Self-confidence is the most important character trait of a person, which needs to be constantly improved. It makes it possible to be more sociable in communication, which allows you not only to feel good, but also to achieve your goals in work, hobbies, etc.
However, many people lack self-confidence and strength, which negatively affects their quality of life. How can you not be embarrassed or afraid of anything in order to truly be a happy person? Before answering this question in more detail, it is necessary to find out where the feelings of embarrassment and fear come from.
What is modesty
Let's look at the concept of modesty in more detail. The term “modest” has existed in our language since the 17th century. It means humble, moderate, meek and undemanding. This is someone who does not put his own personality above others.
Modesty due to cowardice or lack of self-confidence is a problem for the individual himself. An overly modest or inappropriately modest girl may remain alone forever. But on the other hand, the lack of this quality, selfishness and showing oneself to the detriment of others creates considerable problems.
Modesty and Shyness
A person acquires most of the qualities that are inherent in a person in infancy, and some before birth. Scientists' analyzes say that in the womb we are able to hear not only the conversations of mom and dad, but also capture the mother's thoughts. If a child feels that he is desired, then in the future he will grow up confident in his own abilities. If during pregnancy the mother does not love the child, then he has every chance of growing up as a person without and.
It is worth noting that modesty and shyness are different concepts.
Manifestation of lack of faith in one’s own abilities, fear of not being liked. This quality interferes at first in childhood, but if the child is not helped, then in adulthood he will be afraid to set goals and achieve them.
Modesty is an indicator of the upbringing of a confident person. A person knows his strengths very well, but does not flaunt them. Therefore, it is believed that modesty is an adornment.
So, after all, is modesty an adornment for a person or a burden for him? The uniqueness of each individual is undeniable. Based on this, it turns out that life principles, character, and set of habits are unique in everyone.
We are similar to each other, but we are different, like snowflakes and fingerprints. For one person something is good, but for another it is the opposite. Based on this, it is difficult to say for sure whether it is better to remain modest or, on the contrary, to do everything for show.
Probably everyone will remember a situation in life when the arrogant behavior of another person humiliated their dignity or offended them, causing outrage. This behavior causes negative emotions. Similar feelings arise when we see unbridled behavior, etc.
Now imagine a girl who, embarrassed, lowers her gaze. Or a man who gives way, offers his hand. Good manners, modesty and respect are almost synonymous concepts. You can remain a modest person, but confident. And it is these individuals who are able to achieve what they want.
Shyness has a negative effect on others
Your shyness causes both instinctive and conscious rejection in others. Moreover, it may seem to you that you are very sensitive, polite and tactful, you never allow yourself anything unnecessary and do not bother other people over trifles and, thereby, produce the most positive effect on them.
Although, in fact, it turns out that you create exactly the opposite impression. Excessive timidity and shyness are a demonstration of some kind of weakness and, as a result, do not bribe other people. At best, you will simply form a not the best opinion about yourself. At worst, someone will take advantage of your shyness or simply treat you in a less polite manner, since you have already shown that you can tolerate such treatment.
Ingratiating politeness, careful tact, excessive gentleness in communication, ignoring uncomfortable but necessary topics in conversation do not speak of you as a self-confident, independent person. For example, girls and women give their preference to those representatives of the opposite sex who show the greatest persistence and even a little arrogance in dealing with them.
Therefore, blushing in front of a girl is not only wrong, from the point of view that embarrassment does not allow you to control yourself, and you can blurt out something unnecessary, but also strategically unacceptable from the perspective of achieving the desired result!
And this is true not only for dating members of the opposite sex, but also for communicating with all people! You should not elevate your shortcomings to advantages. Shyness is a bad quality, it hinders you and creates many problems on your way. How to get rid of it will be discussed further.
Modesty in Religion
All religious movements call on people to be simple, humble, and to make do with little. The desire for pleasure, in any of its manifestations, has never been welcomed by religions. On the contrary, it is generally accepted that giving up such pleasures will cleanse the body and soul and bring them closer to spiritual benefits.
The opposite of modesty in the religious understanding is pride. This is a sin because it does not allow the individual to show forgiveness, compassion, and humility. Even Christ himself washed the feet of his own disciples. There is a hidden importance in this action that is not immediately noticeable. Hidden here is not just the meaning of renouncing superiority, but also the sacrament of purifying the soul.
How to overcome shyness and self-doubt
When shyness is closely related to uncertainty, then you will have to act in the direction of both problems. Before going on a huge stage to work on your own confidence, you need to feel comfortable around your loved ones. To do this, start pleasing them, making pleasant surprises, and without looking for a reason for this. The desire to improve the lives of others is a great reason to connect, and the positive feedback you receive will definitely lift your spirits and self-confidence.
Play sports and exercise. Not only will this make you feel better by releasing endorphins, but it will also improve your appearance and the confidence part that comes with it. Discover new things not only in the area of your physical capabilities, but also in your social contacts, look for your people with whom you will feel comfortable and pleasant. There are many opportunities for this even in a small town - and it is better to have ten virtual friends who understand, appreciate and support than thirty who are physically nearby but constantly humiliating.
Setting big goals and making plans is an important part of developing confidence and overcoming shyness. Remember that each goal must have its own implementation plan and deadlines. It is important that in any goal or assessment of your actions you begin to focus only on your own desires and judgments. What others say is not always the truth; many criticisms are justified by envy, and the devaluation of your plans, goals, and dreams is due to limited perception. Only the level of your own satisfaction should be the key to understanding whether you are moving in the right direction.
Record your successes with the help of received certificates or photographs of things actually done. Even if your goal was to improve your own health, this can be noted by changes in examination indicators, improvement in physical fitness with photographs before starting classes and after a month of training. This applies not only to achievements in the field of development, but also in social contacts - take pictures with new friends, celebrate the month of friendship with an interesting person. The more you can see the results of your success, the more motivated you will be to keep moving forward. If you don’t do this, then due to the peculiarities of perception, over time the good is erased, and the negative moments remain in the memory and you may get the feeling that life is not changing.
Spend some time removing muscle blocks through massage, exercise, or body-oriented therapy sessions. This is a very important point, since any shyness is associated with control, which also locks the body and leaves tension in the muscles. The more relaxed the body becomes, the easier it will become to interact with the world, the more freely it will be to manifest as individuals.
Pros of modesty
Let's consider the pros and cons of such a quality as modesty. Let's start with the positive side.
Usually, modesty is inherent in girls because this quality is characteristic of them; it is a decisive factor in creating character. Modest girls have always been an example of femininity. This quality was considered an indicator of manners, politeness, and education. From childhood, girls were taught rules, etiquette, and good manners in schools. Initially, they were instilled with modesty.
