What to do if your husband hits you: domestic violence

Women in families often face violence. And, unfortunately, such cases are not decreasing from year to year. Moreover, even children who rush to protect their mother sometimes fall into the hands of someone. The aggressor is sometimes stopped neither by the condemnation of the people around him nor by the opportunity to get what he deserves from the Law. What are the reasons for the aggressive behavior of individual husbands, how to protect yourself from domestic violence, how can a woman experiencing domestic violence find help and support from the Law and special services?

Character traits

Aggressive people tend to follow their partner and want controversial issues to be resolved immediately, even when one of the partners is against it. If a wife is aggressive, most often she will do so. She will do anything to get what she wants. Moreover, if most wives use tears to manipulate their husbands and get what they want, then an aggressive wife can use physical and moral force until her husband says or does what she wants.

As a rule, such women do not control their emotions and can explode, sometimes causing damage to property in the house, and sometimes physical harm to their spouse. The goal of an aggressive person is to intimidate the other person in order to get what he or she wants. Passive people are usually soft people. They are most likely willing to agree with the aggressive person on all issues because they do not want to argue. As a rule, an aggressive spouse throws out her feelings when the cup is full inside and she can no longer withstand the emotional stress.

Many aggressive women gravitate towards passive men during courtship for the following reasons:

During marriage, a woman gets what she wants with little effort because the man truly cares and submits to her.
A passive person, already in the process of courtship, allows her to take upon herself the planning of all affairs and future life, which is familiar to her.
The woman tells her friends that "he is such a wonderful person, he lets me do what I want." A woman at this moment likes to be in charge.

When a wife hits her husband

We are all accustomed to the fact that in family life, unfortunately, men quite often give up on their spouse. Some, as they say, “out of drunkenness,” some with a malicious character, and some with sadistic inclinations. Very often, women complain about the intemperance of their lovers, but for some reason they do not want to hand over the brawlers to the police. Like, he hits - that means he loves. But sometimes in a family there is a completely opposite situation - when the wife lets go and starts beating her husband, as they say, left and right. And this happens, if not very often, then with alarming regularity.

And here it is not necessary to say that wives give up only in marginal families in which they abuse either drugs or strong drinks. This happens even in cases where there is a lot of money in the family.

A striking example of this is the world-famous American golfer Tiger Woods. Several years ago, overseas secular reporters witnessed a scene that was not the most pleasant for Tiger. On a major American holiday - Thanksgiving - Woods ran out of his house, followed by his angry wife with a stick at the ready. It was clear that she wanted to beat her unfaithful husband, who, by his own admission, could not help himself, cheated constantly and generally suffered from sexual addiction. And, apparently, the spouse, as they say, “got hot and covered.” Woods, fleeing his pugnacious wife, locked himself in the car, but the woman broke the car window, Tiger accelerated and crashed into a tree. And all this, as already mentioned, happened in front of numerous reporters. So Woods fell into the category of husbands who suffered from their pugnacious wives.

So, what reasons force women to use their fists, legs, teeth and improvised means? There are several of them.

Reason one. Almost any married woman can turn into a real fury and shrew if she finds out that her husband has cheated on her. One of my friends once cheated on his other half, and then foolishly admitted it to her. He thought that his wife would swear, but would forgive him. But in reality, everything turned out differently - my wife not only threw a tantrum, but also started such a fight that my friend then couldn’t go to work for two weeks. Because his face was covered in bruises and abrasions.

Reason two. Unfortunately, there are representatives of the fair sex who love to fight. This has been going on with them since childhood - after all, many girls, even at school, take advantage of the fact that they can kick their classmates with impunity and not get anything in return, because “you can’t hit girls.” But then such a girl can grow into a girl who will believe that fighting with a man is not only possible, but also necessary.

Reason three. If a girl grew up in a family where it is not her father who is in charge, but her mother, who can, if anything, give up, then there is a high probability that she will grow up exactly the same. That is, she will believe that all problems with her husband can be solved not with words, but with fists or feet.

However, you can deal with a pugnacious wife without any physical assault. And there are several ways out for this.

