How to overcome fear of the future? How to get rid of bad karma?

Fear of the future

Every person thinks about the future. Some look at it with hope, others with fear. Some make plans, others adapt to what is happening around them. The former set the tone for their lives, while the latter insist that this is impossible. They are possessed by fear of the future .
They don't know what to expect from life. What does our perception depend on? First of all, from experience. If from childhood we are faced with the impossibility of influencing what is happening, if every now and then we heard: “Do as I said! I know better,” if we never lived the way we wanted, where does self-confidence come from? And without self-confidence there is no confidence in the future. Instead of confidence, anxiety and fear arise.

However, not everything is so hopeless. Surely, you yourself have met people who did not grow up in the most prosperous environment. However, now they cherish hopes and look forward with optimism. And they achieve what they strive for. So experience, of course, is of great importance, but not always decisive.

Much depends on what we are willing to do to achieve our goal. There are people who shirk responsibility for what is happening; they are not ready to work for the future. Such people always have someone to blame: husband, children, parents, bad boss, government, officials, and so on. With such an outlook on life, it is difficult to remain optimistic.

The second factor that causes us to believe too much in our own abilities is the emphasis on unpleasant events, “black” streaks. This is the nature of perception. Bad things are often remembered better. When everything is going well, life is taken for granted. But, when something happens that unsettles you, a streak of bad luck “sets in.” But as practice shows, it’s not the events themselves, but how we perceive them.

The future is unlimited possibilities

In Chinese, the word crisis is represented by two characters: danger and opportunity. In other words, the future depends on what lesson we learn from a difficult situation. Many can admit that a scary divorce turned out to be the key to a comfortable and peaceful life. Getting laid off helped me find a job closer to home. A forced move to another city opened up new opportunities and helped me find a husband (wife). And so on.

Look at people who seem happier and more confident than you. What is their difference? It’s unlikely, they don’t have any difficulties. It just seems from the outside that they succeed in everything without difficulty, that luck always accompanies them. Of course, everything is not so rosy. The main difference between a “luckier” person is that he is patient and persistent. He takes responsibility. He takes risks when circumstances require it. You will be surprised how much he does to achieve his goal. What doesn’t such a person do? He doesn't complain, doesn't quit halfway, and doesn't blame others for his failures.

And one more thing: he forgives a lot. Anxious people spend a lot of energy on being angry, offended and indignant. There is neither energy nor time left to accept people as they are.

What else distinguishes a “fearless” person? Ability to anticipate situations. Do not let it develop into global problems, if possible. And most often this is possible. For example, my husband is often late at work. Over time, he begins to work on weekends. And when he returns, his clothes smell of perfume. If you pretend not to notice anything, you may win when the affair ends. But you need to understand that the husband can leave. What you shouldn’t do in such a situation is pretend to yourself that nothing is happening. Then his possible departure will become a bolt from the blue for you. And if after this your housing and material conditions worsen, then it will become even harder to survive.

It is not easy to predict the development of events, but it is possible. And you can prepare for them. The one who prepares in advance wins. We're not just talking about a possible breakup, we're talking about all areas of life. If you, regardless of your family and financial situation, maintain your professional level and continue to work, you will always know that the future largely depends on you. If you consider your strengths when taking out a mortgage, if you know what to do in case of dismissal, layoffs will not be the end of the world for you.

Fear of the future, as a rule, is present among those who in the past have experienced severe stress associated with shattered expectations. For those whose hopes were not justified, and if not everything, then a lot was at stake. It is important not to let this experience leave its mark on the rest of your life. You can draw conclusions and move on. The “black” streak is not endless. And if it drags on, you can put an end to it by looking at what is happening from a different angle.

If you have no money or no job, agree to a temporary one, albeit one that pays less. She will solve the money issue now. You will have money to pay rent and buy textbooks for your child. If there is no housing and job prospects are not very good, maybe look for vacancies in another region?

