Hysterics, tears, whims - where do these misfortunes come from in children?

How to calm a person at a distance and what should be taken into account?

You can calm a person in hysterics not only by being next to him, but also from a distance.

You can do this in several ways:

A way to calm someone down	Short description
Clarifying questions about emotional state	This method is most effective in situations where you need to calm a girl down. The questions “Tell me how you feel now?”, “Do you want to talk about what upset/angry you” and so on would be appropriate here. When a person is distracted to formulate an answer to the question posed, the focus of his attention will also shift, which means that emotions will become controllable.
Recognizing the problem	It is important for a person who cannot cope with his emotions to hear that his problem is not imaginary, but real, requiring attention. Having realized that he has someone to share his feelings with, it will be easier to stabilize his psychological state.
Words of support	When calming a person down, it is not recommended to ask him to restrain his emotions, as this can increase emotional stress and also provoke the development of a depressive state. It is better to encourage him, focusing on the fact that his reaction to external stimuli is normal and what is happening to him now will end very soon, and everything will be fine.

When choosing tactics in communicating with an emotionally overexcited person, you need to consider:

how close the communication is between him and the one who is trying to calm him down;
what situation the person is in now;
peculiarities of his temperament (for example, some people need to cry to someone, giving vent to their emotions, while others, on the contrary, need to be alone).

Tantrums in a 3 year old child

The age of 3 years is marked by the following characteristics: the baby wants to feel independent and grown up, often has his own “I want” and tries to defend it in front of adults. The age of 3 years is considered to be the time of finds and discoveries, as well as awareness of oneself as an individual. In children, this period manifests itself in different ways, but the main symptoms are extreme stubbornness, self-will, and negativism. Often this behavior of a child takes parents by surprise. Just yesterday, everything suggested to the child was carried out with pleasure, but now he does everything the opposite: he undresses when asked to dress warmer; runs away when called. It begins to seem that the baby has completely forgotten absolutely all the words except “I don’t want” and “no.”

How to deal with a child's tantrum? It is possible to wean a child from hysterics if you do not focus on bad behavior and certainly not try to break him. Breaking character will not lead to anything good, however, permissiveness should not be allowed

How to properly deal with a child’s hysteria? The child should not decide that hysterics can achieve everything. The wisest thing adults can do in this situation is to distract the child or switch attention to something else.

For example, offer to watch your favorite cartoons or play some game together. Of course, if the baby is already at the peak of hysteria, then this will not work. In this case, the hysterical attack should be waited out.

If your child throws a tantrum when you are at home, then insistently tell him that you will talk to him after he has cooled down, while you continue to deal with personal matters.

It is very important for parents to remain calm and control their emotions. After the baby calms down, tell him that you love him very much, but he will not achieve anything with his whims

If the hysteria occurred in a public place, then, if possible, deprive the child of spectators. To do this, move the child to the least crowded place.

If your child often throws tantrums, then try to avoid situations where he can answer “no.”

Adults should avoid direct instructions, for example: “Get dressed, we're going for a walk!” It is necessary to create for the child the illusion of choice: “Do you want to take a walk in the park or in the yard?”, “Are we going to the hill or to the sandbox?”

Gradually, by the age of four, whims and hysterical attacks subside on their own, as the baby becomes able to express his emotions and feelings in words.

What should you not say to comfort someone?

To console a person and provide him with psychological assistance at a turning point for him, it is important to carefully select words.

It is not recommended to use the following phrases:

Phrases to calm someone down	Short description
"I understand you"	These words provoke internal rejection in a person who is hysterical. He thinks or says at such a moment: “No, you don’t understand!”, after which he abstracts from the words of support later spoken to him, concentrating even more on his negative emotions. At a moment of emotional intensity, a person wants to speak out, talk about what is happening in his soul, and not listen to examples of the negative experiences of strangers who claim that they experienced similar emotions at that moment.
"Calm down!"	At the moment of hysteria, this phrase is perceived by a person as a ban on experiencing negative emotions. He may and would like to calm down on his own, but the emotions at a particular moment in time are so strong that he cannot cope with them. With a high probability, he therefore blames himself for weakness, since the vast majority of adults have been shown in every possible way since childhood that it is necessary to hide their emotions from others.
"Stay strong!"	This phrase also belongs to the group of prohibitions on the expression of negative emotions. Its peculiarity is also that, by uttering such words, the author demonstrates selfishness, encouraging the other person to calm down, since he himself cannot withstand these emotions.
"Everything will be fine!"	These words devalue the experiences of a person in hysterics. If there is nothing more to say besides this phrase, it is better to just remain silent and listen to your opponent.

How should you behave?

You will be able to calm down a person in hysterics faster if you control the key points of your behavior.

Safety precautions

When trying to support a stranger who is at the peak of emotional stress, it is recommended to follow the simplest safety measures:

you should not get close to him, regardless of whether he has something in his hands, and in what place the events take place (a person, succumbing to emotions, or misperceiving the opponent’s intentions, can begin to aggressively attack him and even inflict physical damage);
If a person who is hysterical is on the verge of committing suicide, you should not try to support him on your own instead of calling a special psychological help service (professional psychologists will be able to quickly find an approach and correct the situation in a timely manner).

