A contrario (from the opposite). Childish stubbornness and negativism

The spirit of contradiction is present in every person. It arises from a very early age, when parents observe their child’s disobedience, confrontation and unwillingness to obey. This behavior is only adjusted and changed. With successful upbringing, a person grows up to be a law-abiding and full-fledged citizen of his country. Otherwise, negativism with its corresponding signs of manifestation may be observed. The online magazine psytheater.com will give the concept of negativism and the reasons for its occurrence.

If we approach the issue philosophically, then negativism is natural human behavior. It all depends on the consequences of negativism to which it leads. If, by and large, opposition to the public does not harm others or the person himself, then such behavior can be considered normal. Some people may not like it, but this is a purely personal question.

However, there are cases of such negativism that not only infringe on the rights and freedom of other people, but also cause harm to them. If a person, through his actions aimed at opposing the public, harms others, then he is punished. He is not only behaving incorrectly, but also illegally.

Negativism can manifest itself in different ways. Not all negativism is bad, but it almost always causes a person to act antisocially.

What is negativism?

Negativism is such human behavior that is aimed at demonstrative opposition to the social, generally accepted and normal. Wanting to express his opinion, follow his desires, live according to his own discretion, a person correlates his behavior with what is expected. If a person's behavior is considered abnormal, wrong or immoral in society, then it is not welcomed. If a person does not want to change his behavior and adjust it to social expectations, then it is called negativism.

Negativism manifests itself from early childhood. And the further a person grows up, the more variations of negativism he tries and applies. In children, negativism often manifests itself in:

1. Deviant behavior.
2. Confronting authorities.
3. Disobedience.
4. Stubbornness.
5. Conflicts.

Negativism can be a personality trait or a situational phenomenon. It depends on the reasons why negativism manifests itself. A person can, in principle, behave differently from what society wants him to do. However, an individual may have attitudes to be stubborn or confrontational in certain situations or in relationships with specific people. Negativism is a persistent behavior in certain situations or relationships with people.

Negativism was originally a purely psychiatric phenomenon, which manifested itself in the constant confrontational behavior of an individual under the influence of autism or schizophrenic disorder. However, it soon moved to psychology, where it is considered as a feature of the behavior of healthy people.

Negativism manifests itself in any person. Sooner or later, everyone is faced with situations where they have to choose between public expectations and their own needs and desires. Psychology views negativism as opposition to external influences. This is a feature of behavior that manifests itself when a person is influenced from the outside and in conflict with his desires, interests, views and emotions.

Negativism is unreasonable, unreasonable and causeless behavior that a person sometimes cannot explain. Sometimes negativism becomes a defensive behavior, a way to avoid a conflict situation.

Negativism is divided into:

1. Active – direct refusal to perform expected actions.
2. Passive – failure to fulfill requests at all.

Typically, negativism is a situational phenomenon. In a certain situation, a person begins to protest and defend his position before society. However, with the constant need to show negativism, this becomes a character trait or sustainable behavior. A person already, in principle, becomes conflicted, who has a negative attitude towards people, the world as a whole, and situations. He becomes unable to adequately and calmly respond to the surrounding reality, so he is always ready to defend himself, defend himself, attack, be aggressive, etc.

Negativism often manifests itself due to:

1. Age crisis.
2. Depression.
3. Addictions.
4. Age-related changes.
5. Stressful life.
6. The beginning of the development of mental illness.

Negativism can manifest itself at the level of:

• Verbalists. A person refuses, aggressively, or demonstrates an unwillingness to submit to external pressure directly at the level of words.
• Behaviors.
• Intrapersonal protest. The person does not outwardly demonstrate any behavior, and often simply does nothing and remains silent. Negativism arises due to a person’s perception of surrounding behavior and attitudes as an unwillingness to understand and accept it.

Negativism can manifest itself in relation to life itself. It is perceived as a problem, a constant struggle, a conflict. If a person perceives life as an eternal struggle or problem, then he has a negative attitude towards it, which naturally makes him behave inappropriately, go against and resist.

go to top

Adolescence crisis in psychology

› Personal development › Self-knowledge
The teenage crisis begins and ends one of the most difficult periods in a person’s life, namely the time between childhood and adulthood. But let's not be afraid of this word.

