How to regain self-confidence?
Lack of self-confidence does not affect a person's life in the best way. Thanks to our own self-invented shortcomings, we sometimes deprive ourselves of the opportunity to communicate with interesting people, successfully build a career, make responsible decisions and move towards success. Some, in an effort to increase their own self-esteem, begin to attend special courses or make visits to a psychotherapist, others simply “bury their heads in the sand”, not wanting to see and solve the problem.
Meanwhile, there is a simple technique that will allow even the most shy person to regain self-confidence in a short time and finally experience the joy of life in all its manifestations.
- Search for the “ideal”.
Look around: there is probably a person in your circle whom you consider successful and attractive. If you are a girl, then your role model (in a good sense) should also be a female person; A representative of the stronger half of humanity should become an example for a man. This does not mean that you should now devote yourself to exactly repeating your boyfriend or girlfriend in all their actions and attitude towards life. Think about what helps your friend build a career or be successful in society. What personality traits and character traits help this person live in harmony with the world and feel confident? What are the reasons for his or her charm? This may surprise you, but all these qualities are present in you, it’s just that due to certain circumstances they are not used by you in everyday life. Try to “pull them out”, first mentally “trying them on” and building situations in which you appear in this new image. When you internally become accustomed to qualities that are unusual for you, you yourself will not notice how they begin to manifest themselves in your real behavior and actions. - We are working on the appearance.
Whatever the well-known proverb ends, we are greeted in any case “by our clothes.” However, you don’t need to take this literally and immediately borrow money from friends in order to immediately go to boutiques with the goal of becoming the main trendsetter in the city. “Clothing” in your case is appearance. You don’t have to buy super fashionable clothes to look good and be admired by others. It is important to have a sense of taste, style and proportion. Girls on the path to perfection would do well to read the biography of Coco Chanel. All her costumes are not luxury, but an example of a combination of sophistication and moderation. Let you have only a couple of outfits, but at the same time they will be stylish and at the same time not provocative. Do not overuse gold jewelry: their abundance is not only a manifestation of lack of taste, but, moreover, a sign of bad taste. Follow the “rule of three things” in this regard: you should be wearing no more than three jewelry at the same time; it can be a ring and earrings; chain, bracelet and ring and so on. A presentable look for a man is a stylish and neat suit and shoes, plus a matching tie and the absence of unnecessary accessories. - We strive for excellence.
Admit it, there is a certain pop or movie star that you would like to be like. Have you ever wondered why this happens? Yes, simply because for you he or she is the embodiment of success, attractiveness and self-confidence! Only, unlike the case with your friends, here your appearance plays a priority role, since you are unfamiliar with the personal qualities of this person. So what's stopping you from adding confidence to yourself by giving your appearance a similarity to the features of that beauty or superhero from the cover? One visit to a hairdresser or beauty salon can turn you into a completely new, unfamiliar to you, super-attractive woman or a brutal macho, inspiring respect and interest! And don’t hesitate to tell your hairdresser in detail exactly what hair color or volume of hair you need. If necessary, ask for advice. Nobody will punish you for this; In addition, a flattered hairdresser will try to make every effort not to let down a grateful client! - Expanding our horizons.
Agree, no amount of external polish will help you feel confident if you don’t know how to communicate at all, or, even worse, your circle of knowledge and interests is so narrow that people simply have nothing to talk to you about. Therefore, having paid due attention to the first part of the proverb, let’s move on to the second; if you remember, it says that we are “seen off” - or ultimately evaluated - on our mental abilities and human qualities. Devote some of your free time to getting to know literature, art, and new trends in science and society. And we are not talking about reading pulp novels - rest assured that they will not bring you any benefit - or attending concerts of punk bands. Get acquainted with the classics, it is thanks to them that you will learn to speak correctly and develop a sense of artistic taste. Be aware of events happening in the world, this way you will not only feel like a part of society, but you will also always be able to support or start a conversation with an interesting person when necessary. Ladies, don't listen to those who claim that men are afraid of or don't like smart women. There is simply no need to suppress men with your own intellect - and show your knowledge and abilities to the extent possible, and intelligence and education have always been valued by representatives of the stronger sex, and even more so when they are harmoniously combined with the attractive appearance and femininity of their chosen one. Men, make every effort to be appreciated not only for your appearance and friendliness, but also for your business skills and intelligence! - We strive for communication.
