What to do if employees try to manipulate you?

In 1990, the totalitarian religious sect “White Brotherhood” was formed in Kyiv. Its founders are Yuri Krivonogov and Maria Tsvigun. They convinced their followers to take over their houses, rob and deceive loved ones, and even went as far as murders and suicides. Surprisingly, they were able to captivate thousands of people in just 2-3 years. Their activities were recognized as extremist, and they were sentenced to prison. Psychotherapists worked with those members of the sect who were declassified for more than 2 years to rid them of personality disorders acquired under pressure from manipulators.

Krivonogov and Tsvigun are one of the brightest manipulators of our time. At the same time, history is full of other examples. Grigory Potemkin (favorite of Catherine II), V.I. Lenin, Mahatma Gandhi, Fidel Castro masterfully knew how to influence the minds and opinions of others - most political leaders are able to force the crowd to unconditionally believe them and follow them.

But they are all public figures, their activities are visible, and in this they are vulnerable. Much more dangerous is a manipulator with evil intentions who may be hiding in your environment, and you will not even know about it. Their impact is extremely rarely positive (parents force a child to study well, a doctor convinces a patient to give up drugs, a wife pushes her husband to grow his career). Most often, manipulation leads to destruction from within the individual who is in the zone of their influence - the so-called victim.

Rivalry strategy

Manipulation is an integral part of human interaction, communication and relationships. This is explained by the fact that there is often a conflict of interest between interlocutors. And regardless of the type of communication, each of us can easily become an object of manipulation. Such relationships arise when communication is conducted using a competitive strategy. At the same time, it is especially important for one of the partners to achieve their own goals. They do not take into account the interests of the other side.

Of course, with this method of interaction, relations between people are far from harmonious. However, this is not important for manipulators. Being absolutely sure that their partner has something valuable to them, but at the same time not wanting to ask him for it directly, energy vampires begin to take various actions, the purpose of which is to mislead the victim and into a state of confusion. Taking advantage of the moment, they receive their winnings. The value of relationships is insignificant for them.

Types of manipulators

Some people find it much easier to use blackmail, lies or suggestion than to spend hours expressing their point of view to their interlocutor, presenting evidence and arguments in its favor to help them realize the truth. They are manipulators who use other people as a means to achieve their goals. However, such people are not always insensitive and cynical, as it seems based on their definition. It all depends on the type of manipulator. And they are as follows:

1. Dictator. Such a person manipulates other people through punishment, criticism, reproach, threats and other forceful and verbal influences. He wants to manage and exercise constant control over his environment. When gaining power, such a manipulator turns into a despot.
2. Calculator. This is a calculating egoist. He views any person as nothing other than a potential source of his own benefit. The calculator is insensitive and cynical. He makes friends and loves only out of convenience. Such people are uncommunicative, but at the same time they always behave kindly and politely.
3. Rag. Such a manipulator chooses pity as his main strategy. He deliberately demonstrates his helplessness, naivety, infantility and gentleness. The rag is literally spread out in front of the victim, shifting all responsibility onto her shoulders. This makes such a manipulator's life much easier. You can recognize this type of people by their flirtatiousness and artistry.
4. Stuck. Unlike manipulative Rags who only pretend to be helpless, this type of people actually are. They constantly follow their victims and torment them with requests for support and help. At the same time, they do not mind being led and controlled.
5. Judge. Such a manipulator constantly condemns others, suspecting almost everyone of malicious intent and lies. A judge is able to find a crime or sin in any, even the most harmless act. With his actions, he tries to induce a feeling of guilt in the victim, and then a desire to atone for her. Such a manipulator often expresses dissatisfaction and frowns.
6. Defender. This person loves to play the role of caregiver. He justifies his sacrifice, loves to shield it and praise it for no reason. At the same time, he strives to make a person dependent on such a good attitude.
7. Good guy. This manipulator, unlike the Defender, only pretends to be kind. He puts on a mask with a smile on it, appearing to be friendly, charismatic and charming. But his concern is feigned and at the same time intrusive. Such a manipulator easily makes his victim fall in love with him, subsequently committing various mean things behind her back.
8. Hooligan. Such a manipulator delivers his blows openly. He is straightforward and simple, never comes to an agreement with his victim. If the situation does not develop the way he wants, fists will be used.