Nowadays, modesty does not have such a high value, but it has not gone unnoticed. It is easier to communicate with such people; they are not rude or offend people. At the same time, we are always ready to help and support. These people do not exalt themselves above others; they maintain some distance. Such a person is unlikely to be able to ask you for anything, but he will gladly fulfill your requests, even to his own detriment.
Modest individuals rarely become the center of intrigue or gossip; rumors do not circulate about them. If you do not like to be in the center of the company, you are an altruist, then modesty is your quality.
Two types of influential forces
In the context of modesty, there are two types of people. And they are, as a rule, on completely opposite sides of the social spectrum.
The first type has a fleeting influence on others. They seem quite powerful and confident, but their strength turns out to be insignificant. Maybe you succumbed to their influence today, but tomorrow it will completely disappear. People of the second type have very little influence at first, but over time it grows and becomes stronger.
Before we take a closer look at the two types of people, let's do a quick self-analysis to determine which side of the spectrum you fall on. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Am I acting out of fear or
gratitude? - As a rule, am I more likely to trust people or
are they more likely to trust me? - Do I always try to prove that I am right or
am I comfortable with the fact that people can have their own opinions? - Do I feel that I am better than others or
perceive them as my equal? - Are people in my shadow or
am I allowing them to be in the spotlight? - Do I often brag about my achievements or
do I prefer to talk about other people's achievements?
Pay attention to the conjunction “or”: it helps to talk about the behavior of two types of people in one sentence. Write down the answers to the questions, and then answer another one: how do you feel in those situations that you did not choose? For example, if you like to be the life of the party, how do you feel when others are the center of attention?
If you tend to choose both options, then you are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. Perhaps this behavior is reasonable. In any case, this is better than being too modest (even shy) or overly self-confident.
Of course, the amount of influence depends on many factors. However, there is one that stands out from the rest and has great power: whether you act out of gratitude or fear. In other words, out of a sense of humility or arrogance (a form of dominance).
Yes, arrogance, like many unpleasant human traits, is a derivative of inner fear. We are afraid that we will not be appreciated enough, so we choose defiant behavior to boost our self-esteem and muffle the voice of fear.
Disadvantages of modesty
But not everyone is sure that modesty should be considered a positive personality trait. Some consider this particular trait to be the reason for unluckiness, because modesty is the main disadvantage of a modern person.
But in reality, what does the world know about humble individuals? Nothing. None of the famous people can be called modest or insecure. Based on this, it is concluded that modesty is not required to achieve heights and prosperity. But this is not the entire list of disadvantages. Modesty becomes the cause of failures on the personal front.
According to statistics, most men prefer modest girls, but in practice everything is different. Modesty interests a representative of the stronger sex only in the initial stages, when it acts as a mystery. But if it does not go away with the development of the relationship, then the man loses interest and switches to more relaxed representatives of the fairer sex.
It turns out that due to excessive modesty, a girl can lose her chance and be left alone. This quality is a hindrance not only on the personal front, but in building a career. Moving up when you do all the work for yourself and your colleagues and do not try to get a salary increase becomes impossible.
Humble individuals never desire leadership. What they have is enough for them; they do not try to improve their lives. It is worth saying that there are enough arguments against modesty to force you to reconsider your own attitude towards this trait. Modesty takes on negative traits if:
is on display. This approach is often used by insecure people. The one who demonstrates his own shyness and modesty achieves praise. Such actions are called false modesty; natural modesty is called a positive quality, if it did not become the cause of complexes. Often excessive modesty and lack of self-confidence become a real problem. They do not allow the personality to develop.
The reason for excessive modesty, as psychologists are sure, can be the following factors:
genetic. Researchers claim that there is a gene for shyness. From the moment of birth, it is noticeable in individuals with an unstable nervous system; upbringing. The wrong approach to education and lack of communication skills become constraining for a person, they force him to become overly shy; childhood trauma. Due to the shock that a person experienced at an early age, many qualities can suffer, so modesty is not an exception.
What is shyness
Shyness is a mental state of internal tension, constraint of words and movements, fearfulness, social awkwardness, self-doubt, indecisiveness, lack of experience in communicating and building relationships with others. There are many theories about where the feeling of shyness comes from.
Clinical psychologists argue that it is transmitted genetically, like other traits: eye color, height. A shy person has a highly excitable nervous system, like his parents. Therefore, they tend to avoid danger and conflicts.
Representatives of behaviorism view things in the aspect of “a stimulus from the external environment - a person’s reaction to it.” To achieve any result, you need to study. It is believed that some have not acquired adequate communication skills. But they only learned negative experience while trying to have a conversation. Therefore, such people should be shown how to speak and behave correctly among people.
Sociologists and social psychologists say that the reason for the formation is the attitudes of society and the educational conditions in which we grow up. For example, shyness is considered a noble trait for a girl, but not for a guy. In Muslim countries this position is even more acute.
Psychoanalysts say that there is a conflict within. Like a quarrel or misunderstanding after a conversation we had in high school. Feelings were deeply hurt, and then they were not worked through. Therefore, in the future, when encountering a similar situation and people, negative emotions and a desire to avoid conflict will emerge.
Family psychologists focus on the dependence of birth order and how shy the child will be. The first one always has more trouble and a desire to protect, which sometimes results in overprotection. And already the second or third child receives more freedom and trust from their parents. Therefore, they grow up more liberated.
Neuroscientists say that whether a person will be shy or not depends on serotonin, the hormone of happiness. If there is a lack of it, then he will often be timid. Deficiency also causes constant fatigue, anxious personality disorder, and phobias.
There are two types of shyness:
- External – secrecy, reluctance to communicate, avoidance of large companies and parties. It is clear that contact with some or all people provides fear and a high level of anxiety.
- Internal - in the presence of others, he seems to be a socially active member of the conversation, successfully communicates and does not show it. But inside there is suppressed anxiety and a desire to hide from everyone.
How to get rid of modesty
There are several options for answering the question of how to get rid of modesty. One of them involves character building, training and special classes. Another is to seek support from a specialist. For self-training of character, the following recommendations are suitable:
If you want to do or say something, do it, even if the words or actions turn out to be stupid. Communicate with others more often. You should not refuse a possible meeting with classmates, classmates, colleagues or friends. Remember, in childhood, modesty does not interfere with communication. Stop tormenting yourself with reproaches for failing at something. On the contrary, celebrate what you did well. Think about how to fix what doesn't work. Use the “casual acquaintance” training. To do this, come to a place where there are a lot of people and try to meet and communicate with complete strangers.
If the above methods do not help, then you need to seek professional psychological help. The expert will conduct all the required diagnostic tests, and if necessary, develop an action plan and tell you how to overcome modesty.
But it is necessary to fight this personal quality only when it becomes excessive. With moderate modesty, be proud of this feeling, remember that it is a person’s adornment.
1 April 2014, 17:01
They say that modesty is one of the best human qualities. It must be protected and used correctly. Modesty in some situations can help a person, or it can harm him.