What else affects your mood in life? Constant communication. Who are we communicating with? What are we discussing? If all we do is talk about inflation, poor health, problems in the family and at work, it’s time to stop. Such conversations have never cheered anyone up. Talk to people you like whose persistence can be an example. Talk about good things - about wonderful children, about a future vacation, about what you learned interesting. At first Shifting the focus from negative to positive or neutral is difficult at first. Discussing negativity is more common, and breaking the habit takes time.

There are a lot of good things in every person’s life: health, family, home, work. Look at the good things you have. Think about what you want. What can you do to get what you want? You will see that under the onslaught of common sense, fear of the future will recede.

Based on a number of studies conducted in American schools, the conclusion was once again made about the benefits of physical exercise for general intellectual development. Movement awakens the brain, activating all its cells.

I recently got married for the second time. There is a son from his first marriage, he is 12 years old. The relationship between the son and the husband did not work out initially. Now I'm expecting a child, I'm worried.

By 2020, they plan to release 105 wireless trolleybuses on the roads of St. Petersburg. will introduce new trolleybuses that will be able to travel most of the route without connecting to the contact network. .

How to overcome fear of the future? How to get rid of bad karma?

In childhood, the future is always crystal clear... Here, against the backdrop of a big house - you, beautiful and sophisticated, next to you is the Man of your dreams, on the horizon in the azure waves of the ocean - a snow-white yacht. However, time passes, one thing does not come true, another disappoints... Often, when we become adults, we stop dreaming about the future and begin to fear it. Meanwhile, we create our “tomorrow” ourselves. Here and now.

Fear of the future is familiar to one degree or another to every adult; we are often afraid of “tomorrow” simply because we value the present.

From the memories of my client: “I can’t say that I’m afraid of the future, perhaps that would be an exaggeration... but before I treated everything somehow simpler. For example, five years ago, if a call rang in the middle of the night, I calmly picked up the phone - most likely, it was some friend “rocking” at the club. Today, in a similar situation, I shudder and immediately begin to get nervous - what if something happened to someone close to me? In general, I don’t like making plans for the future. I’m confident in myself, but, you know, I’ve already accumulated a certain amount of unfulfilled hopes, I’m afraid I’ll jinx it or something. If you make a wish like this, it won’t grow together again.” Indeed, when it comes to what lies ahead, sometimes there is no trace of our arrogance.

Several factors may be responsible for fear of the future. Firstly, there is uncertainty: we do not understand, we cannot know what will happen to us next, where and with whom we will be in a year or month - the unknown scares us. Secondly, often our fears are associated with some kind of negative expectations, for example, illness, the departure of someone close. And finally, people who have had a series of failures in life often look into the future with caution. A person begins to convince himself that he has “bad karma” and should not expect anything good from life.

If the fear of the future becomes too aggressive, if the fear of tomorrow begins to influence the making of the right decisions today, then it’s time to deal with it. First, try to classify your fear and understand what exactly you are afraid of. Thus, the fear of losing a loved one is quite natural for each of us, but often behind it lies not only daughterly love, but also “skeletons” from your personal “closet”.

Many of us take the mindset for a long and happy life from our family, from our parents. And already in adulthood, it is very useful and important, no matter what happens, to rely on the emotional support of those who love us, those who are dear to us. It is important to understand that you are not alone, that there will always be people next to you who you can rely on. A person must understand that he has the right to be happy - this is precisely the main goal for a happy future.

But why is it that when it comes to what lies ahead, not a trace remains of our arrogance?

If you think that you are haunted by failures in life and there is simply no point in waiting for good things, audit your “bad” past. Often we are oppressed not by the past itself (what happened was, in any case, it is already behind us), but by the mistakes and unforgiven grievances that remain in it. In this situation, it is important to understand where you were wrong and... apologize to those whom you voluntarily or unwittingly offended. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, it doesn’t matter whether you call or write to a specific person - sometimes it’s enough just to internally ask for forgiveness.

We all make mistakes, we all sometimes find ourselves in unpleasant and stupid situations. This can turn into “karma” only if you do not learn to draw conclusions from your own stupidities and, with persistence worthy of better use, repeat your own mistakes. It makes sense to change the introductory “this always happens to me” to “this has happened to me before, and this time everything will be different.” Very soon you will see that your “evil planid” was only a figment of the imagination and, perhaps, an unwillingness to understand real life problems. Of course, not everything related to the future can be clearly planned, but a lot depends on you.