In order to gain self-confidence, you need to learn how to communicate with different people. Visit places where you can talk to an interesting person or just have a short, non-committal conversation. Try to create situations for yourself where the initiative in establishing contact with a stranger belongs to you. For example, when going to the store, plan in advance to consult with the seller regarding which type of green tea is best for you to buy. Question and be interested; Perhaps at first the prospect of even such a short communication will fill you with quiet horror, but remember that the best way to get rid of fears is to go through them. Stop a passerby on the street and, apologizing, ask where the nearest bank branch is. It doesn’t matter that you’ve lived in this neighborhood for a hundred years and know everything here down to the smallest detail. You now need to learn to deal with your own shyness. Sit on a bench in the park with a young mother with a stroller and unobtrusively talk about the weather. Even if you only exchange a couple of phrases, such short conversations will help you learn the basics of communication and understand that the world and people around you are quite friendly and positive towards you.
Don't strive to be better than others. Remember that ideal people do not exist and there will always be someone who is more beautiful, smarter, stronger or richer than you. Just learn to love yourself and not be afraid of the world in which you live. Don't forget that the shortest path to gaining confidence is to go through what you are afraid of. Meet every new day and every person with a kind and open smile - and they will definitely reciprocate you with the most sincere reciprocity!
Confidence is a woman's best adornment
Self-confidence... Most women do not even suspect what magical power this great feeling has. “A woman can be a thing or a person. She is a person if she remains independent from the man she loves, is independent in her views and plans, the mistress of her body and thoughts. She is a thing if she allows herself to be treated as a thing, albeit beautiful and precious, but still devoid of her own will, submissive to the desires and whims of her owner, similar to a tasty dish that is savored when the hunt comes,” says the world-famous French writer Andre Maurois.
You just have to look around you, and life will provide thousands of proofs of this.
A man always treats a woman the way she treats herself. My dear friends, if you consider yourself a gift from fate, your chosen one will willingly believe it. A confident person is most often considered by the people around him. This happens because he respects, first of all, his own human dignity.
A confident woman knows that she deserves the best in this world, because she has enough self-love, and she will be able to distinguish a real feeling from a fake one.
The confidence of a woman, emitting good vibes of creation, is in harmony with the Universe, carries a warm light of calm and a wonderful feeling of satisfaction and happiness. Such confidence turns into the energy of the inner sun. All living things strive for the sun, the heavenly body, because it, which gives light and warmth, promotes the development and growth of a living organism. That is why people are drawn to a woman who has a kind confidence that revives fading vitality, people respect and appreciate her. We all strive for light, warmth, love, happiness and harmony, and positive confidence carries all these energies. She is a ray of light and hope among life's failures, problems and disappointments.
A woman who has positive confidence that she can create an earthly paradise in the space of her family with the power of her love, purity of thoughts, good creations of her own thoughts and hands ultimately creates it.
Positive confidence is a creative force that will help her realize all her good intentions, and here's why:
– she will turn a woman into the family sun for her husband and children, and their hearts will be drawn to her warmth and light;
– positive confidence will turn into an energy magnet and will attract and make like-minded husbands and children in the implementation of the idea of creating a happy family; – confidence, radiating love, kindness, calmness, pure thoughts and desires, will strengthen the authority of this woman, respect for her from her children and husband, in this state everyone feels comfortable and happy.
Self-confidence will not allow a woman to completely dissolve in her husband and children, become dependent on them on a spiritual level and lose herself as an individual.
Women, do not try to meet all the criteria that a man sets for you. As soon as you start following all his instructions, the level of your relationship will immediately decrease. Unnoticed by yourself, you will move from the status of “Beloved” to the status of “Servant” and will constantly serve the ambitions of your chosen one. At all times, the most attractive quality in a woman has been her personal dignity.
No matter how beautiful a woman is, she will not be able to win the respect of a man with her appearance alone. Her appearance is attractive, she is admired, but the real magnet for men is only female independence.
Being completely financially dependent on a man, you become a free addition to his life, a kind of still alive, but already half a porcelain doll, decorating the interior of his feelings and moods until a certain time.
You must remain the master of your own life, with or without a man. He should never feel like you are completely at his mercy.
A woman seems more confident to a man when he fails to force her to give up her own interests, because they are no less important to her than he is.
Interests are lights that stand along the side of the road and illuminate your path in life. Giving your life to others, even very loved ones, is equivalent to giving them your breath. Can you live even a few minutes without breathing? No! And along with the loss of a sense of your own life, you simultaneously lose the love and respect of those people in whom you have completely dissolved.