Why do people become manipulators?

In psychology there is no consensus on this matter: researchers name different reasons, and they all have a place to be, because each individual case is unique.

Reason 1. Mistrust

This refers to distrust of yourself and everyone else. The manipulator is in constant conflict with himself, because he does not know what to expect from himself in the next minute. He transfers suspicions to others. As soon as a person important to him appears in his circle, his influence seems to tie him to himself, not giving him freedom. Full control provides him with at least some temporary peace of mind. This is Frederick Perls's point of view.

Reason 2. Power

The manipulator wants to gain unlimited power over others: it doesn’t matter whether it’s one person or a whole crowd. Through his actions, he forces them to do, feel and think only what HE wants and can control. This is Erich Fromm's point of view.

Reason 3. Powerlessness

A passive manipulator, admitting his own powerlessness, evokes pity for himself, and people, due to their gentle nature, fulfill his wishes. An active person, on the contrary, uses the helplessness of others in order to subjugate them to his will.

Reason 4. Approval of others

For this reason, a person with low self-esteem becomes a manipulator. His task is to gain the approval of everyone around him. Moreover, he often hates them, but he always smiles flatteringly, gives gifts, says compliments and by hook or by crook pretends to be the sweetest person. Ellis's point of view.

Reason 5. Fear of difficulties

There are people who are afraid to make responsible decisions and change their own lives. Their task is to avoid them, and this can be done through someone who is nearby and can provide them with the necessary comfort. Burn's point of view.

Among other reasons, psychologists identify:

• market relations, when a person must manipulate others in order to save his business, remain competitive,
• family relationships that the manipulator saw in childhood, for example, when the father forced the mother to fulfill his every whim,
• the desire to play with the feelings of others, to make sure of one’s own worth.

In fact, psychological manipulation is a complex mechanism that most often cannot be explained by a single cause. They all go in one ball, sometimes turning a person into a real monster.

An example from life. One of the schools was reputed to be the best in the city: competent teachers, excellent education, high percentage of admission to universities. Everything was fine until the head teacher ended up in a psychiatric clinic. The conduct of her case revealed the reason for the school’s success: its director manipulated his deputy for 5 years. She was initially passive, driven and controlled (+ single mother), which he took advantage of: he put pressure on her through blackmail (I would fire her, deprive her of her salary and bonus, ruin her work record, expel her son). As it turned out, she did all the work at school both for him and for herself, and was convinced that everything she had achieved over the years was his merit.

The woman had to undergo a long rehabilitation course. Both psychologically, in order to get rid of the influence, and physically, since all these 5 years she worked without vacation and practically without days off, bringing herself to exhaustion and exhaustion.

The director also failed to avoid forced observation by psychologists. It was found that he did this for several reasons: comfort at the expense of another, submission of the powerless, a great desire to gain the approval of others. And most importantly, a serious personality disorder (hysterical along with passive-aggressive).

Manipulator-victim relationship

What is the reason for such a tandem? The manipulator and his victim, as a rule, establish a long-term relationship with each other.

They cannot exist without each other. In this case, people seem to be attracted to each other. One of them believes that he has the right to lead, and the second, consciously or not, allows him to do this. It is interesting that the manipulator does not always understand that he is such. On the contrary, he considers himself an ally of the victim, her assistant and patron.

Manipulations are often resorted to:

• parents whose children become victims;
• spouses;
• superiors towards their subordinates.

The manipulator can only influence another person in this case when he understands that he will succumb to it. Moreover, victims themselves often provoke such people with their behavior, actions and words.

Impact stages

How to resist manipulation? To do this, it is necessary to recognize such an impact, which will allow it to be stopped in time.

