Signs of low self-esteem are:
- high self-criticism, dissatisfaction with one’s activities;
- high sensitivity to criticism, touchiness;
- indecisiveness and fear of making mistakes;
- fear of not meeting someone's expectations, desire to please everyone;
- unreasonable feelings of guilt;
- pessimism and melancholy;
- hostility and unreasonable defensiveness towards others.
A child with low self-esteem tries in every possible way to gain recognition from others, considering it a criterion for assessing his own personality.
Self-esteem: low and adequate
More and more often, children who have low self-esteem are brought for consultation. Low self-esteem in a child is extremely unfavorable for the harmonious development of the individual. The psychological portrait of children with low self-esteem includes: indecisiveness, touchiness, self-doubt, emotional closeness, sensitivity, and unsociability. Many children demonstrate anxiety, suffer from numerous fears, and have impaired communication with peers. A psychological examination of each specific request reveals the same trends in parent-child relationships: hyperprotection, emotional rejection of the child, educational uncertainty of parents. Intrafamily climate is an indicator of a child’s self-esteem. Low self-esteem is formed if: • Parents raise expectations for the child, make responsible decisions for him, deprive him of independence, constantly care for and control him. Contradictory requirements and authoritarianism will form low self-esteem, give rise to doubts about one’s capabilities, anxiety, fear, and will contribute to lack of initiative.
• Rejection of the child in the family (born at the wrong time or wanted a child of a different gender, he does not correspond to the image of the “ideal child” in parental attitudes), lack of emotional acceptance of the child gives rise to isolation, timidity, resentment, and self-doubt.
• Families with an anxious and suspicious upbringing, where the predominant is the “phobia of losing a child” (an only child, a late child, or one who is often ill) will raise timid, indecisive, touchy, and unconfident children.
• Indifferent parents who pay little attention to their children, when they feel unloved, unwanted, superfluous, contribute to the development of their own inferiority complex, which haunts them throughout their lives.
• Boundless adoration and praise of a child, where he grows up in the style of a “family idol”, when every whim is satisfied, leads to the fact that the child, firmly believing in his exclusivity, will grow up to be an egoist, only consuming and not wanting to give anything in return.
In general, a preschool child is characterized by rather inflated self-esteem, inflated ideas about himself and his capabilities. This is the norm. A sense of security and conscious parental love helps a child grow and flourish, feel important and needed. Adequate self-esteem helps children easily overcome difficulties and feel happy.
It is very important that parents express confidence that their child will definitely learn what he does not yet know how to do, that he will succeed; that he is really good, smart, kind, honest. A sincere, warm family atmosphere in which respect, trust, understanding, support, and a sense of psychological security reign are the main conditions for the formation of positive self-esteem in a child. The consequences of an inharmonious parenting style are inadequate self-esteem. And as a result, negative behavior options.
Positive self-esteem as a condition for the harmonious development of the individual is formed if: • Parents accept the child for who he is.
• The child compares today's changes with yesterday's changes only with himself; successes and shortcomings with his own achievements and failures.
• Blame for specific actions, not in general.
• Remember that negative evaluation is the enemy of interest and creativity.
• They give feasible tasks and instructions, taking into account the child’s real capabilities.
• They encourage initiative, independence, and sincerely rejoice at every success, even the smallest. This instills confidence in the child and inspires him to new achievements.
• Cultivate the child’s self-confidence by expressing an assessment anticipating success, for example: “I know that you can handle this easily!”, “If you want, you will succeed!”
• Offer their help only in cases where the child begins to feel hopeless in finding a solution to the situation.
• Teach the child to respect himself.
Adequate self-esteem rewards the child with activity, curiosity, sociability, cheerfulness, openness and spontaneity; teaches you to take into account the comments of an adult or peer, realizing their fairness.
Psychological assistance - Inessa Smolyarchuk:
Several factors influence a child's self-esteem.
- The form of parent-child interaction can lead to low self-esteem. Parents invest a lot of their own resources in the child, form their own expectations, but often criticize the child. This makes him vulnerable to negative assessments from others and peers;
- A child’s lack of experience and achievements also does not contribute to the formation of normal self-esteem. Sports are a good way to improve self-esteem. It develops self-confidence and teaches self-discipline. An area where a child can express himself must be sought based on his talents. This could be physics, decorative arts. The main thing is to have small achievements, a feeling of moving forward.
In preschool age
The self-esteem of a preschool child is often inflated. It's quite normal. In the initial period of life, children learn to evaluate themselves and do not always do it correctly, especially if in the family their every action is accompanied by enthusiastic comments.
In the absence of excesses in upbringing (both connivance and praise, and humiliation), the preschooler’s high self-esteem will return to normal over time. A child's lack of self-esteem at this age is more dangerous.