Exit first. It is clear that any man is physically much stronger than his wife. Unless she is a world champion in karate, judo or sumo. Therefore, if your wife starts to fight, you can simply hug her lightly and block all movements. As they say in one joke - “strangle in a friendly embrace.”

The second exit. This solution is radical - divorce. But this can be resorted to only as a last resort. After all, if spouses have children, they will be very worried about the separation of their parents.

Exit three. If the spouse starts to fight, then the husband can simply leave for a few hours and wait for the spouse to “let off steam.” And then you can have a serious conversation and find out the reason for this behavior. If a woman is sane, she will willingly reveal her soul to her husband. It is only important to choose the right key.

In general, the main thing in family life is complete harmony, so that no one offends anyone, so that husband and wife live harmoniously and there are no conflicts in family life. But for this, spouses must show great restraint in all situations.

Well, if the wife suddenly starts fighting and is generally used to solving all problems with her husband with fists, feet or a frying pan, then this is a very serious signal that not everything is in order in the family itself. And every effort must be made to save the family and avoid serious consequences for the health of the spouses.

Photo: Gevorkyan Ashot Author: Georgy Trushin superstyle.ru

Married

Things take a different turn in marriage when the woman runs the show for a while and soon gets tired of doing so. She complains that she is the only one who does everything. And in fact, what was nice at the time of courtship now becomes a responsibility that the woman does not like. One of the important things that most women want in marriage is “security”. The definition of safety varies from woman to woman. For some, security is a lot of money, for others it may be a loving husband. Most aggressive women plan for the future, they want everything planned in advance to be implemented, but, in fact, this is too much for a passive husband.

Depending on the family in which the aggressive woman was raised, her method of displaying her frustration with a passive husband will be different. Sometimes a woman beats her husband, and sometimes she verbally blames him for all her troubles. These words and actions can completely kill a man's self-esteem.

So why does a husband beat his wife?

A man copies the model of relationships that was considered quite natural in his childhood . That is, aggressive behavior is the norm for him.
The man is being provoked . Coquetry, offensive words and actions often become provocations.
Self-affirmation or venting of anger.
Weak character and excessive submissiveness of the wife . The spouse will tolerate it once, forgive the second, and then assault will become a habit of the spouse.
Alcohol. The green serpent turns many caring and hardworking men into animals who beat their wives all night long, and in the morning they cannot even remember about it. Or they remember. In this case, having bought a richer bouquet, it is enough to fall at your wife’s feet and, sobbing, beg for forgiveness.
Jealousy and fear of losing your wife.
The man himself was regularly beaten as a child.
A man lives/works/communicates in an environment where violence is the norm . Getting used to seeing violence, a person ceases to consider it an abnormal phenomenon.
Material problems , in which the wife humiliates the man for his inability to earn money, or she herself earns many times more than her husband, which also reproaches him. Mental balance, which, even without the spouse’s teasing/insults, is shaken by the awareness of worthlessness, can very quickly turn into aggression.
Sadistic tendencies in character.

You need to understand that sadists are not born - their appearance is influenced by life, environment, and people. Therefore, before you get married to a “brutal macho,” take a good look at him, his behavior, and his surroundings . Such psychotypes of people are quite recognizable.

Anger

When insulting their husbands, women often express intense anger. With this behavior, a woman intimidates and threatens her husband. As practice shows, just like men, women have anger management problems, and often they take out their anger on their other halves. Insulting a husband does not necessarily mean hitting him or physically hurting him, but a wife's aggression always implies a threat of violence. During a fit of anger, a harsh wife may blame her husband for not doing household chores correctly, and may be very judgmental when criticizing him. When insulting a man, a woman, as a rule, seeks to release her anger in the form of abuse, insulting remarks and assault.

Way out

Strong and strong-willed women often choose a husband whom they can suppress both physically and mentally. In such situations, the husband does not know what to do if his wife beats him. Of course, something needs to change. The husband must try to give his wife a rebuff at least once, so that she understands that her force of action has a force of counteraction. And raising your hand will not bring the desired result. In a situation where a wife beats her husband, he should not tolerate it, no matter how much he loves his wife. The man’s task is to rebuff his wife, only after that all the bullying against him will stop. This does not mean that he should attack his wife with fists in response, since in this situation this will not help, but will only intensify the conflict.