It is very important with what attitude you perceive everything that happens in your life. If you are constantly afraid of failure and do nothing for that reason, it will not bring you closer to what you want, but if you perceive failure as an experience that you can use in the future, then this will give you confidence and help you perceive difficulties on your path more easily. Children, when they learn to walk, also often fall, but they get up again and again and take one step at a time.

A person must learn to get in touch with his phobias; he must try to understand what emotions and experiences are actually behind the generalized concept of “fear.” To do this, it is necessary to describe in detail all the thoughts and emotions that arise when hearing the words “I’m afraid...” So, often the panicky fear of losing parents is born from the inability to build relationships with other people - a person is afraid that no one will love him “like his mother,” no one will be able to understand him, he is afraid to remain in a vacuum. It is necessary to fight not with fear as such, but with its primary source, for example: in the above case, with a lack of sincere communication, with distrust of the world around us.

Is it possible to “design” your own future? Many are sure that yes. In order to do this, you just need a little imagination and common sense.

Psychologists are confident that various options for your own future can be “designed” based on your current situation. It is important that the predicted “tomorrow” meets internal needs. Ask yourself: what do I really want from life? More peace of mind? More security? Or, on the contrary, bright emotions and risk? I have several options, which one will best suit my needs? Considering that the future still remains hidden from us, when choosing, not only a rational approach is important, but also intuition. When a person finally mentally finds himself in “his” situation, he feels it himself, his eyes begin to shine.

It is important that the predicted “tomorrow” meets your internal needs.

Probably everyone has heard that thought is material. Paradoxical or not, if you want something very badly, sooner or later you will achieve it. You don’t have to look far for examples of historical figures who made their dizzying careers “on sheer enthusiasm” - you can just look around.

From the client’s memoirs: “We recently had a meeting of classmates. Many have not seen each other since graduation, and you know what struck me most? Now that we can already sum up some “intermediate results”, it is noticeable that each of us, in principle, has achieved what we were going for one way or another. For example, one girl in our class was simply raving about Spain, learned the language herself, quoted Lorca by heart... But imagine, it was the early 1990s, what kind of Spain could we even be talking about? Nevertheless, she managed to somehow fit into the crowd of Spanish expats - those who worked or studied here at that time, and gradually became “one of our own” there. And now she is married to a real Spaniard, such a macho! He lives in two houses between Moscow and Madrid, their children are just a sight for sore eyes! We also had a guy who kept dreaming of going into acting. He is really talented, but at school he stuttered badly, and everyone laughed at him, so they called him – Actor. Nobody believed, of course, that they would take him to the theater. After school, he really didn’t get in, but then he went, took diction (imagine, at 18 years old, studying with a speech therapist!), prepared properly... in a word, he was accepted. Now he serves at Tabakerka. The same girls who “specialized” more in boys and clothes at school mostly got married early, many never work, and, it seems to me, they are also quite happy with their lives...”

If your plans for the future are defined and your goals are clearly formulated, it’s time to start implementing them. This is exactly what my client Olga did at one time. Today Olya is an interior designer, and in the recent past she was an administrator of a small computer company. Since childhood, she was attracted to drawing and sketching; the work of a designer always seemed very tempting. But after school she studied to become a fashionable manager at that time. When Olga decided to change her profession, her business went uphill. Nevertheless, the feeling that she could do more and wanted to do completely different things did not leave her. At first, Olga had no idea how one becomes a designer. However, there were acquaintances who worked in this field who told us in general terms what knowledge was needed, who studied where. Gradually she developed her own “strategy”. While remaining at her previous job, Olga enrolled in computer graphics courses, found a private drawing teacher, stocked up on all the necessary programs and equipment, and began practicing at home. After completing the course, I quit my previous job and began looking for a job as a novice designer. I got a job in a small design bureau and at the same time entered the second degree in architecture. A year later, while continuing to study, I moved on to a more promising job. Now I am engaged in private design projects, I earn much more than in my previous administrative job, and most importantly, I get great pleasure from what I do, says Olga.