Modesty suits a person if:
You are self-sufficient, a bright and multifaceted personality. If self-sufficiency is absent, modesty makes a person a gray mouse, inconspicuous, quiet. But there are some “mice” who are happy with their privacy.
It does not prevent you from receiving well-deserved public recognition. If you've worked at something for a long time, you deserve to let people know about your successes and achievements. Let them be proud of you!
If it helps you to be “above” vanity. A modest person is free if he has a goal that he will achieve without being distracted by vanity. You won't try to catch a pie in the sky.
Modesty is harmful if:
The basis of modesty is self-doubt. You are unsure of your capabilities. Weigh everything before you do anything. Such people are in the shadows due to fear of failure. The main problem for them is that they do not know about their abilities, but they answer “I can’t.” The main thing is to believe in yourself and take on the work that you consider too difficult. And everything will definitely work out!
It prevents you from realizing yourself. Modesty is needed in moderation. Here's one story. The girl, let's call her Elena, worked for several years in a consulting firm. She was a valuable employee to management. The vacancy of a department head has become vacant. Elena believed that she deserved to take this place. But she didn’t dare tell management about it. The director thought that if she was silent, then she was not applying for this position. And this place was taken by another employee. Elena felt that she had been treated unfairly.
Your modesty is used by people to achieve their goals. This quality attracts not only good people, but also those who can use you for their own benefit.
It can be emphasized: modesty in dress is a sign of good taste, in thoughts - a sign of wisdom, in behavior - a sign of good upbringing.
Reading time: 4 min
Modesty is a personality quality acquired as a result of internalization of behavioral patterns and values of others. It is reflected in the ability to keep one’s own emotional and behavioral manifestations within certain limits, to maintain calm, moderation and restraint, and to place minimal demands on other people and one’s material and everyday life. Modesty changes a person’s life style, which includes decency in communication, maintaining decorum, and leading a life without luxury.
It is believed that modesty adorns a person, presenting him without unnecessary boasting, when a person’s merits appear in actions, and rewards come without begging or demanding. Manifestations are possible in behavior through obedience to elders and humility before experienced ones, in clothes of inexpensive brands, discreet colors and models. Modesty is often used synonymously with shyness and timidity, but this is wrong, even with similar manifestations, since modesty is a conscious act, a choice, and other manifestations are unconscious and driven by subconscious or trauma.
What is shyness or a person’s mind - his enemy
Shyness can be imagined as a kind of wall of the subconscious that the mind accidentally and clumsily constructed as a defense.
Then this wall prevents you from feeling normal around people or just living. After all, what shyness is is a lack of confidence in one’s social skills, accompanied by tightness, tension, constraint, and excessive timidity.
Further, the problem of embarrassment and embarrassment can develop into social phobia - fear of social contacts and all possible avoidance of it.
Many such psychological problems come from childhood; adults try to convey their requirements to the child, and children, not meeting them, get lost and may begin to feel inferior. He grows up and becomes an overly shy person, embarrassed to communicate and expose himself.
Or the parents simply did not teach their child to love and respect themselves. The later the child realizes that he is exactly the same as everyone else, that he has nothing to be ashamed of, the more difficult it will be to overcome shyness.
This is usually what happens: timid children don't try very hard to make many friends; They are usually less active and may be held back by fear of doing something wrong and being disapproved again. Shyness also grows from such fear.
This is why it is so important to devote a lot of time to raising a child and to be very attentive. After all, every minor mistake of a parent that he does not correct can become fatal.
What is modesty
The meaning of modesty is varied and depending on the area of discussion it will have its own adjustments; the general ones will remain undemanding and lack of desire to put oneself first. In terms of arranging one’s life, it is characterized by a lack of desire for luxury and an understanding that in order to feel comfortable, one needs insignificant resources. In terms of interpersonal interaction, modesty is characterized by a sincere interest in others, more than in oneself; such a person asks and listens more than he tells and brags. In addition, when communicating, the dignity of all people is recognized, the rules accepted in society are demonstrated and observed.
Modesty is considered a character trait that allows a person to fit in with his environment without attracting undue attention, basically considering drawing attention to one's own person (by action or word, clothing or purchase) as undignified behavior.
Many sets of rules (etiquette, decent social behavior, church approved) say that modesty adorns a person and is the most valuable trait, providing opportunities for and vision for others to learn from them, contributes to the development of kindness and, as a consequence, the establishment of good relationships. But modesty may not always have a positive impact in a society where some people live by different laws, self-interest and cunning, taking advantage of the modesty of others for their own benefit.
Modesty is not a character trait, it is manifested in behavior and reflects its specific line, and the motives for such behavior can also be different. A person may be modest from nobility or from the fact that he sincerely does not consider his merits outstanding, or he may hide behind a mask of modesty because he is unable to present himself, waiting for others to present him. Many, knowing how much others value modest manifestations, can portray the necessary behavior only partially in the presence of the necessary person on whom they want to make the appropriate impression, while the rest of the time they behave impudently and dissolutely. This is not true modesty, just as kindness in pursuit of its own selfish ends is not true kindness.
A few more tips from a psychologist on overcoming shyness
- Try helping someone else with shyness. By helping a person, you will see yourself from the outside, in addition, it will be easier for you to follow the advice that you will give (even if you initially read it on the Internet).
- If you are a believer, you can try to turn to the Almighty (Almighty).
- If you like yoga or meditation, do it. Simply put, relax and believe in what will help you.
- Also, watch relaxed people. Behind their behavior, how they react to their failures and mistakes. You will see that they have them even worse than yours.
Do you feel angry at them when watching them? Do you want to remember this incident every time we meet? The questions are, of course, moral, but most people will answer them in the negative.
And the answers will be just as negative if you suddenly find yourself in the place of this liberated person.
Remember this, society does not wish you harm (unless, of course, you wish harm to society).
All in your hands.
Modesty and shyness, what's the difference?
Modesty and shyness are often confused, and some consider these concepts to be synonymous, which is deeply mistaken. Modesty is responsible for a conscious line of behavior, and shyness refers to emotional experiences that are not under control. A person can be modest and not have shyness, as well as be shy, but not modest - these two things do not go hand in hand and are not interchangeable concepts. If, while leading a modest lifestyle, a person does not show his goodness and achievements out of reluctance, including the conscious sphere, then in case of embarrassment this will be caused by fear (to attract attention, not withstand criticism, etc.).
Shyness arises from uncertainty and such a person would rather remain silent and listen carefully to the interlocutor in order to adjust his statements in accordance with someone else’s point of view.
Modesty is always confident and a modest person listens to another out of sincere interest, and changes his opinion only after the facts, and not out of a desire to be liked. A modest person remains open when interacting, although he does not put his personality as a priority; shyness can make a person avoid social contacts and new experiences. The first is about development and constant learning from the world around us, the second is about fear of the new and closed doors of opportunity.