In any case, the manipulation develops according to a certain scenario, comparable to a dance in which the movements have been learned in advance. They are known, of course, only to the energy vampire himself, and even then he is not always aware of his actions. By the way, conscious influence of this kind is nothing more than fraud. What are the features of communication under the influence of manipulators and what stages do they consist of?

1. Initially, the victim receives some information consisting of a mixture of truth and lies. By doing this, the manipulator creates in his interlocutor a feeling of bewilderment, confusion, and that something is going wrong and the alarm should be sounded urgently. At such a moment, the victim cannot yet understand what the problem is, and this forces him to continue communication.
2. The manipulator develops his psychological influence. He presents his victim with additional information. At the same time, the person loses the ability to resist the discomfort that arises due to contradictions. Her alarm signal is repressed into the area of ​​the unconscious.
3. At the next stage, the manipulator offers a choice consisting of two evils. The victim, of course, chooses the lesser of them. This leads the manipulator to victory. In this case, the victim gets the feeling that he was simply used.

How to prevent manipulative influence?

How can a person recognize that he is being used? The most important sign of manipulation is the presence of an unpleasant emotional trail that arises after communicating with someone who strives for a one-sided gain. It's a feeling of being deceived and used. A similar emotional residue can arise when communicating with various people, including loved ones.

How to resist a manipulator? The most effective way to resist such influence is to detect it at a very early stage. Without awareness of what is happening already at the beginning of the development of the scenario, everything else becomes useless. After all, according to the above diagram of the manipulation process, the victim’s consciousness changes so much that in the future she is no longer capable of critically assessing what is happening. This is what allows the energy vampire to achieve the desired result.

How to resist manipulative people? The first thing to do is recognize the danger. This task is not easy. After all, our psyche is designed in such a way that it resists negative experiences and any discomfort. This is why people try to push away unpleasant thoughts. If everyone were wired differently, manipulators would have no leverage over their victims. In reality, people most often do not want to listen to their intuition and stubbornly strive to lose and receive an unpleasant emotional aftertaste.

Manipulation methods

Manipulative people use different methods to control others.

According to Breaker:

According to Simon:

• aggressive anger,
• declassing,
• selective inattention
• false guilt, scare tactics,
• lies or deception by omission,
• minimization (denial of one’s own guilt + excuses),
• condemnation of the victim,
• distraction (going away from the topic),
• excuses,
• negation,
• shaming
• projection of guilt (blaming others),
• rationalization (excuses),
• the role of victim or servant,
• feigning innocence or confusion,
• hidden intimidation, threats,
• seduction

What to do if you understand that you are being used?

How to resist a manipulator? After a person realizes that he was lied to, he needs to do something about it. How to resist manipulation? To do this you can:

1. To break relations. This option is most suitable in cases where a person encounters manipulation already at the first contact and does not see the need to re-educate his partner. In this case, the simplest thing is to leave the relationship. How to resist manipulative people whom you have known for a long time? In relationships that have already exhausted themselves, and there is no chance of constructive interaction, they should also be terminated.
2. Give up your position and voluntarily give up the fight. How to resist a manipulative person? The second, less pleasant, but sometimes forced option is to give up the fight. In some situations, a person consciously gives something to the manipulator, realizing that if he does not do this, he may lose even more. Of course, making such a decision leads to real damage. Nevertheless, a person is aware of his choice, which allows him to avoid a feeling of loss and a negative emotional trail. Choosing to cut costs is considered a completely rational strategy.
3. Application of techniques to resist manipulation. This option will be acceptable for those people who consider it necessary to train themselves in the skills of protecting personal boundaries in relationships.

Sometimes people resort to manipulation tactics unconsciously. Be that as it may, it is still better to recognize such influence and be able to resist it. Let's look at how this can be done in various situations.

Using a sense of duty or guilt

How not to succumb to the manipulations that occur most often in life? The most common type of influence on a person is that associated with a sense of duty and guilt. It is sometimes called “parental”. Adults often use similar manipulations in relation to their children. A similar type of influence occurs among spouses.