Another example from psychological practice: “As a child, I dreamed and prayed that when I grew up, I wouldn’t get up at the alarm clock and go to bed when I wanted—it would come true. I don’t work anywhere, I don’t make appointments outside of my home before 12. In my youth I wanted a job that would require me to travel to other countries - it came true. When I got married at 20, I dreamed that the house would be a full cup. That it will be built according to my design. And that I will support myself, my children, and my mother - it came true. Even more than I dreamed of. I also dreamed of personally knowing all sorts of celebrities and communicating with them once a week. By and large, it also came true. Only the desire to become a writer did not come true. Maybe I should try to become a science fiction writer in my old age?”

Imagine your “dream” in every detail. Not castles in the air. If you have a dream of becoming a department head, a famous actress or a TV journalist, then answer one question for yourself. What did I do to make my plans come true (besides sharing my dream with my friend)? If your desire is passive, it will most likely remain just a desire. Meanwhile, there are several simple steps to make a “happy future” become a reality.

1 MAKE A TASK OUT OF YOUR DREAM: you need to outline as specifically as possible what you really want to get. Imagine your “dream” in all its details. Weigh all the pros and cons. You must be absolutely sure that this is exactly what you are striving for.

2 WAYS TO ACHIEVE THE GOAL. What efforts need to be made to realize your plans. Write each stage step by step.

3 DETAILS. Write down each step that will bring you closer to solving the problem. What should you do, what should you achieve, who can help you with this, what do you already have, what might be useful to you. And so - from beginning to end.

Once you have sorted everything out, start taking action. You shouldn’t wait for “tomorrow” and sit idly by in the hope that bright plans will somehow come true by themselves. What's first on the list? Computer courses? Language practice? Training? Make a first step. Act consistently, systematically and methodically.

REMEMBER: this “construction” is more reminiscent of a long strategic campaign with sometimes inevitable retreats, minor setbacks and tedious sieges of enemy bastions, rather than a “small lightning war.” So, gradually approaching your cherished goal and celebrating even small victories, at some point you yourself will feel that your “blue dream” is beginning to take on quite visible forms and outlines.

Along with what is important to do “for the sake of the future,” there are things that are best avoided for the same reason. So, according to psychologists, you shouldn’t go against yourself, break and reshape yourself to suit dubious goals and stereotypes. It is better to recognize your weaknesses and find compensation in your own strengths than to be deluded. There is no point, for example, in convincing yourself that you are a born leader just because your dad sees you that way. It is quite possible that in a “free” creative profession you will be much happier. Here, as in any business, it is important to find your own algorithm - the one that suits you.

It is hardly possible to give universal advice on “programming” the future. For example, the slogan “Everything will be fine” works well for people who are positive and optimistic. If you are one of them, feel free to cover your entire apartment with similar posters. However, if you are a skeptic, then I would not recommend doing this. For a skeptical person, such “agitation” will cause nothing but internal protest and rejection, and its effect can be exactly the opposite.

We do not always see a future cast in bronze of sky-high aspirations and lofty ideas. However, even if you do not intend to radically change your life, you do not have the slightest desire to climb the Himalayas or seek the post of chairman of the board of a company, it makes sense to tune in to a simple classic “happily ever after” attitude. After all, in the concept of “future” it is not so important what exactly events await you - it is obvious that even with an abundance of good things, there will still be a “fly in the ointment” here; much more important is how you treat them and who will be nearby at one point or another in your life.

Sometimes a person carries within himself for years a feeling of guilt for some unseemly act, and the fear of its repetition does not allow him to move on normally. Moreover, over time he acquires new phobias. It’s as easy as shelling pears to be convinced of “bad karma” here. There was such a case in my practice. A woman came to me, she was simply in a panic - she had been told that she would soon lose her son. When we began to communicate, it turned out that she was tormented by a strong guilt complex towards the child... Perhaps this prompted her to go to the “fortune teller”. Having figured out everything, she asked her son for forgiveness, the relationship improved, but the terrible prophecy, naturally, never came true.