The word "crisis" is Greek and means decision, turning point, outcome. Age crises are not a disorder or a disease, but rather a turning point in human development. They are associated with the transition from one stage of life to another.

They complete one period and help adapt to the next.

Age crises

Outstanding Soviet psychologist L.S. Vygotsky said that development does not proceed evenly. Calmer and longer stable stages are replaced by relatively short and violent crisis periods.

According to Vygotsky, “a crisis is a time of qualitative positive changes, the result of which is the transition of the individual to a new, higher stage of development.” That is, this is a normal and necessary phenomenon.

4 differences between a crisis period and a stable period:

• There were drastic changes in the child's behavior. Just yesterday he was still sweet and obedient, but today he has been replaced.
• The beginning and end of this time have blurred boundaries. It cannot be clearly said that the teenage crisis begins at eleven or twelve years old and ends at fifteen.
• The child constantly conflicts with parents and other people, argues, and does not accept persuasion.
• Regression in development: “the processes of death and coagulation, disintegration and decomposition of what was formed at the previous stage come to the fore” (Vygotsky L.S.).

Age crises in children:

• Newborn. This is the most striking and undeniable crisis in the development of a child. This is a transition from one environment to another, from the uterine to the outside world.
• 1 year. It is associated with the baby’s transition from a horizontal to a vertical position. He stands on his feet, separates from the hands of adults, and meaningful speech appears.
• 3 years. It is also called the “I myself” crisis. At this age, the child divides himself and his mother into different people. The pronoun “I” appears. The baby masters space, learns to manipulate objects for their intended purpose.
• 7 years. It is determined by the transition from preschool to school childhood. From play to learning. The way of thinking changes.
• 11-13 years old. Actually an adolescent or pubertal crisis. (Puberty - puberty). A distinctive feature of the teenage crisis from others is the longer duration of this period. At this time, children change not only physiologically. Changes in thinking, behavior, and communication occur.
• 15-17 years old. The crisis of adolescence, when you have to choose a profession. Often it follows from the previous stage.

Almost all crises of age-related development have similar manifestations. They are especially difficult at three years of age and in adolescents.

Characteristic signs of a crisis period:

• negativism;
• stubbornness;
• coarseness;
• disobedience;
• self-will;
• obstinacy;
• depreciation;
• despotism.

Features of the teenage crisis

Yes, childhood is a difficult time. As many as six crisis periods. And perhaps the most difficult of them is the crisis of adolescence. We have already written above that this is the longest of the crises. Essentially, these are two crises arising from one another, often without a stable interval between them.

Like any other, the teenage crisis has no clear boundaries. In some children, its manifestations can be as early as 9-10 years old, in others only at 13-14 years old. In girls, this period usually begins earlier, but proceeds more calmly. In boys, maturation, as a rule, starts later, but it manifests itself very rapidly.

L.S. Vygotsky identifies 3 phases of the teenage crisis:

• Negative or pre-crisis phase. The first signs may appear as early as 9-10 years of age. The old value system is dying out. Stereotypes are being broken. Problems begin in the relationship between parents and children. The first signs of puberty appear.
• Actually the crisis itself. 13-15 years old. This phase can proceed in different ways: from pronounced negativity towards all areas of life, to a calm transition to mastering new skills. New interests, opportunities, and ways of thinking appear. Children defend their individuality with all their might and separate from their parents.
• Positive phase or post-crisis. It occurs differently for everyone and usually ends the pubertal crisis. This is a fairly calm time, when life values ​​are formed and the future path has already been determined, and puberty is almost over.

The crisis of adolescence in psychology has two directions:

• Dependence on adults. The child does not want to grow up, does not want to be an adult, or take responsibility. There is a regression in development. Return to childhood ways of behavior.
• Independence. Denial of adult authority, rebellion, negativism, stubbornness. In this case, the child defends not only his rights, but also his personal space and demands equality.

It is important to remember that most often both of these directions are manifested in the behavior of teenagers. Our grown-up baby will foam at the mouth to prove that he is right, that he feels good and “don’t touch me at all.” But in fact, at this moment he will want most of all for you to come and hug him, protect him, like in childhood.

Characteristics of the adolescent crisis from a medical point of view

Puberty is a period of growth and development of the body, which proceeds spasmodically, unevenly and very actively. There is intense growth and change in the body. Children's figures gradually acquire signs of gender.

