fear of sex, which turns into irritability or even hatred. And once desired and attractive sex becomes an obsessive nightmare from which a man is ready to run anywhere. What to do about it?

How to overcome fear of sex?

Who can help a man overcome fear and regain confidence in his strengths and capabilities?

Only a gentle, attentive and loving woman is capable of this. Using knowledge and her art of seduction¹, she can return her former passion and, unnoticed by a man, raise his self-esteem.

Rule one

Never start a showdown in the bedroom. Leave all grievances and complaints outside the doors of your room, and if body problems arise, they need to be resolved at the body level. As psychologists say, you need to “let go” of the situation and become an outside observer.

Go to the sauna or take a hot bath, which will relax all your muscles, because it is they, and not the brain, that store grievances, stress and lead us through life.

When you feel completely relaxed and not wanting to think about anything, begin “ovarian breathing” while lying in the bathtub. Don’t be surprised if at this moment your husband looks into the bathroom himself. To do this breathing, as you inhale, imagine that air and energy are entering the ovaries, and as you exhale, it is leaving them.

Rule two

Nature works in such a way that the male body takes about three days to produce sperm, which is wasted during one ejaculation². Of course, there are various deviations, including age-related and psychological, but if your partner ejaculated, pretend that you are happy, satisfied, tired and want to sleep, do not demand that the banquet be continued.

Of course, you can continue the game, but only after very persistent advances from him, and not from you at all. Men don't like being asked to do something they can't do. They may even hate you if they suddenly succumbed to your persuasion and decided that they would succeed, but in fact they failed.

After ejaculation, a man is devastated both literally and figuratively. This is not only a loss of energy, but also a special psychological state. Just be silent, catch his breath and breathe in unison with your partner.

Ten points to one that he himself will talk about his love.

Rule three

Before you start a love game, offer your man a massage and “warm up” his kidneys. The kidneys are an organ that stores all fears, including the fear of unsuccessful intimacy. Warm your palms, feel the warmth emanating from your palms and place them on the kidney area.

Feel your partner's kidneys and establish contact with them. Then begin to “screw” your palms towards the center, applying slight pressure. The result is a spiral movement of the palms along the spine down and up at the sides.

Having made thirty-six such spirals, place one hand on the lower back and the other on the sacrum. Moreover, the hand that gives energy should be on the sacrum, and the hand that receives energy should be on the lower back. Do it lightly, in the form of a game or meditation.

During spiral movements, begin, unnoticed by your partner, to contract and relax the vaginal muscles in time with his breathing. Be sure that you will not have time to count to thirty-six, and your partner will already have forgotten about his fears.

Now smile, hide this article, and no external initiative. Only an inner feeling. No words. Complete relaxation and a smile that comes from the comfortable state of your body.