From a very early age, parents are a kind of standard for a person. They are given the right to forgive, punish or evaluate the actions of their child. If they think he is doing something wrong, they make him feel guilty and correct the wrongdoing. Sometimes such influence of a person haunts his entire adult life.

How to resist a manipulator if he is your closest person? In this case, you can continue to feel guilty, but still act in your own way or become good, while losing your own experience and perspective. What is the main goal of the manipulator in this case? Do everything to ensure that the child does exactly what the parent thinks is right.

How can a person resist a manipulator? First of all, psychologists advise to realize that a parent, forcing his child to act in one way or another, first of all solves his own problems. At the same time, a representative of the older generation will feel much calmer. In addition, you need to understand that if a person does not have the opportunity to gain his own experience, then he will only blame his parents for all his mistakes. For their son or daughter, they will become people who deprived them of the opportunity to have a happy life. As a result, older children themselves become manipulators, getting used to placing their own problems on the shoulders of others.

What to do when feeling parental pressure? Psychologists recommend thinking about how justified the presented guilt is. Next, you should clearly explain to parents what they can count on and what they cannot count on. In this case, compelling arguments must be given. If logical arguments have no effect, then parents should be told that there is no guilt before them and their son or daughter is doing his duty as best he can.

How to resist manipulators - 10 useful tips

Content

Nobody can manipulate anyone. Both are aware of what they are doing, even if later one of them complains that he was used by Paulo Coelho

Everyone wants to learn how to control the actions of other people. But when it comes to being in the position of a toy in the wrong hands, no one wants to be led. Then we have a negative attitude towards manipulators and try not to fall for their tricks. At the same time, we do not need unnecessary conflicts. The easiest way is to stop communicating. What if we are talking about a loved one? Yoga has principles that teach how to resist manipulators and maintain spiritual harmony. Many of them are close to the advice of modern psychologists.

How to resist manipulators - the main principles of relationships

Yoga masters strive for mental and physical harmony, so they try to make sure that it is not disturbed by any external factors, including people who want to manipulate. It’s unlikely that each of us is aiming for total enlightenment, but it’s worth learning from yogis how to resist manipulators .

To do this, you should adhere to several simple principles.

1 You need it - you do it
There are people who constantly shift their responsibilities to others. Moreover, they do it so skillfully that it is difficult to refuse. Orders are given in a friendly tone, but do not tolerate discussion. Carrying them out, the follower becomes exhausted, gets tired, and begins to quietly hate the manipulator. This leads to problems in the family and in the team.

Before you fulfill someone's favor or make a promise, consider who will benefit from your actions. Who is it really useful for? If your interests are not in question, it is not your problem. Psychologist's advice: refuse the request with a clear conscience.

2
“If you haven’t given your word, be strong, and if you have given it, hold on.”
Always keep your promise, but think ten times before you give it. Have you already promised, and then realized that you don’t want to fulfill the request? This was a skillful manipulation by your interlocutor. Remember his tricks and next time don’t let him lure you out of a promise before you make a final decision to agree to fulfill the request.

3
Initiative to help is punishable
Never impose your help on those who do not ask for it. Do you feel like you know what's best? It's an illusion. By helping someone who doesn't need it, you're not doing anything useful. On the contrary, your initiative is unnecessary; it prevents a person from showing ingenuity and gaining experience.

If you play a game where the manipulator feigns helplessness and you heroically solve his problems, do not expect gratitude. He didn’t ask for help, you offered it yourself, so be prepared to claim that you didn’t do everything well enough.

4
If they ask for help, do not refuse
If you have been asked to help and you see that the person really cannot cope on his own, be sure to meet him halfway. Remember, you have the right to ask for a favor in return. Take advantage of it. If you are dealing with a manipulator, you will be rejected, but you will gain useful experience.