The husband needs to clearly answer his wife, explain that her behavior like this can destroy the family, and she can be left alone. In addition, the wife must understand that her husband is a man who has strength and who can fight back. To change this situation, the husband can take his wife by the hand when she tries to hit him and say that he does not intend to tolerate such a relationship any longer. When an aggressive wife fights, the husband, despite his passivity and gentleness, must show her that screaming and other means that she uses will no longer work. Passive people say “yes” to “everything” just to make their wife happy, and then they hate her for it. A husband must definitely learn to say “no.” There are times, of course, when the husband agrees with things not because he wants to please his wife, but because it is really important to her. However, you should never agree to something and then later blame her for something.

What to do if your husband hits you?

Good afternoon, our dear visitors!
Should a wife tolerate her husband's assault? Should I endure my husband’s assault or should I leave him? What does the Lord expect from a woman in such cases: obedience and humbly carrying her Cross, or the woman leaving her family to save her life?

The Holy Fathers teach us to take the choice of a future husband or wife very seriously. During the wedding, it is worth paying close attention to how our chosen one or chosen one relates to God, to faith, and to church life. It is worth taking a closer look at how our chosen ones treat their parents and ours. Also, the holy fathers strongly advise not to rush to tie the knot, but to pray a lot and ask the Lord to either unite us in holy marriage, if we are saved while married, or take marriage or marriage away from us, if He wishes in advance it is known that our marriage will be unhappy.

How are we? Girls strive to marry just anyone, and all because they simply do not trust God and are afraid of remaining unmarried. Moreover, they don’t even just marry the first person they meet, but also someone who, already during the marriage, beats them, drinks, and insults both his and her parents. Such unreasonable girls naively and stupidly believe that with their love, attention and care, they can change the evil character of their chosen ones and will change them. And then, having already become wives, they despair and think about begging their husbands, leave them, and run away from them in fear for their lives. So who is to blame for what happened? It is their own fault that they took on the feat beyond their strength.

There was such a case. One woman had a fierce and evil husband. He drank and beat his wife every day. And this went on for many years. The poor woman did not leave her husband, but prayed incessantly, asking God to save her husband’s perishing soul. One day her husband hit her so hard that she fell ill and died. She was buried. And so, when her husband stood next to her grave, he suddenly realized his terrible sin! He threw himself on the grave of his poor wife and wept bitterly! So he lay on the grave for three days, constantly crying and complaining bitterly. Then he got up and went home a completely different person. He was left alone. But he no longer drank, but spent all his time in prayer and fasting. He became the most humble and God-fearing. Many, years later, did not even believe that this handsome old man, humble and meek, was once a tyrant and despot in the family. This is how the poor woman saved herself and her husband. But there are few great women like her, martyrs, prayer books, who would lay down their souls for the salvation of the souls of their husbands. We are running from our Cross, but Elder Archimandrite John Krestyankin said: “They don’t come down from the Cross, they take them off it.”

Priest Dimitry Sinyavin writes:

“There are many cases when husbands, through the prayer of their wives, changed, corrected their lives, and, by the grace of God, life in these families became happy. My father, about 30 years ago, advised a woman to endure and pray for her husband, who was inadequate when he was drunk and ran after her with an ax. She endured him for 10 years and prayed and believed. Now they have been living very well for about 20 years, happily, in perfect harmony. Let me give you another example. One man drank heavily and beat everyone. Every day, both his children and his wife prayed for him with tears on their knees in front of the icons. One day the Lord awakened the conscience of this man, and he could not even withstand the remorse of his conscience, took a new rope and went to the attic to hang himself. But the rope broke. On his 3rd attempt to hang himself, a demon appeared to him in a terrible, scary form and told him to pull the piece of iron out of his pocket, as it was bothering him. This man quickly got down from the attic and ran to his wife and fell on her knees and asked for forgiveness. His wife forgave him, and they began to live happily. This man became not only a good father and husband, but also a believer. That piece of iron was a cross that his wife sewed into his pocket for him to wear, and it saved his life. I can give more examples, but I think this is enough. The Apostle Paul writes that a non-believing husband is sanctified by a believing wife. The Apostle Paul writes in the sense that wives should not leave their husbands if they have come to faith and their husbands have not. The Lord Himself said that if a person has faith, then everything is possible to the believer. The Lord can do anything. If the Lord converted Saul, who was an ardent and zealous persecutor of Christians, to the Christian faith, and became a great apostle, we call him the supreme apostle Paul. Yes, we don’t have that faith in our time, so we come down from the cross and receive several crosses. Instead of praying fervently, strengthening our faith, and receiving a miracle from God, it is easier and more convenient for us to simply walk away and leave the sick person. Every person has freedom, the Lord Himself does not violate it, therefore he can do as he pleases. I know that the Lord will never give a cross too heavy to bear, and there is a way out everywhere, and God can always create a miracle, if only we have faith in us. The Lord Himself said about the last times that when He comes, will He find faith on earth? I don't blame women who leave their husbands. I just want to show another way, more perfect and correct. If I, a priest, had written differently, I would have confused other people who had stricter views on life.”

Of course, there are many human destinies, like the sand of the sea, and we do not set ourselves the task of bringing everything under one brush. No, only sacrificial, highly spiritual, strong people can tolerate others and beg for their offenders. Not like us: selfish and weak, thinking only about our own salvation, only about ourselves, and not able to sacrifice ourselves for the salvation of our neighbor.

It happens that a wife must leave her husband, who beats both her and the children, and the Church can bless this. But before you leave, ask yourself a question: did you not think at the beginning of your family life that its end would be so sad? Why did you suffer such a punishment as a cruel husband? Maybe because you did not preserve your virginity before marriage, as you should and were obliged to preserve? Maybe because they didn’t want to burden themselves with having children, because it’s complicated, difficult, and painful, and they settled on one or two children?

Almost most women have one or, at most, two children, and they do not want to give birth anymore because it is difficult and burdensome. If a woman does not want to accept from God the opportunity to become a mother of many children, then the Lord will not leave her, and will save such a woman not through childbearing, as is natural for any woman, but through the patience of a cruel husband. After all, we can be saved only through suffering, only through the humble bearing of our saving Cross, for only through the narrow gates must we enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

I know women who give birth every one and a half to two years. Yes, it’s hard for them, yes, you can forget about your figure, yes, there are sleepless nights, yes, among the everyday worries about children, there is no time to think about yourself, so you spin all day long, like a squirrel in a wheel. But the husbands of such mothers with many children are faithful and caring. And among those women who avoid childbearing, who are afraid of having many children, who are faint-hearted and afraid to give birth because of the difficulties of life, who do not trust in God, who love themselves more than want to please God - those women, as a rule, have husbands cruel ones who beat their wives and do not love them. Well, such women love themselves for both, and will not allow themselves to be insulted. For example, recently, the twelfth child was born in one family. Twelfth! And you, dear women, how many children do you have? What Cross do you bear for your salvation? After all, each of us has our own Cross, by bearing which we can be saved, and each of us has exactly the Cross that we deserve and which we can bear, for the Lord never gives a Cross beyond our strength.

Sometimes you look and see how husbands ask their wives to give birth to children for them, but they refuse because they are afraid that they do not have enough money and strength to raise and raise a child. Sometimes you hear a wife publicly insult her husband: you’re a fool, so-and-so, you don’t know how to work, you don’t earn money, and look, Petya’s wife already drives her own car, and you, idiot, I don’t even want mink coats did not buy! Is that really possible? What kind of husband, after such words, will not fall into despair, will not start drinking, and then beating his wife, the one who did not believe in him, the one who did not support him when he fell, did not lend a helping hand?