Modesty can be learned or unlearned, its level and areas of manifestation can be controlled, while shyness is a character trait and such changes will require much deeper internal work than adjusting a line of behavior. In order for a person to begin to feel shy or to stop, a number of corrective events are necessary, either frustrating and traumatic, forcing him to hide, or corrective and stabilizing, helping him to begin to actively manifest himself in the external environment.
How to develop humility while influencing others
There are many things you can do to become a more humble person without losing your personality or becoming shy.
The easiest way to do this is to list the actions, habits, behaviors, and beliefs that create the modesty cocktail. Mix these ingredients together and you will get all the benefits we talked about earlier.
Remember that a humble person:
- Often redirects praise to other people, as Oscar winners do.
- Openly admits his mistakes and failures.
- Boosts other people's confidence without bringing yourself down.
- He does not flaunt his achievements and talents, but does not hide them.
- Recognizes that skills and abilities do not appear out of the blue, but are the result of long and focused work.
- When talking, he tries to dig deeper and find out what is good about the interlocutor. He acknowledges his merits directly, but does not flatter him.
- Believes there is always more to learn. He does not stop for a second in his self-development.
- Admits his mistakes and corrects them.
So here are simple strategies to help you become a more humble person.
1 Thank other people
Gratitude can make you less self-centered and helps you focus on the people around you. It kills pride and high self-esteem.
Expressing gratitude makes a person humble. It could be something small, like a simple “Thank you!” the person who held the door. Or significant, when you, as a leader, distinguish the contribution of each team member to success.
2 Treat everyone the same
This is one of the hardest ways to become humble. And yet, it is the most effective.
We humans are often susceptible to various cognitive distortions. For example, the “Eva Braun Effect” suggests that we tend to sympathize with other people simply because we know them.
Humble people are kind, considerate, courteous, and respectful to everyone they meet. Treat every person with the respect and dignity they deserve. Don't judge people by their status or position.
3 Ask for feedback
Self-confident, ignorant people do not need feedback, because they already know everything and they do not need to learn anything more.
Ask a few close friends to be really honest about three things they value about you and three areas where you could use some growth.
4 Challenge preconceptions
Psychology Ph.D. Joshua Hook believes that to become humble and moderate, you need to start with the following exercise: identify an area in which you have little understanding.
One of his students, for example, had a lot of prejudices about older people and believed that they were much stupider and more primitive than young people. He visited a nursing home and completely changed his mind.
Hug says, “During this exercise you must listen and learn. Don’t prove your point of view and don’t make sudden conclusions.”
If you have negative preconceptions about, say, a particular religion, attend a service or talk to someone who practices it. Humility and modesty is the desire to keep the mind open to everything new.
5 Start with a question
Start a meeting with a person with a question, not a search for a solution. Why is this necessary?
If you ask a question, you are demonstrating that you don't know something. Thus, enter into a state of active learning. You are not trying to immediately say something, to start a topic that you know well. Instead, you show the other person that you are ready to accept new information.
6 Listen to people
Another tip that is very difficult to implement. And again we are talking about the ego. Why do people prefer to talk rather than listen? Because he raises self-esteem, asserts himself by uttering some words.
A modest person does not need all this. He knows that he is strong inside, so he listens with great pleasure. He understands that you can learn more with your ears, asks questions and does not interrupt.
If you're used to talking all the time, try challenging yourself to listen to people for a month. This amazing experience will open up another world. You will find that you can feel comfortable by occasionally saying a word or two and focusing entirely on what the other person is saying.
All this requires great awareness. As soon as you remember this advice, especially when you find yourself in the spotlight, give up that space to someone else and start asking him open advice. You will see that it can be real fun.
7 Accept failure
An immodest person will react very violently to failures, blaming others, because he does not want to lower his self-esteem (as he believes).
A humble person understands that there is nothing humiliating in accepting failure and defeat. After all, the main thing is how you react and what actions you take.
Humility and modesty will allow you to face difficult challenges without fear of failure. But if the worst happens, this is just another reason to roll up your sleeves and continue to work on yourself.
8 Always learn
Humility has another good side: humble people know they are imperfect and never stop learning. It’s not that they strive for incredible success, it’s just that this process gives them pleasure.
You can learn in absolutely any situation:
- If something good happens, this is a reason to learn to rejoice from the heart.
- If something bad happens, it means there is a chance to test the strength of your psyche or your ability to make decisions under pressure.
- If nothing has happened and there is unbearable boredom around, then learn to entertain yourself through reflection, observation, and meditation.
Disadvantages of Modesty
In many places, modesty is presented in a favorable light and as one of the most desirable qualities, but, as with any concept, there are shortcomings and difficulties that sometimes hinder a person.
Think about who extols modesty as a positive trait - usually these are people who benefit from your obedience (parents, teachers, church), those who themselves do not accept the differences of others well and strive to create a gray, indifferent society. Once upon a time, such a strategy of behavior helped to survive, because even during the times of socialist power (and this is the generation of our grandmothers), it was dangerous to stand out, and all benefits and skills were hidden, since they could entail punishments incompatible with life.
But modesty does not contribute to one’s own advancement and realization - look at all the famous personalities, read their biographies - they all loudly declared themselves and their skills, at every corner, until they were finally heard, and when they became noticeable, they grabbed the chance that presented them , but modestly refused. Excessive modesty ruins a career, while such a person helps others, remains silent about his successes, a less effective and less modest employee receives another promotion and salary increase. Their projects are recognized as the best simply on the basis that often no one knows about the ideas of modest people or they learn about them from immodest friends shouting about their friend’s brilliant idea.
What is the danger of embarrassment?
Shyness is dangerous not only because you cannot calmly ask someone you meet where the pharmacy or the right street is...
Among other things, this feeling prevents you from defending your point of view, your desires. A person becomes withdrawn, no one knows what is going on in his head, which means no one can really help him. Possible interactions with the outside world are reduced.
Constant fear of a negative reaction, persecution, mobbing (ridicule, disgust, name-calling, etc.) to one’s actions can make a person suspicious, aggressive, but keeping his aggression to himself.
So don’t indulge the feeling of embarrassment; sooner or later it will make your life unbearably difficult.
I'm shy! - says such a person, giving himself the opportunity not to take responsibility and keep his head down. But no matter how shy a friend hides like an ostrich in the sand, he cannot help but understand early on that in order to live, love, and work fully, he will have to fight his shyness and insecurity.
How to get rid of modesty
Having analyzed your own life, you may find that it is the negative aspects of the manifestation of modesty that are in the majority, and then the question of how to get rid of it becomes relevant, but it would be more natural not to completely eradicate it, but to reduce the amount of manifestation or identify the most suffering areas and work with them. The approach to reducing influence is less traumatic for the psyche, since with a complete and drastic restructuring there is a high chance of a quick return to the previous state. It is best to initially get to the bottom of the reasons for the emergence of excessive modesty, understand exactly whose words sank into the soul from early childhood and correlate these requirements of behavior with the current situation in life. If your grandmother spoke about modesty as the best trait of a girl to get married, and you developed it in communicating with men to such an extent that you became an invisible or cold wall, then think about whether this is the level your grandmother had in mind and whether you have the same requirements men now as then.