5
Live in the present moment
The main principle of yoga forms the basis of many modern psychological practices: live here and now. The past cannot be changed, and the future has not arrived, so there is no point in worrying about them. And yet people tend to be carried away by thoughts into the past or future, which is often used by manipulators.

Have you been reproached for changing and doing things differently before? Typical manipulation. Ex-husbands and wives often resort to her to force her to do what is beneficial to them. The easiest way to fight is to ask what you will get in exchange for your concession. This will wean the manipulator from resorting to such techniques.

6
To love does not mean to depend.
Eastern sages constantly remind us of the dangers of attachments. This does not mean that you do not need to love your husband or wife, family and friends. It is important not to create a relationship of dependence when another person becomes the center of the universe. Manipulators instantly identify a weak point and begin to put pressure on it. Don't let anyone play with your feelings!

7
Live for yourself and don’t interfere with others’ lives.
If you want to be treated well and not resort to manipulation, behave the same way towards others. Don’t meddle in other people’s lives, learn to put yourself in the shoes of others and make decisions based on humanity.

8
Love and friendship do not prove
Do not demand from friends and loved ones that they prove their warm feelings to you, and do not allow others to control you using these levers. The attitude “I love you, therefore you owe me” is inherently vicious. There is an opportunity to help a friend or loved one - help, of course. And if it is not there, then refuse in a gentle form.

9
“Experience is the son of difficult mistakes”
Try to perceive failures positively - as lessons for the future. This will protect you when manipulators try to remind you how painful it is to make mistakes and force you to act in their own interests. For example, you are scared to even think about how to survive a divorce, and your partner is trying to threaten to break off the relationship. This is vile manipulation. But if you are determined to perceive pain as an experience, it will not work for you.

10
“Judge not, lest ye be judged”
The favorite technique of manipulators is to catch you in your emotions and twist them so as to force you to act in their favor. For example, you judged someone, said something nasty. After a while, the manipulator will remind you how badly you spoke about a mutual friend and will tell you what he is saying about you. The relationship is over. There is only resentment and gossip ahead. Why do you need this? Get into the habit of not speaking negatively about people.

The listed principles of relationship psychology work always and everywhere. Build your communication with others on them, and you will be protected from manipulation.

By maintaining calm and balance, you will successfully marry , save your family even in the most difficult times, and successfully build a career. If problems arise, do not be afraid to seek psychological help. Registration for consultation is always open.

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Taking advantage of weakness and helplessness

Women most often play with such feelings, but sometimes manipulation of weakness and helplessness occurs in men, as well as in parent-child pairs. In this case, someone begins to play the role of a person who needs constant protection and care. This person cannot do anything without the other and is constantly afraid to take any steps without the advice of a spouse, parent, child or friend. If the manipulator is a woman, then she will definitely make it clear how painful, vulnerable, subtle and complex her nervous system is. At the same time, you can often hear about the burden of past grievances that were inflicted by callous and cruel people.

How to resist a woman manipulator? To do this, psychologists recommend taking a sheet of paper and, drawing two columns on it, write down what she does for the family and what you do. If the number of these points is outweighed in your favor, you can use manipulator tactics. For example, refer to illness, problems at work, etc. Such a move will allow you to understand the essence of the relationship that has developed in a couple. The manipulator will then have two options to choose from. The first is to leave your significant other and start looking for a new victim. The second is to finally come to your senses and share responsibility with your spouse for your relationship and family.

Humiliation and self-affirmation

The use of such character traits is most often found among male manipulators. Such spouses constantly tell their wives that no one needs them anymore, that they don’t know how to do anything in this life and will be lost without them in the event of a divorce. This forces her to endure all her husband’s antics, including infidelity and drunkenness. The woman finds herself trapped because she loses self-confidence. How to resist a tyrant and manipulator husband? After all, maybe the wife actually does not have the opportunity to provide for herself and the children? To do this, you should think about why your spouse would use this type of manipulation. And he does this, most likely, precisely because he knows the value of his woman. By intimidation, he gets a guarantee that she will not leave him.