The influence of a woman on a man is incredibly huge. One very rich man, when asked what he would like to become if he had not become what he became, replied: “I don’t care what I become. If only my wife was next to me, the one who believed in me all these years even when no one believed in me.” If a wife supports her husband, believes in his strength and is content with what her husband can give her, then such a husband is unlikely to hit his wife, because he sees her as a friend and helper; for him, his wife is part of his “I”, so why should he beat himself?

Before getting married, you need to think very seriously about why you are getting married, can you endure the sorrows of family life, are you able to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your husband? Before tying yourself to the unbreakable bonds of marriage, you should behave with dignity with your future husband even during the dating period, you should understand, talk, discuss whether you have a unity of views, whether you have common interests. You must preserve your virginity more than anything else! And if you lived with your future husband in fornication before marriage, and then got married, then be prepared for sorrows, with the patience of which you can only pray out your sin of fornication and premarital cohabitation.

One priest said that a husband begins to drink and beat his wife not because of her pies and tender care, and if this happens, then the reason should be looked for in yourself. If your conscience is clear and you are not guilty of anything, then God chose you for the sake of saving the unfortunate soul of your husband, so that with your love and meekness you would save his immortal soul.

There is such a parable. One day our Lord Jesus Christ was walking along with His disciples. They had no food. They met a man with bread and water. The disciples asked this man to give them a little bread, since they had been on the road for a long time and their strength had weakened, and the journey was still long. But the man shouted at them: “Get away from me, you ragamuffins, before I set the dogs on you!” The students moved on. Then they met a beautiful girl carrying a jug of water. She saw the tired appearance of the travelers, gave them water to drink and warmed them with warm words. When the disciples and the Lord went some distance away, they asked: “Teacher! What will life be like for this kind and beautiful girl?” To this the Lord told them: “She will marry that fierce man.” The students were saddened and asked in bewilderment why the poor girl was being punished like this? The Lord said: “Her kind heart will save the immortal soul of her fierce husband, and she herself will give the crown of martyrdom.”

This article contains general features. Indeed, everyone has their own destiny, and what you should do in a given situation is up to you, dear women, to decide. When a husband allows himself to beat his wife, this means that in this situation he may be a spiritually sick person who does not control his actions, and this can be dangerous to the life and health of both his wife and children. In this case, there will be no sin if the wife leaves her husband for the sake of her children, so as not to traumatize their psyche. It should be remembered that true love does not get irritated, forgives everything and never ceases, it is eternal. Church rules do not prohibit the dissolution of a marriage and the separation of spouses in cases where there has been infidelity, as well as where there is a threat to the life of the wife and children, and where one of the spouses turns out to be mentally abnormal. We do not advise women who are forced to endure their husband’s assault not to leave him, or, on the contrary, to endure it. But we advise you to act in such a way that your conscience is clear and calm, that you did everything in your power to save your husband. We advise poor women who bear such a heavy Cross to pray more, take communion more often and do good to people.

God help you!

About the impact of the mistakes of our past on the future

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Results

To save the family and change the wife’s attitude towards her husband, he can first simply talk to his wife. To do this, you need to choose a moment when peace reigns in the family. But as practice shows, talking can’t always help. In such situations, you need to resort to radical actions and show your wife that the husband, the head of the family, is a man and has a physical advantage. There is no need to hit your wife, but in a situation where she tries to hit her again, you need to rebuff her and prevent this from happening. Most often, a wife raises her hand against her husband because she feels that she has impunity, so it is enough for the husband to fight back at least once in order to change his attitude towards himself.

Signs of adultery

Yes, yes, like measles or chickenpox, infidelity has its own symptoms. We will discard obvious facts such as real-life correspondence, overheard conversations or stories of acquaintances.

The changed behavior of your spouse will help you understand the truth:

new habits appeared;
husband changed passwords on his phone, social networks, and email;
began to take care of his appearance. Previously, you couldn’t drive him to the hairdresser once again or convince him that a beer belly is not an adornment, but now he lovingly chooses his shirts and has even started getting a manicure;
changed my perfume, bought a lot of new things;
I closed myself off and stopped sharing my experiences. Conversations boil down to the banal: “Hello, how are you?”;
increasingly dissatisfied with something at home, but returns in high spirits;
constant reservations and delays at work.