Give people your care, warm them with your kind attention, illuminate their path with the light of your love, give them the joy of life, help them feel all the charm of happiness, and at the same time feel harmonious and worthy. Always remember that in the space of your life you are the greatest treasure.
But there is one nuance: people always listen to the opinion of a person who is confident in himself, but they respect and are drawn to him only by the one who believes in his own good strengths and capabilities. Negative confidence is a powerful magnet that attracts similar negativity - like-minded people who are united by the idea of destruction (a striking example is Hitler - the army of fascists). Aggression of such confidence will destroy not only the surrounding, but also the inner world of its owner.
A woman who is confident that she has enough strength to live without a husband who, for some reason, does not suit her, has forgotten that her husband is a mirror reflection of her life, and what she denies in him is beautiful developed within herself. Such confidence not only relies on the physical and moral strength of this woman, but it also contains a sufficient admixture of negative negativity. This negativity will not only destroy the family, hurt the life of the ex-husband and children (they will always miss their father), but will also hurt her personal life.
I have lived on this earth for many years, I have seen different destinies, but I have never met a woman who would be happy raising children alone. Even if she had enough strength to provide for them financially, she most often looks tired and sad. Aggressive confidence, radiating vibes of destruction, always brings the bitter fruits of pain, devastation and loss.
But I also want to draw your attention to the fact that confidence must be active, otherwise it will turn into an unclaimed idea hanging in the living space.
When developing self-confidence, do not overstep the bounds of what is reasonable: do not prove to anyone that you “can do anything and can do anything” by independently solving not only women’s but also men’s problems.
Do not deprive yourself of the pleasure of experiencing the feeling of security under the reliable wing of a man who loves you. Let him feel like a king, but also feel like a queen.
A woman who is not confident in herself will suffer, blaming others for not respecting, not loving, not appreciating her, until she understands that this is happening because she lacks confidence in her mental, spiritual, physical strength and capabilities first of all, it radiates disrespect, contempt, and dislike for her and, following the laws of the Universe, attracts the like.
Over time, an insecure woman will be surrounded by indifference, or even irritation, on the part of her husband and children. Negativity always irritates and hurts. I want to get away from him, to hide more reliably. Lack of self-confidence most often dooms a woman to loneliness in the space of the Universe and in the space of the family. Men often cheat on such women, or even leave them, going in search of a reliable source of heat and light. Therefore, instead of cultivating jealousy, anger at fate and at yourself, engaging in self-destruction, it is much more useful to take care of strengthening personal confidence in your good strengths and capabilities. We’ll talk about how to build self-confidence in the following publications. To be continued... Lydia Zabozhko
Added by Lavika Date 09/04/2020 at 10: 8377 Comments
The quality that allows women to bring out the best in a man can be briefly called the ability to radiate femininity. Typically, a woman who exudes femininity has three qualities: she is confident, responsive and receptive. Men are most attracted to women who have these qualities.SELF CONFIDENCE
As you know, some women are constantly surrounded by men, ready to fulfill their slightest desire. Why is this happening? The fact is that such women are surrounded by an aura of favor and trust. They are confident. They treat themselves with respect and therefore instill in others the idea that they are worthy of respect. A woman who is confident in herself has no doubt that others want to take care of her . She never feels lonely. She can always count on support from friends, relatives or male acquaintances. For her, all men are good unless they have proven otherwise.
If a man does not show her respect, she does not take it to heart, but simply stops communicating with him. She is confident that she deserves a different attitude, and therefore, in case of failure, she tries to achieve what she wants in a different way. She does not consider herself perfect and therefore is happy to try different ways that allow her to get what she needs.
Some women are endowed with this quality by nature. They are always confident in themselves. They were born this way, just as others are born singers or artists. However, most women are forced to develop this ability.
A woman who is confident in herself has no doubt that sooner or later she will receive everything she needs and is clearly moving towards her intended goal. This quality is different from self-confidence. A self-confident person is convinced that he can do what he sets out to do, even if he has to act alone. A person who is confident in himself knows that others can and want to help him, so he does not have to rely only on himself. A self-confident and independent woman behaves as if she is not sure that others are ready to help her, and therefore she has to rely only on herself. In order to become self-confident, she needs to change her attitude towards others. Others can help her, but she must open herself to opportunities for support and not withdraw into herself. When a woman develops this ability, men who are unable to treat her with due respect cease to be attracted to her. This doesn't mean that men become perfect boyfriends or that she finds the perfect partner; it’s just that in her presence any man tries to behave as best as possible.