How to resist a manipulative man in a relationship? In this case, frank conversations with him can help. A woman must make it clear to her partner that she understands how disadvantageous it is for him to be paid attention to and for her to become someone in this life. Halftones and hints in this case will simply be inappropriate. After all, according to psychologists, how to resist a manipulative husband? He should point out the problem directly. Of course, the tyrant will begin to deny everything, but consent should not be sought from him. It is enough that he understands the following: the other half knows about his thoughts and feelings.

How to resist a manipulative man if he continues to point out the worthlessness of his wife? In this case, he is advised about why he chose such an unworthy woman for himself. Most likely, the manipulator will try to hush up the conflict after this.

How to resist a tyrant and manipulator? To resolve the conflict, you will need to provide facts. And for this, first of all, it is important to form an opinion about yourself, finding support from friends, acquaintances, colleagues or turning to a professional psychologist for help. This will allow you to raise your self-esteem to the proper level. In addition, confronting a manipulative husband involves reducing attention to his needs. A woman should mind herself and her own affairs, sometimes without preparing food or ironing shirts. If a man begins to understand that his wife is striving for independence, then there will be a chance that he will think about the current situation and reconsider his tactics.

Signs

In order to promptly recognize a manipulator in your environment, you need to know his psychological portrait, typical phrases, characteristic gestures and what he looks like (this even affects his appearance).

Signs of a manipulative person:

• speeds up relationships: in a matter of days he gains confidence and fills the entire space,
• is satisfied with total control: he chooses films, dishes, hobbies, even his partner’s underwear,
• isolates: narrows the victim’s social circle to 1 person - himself,
• plays: attacks of total control and uncontrollable jealousy are replaced by periods of tenderness and care in order to lull the victim’s vigilance,
• uses: voice, gaze, physical strength, gestures,
• condemns: always makes evil jokes and ridicules,
• cultivates a feeling of guilt, due to which the victim is constantly in a state of stress,
• neglects the victim’s condition: he does not care what she feels and thinks,
• punishes: physically, lack of attention or sex, boycott, silent insult, tears, hysterics,
• keeps him in constant tension: an insignificant trifle can make him angry and provoke a scandal,
• does not enter into open conflicts, preferring that the victim starts a quarrel (he deliberately infuriates her for this).

This is a brief psychological description of the manipulator, which can be supplemented with various details. External signs by which it can be recognized:

• first impression: it seems perfect,
• looks good, well-groomed,
• knows how to speak beautifully, does not skimp on compliments,
• always looks into the eyes
• prefers a classic style of clothing,
• doesn't stand out from the crowd,
• tries to violate personal space, to conquer it: he touches, touches his shoulder, takes his hand, while he lets him in rather reluctantly.

Typical phrases:

1. You are the same as everyone else.
2. Don't beat yourself up.
3. You got it all wrong.
4. I am who I am. I won't change.
5. I thought, you love me / you trust me / we are friends.
6. I already apologized - what else do you want from me?
7. All problems are because of men (because of women).
8. Let's avoid hysterics and drama.
9. What will people think of you?
10. It's impossible to talk to you.

However, most often the presence of a manipulator in life can be recognized not by his appearance, phrases or psychological portrait, but by the state of the victim. Unfortunately, dictators most often become those close to them, who so capture the will of the other that he cannot see them as an enemy. This could be parents (mom constantly calls and presses for pity that you should definitely come to her and help), older children (they extract money from mom and dad), a friend (regularly asks to do something for him, although he himself does not give anything in return), a loved one (forces you to stay at home because he is jealous of every pillar).

Signs that you have become a victim of a manipulator:

• constant feeling of guilt,
• frequent quarrels,
• fear of angering or offending him,
• state of stress and constant tension,
• break in relationships with once close people, lack of friends,
• lack of initiative, passivity in decision making,
• complete trust only in him,
• lack of career and personal growth,
• he becomes the center of the universe.

And, according to psychologists, victims of manipulators often wear wide dark glasses and walk with their heads down.