The endocrine glands work intensively. The muscles are improving, the process of ossification of the skeleton is underway. The cardiovascular system also develops unevenly.

The nervous system does not have time to adapt to these changes, so it often goes into a state of inhibition or, conversely, strong excitement.

Such changes in the body can lead to temporary disorders:

• pressure changes;
• tachycardia (rapid heartbeat);
• dizziness;
• fainting;
• increased excitability.

These manifestations directly affect health and behavior. They lead to irritability, nervousness, and sleep disturbances. Teenagers quickly get tired, become inattentive in class, and their academic performance suffers. Thus, the following can be distinguished.

Causes of the teenage crisis

• The rapid pace of physical and mental development leads to the formation of new needs. But they cannot be fully satisfied due to insufficient social maturity. In other words, the student feels independent and independent. But he cannot yet lead the lifestyle of an adult.
• The leading activity is now communication with peers, rather than educational activities. Therefore, academic performance decreases, and the opinion of adults ceases to be significant.
• The development of cognitive functions leads to new knowledge. Thinking moves from figurative to abstract. It works now, based on my own experience. The child uses his knowledge, memory, deduction, and his opinion. This also leads to awareness of one’s individuality and uniqueness. Reflections on your purpose. Fear caused by these thoughts. Outlooks on life are formed.
• A teenager constantly experiences an internal contradiction between desires and possibilities. He is able to realistically and most often critically evaluate his skills. But he still worries like a child if he doesn’t get what he wants.
• Often the cause of the teenage crisis is an acute conflict with parents. Many adults do not know or do not understand that their child’s behavior during a teenage crisis is natural. It is due to all of the above reasons. But moms and dads continue to use the old approach to their growing offspring.

Source: //lifemotivation.ru/samopoznanie/krizis-podrostkovogo-vozrasta

Reasons for negativism

Psychologists identify the following causes of negativism:

1. Mental illnesses.
2. Character traits.
3. Incorrect parenting.
4. Destruction of values.
5. Crises of age.
6. Psychotraumatic situations.

Negativism develops when a person is unsure of himself, helpless, and does not have sufficient knowledge and skills to solve emerging situations. This leads to infantilism, when an individual is unable to resolve conflicts, solve problems, argue his position, protect personal boundaries, and cope with failures. A contradiction arises here, where a person chooses to give up the need to achieve goals. It is easier for him to refuse than to recognize the problem and solve it.

Negativism is quite normal, which manifests itself at the beginning of a conflict or problematic situation. A person does not yet have the necessary knowledge, skills or experience, so he reacts reflexively. However, as the problem is solved and difficulties are overcome, he returns to his stable state.

This is possible during crisis periods of age, when a person is changing his life and is still gaining new experience that is associated with changes. It's normal to be negativistic as you solve problems. However, if a person chooses to escape from problems, then he develops persistent negative behavior in such situations.

In childhood, negativism can also manifest itself for the following reasons:

1. Parental overprotection.
2. The child’s lack of independence in overcoming his life’s problems.

go to top

Article Children's negativism and the reasons for its manifestation

Compiled by a primary school teacher

Prodanova Anna Vladimirovna

2015

The problem of children's disobedience is becoming more and more acute for parents and teachers, who are asking questions: what is the reason for such child behavior? What prompts him, until recently an obedient and flexible baby, to so actively protest against the familiar and customary rules, requests and educational influences of adults. Negative reactions begin to appear at a very early stage of child development: from birth to 3 years. It is this age period that is characterized by the formation of the child’s personality and contains a number of age-related crises. Therefore, it is very important at an early age to promptly recognize the signs of a child’s negativism, realizing its causes, in order to overcome personal problems of communication between adults and children in behavior and personality manifestation in the future. The first acts of protest, according to L. S. Vygotsky, arise already during the crisis of the first year of life, when the child’s first ideas about himself are formed and the beginnings of self-awareness appear, as an intuitive feeling of the Image-I, when the child protests against forced socialization and the imposition of social attitudes and norms for which he may not yet be ready (and this is increasingly not felt or understood by parents and teachers), or when he feels his calling, and therefore manifests his desires and intentions in other, possibly related, areas activities, but not those offered to him by adults. And then the persistent demands of adults are most often a provocation of natural resistance to those actions that are not demanded by the child himself. Thus, by the end of the first year of life, the child first manifests “affects of his own personality” - the first stage in the development of will.