A man shows active interest if he is moving towards his intended goal. When he is confident that he can make a woman happy, he himself feels in seventh heaven. The more successful his business is, the more clearly he anticipates the reward that awaits him, and therefore the woman becomes even more desirable to him. He is given strength by the thought that he is the only man who can make this particular woman happy. As long as he succeeds, he is happy. A woman who is confident that in a relationship with this man she will certainly get what she expects gives the man a real compliment.
In a word, self-confidence not only makes a woman attractive, but also allows her to always arouse the interest of men. For a man, what is important is not what he gets now, but the opportunity to get in the future what interests him. If a woman is confident in herself, she instills in a man a premonition of future success.
A woman who is unaware of this feature of male psychology mistakenly believes that she must deserve male attention. Instead of showing with all her appearance that she is worthy of the attentions that he shows her, she tries to please him and gain his favor. No matter how hard a woman tries to achieve a man’s love, she will always fail. Achieving love is a man’s job, while a woman’s job is to inspire a man with hope for success . For some women, simply taking into account this feature of male psychology is enough to get rid of doubts and believe in themselves.
Many women mistakenly believe that by going out of their way to please a man, they can expect the man to want to please them in return. Such women can be called self-confident, because they are confident that they can please a man, but are not confident in themselves. Trying to please a man, they will never awaken lasting feelings in his soul. In life, everything happens the other way around. A man wants to please a woman only if he is convinced that he is capable of pleasing her. Men are success-oriented. Any man shows interest in everything that allows him to please a woman. Of course, he himself is happy to receive pleasure, but it is the ability to please a woman that allows him to realize himself within the framework of a relationship.
If she acts as if there is no shadow of a doubt that she might be of interest, he will certainly listen to her and want to get to know her better. By and large, self-confidence is the key to a man showing interest in you. A woman should not forget that she is a diamond, and a man is a frame in which the diamond can sparkle with all its facets. If a man sees how this diamond sparkles in his setting, he makes every effort to save the relationship. A woman who acts as if a man is already interested in her always remains desirable and intrigues a man.
A woman loses a lot when she begins to act as if a man is a diamond for which she is the setting. Because of this, the man automatically loses interest in the woman, and the romantic atmosphere disappears. Of course, it’s nice for a man to feel like a diamond, it’s nice to see that a woman is trying to please him, but ultimately he stops striving to conquer her. If a woman makes it clear to a man that she is confident in herself and considers herself a diamond, the man will certainly try to conquer her and make her happy.
SUSCEPTIBILITY
As you know, some women are able to easily work around any rough edges on a date, while others lack flexibility and tolerance. Such flexibility is considered to be akin to submission, but if it is based on receptivity, then it has nothing to do with submission.
A submissive woman is ready to sacrifice herself in order to please a man. This quality in itself does not cause any complaints, but if a woman is zealous, she risks sacrificing too much, and then feeling resentful towards a man who is not ready to make the same sacrifices. A receptive woman is ready to accept what is offered to her and is not offended by the fact that she receives less than she could have received. As soon as she begins to expect more and be offended that she receives less than she expected, she loses her sensitivity.
A receptive person is willing to accept what he can get under the circumstances. He is able to find something good in any situation . Even if a receptive woman cannot find something good in the current situation, she at least tries to do it. For example, if a man does not call her, she is not offended by him, because she remembers that he comes from Mars and could simply forget that he promised to call her. An unreceptive woman will decide: “No, that’s just an excuse, and I won’t fall for it. If I’ve already contacted a man, then let him call me when he promised.” A receptive woman, even in difficult circumstances, hopes that everything will change for the better. She doesn't withdraw into herself.
A receptive woman can agree or refuse if she needs it. She is not only ready to accept what she likes, but she is also able to categorically reject what she does not like. For example, a receptive woman may be okay with a man kissing her, but firmly resist his attempts to achieve more. When a woman refuses a man in a similar situation, she simply must do it in such a manner that her refusal is as pleasing to his ear as agreeing to a kiss. Then the man will inflame with even greater passion for her. A man just needs to know that one day he will be allowed everything.
If a woman has sexual intercourse with a man earlier than she wanted, it means that she loses her receptivity and becomes submissive. Instead of accepting advances from a man, she tries to please him. This is how she shows weakness. However, if a woman avoids intimate communication altogether, the man experiences considerable disappointment. In everything you need to adhere to the golden mean.