Effective resistance to manipulators

How to resist a manipulator at work, in the family and in communication with others? To do this, psychologists recommend using a variety of techniques and techniques to protect your personal space. Each of these methods has its own limitations and scope of application. A person who has mastered the skills of recognizing and resisting manipulation increases his resistance to stress and begins to feel free in any communications.

For example, if the boss is a manipulator and dictator, how to resist him? To do this, you can use the “broken record” or “fog” technique. The general point of such actions is to agree with a certain part of what the manipulator says. This allows you to reduce the intensity of communication and deprive the manager of aggressive energy. This technique can be repeated many times. This will completely discourage the manipulator from “getting” the victim.

How else can you resist a manipulative boss? Tactics that indicate the attribution of positive intentions will help with this. How can you disarm the manipulator in this case? By attributing to him such positive intentions that he did not even mean. For a person who is vested with power and needs confirmation of his own importance, such tactics work flawlessly.

Types

Everett Shostrom (American psychologist and psychotherapist) in his book “Anti-Carnegie, or the Manipulative Man” in 1992 presented a capacious description of this type of personality. Since then, the classification he proposed has been actively used in psychology.

Dictator/abbot/boss/superior

Dominants of behavior - controls, orders, subordinates. Does not recognize authorities other than himself. Makes you unquestioningly bow to him. He tends to exaggerate his own importance and strength. These are people with high self-esteem. Examples from history: Benito Mussolini, Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler.

Wimp / weakling / chameleon / fool / conformist

The opposite of a Dictator. His main weapon is excessive sensitivity, pleasing, flattery, passive silence. But all this is only external. Those around him underestimate him, pity him and fall for the bait, fulfilling all his desires, because they consider him weak and are trying to protect him. In fact, he simply knows how to use situations to his advantage.

Calculator / swindler / blackmailer / gambler / businessman

His methods are deception, lies, cunning. He scams people out of money, robs people like nothing, and disappears. Likes to keep the entire manipulation process under control, calculates everything in advance. Without benefit, he does not make contacts. Independent, lone wolf, does not have a permanent place of residence. Often he has problems with the Law. Examples from history: Victor Lustig (sold the Eiffel Tower), Frank Abagnale (robber and swindler), Mary Baker (impostor princess).

Clingy / parasite / dependent / whiner / hypochondriac / eternal child

The opposite of Calculator. He shows off his addiction too much. A driven personality who forces the victim to do everything for him, explaining that he is supposedly incapable of independence.

Bully / saw / hater / insulter

Manipulates with aggression and cruelty. He often uses physical force, since he does not know other methods of self-affirmation. He sees only the bad in those around him.

Nice guy/moralist/well-wisher

The opposite of a Bully. His task is to first disarm everyone with his kindness, care and love, and then they will not refuse him anything, because he is so nice. However, his goals are always selfish and he rarely thinks about others.

Judge / accuser / appraiser / avenger

His weapons are criticism, distrust, doubt. He is constantly dissatisfied, indignant, angry, because those around him break the rules (not necessarily public ones, he often sets them himself). It is he who will rummage through the victim’s pockets and phone, trying to prove that he was deceived. He clings to every little thing and doesn’t listen to excuses at all. He forgives rarely and with great difficulty.

Protector/comforter/student/helper/mother hen

The opposite of Judge. At first meeting, he seems to be an extremely positive person: supportive, comforting, protective. However, all this is nothing more than a weapon of psychological manipulation. In these ways, he convinces the victim that everyone around is unfair and offends her, only he understands and feels sorry. Sympathy beyond measure deprives one of independence, and this gives complete control over a person.

In psychotherapy, advanced cases of manipulators are serious diagnoses that require long-term work. The most commonly diagnosed personality disorders are:

• narcissistic,
• borderline,
• alarming,
• dependent,
• hysterical,
• passive-aggressive,
• dissocial.

As well as Machiavellianism, nervousness and psychological addiction.