Preventive measures

To minimize the risk of a peak emotional state occurring in a person who, for example, has had a close relative die in the recent past, a number of preventive measures can be taken:

monitor increasing emotional stress (as soon as a person begins to overreact emotionally to what is happening, he should make an appointment with a psychologist to help change the vector of thinking);
try to artificially shift the focus of attention from negative events to positive ones (it is important to do this naturally and unobtrusively);
demonstrate in every possible way your readiness to both help in action and support psychologically (a person, realizing that he has support, is less likely to become depressed, since he will understand that he has someone to share difficulties with).

Rules for psychological assistance

The most significant rules for providing psychological assistance are:

first of all, you need to offer the person to drink a glass of cool water (liquid not only has a positive effect on the state of the nervous system, but also distracts the person from negative emotions, transferring part of the attention to physical sensations);
give a hysterical person the opportunity to cry, regardless of what gender they are and where the situation occurs (this way it will be possible to relieve some of the emotional stress);
if a person refuses to accept help, and his behavior resembles acute psychosis, it is necessary to call an ambulance or a special service providing psychological support as soon as possible;
you should not be persistent in showing support (the person may not be ready at a particular moment to share the reason for the hysteria, he just needs to be given the opportunity to cry and get rid of some of the negativity).

Phrases and ways to calm a person at a distance over the phone, in correspondence

You can calm a person in hysterics with the help of correctly chosen words. What they will be depends on how close the communication is and under what circumstances support has to be provided.

For a sick person

A person who has recently learned that he is sick can say:

Phrase	a brief description of
You know, in our life everything is possible, and often things happen that defy any explanation. There are cases where people were healed with the help of positive thinking. Keep your nose up, I'm close.	Such words of support are suitable if the task is to reassure a close relative or friend. For a stranger, this phrase can cause opposite emotions due to the violation of personal space.
It probably seems to you now that everything is bad and you can’t expect any changes. But I assure you that the day will come when you will remember all of this as a bad dream. Together we will do everything to make the disease go away.	A universal phrase that demonstrates readiness to help a person in any situation.
I believe that you have been given this test to cope with it and strengthen yourself. Remember that your relatives are next to you. I sincerely wish you to get better as soon as possible.	These words of support can be spoken to a person if the communication with him is not close, but rather formal (for example, to a colleague).

For a man, a guy

For men in moments of emotional intensity, it is important to hear that they are accepted and loved by anyone, no matter what:

Phrase	a brief description of
Despite all the difficulties that you and I have to overcome, I want you to know that I will always be with you. No circumstances can affect my love for you.	These words of encouragement are most appropriately addressed to a boyfriend or husband. Regardless of what his problems are related to (with work, relationships with friends or family), a man will feel the strength to move on, knowing that his faithful companion is next to him.
If I can help you with anything, just let me know. You are a very good person and a professional in your field. I am sure that this situation will strengthen you and make you an even more qualified specialist than you are now.	This phrase is relevant in situations where you need to provide support to a male colleague.
You are very strong, I always admire that. That is why I know for sure that you will easily be able to get out of this situation gracefully. Listen to yourself and remember that you can always count on me.	A phrase that focuses a man’s attention on a woman’s recognition of his strength will, on a subconscious level, inspire him to resolve the issues that have arisen.

For girls, women

The easiest way to calm girls down is by being close to them. The most effective way to bring a woman out of hysteria is tactile contact (hug, kiss, pat her on the head, and so on).

If there is no way to support a girl using sign language, you can use the following phrases:

Phrase	a brief description of
I love you very much. I would love to take away all your negative emotions to help you get through this grief as quickly as possible. But, unfortunately, the only thing I can do now is be there.	In moments of emotional intensity, it is important for a girl to hear that there is a person next to her who is stronger than her.
Trust me. I will do everything to make you feel good.	A woman is always looking for a partner (this applies to both friendships and love relationships) for a man who can save her from minor troubles that complicate her life.

What to say to a person whose loved one has died?

For people who have lost a loved one, the support of others is very important.

In this case, the words should be chosen so that they do not once again remind you of what happened:

Phrase	a brief description of
Please accept my sincere condolences! Strength to you to be able to survive this grief. Know that if you want to talk, you can contact me at any time.	At moments when a person is worried about the loss of a loved one, there is no need to try to get him to talk. It is enough to simply indicate a willingness to listen and, if necessary, be there to provide support.
Strength to you! I understand that the emotions of loss cannot be drowned out by words of consolation. But you need to try so that the memory of him (her) is filled only with warm feelings. It is not in our power to avoid death, but I am almost sure that this is not the end point. You know that he (she) would not at all want your days to be filled with tears and sadness.	A universal option that can be used both, if necessary, to support a loved one, or a colleague with whom an exclusively formal relationship is maintained.

How to deal with children's tantrums?