When a woman gives up too much to be in a relationship with a man, she can no longer remain receptive to what he has to offer her. Now she expects more from him. And because of this, it loses its attractiveness in his eyes.
A man shows all his best qualities when he himself wants to please a woman, and does not try to meet her expectations. He cares about her because he wants to make her happy, not because he has an obligation to her . A woman who obliges a man risks scaring him away. If a man feels that he has to repay a woman for her care, then he does not enjoy his care for her. It's like working to pay off your debts. When a woman expects more from a man than he can give her, she loses her sensitivity.
RESPONSIBILITY
Men like women who smile because a smile indicates that a woman enjoys being in the company of a man. A man wants to court a woman who makes him understand that he is capable of making her happy. This truly gives him the strength he needs to make her happy.
Only a woman who does not prevaricate can be truly responsive. If a man fails to make a good impression on a woman, but she tries her best to pretend that she is delighted, he is likely to feel that he is being deceived or even manipulated. A man notices that a woman is trying to please him, pretending that he pleased her.
As we have already noted, during the three initial stages of rapprochement, negative reactions must be contained. If a man must show his best qualities in order to make a good impression on a woman, then a woman should also accept his advances with maximum favor. We must not forget that a man judges his success in a relationship with a woman by her reaction.
What brings joy to a man is not what a woman does for him, but how she perceives his care. After all, if a man fails to please a woman, she may not react to it at all. A man will take the lack of a positive reaction as evidence that he has failed to succeed. Even if a woman didn’t like the movie a man invited her to see, she shouldn’t tell him that she was disappointed. Instead, she can simply change the topic of conversation. Every time a woman graciously accepts a man's advances and lets him know that she is pleased, she seems more desirable to the man.
One day on a cruise ship I met a young couple. We swam in the pool together, and I asked them if they liked the trip to the island of Mykonos, after which the woman told me and everyone present in detail about her ordeal. Here's what she said: “My friend Bill got it into his head that we should rent mopeds, and as soon as we left town, my moped broke down. We stayed there almost the whole day. Bill was very upset. We eventually had to go back and spent the rest of the day on the beach.” When she finished her story, it was somehow awkward for me to look at Bill. Bill looked confused and annoyed.
As I listened to her story, I thought that she could say the same thing a little differently, and then Bill would feel flattered. Bill's girlfriend didn't mean to mock him, she just didn't understand male psychology. This is how she would describe their trip: “It was a wonderful trip. Mykonos is such a beautiful island. Bill decided to rent mopeds. I thought it was just wonderful. He found a rental agency and arranged everything. Unfortunately, when we left the city, my moped broke down. I already thought that we would be stuck here all day. I just didn't know what to do. But Bill found a way out of this situation. He told me that everything would be fine and began to stop the cars that were driving towards the city. In general, thanks to this, we got to the city safe and sound, and then had a wonderful time on the beach. The beach there is simply superb and the water is crystal clear.” By and large, this story is true and fully reflects the true feelings of Bill's girlfriend. It differs from the first version only in that in it the narrator draws attention to the pleasant impressions of Bill’s actions, relegating her friend’s mistakes to the background.
Many women do not even suspect how pleasant it is for a man to realize that he managed to please a woman. At this moment, the man experiences incredible elation. When a woman expresses joy on a date, he takes it personally. If a woman likes a movie, he feels as if he wrote and directed the movie himself. If she likes soup in a restaurant, he feels as if he had prepared it himself. When a woman praises a movie or soup, she is complimenting the man. The expression of pleasure on a woman's face fills a man's life with joy, just as a man's willingness to fulfill a woman's desires fills her life with joy.
Unfortunately, this rule also has retroactive effect. If a woman criticizes a film, a man takes it as a personal reproach. He thinks she didn't like his own film. If she complains about bad service in a restaurant, he perceives her words as a reproach addressed to him personally. Without knowing it, a woman can unwittingly hurt a man’s feelings. When a woman pays attention first of all to what made a good impression on her, she creates favorable conditions for the development of mutual sympathy.
A man needs to know that he is capable of changing a woman’s life for the better. He values a relationship with a woman who lets him know that she needs him and is happy with him. If a woman pays attention to even the small things a man does for her, then she may seem more interesting and attractive to him.
A woman who exhibits the three main feminine qualities - self-confidence, receptivity and responsiveness - seems unusually attractive to men. A man will not only be fascinated by such a woman, but will also try to behave like her, so that her efforts will be rewarded.
Source: John Gray, Mars and Venus on a Date