Having noticed signs of low self-esteem, you need to reconsider educational measures and the manner of communication with the baby, since getting rid of this problem becomes much more difficult over the years. Parents must help raise the child’s self-esteem; he cannot cope with this task on his own.
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Methods and techniques for correcting low self-esteem
- It is necessary to praise a child correctly. The reason for praise can be specific achievements, and not the beauty, health of the child and his natural abilities. One should not praise a child out of pity;
- Ask your child for advice or help as an equal so that he realizes his worth;
- Encourage your child's initiative and support his desire to achieve;
- Don't compare him to other people. It would be more correct to compare him with himself in the past, highlighting growth and changes for the better;
In high school age
Low self-esteem in a child in high school is a common phenomenon. This is facilitated by the first unsuccessful loves, fears associated with exams and the upcoming choice of profession.
To maintain a normal level of self-esteem among high school students, it is better to refrain from criticizing their appearance, friends and hobbies. If the main cause of increased anxiety is studying, you need to try to explain the uselessness of self-flagellation and suggest ways to solve the problem.
How to Deal with People with High Self-Esteem
Dealing with those who have an inappropriately inflated self-image is quite difficult. They are arrogant, arrogant, and constantly try to appear better than they really are. But, despite external self-confidence, deep down they experience dissatisfaction with life. They have complex relationships with themselves and others.
When communicating with other people, they always try to stand out, emphasize their positive qualities in every possible way, and talk about their successes and achievements. At the same time, they may speak disparagingly about other people, considering them inferior to themselves. In this way they assert themselves at the expense of others. Of course, this state of affairs offends others.
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If you are surrounded by a person with high self-esteem, then you know how difficult it can be to communicate with him. To avoid unnecessary conflicts, psychologists advise doing the following:
- do not give in to manipulation. People with high self-esteem are good manipulators. They masterfully know how to shift the blame for what is happening onto others, and attribute their merits to themselves. Learn to recognize these manipulations in time;
- If a person accuses you, do not make excuses. Answer “no” to all claims without trying to prove or explain anything;
- don't praise the person. Narcissistic people really need praise and recognition of their strengths. If you do not satisfy this desire, the person himself will not force communication on you;
- don't argue or be rude. Communicate with such a person calmly, without rudeness. Remember that he reacts painfully to criticism and accusations, so he will definitely start arguing with you and can cause a scandal;
- Do not trust him with personal information and secrets. Since a narcissistic person is selfish and considers only his own interests, he can use the secrets entrusted to him for his own purposes and thereby harm you;
- Don’t expect sympathy or repentance from him. Such people do not sympathize with others and do not admit their mistakes, so it is useless to fight and expect such behavior from them;
- don't try to re-educate him. It is impossible to change a person with high self-esteem. If you do not like such an individual in your environment, simply get rid of him or at least reduce communication to a minimum.
Signs of high self-esteem
As mentioned above, in psychology there are three levels of self-esteem: adequate, underestimated and overestimated. To determine it, there are various psychological tests that can be taken in a psychologist’s office or at home. The tests contain questions relating to different areas of life - work, relationships with others, emotions. After calculating the points scored, you can understand how adequately a person evaluates himself.
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Increased self-esteem can be recognized by the following signs:
- a person always thinks he is right. If something doesn’t go well for him, he begins to blame anyone for it, just not himself;
- For such a person there is only one correct point of view - his own. He believes that everything should happen the way he intended. The opinions of others are ignored or not taken into account;
- in any situation he strives to leave the last word for himself;
- such a person does not know how to admit he is wrong and ask for forgiveness. He would rather quarrel and ruin relations with his opponent than admit that he is wrong;
- if he works in a team and failure occurs, then he believes that others are to blame, and if there is success, then he attributes the merit to himself;
- he considers himself the best in all respects - in work, in love or family, etc.;
- he has strong leadership qualities, he always strives to be the first in everything, even without having special talents for this;
- in any society he expresses his opinion, even if no one asks him. He is sure that his thoughts are interesting to everyone without exception;
- in case of failures, he experiences irritation, indignation, and looks for those responsible on whom to blame;
- negatively perceives any, even the most constructive criticism;
- often takes on complex cases without trying to adequately assess one’s strengths and possible risks;
- never shows his weaknesses, fearing to harm his own image;
- very selfish, does not consider other people, personal interests are always more important to him than others;
- loves to talk a lot in company, butts into other people's conversations, always trying to be in the center of attention;
- often behaves excessively arrogantly, considering others inferior to himself. Arrogance can be seen in both the speech and behavior of such a person;
- constantly teaches others how to live, gives advice that no one asks him for.
High self-esteem has its advantages, as it allows a person to feel worthy of the best and persistently strive to achieve their goals. However, if it is excessively high, then this leads to dissatisfaction with life and poor relationships with others.