Try to express yourself more often, express your opinion - even if you make a mistake, everyone will disagree with you, you will have to defend your position for a long time, speak anyway. You can try talking to strangers, and if you know that you always give up the leading role in a conversation, then deliberately start communicating first. The fear of losing people's favor is easily neutralized by your smile and a direct statement that you are pleased to communicate or are interested in listening to an opinion different from yours. Just as when communicating, try to express your personality – in clothing and choice of places, listening to music and emotional reactions. There is no crime in going out in a short skirt or yellow scarf, laughing at an important meeting or rejoicing loudly in a quiet place - perhaps by your example you will liberate a few more people nearby, and thanks to the manifestation of your individuality, they will pay attention to you. And what’s important is that those who are interested in people like you who are real and not pretend will pay attention, which can open up new opportunities.
You have small overcomings every day - you don’t need to immediately jump on stage and tell the crowd of hundreds what a wonderful person you are, but be the first to meet several people, tell them at work that you have come up with a new project, tell random acquaintances at a party about your line of work and about yourself, as an excellent professional - those things, the practice of which every day will help you overcome both excessive modesty and problems associated with your invisibility.
Modesty is a feeling of awkwardness in the presence of strangers, a feeling of self-doubt. This is a problem for many people. Each person expresses modesty differently. Some people's pulse quickens, some are speechless, some lose their composure. Today we will give you 10 tips on how to get rid of excessive modesty.
Often, mothers and grandmothers instill in their daughters from early childhood that a girl should be modest. Then, growing up, these girls do not know how to get rid of this modesty. They don’t know what to do so as not to interfere with their lives.
On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with modesty, especially for a woman. It is associated with good manners and politeness. Nature itself puts courage and activity in a man, and passivity, modesty and poise in a woman. On the other hand, excessive modesty and uncertainty are incredibly annoying. And what is it like for such a person in real life?
55% of teenagers suffer from modesty, how much suffering they experience because of it. As people age, they become less timid, but some people experience communication difficulties even at older ages.
Modest people are unlucky either in their personal lives or in their careers. Because they can't stand up for themselves. Such people cannot present themselves, even if they are good workers and professionals receive a small salary and no career growth is expected for them. The management loves such workers because they are silent and do not demand a salary increase. But there is no respect for such people.
Modesty can take pathological forms. Such people cannot fight back if they are rude; they will remain silent when they cheat them in the store. At the moment when you need to stand up for your rights, you will only stand there blushing, turning pale, and will not be able to say a word in defense of yourself.
So modesty is of course a good quality when it is present in moderation, but it should not interfere with living, enjoying and having fun. And to do this, first of all, you need to have some desires of your own, albeit very modest ones.
To overcome modesty, you need to know the reason for your timidity. Most often, the feeling of timidity appears because you think about how others will judge you if you do something wrong. It seems to you that people don’t like you, that for some reason you are worse than them. You expect things to go wrong. You are stressed and worried, so things really don't go as you would like.
Because of your excessive modesty, people may think that you are unfriendly, unmannered, and generally arrogant. But in fact, you are simply hesitant to approach, start a conversation, afraid to express your opinion, show your feelings. By doing this you are depriving yourself of the joy of life. But everything can be fixed with effort and work on yourself.
Here are 10 tips on how to get rid of excessive modesty:
1. Make an effort not to worry about what other people think of you. People will judge you not by some external manifestations, but by what kind of person you really are.
2. Don't demand perfection from yourself, be yourself. Look at your shortcomings and strengths realistically.
3. Evaluate other people honestly, do not attribute to them undeservedly bad intentions towards you. Trust that people treat you as equals.
4. Learn to be more sociable, smile more often and greet other people. Learn to start a conversation yourself.
5. Try to treat yourself with a sense of humor if you say something wrong. Ignore it, continue the conversation.
6. Set realistic goals for yourself, learn to strike up conversations with others, talk to strangers with confidence and ease.
7. If you need to speak in front of a large audience, prepare in advance for this event. Dress smartly so you don't feel uncomfortable about it. People will enjoy looking at you. Communicate visually with the audience, convince them that you are telling them something very important to them.
8. Learn to develop a conversation with your interlocutor, give compliments, ask for the opinion of your interlocutor.
9. Look at yourself in the mirror and mentally describe yourself in the best way possible. See if you need to change something about yourself, maybe change your hairstyle. Consult a loved one you trust. The main task is to find good traits and qualities in yourself.
10. Talk to yourself as if you were talking about another person. List your shortcomings and consider that others have much worse shortcomings than you. But they feel much more confident in society than you do. Then list all your merits, and you will be convinced that you are much better than others and there is no need to be modest.
To some extent, modesty is present in every person. But you don’t need to give her power over you. Instead of locking yourself in solitude, it is better to free yourself from shyness and enjoy communication with other people. We hope that our 10 ways to get rid of excessive modesty will help you.
Time constantly dictates its conditions: fashion, values, and concepts about human character traits change. What seemed normal twenty years ago now looks ridiculous. Or vice versa.
It’s the same with female modesty: back in the USSR, mothers taught girls that modesty adorns a girl, but now this quality is associated with a gray mouse. Let's figure it out, is modesty good or bad for a girl?
Why you need to get rid of shyness
The fact is that shyness is a very unpleasant and, moreover, completely unnecessary quality, which you should definitely get rid of. It is unnecessary because, absolutely, it doesn’t give us anything, but only takes away. Let’s take, for example, some other human quality, let it be fear of something, fear. On the one hand, because of fear, we risk losing many opportunities, since we will never decide on anything important because of our eternal fear. On the other hand, fear protects us from unnecessary risks: we are afraid of dangerous situations and therefore avoid them, unless we consider the risk justified. Fear has both a negative function and a positive, protective one, I wrote about this in the article on how to get rid of fear.
The same cannot be said about shyness. If we follow this feeling, then we are simply deliberately depriving ourselves of many valuable prospects. We are afraid to approach the person we like and get to know each other. We do not start an unpleasant but important conversation with our friend and, thereby, delay the solution to the problem and aggravate the situation. We are afraid to approach our bosses and demand a reasonable salary increase.
In general, we are simply giving up something: pleasant acquaintances, promising opportunities, achieving our goals and realizing our desires! And for what? For the sake of some feeling that sits inside us. What do we get in return? Absolutely nothing.