Hysteria without reason most often occurs in children. A growing person can fall into such a state, both due to physical ailments (kids do not distinguish between physical and psychological discomfort), and due to insufficient attention to their person from their parents.

You can calm your child down with the following phrases:

Phrase	a brief description of
You're upset. And that's okay. We all need to let our emotions out.	Such words help the child identify his emotions, and also indicate the need to live them, and not suppress them within himself.
I hear you, baby. I'm with you, I'll be there.	This phrase makes it clear to the child that his parents will accept him as anyone, regardless of whether he is angry or laughing.
It's absolutely normal that you're angry. It is not okay for you to fight or lie down on the floor in a store (unacceptable action should be chosen based on its relevance for a particular child).	With the help of such an appeal, parents will be able to shift the child’s focus from negative emotions to specific behavior, after which it will be easier for him to calm down.

How to calm an elderly person?

The algorithm for providing support to an elderly person is similar to the sequence of actions recommended for lifting a child out of depression.

Effective words here would be:

Phrase	a brief description of
Yes, I understand your emotions perfectly - you... (angry, upset, etc.). But what could you do?	These words would be appropriate when an elderly person became hysterical due to a specific event in his life. They not only make it clear that loved ones are nearby, but also reassure, assuring that a particular person could not influence the situation.
Repeat the words spoken by the person, naming the emotion after that. For example, “Yes, you cried. You felt sad because you were powerless, that’s normal.”	This “mirroring” technique is appropriate to use in any situation that requires bringing an elderly person out of hysterics, regardless of the degree of closeness with him.

How to cheer someone up before surgery?

To support a person before surgery, it is not recommended to say words that destroy his feelings.

You can calm down a hysterical person by sending him a message with words of support.

Even if the upcoming operation is not a major surgery, it is completely normal to worry about the subsequent recovery.

To convey this idea, you can use phrases:

Phrase	a brief description of
I am always amazed by your resilience and ability to cope with life's difficulties. I'm sure you can do it this time too!	Such words focus a person’s attention not on negative emotions, but on the body’s internal strength to cope with difficulties (including surgery).
It is normal that you are afraid, but your fears now have no basis. When you recover from anesthesia, I promise that I will be by your side.	These words will give the person preparing for the operation the confidence that everything will be successful, which means he has no reason to worry too much.

How to help a person overcome hysteria after a breakup?

To help a person overcome hysteria after a breakup, you should not tell him the primitive words that people usually hear from movie characters:

Phrase	a brief description of
Yes, you loved him, I saw it, and everyone around me understood it. It's very unfair that he did this. But God does not give us difficulties that we cannot cope with. You will become stronger. Everything will be fine.	These words can be used to support girls of any age, regardless of the degree of intimacy with them. Such support will help them shift their focus from negativity to positivity, which will affect their emotional state.
You should not look for a meeting with her and carefully preserve the memories of your relationship. You deserve to be attentive, grateful and treated. If I can help you in any way, just tell me.	Such a phrase will draw the attention of a person who is hysterical to his positive character traits and the fact that he deserves more in life.

How to help a person in an extreme situation?

In extreme circumstances, it is not recommended to intervene in resolving a stressful situation. If possible, it is best to turn to specialists who provide psychological assistance to those who need it.

A person who is hysterical, regardless of what caused it, needs to be calmed down. Despite the fact that this is very simple at first glance, it is important to carefully select the words used in conversation. Otherwise, you may not only not help, but also aggravate the situation, driving the person into deep depression.

How to quickly stop a tantrum

A 5 year old child has tantrums - tips on how to calm them down:

Postpone crying until “later.” Interrupt the baby's crying by saying that now you were going to play, but he forgot about it and therefore the tears should be put aside. That is, explain to the child that later he can cry as much as he wants, but now it’s better to play

“Later”, as a rule, does not occur in children. Switch the child's attention. Parents should fantasize: a cat is hiding in the bushes, a beautiful butterfly has flown by, a dog is carrying a bone, etc.

Works in 90% of cases. Choose an object to release negative emotions. It can be anything: a sofa cushion, a ball, etc. It is better not to use toys that are associated with living creatures (hares, dolls, dogs). Sympathy. To show your child how much you understand his feelings, be sure to say it. For example: “I see how upset you are that I didn’t buy you a toy. You get angry, you cry, you get offended.” When a child sees that close people understand the reason for his tears, he no longer wants to cry. Be sure to play with children. Don't forget that in front of you is a baby who believes in miracles, Baba Yaga, and fairies. Create a script on the fly that can be played when the baby starts crying. “Put your tears in a bag, dry them with a hairdryer, and throw them out the window.” Any child’s tantrum can be turned into a game. Hug. It is tactile contact that often works best. You need to go up to the baby, hug him and tell him how much you love him. Nothing dries up tears more than the warmth and care of a mother. Come up with pills/vitamins for bad mood and children's tears. Sweet ascorbic acid is a good antidepressant. Put the “sedative” in a box and give your child a treat every time he wants to be naughty.