Shyness does not protect us from anything bad, it does not help us in any way. It only limits our capabilities and cultivates other harmful personal characteristics: self-doubt, weakness of character, susceptibility to the influence of others. Timid people are easy to manipulate because they are afraid to firmly defend their positions, defend their own opinions and, in the face of a stronger person, become timid, allowing the latter to impose its will on them.
The ostentatious modesty of the woman
The most dangerous type of women is a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” They look like righteous prudes, but inside they are treacherous bitches. This is what a girl with feigned modesty looks like:
- He dresses strangely, like a monk.
Buttoned at the throat, hem below the knee, faded colors. As usual, there is no hairstyle - a ponytail at the back of the head. The best option is sheep's curls around the face.
In communication, she wins over people who are far from psychological analysis.
Looks like the cutest little bell girl. It's scary to breathe on it - it will crumble from its fragility, like a dandelion.
But where is the “dog buried”? Yes in my heart. The main signs of deceit are contempt for everything that is either taboo or inaccessible to her:
- She condemns any feasts with fun, considering it a vulgar drinking session with terrible harm to health.
Bright girls in mini-bikinis generally evoke righteous anger in her. Especially if nature itself has not endowed her with beauty.
She pretends that for her men, as a class, do not exist. She accepts their advances with feigned disdain and hostility.
She judges rich people if her standard of living is much lower than others. She believes that all the wealth was acquired dishonestly - it cannot be otherwise.
Such a woman can be found praying in church, and five minutes later on the bus, where she will scream at the top of her lungs at a fellow passenger who stepped on her foot. Her modesty flies off along with her mask. She loves gossip, knows how to envy and gloats about someone else's misfortune, without understanding the details of the incident.
They feel sorry for such a woman and take her side if she cries in public about her fate. Like, my husband is an alcoholic, there are seven children in shops, and I’m all such a shy person with a weak character. But in fact, in her sobs, she is looking for benefit, knowing that such an image of a modest simpleton is sad for others and evokes sympathy.
Yes, in some ways you can feel sorry for her: the one who was able to tear off her mask and saw her true appearance will never contact her again. She will not be invited to a fun feast and an interesting guy will not fawn over her. But even those who couldn’t figure it out stay away from this righteous prude. Hence the complexes and condemnation of surrounding people.
So, for such a lady, modesty is only an ostentatious shell, and it is clumsily covered up, and she most likely looks frighteningly repulsive. The behavior of a woman that can be hidden under the “skin of a sheep” is described.
Shy child: what to do
In order not to think about how to overcome shyness, it can be prevented in childhood. Parents should not overprotect their child and not monitor his every move. If he is under such care and in a close circle of adults, then there is no opportunity to gain experience communicating with peers. Anxiety over every little thing is also imposed.
Do not constantly reproach your child and do not say phrases like: “You are still too young for this.” It is worth focusing on success. And do not shame for expressing feelings and opinions. To develop adequate self-esteem and self-confidence.
A lot of communication and practice is wonderful! With relatives, with classmates, friends, to get older. It is worth enrolling your child in dancing, theater arts, tourism or other clubs where there is an opportunity to communicate in a group.
You should never express concern to your child about the possible development of shyness, that it should be avoided, and what it leads to. Also, you should not set other children who are more sociable as an example, so that the child does not feel inferior to them and does not withdraw into himself.
It’s worth thinking sooner about how to stop being shy. Since this feeling can develop lack of confidence in oneself and one’s strengths, fear of more authoritative people, representatives of the opposite sex, and various phobias. Therefore, using advice, you can cultivate strong self-esteem and successful experience communicating with strangers.
Shyness is a periodic mental state caused by a combination of external factors and internal self-awareness, manifested by behavioral reactions and characteristic of both humans and animals. Shyness includes a whole set of traits that together form this character trait. These include tension, fearfulness, uncertainty due to a lack of social and communication skills, and a certain degree of awkwardness during social interaction.
The reasons for shyness always lie in the desire to hide one's true personality due to fear of interaction, so a person is quite careful in his statements and manifestations. Because of this style of behavior, shyness is often mistaken for internal modesty, sophistication, restraint, and secular manners, but at the same time it is not an external reflection of the presence of these qualities, it is just a mask that looks like that.
There are several categories of manifestation of shyness: external (when a person is afraid to appear in society, attaches overvalued importance to public opinion, subordinates his own thoughts and actions to the assessments of others and is afraid of their condemnation) and internal (when a person is embarrassed in front of himself, the prerequisites for which are too strong feelings of shame, low self-esteem, lack of adequate self-perception and skills to cope with psychological problems).
Shyness is formed during personality development at the earliest stages. This can be served by the examples of parents and copying the model of interaction with the world and reactions to it. Another point that shapes these reactions is the process of socialization, which was traumatic or impoverished, which resulted in a lack of formation of the necessary social skills.
In addition to external ones, there are also internal reasons for shyness. Psychological factors include serious intrapersonal conflict that occurs at subconscious levels. An internal emotional storm arises, often caused by conflicting reactions or desires that are suppressed or the entire conflict is suppressed. At the same time, a person consciously chooses to follow the rules of society, which drown out his own needs - the level of tension grows, it becomes increasingly difficult to find contact with society. The shyness caused by such experiences is comparable to a sealed steam boiler, which explodes after a certain pressure point. At the same time, the person is unlikely to be perceived as shy, and this will shock those around him.
Shyness is also caused by a disturbance in the metabolism of neurotransmitters in the brain and serves as a symptom of certain psychological pathologies. This condition is associated with weakness of the nervous system, hyperthymic accentuations of the personality. When shyness is due to physiological indicators, drug therapy is usually required. If the condition is constantly expressed, and not situational shyness, psychotherapy is recommended.
Shyness is often viewed as a convenient and positive quality by governing social structures. For example, at school it will be more convenient for a teacher to manipulate the behavior of a shy child than a self-confident tomboy. Exactly the same picture occurs at work and even in periodic friendly communication. But this quality is beneficial and useful only for those around them who are looking for their own benefit in contact; for a person, shyness is a direct path to artificially low self-esteem, increased anxiety and a depressive state. That is why caring parents are looking for ways to overcome their child’s shyness, and not how best to take advantage of it.
Shyness is not an innate quality; all children from birth loudly express themselves, sincerely express desires and emotions.
Shyness is not a basic condition, but is one of the social emotions and, accordingly, develops at the age when social mechanisms of interaction are mastered (usually this occurs between the ages of three and seven years). On the one hand, the behavior of parents and the style of education have an important influence: the more the child is pulled back, shortcomings are pointed out, and the initiative taken is criticized, the more likely shyness will be formed. With this approach, externally oriented shyness is formed, when a person is ashamed of himself, his actions and thoughts in front of others.
In addition to the direct external influence, parents influence by their example, when the child learns not from what he was told, but from what he sees. If parents lead a secluded lifestyle and show shyness during social contacts, then the child develops an internal position aimed at disguising himself. In this context, we can talk about the internal orientation of shyness, shame in front of oneself for oneself.
Both options lead to an inability to build social contacts, which causes relationships with peers to deteriorate and shyness to worsen. It turns out to be a vicious circle, where in order to overcome shyness, you need to show confidence, for which you need to overcome shyness.
But many children also master this social mechanism, like many others, from the standpoint of their own benefit. The more positive changes in the behavior of significant adults the child receives while being embarrassed, the more this personality quality will be consolidated in its structure. Manipulation by adults is the only way a child can influence the world, since direct confrontation is not yet available to him. If, embarrassed to take candy, the child receives two, then next time he will refuse several times not out of politeness, but in order to get more, and in such a way that adults consider it their own decision. In many cases, the justification of shyness with low self-esteem does not stand up to criticism, since this line of behavior is largely regulated and if a person stops receiving benefits, then the way of interaction changes.
The position of a victim, an unhappy person, belittling one’s own capabilities always brings benefits - they will take pity on such a person, do the work for him, and give him the most delicious piece. They will not make high demands or will give disproportionately large rewards for small efforts.
Accordingly, before deciding to get rid of shyness or fight this quality in others, it is necessary to find out the formation of such a position. In cases of biological validity, a person will need support and assistance, and in the case of manipulative behavior, on the contrary, he will be given full responsibility and a peremptory style of communication.
If shyness is justified by psychological factors, then the first way to solve this problem is to become aware of its presence and one’s own influence on the emergence and development of this situation.
Shyness is a character trait that is not something immutable and constant, like temperament and the strength of the nervous system - it is a special response model, a habit that has become comfortable, a certain style of thinking. Just as a person reinforces the development of a response mode, he can reduce its impact. To reduce the number of such manifestations, you will have to remember at what point the decision was made about the benefits of this method of response. Most likely, this was a justified situation in childhood, when only such a reaction could be successful, but now the person has become more mature and different situations occur, accordingly new methods are needed.
How to get rid of shyness? To understand what is happening to you at the moment of embarrassment, you need to listen to yourself very delicately. Note what other feelings arise at this moment, what happens to the physical sensation (tension or tremors may appear), how quickly this feeling develops and in what situations. Perhaps, with this detailed analysis, you will have childhood memories of some situations, people, phrases, characteristics in your direction. All this needs to be noted so that you can change it later.
Next, in order to change your own reactions, you need to change at least one of the components of your habitual response. That is, if in a familiar situation, when you begin to feel shy, your breathing quickens, then you can make a conscious effort to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. If an unpleasant feeling appears in the chest area, you can mentally move it to your hands and shake it off. When critical voices come to mind, imagine what the cartoon voices said. The more things you can consciously change, the more different your final response will be.
In addition to working in the immediate situation, it is necessary to work with internal beliefs regarding self-perception and internal sensation of the situation. This even works when asking how to overcome a child’s shyness.
You can increase your self-esteem through sports and changing your image, you can enroll in a studio of like-minded people or ask specialists to highlight your strengths and attractive features. The more you develop, both physically and mentally, the higher your positive self-perception. It is also important what kind of people you surround yourself with: the fewer reproaching and humiliating individuals, the less reason you have to constantly hang your head in embarrassment.
You can search in your coordinates for an image of a person or hero whom you would like to emulate. On the one hand, this will help to develop tactics for achievement, to learn what this person can do. On the other hand, it is useful to analyze where you got this particular reference image from and check how much it is yours, since external ideals are often instilled in us in childhood, and they have nothing to do with the personality we have at the moment.
When the example is truly chosen by you and corresponds to a valid value and semantic system, try to live a day like this person. You don't have to do much, just play the role, try on the character and feel what it's like to be in that role. You may feel that you were more comfortable in your previous life, and you may feel how easy it is to show confidence and express yourself.
Be prepared for the changes to take a long time. It is impossible to be shy for twenty years, and after one exercise show super-leadership qualities. This will be daily painstaking work, not only directly with the sensations at the moment of constraint, but also with the global experience of life and oneself in it.
True feminine modesty
We are talking about a girl who does not hide her real nature, and she is truly modest, she does not need any image. She will not put on the dresses of an “unfortunate orphan from an almshouse” and read morals to others about how to live.
Her credo is not to stand out from the crowd. Therefore, even a floor-length dress with a tightly buttoned collar looks defiant in the modern world. What does an ordinary prude look like:
- She loves a simple style without flashy colors.
Pants, skirts, T-shirts, shoes and sneakers - everything for everyday life. Even at some celebration, she prefers to wear a simple suit rather than a lush evening dress.
She likes the minimum in cosmetics and jewelry, but does not neglect these things.
The main thing is that everything looks lively and tasteful. For her, a bunch of glitter all over her body and a face painted with makeup is the height of vulgarity.
Modesty has a share of social phobia - fear of society, outside views, public speaking. True, social phobia in full is already a mental illness, but in the modest fellow it is not very pronounced.
A modest girl can work in an office environment with a large number of colleagues, but still prefers to stay away from any active participation in anything. Shy people are mostly introverts; they focus on their inner world and have difficulty establishing contacts with people around them.
Who is a shy person
A shy person is someone who is often in a state of self-doubt and has difficulty communicating with strangers or their boss. At the physiological level, it manifests itself in the form of increased sweating and tachycardia, hand tremors, pain in the head, and redness of the face. The degree of expression depends on how subordinate the feeling of shyness is.
American researchers conducted an experiment where men were shown photographs of different girls. Where they showed shyness, those pictures received the highest ratings for attractiveness. They concluded that shy women are considered sexier.
Men whose eyes timidly dart around also have their advantages. We conducted a survey of girls of different ages. They consider shy people the best partners in life, and in sex in particular. Because they pay more attention to the woman, they are more affectionate.
Shy people often drink alcohol to increase their level of sociability and lower the bar for shyness. They also conducted a study where people drank alcohol at a bar and rated their attractiveness. The more alcohol in the blood, the higher the score. Alcohol increases self-esteem and allows you to talk freely.
Most spend time on social networks and instant messengers. This also allows you to get communication, which is often missing. And to avoid discomfort, since there is no one-on-one contact, there is time to think about your response. But as paradoxical as it may sound, it is virtual conversations that aggravate the situation and do not provide the opportunity to gain experience interacting with people.
Although shyness is considered an endearing trait, it can significantly impair quality of life. Therefore, it is worth learning how to overcome shyness.
Analysis of the ideal "I"
Everyone has an image of an ideal “I” in their head. What we really are is not the same as him. Often this difference is a reason for shyness. It seems much worse than it should be. This makes you feel ashamed and embarrassed in front of others.
Nobody is perfect, so don't worry about it. If this doesn't reassure you, you can think about what you need to achieve to become better. By catching up and improving your features, you become closer to the image. Accordingly, more confident.
Create a “Success Diary”
You can take a notebook and write down all your achievements throughout your life. We often don’t realize how much we have achieved, because events pass and new ones come our way. Therefore, the list before your eyes will help you see all your successes and increase your self-esteem.
You can also do this with character traits. Write everything you like about your personality. People get used to themselves, so they don’t notice what good qualities they have. But this is also a kind of achievement and advantage. This will significantly improve your self-esteem.
New look
There are many books about how famous people achieved incredible heights. But each of them had to go through a difficult path. You can study how they did it, what helped, what motivated them. Using the information received, it is worth trying to imagine yourself as this famous person. As you play a role, you begin to get used to it and become confident.
Reflect on past conflicts
Guided by the theory of the emergence of shyness of psychoanalysts, you need to remember the conflict that influenced your life. Perhaps it was impossible to cope then due to lack of life experience. But over time, you can return to the memory and sort everything out.
It can be difficult to do this yourself. Because there is a subjective attitude to the situation, an unwillingness to see all the details. That is why there are psychologists who can help bring all the issues to the surface, study them and help solve them.
Abstract yourself
There are situations that drive even the most confident people into a corner. The face begins to turn red, the heartbeat quickens, and a feeling of timidity appears. To do this you need to abstract yourself. There are many ways. For example, breathing exercises. You need to take a deep, slow breath, and then exhale slowly and hold your breath. Repeat this algorithm several times.
Imagine that you are putting on an invisible cap or cloak, which is designed to protect you from the negative opinion, influence, and pressure of others. Although it’s hard to believe, the subconscious mind will work to imagine that you are safe. The level of anxiety will decrease.
Develop confidence
Confidence is not a trait that is given to us from birth. It needs to be formed and developed every day. You can make a plan for the day or week to move forward. For example, on Monday, say hello to an unfamiliar employee whom you always passed by and didn’t even bother to smile at. On Tuesday, compliment someone on public transport. On Wednesday, start a small conversation with your neighbor while you are eating together in the elevator; or a salesperson in a store if there is no queue behind. Every day, complicate tasks and strengthen those skills that have already been successfully consolidated. This way you can achieve the confidence of a party king.
Visualize
Figure out down to the smallest detail how to meet a new person. Where will it be, under what conditions, what will you talk about, where will you go: to the park or for coffee. And also how to end this conversation. Thus, there will be a whole formed algorithm in your head. Which you just have to follow.
If it doesn’t work out the first or second time, don’t be upset. After all, people could be in a hurry to get to work, were in a bad mood, had no desire to make new acquaintances, or were also embarrassed to communicate. After all, there are many such people.
Pros and cons of being modest
Answering the main question - whether modesty adorns a girl, one thing can be said: depending on what kind of society she is among. She may be a black sheep in the world of show business, for example. But she will be indispensable in the place of a librarian. And many men love to marry modest young ladies, although they look with admiration at sexy ladies.
Cons of a modest girl
Yes, many “gray mice” really face the same gray life. Especially if the mentality of the country requires the submission of women. But even if a girl lives in a free country, and her character is nevertheless very modest, then this is what you can expect from her:
- She's impenetrable.
A career requires great strength, opportunity and even arrogance. The humble simpleton does not have this. But not everyone can break walls with their foreheads. If you are in the same position, then in the article there is a small test that will help you understand yourself.
She is uncommunicative.
Modesty does not give her a chance to be a leader whom everyone around her listens to. She is rarely seen at a corporate party. If you can find her there, then somewhere there, at the end of the table - silent and in a gray blouse.
She's insecure.
It takes a lot of effort to introduce her to a guy. She will find so many excuses, referring to her complexes, that it is easier to tie her to a chair so that the viewing takes place. And the groom will be embarrassed by her uncertainty.
Pros of a modest girl
Even if many modest women are considered outdated and uninteresting, they still have more advantages. And here they are:
- She is a peaceful and kind person.
She will not pester her colleagues at work; she is flexible in the family and affectionate towards children. It is difficult to quarrel with her - she would rather withdraw into herself in any conflict or try to hush it up from the very beginning.
She listens to people, draws conclusions, understands them and gains wisdom.
She is like a filter, she transfers all the everyday problems of other people through herself, so she can give her friend practical advice.
She is lacking initiative, but in a good way.
Still, initiative, as we know, is punishable. She will not irritate her boss or enrage her colleagues, because she is generally difficult to notice at work. Only the results of her work will be visible, which, as a rule, are excellent.
She will never become a freak.
Such a woman is unlikely to find herself in some kind of embarrassing situation, for which both she and her loved ones will be ashamed. She definitely won’t become a YouTube star. She doesn't need success through shame. She will find other ways to realize herself.
She has a good upbringing.
She will not become a slob in society; she is not instilled with such qualities as rudeness, arrogance and bitchiness. It’s cozy and comfortable to be around her, and it’s from just such a girl that you can expect selfless first aid.
Unfortunately, not all shy people are happy with their “gray” character. They, on the contrary, consider it a huge complex. Seeing that men “peck” at the brighter representatives of the fairer sex, they are undermined by the worm of envy, even though it is safe for others - the “virus” is excluded.
If you yourself consider your modesty to be a big flaw, then read. And yet - do not lose your main dignity in character, someday the times will come when modesty will come into fashion again, and you will win against the background of these slap-lipped girls.
Avoid excessive politeness and introductory phrases, be confident in yourself
In conversations there is no need to be more polite than the situation requires. Avoid any phrases overloaded with unnecessary politeness phrases, like “excuse me, please, but could you, if it wouldn’t be particularly difficult for you to answer the question.”
You should not think that people are doing you some great favor by answering your question or satisfying your request. Often they are just doing their job (“Could you please, be so kind, do your job” – you must admit, it sounds funny), and often it simply costs them nothing. Be polite, but in moderation; excessive tact does not indicate good upbringing, but a lack of self-confidence, which can only push people away.
You seem to be telling everyone “I’m meek and don’t know how to fight back and demand what I really deserve.” Rest assured, some people will definitely take advantage of this.
The same applies to introductory phrases: “But I have one question here, I don’t even know how to start, it’s just that the matter is so inconvenient, the situation is that...”.
There is no need to overdo it with introductory phrases. Always get to the point quickly, but not too abruptly. To do this, prepare in advance for an important conversation so that you know what to say and not mumble.
Be confident in yourself, or at least pretend to be confident, and don’t give others a reason to think that you doubt yourself. In all uncomfortable situations, act in the opposite way of the behavior that sets shyness: meek and uncertain. This does not mean that you need to be impudent and rude.
Just don’t hide your eyes, sit and speak calmly, don’t make unnecessary, nervous body movements. Always watch yourself, look at yourself as if from the outside, pay attention to how calmly you speak, whether you allow intense gestures. (I discussed this point in more detail in the article on how to stop being nervous.)