Analysis of modern psychological and pedagogical literature allows us to identify the scientific definition of the concept of “children’s negativism,” as well as descriptions of the features of its manifestation. Most authors define children's negativism as the unmotivated behavior of a child, manifested in actions that are contrary to the requirements, expectations, proposals of other subjects of interaction (close adults, educators, peers. Based on the analysis of the definitions that form the methodological basis for the study of children's negativism, it is possible to derive a deeper and more meaningful concept of children's negativism. By children's negativism we understand such a state of health and behavior of a child in which he unconsciously tries to resist the directive influences of adults or peers.

The reason for such opposition may be the unsatisfied need to take into account his desires in self-affirmation, to protect his Self from intrusion into the boundaries of individual claims, unfavorable (that is, inadequate to the characteristics of his growth, development and psycho-emotional inclinations) influence from a loved one. Signs of children's negativism, depending on the type of temperament, will be stubbornness, which, with an uncoordinated type of upbringing, develops into aggression, and capriciousness, which in this case transforms into despondency and depression. By capriciousness we mean this form of behavior in children, which is expressed in opposition and resistance to the demands, advice, instructions of adults, in disobedience. By stubbornness we understand a form of child behavior determined by the motive of self-affirmation.

Features of the manifestation of negativism are determined by the type of temperament. A weak type of temperament is characterized by less intense and affective negative manifestations of the child, such as whims: crying, withdrawal, alienation, avoidance. A strong type of temperament is characterized by stubbornness, that is, more intense and affective negative manifestations of the child: rudeness, impulsively active denial, the desire to act contrary, hysterical reactions, aggressiveness. Children's negativism will manifest itself not only in interactions with adults or peers, but also in ordinary socially normative regime situations.

Two main reasons for negative manifestations in a child’s activities can be identified: firstly, inconsistency in the ways of educating adults responsible for the pedagogical process; secondly, inattention to the constructive and creative needs of the child, including the psychological and pedagogical incompetence of adults as an obstacle to his self-affirmation and independence.

Let us take a closer look at the reasons for the occurrence of negative manifestations in a child’s behavior.

In each family, a certain complex of upbringing objectively develops, which is not always recognized by adult family members, which is manifested in the lack of conscious goal setting, formulation of tasks, adequacy and consistency in the use of specific methods and techniques of upbringing, taking into account the personal and typological psychological characteristics of the child.

The child himself, as a rule, is forced to maneuver, be cunning and adapt to the contradictory demands of adults, and, as a result, negative signs of the development of the child’s personality appear: the negative emotional state that the child experiences during pointless and random communication with close adults; insufficient formation of social attitudes as a result of the incompetent psychological and pedagogical position of parents; negative behavior of the child as a means of attracting attention to one’s own person; the formation of stubbornness as a negative personality trait, which is a means of manipulating parental attitudes; protest behavior as a reaction to emotional trauma; somatic ailments, depression or aggression.

Another reason for the occurrence of negative manifestations in a child’s behavior is the inattention of those significant to the child (teachers and parents) to his constructive needs. The psychological and pedagogical incompetence of adults today becomes a real hidden obstacle to their self-affirmation and independence, which inevitably leads to unsatisfied needs of a social nature: the need for communication, emotionally warm, friendly contact, self-affirmation, and satisfaction of cognitive needs. As a reaction to failure (in achieving what is desired), a negative reaction here performs the function of compensation and defensive reaction. It helps the child overcome a difficult life situation but reinforces the destructive experience of socialization. The question is to understand the fundamental capabilities of a child of this age (from birth to 3 years), his potential to act motivatedly, that is, to be aware of his involuntary impulses, desires, needs, in which adults - parents and teachers - should help him. Our observations show that if the reflexive abilities of parents and the situational reflection of teachers in understanding the child’s experiences “here and now” are insufficient, the development of motivated actions of children is impossible or difficult. In other words, if an adult does not try to verbalize the situational experiences (as the basis of the desires and intentions) of the child, then the child is forced to react negatively when his needs and the demands of the adult collide, defending his true and still difficult to understand intentions and desires. At the same time, the adult most often does not even allow the thought that the child’s desires may be true due to his intuitive attraction to fulfilling his own destiny, and the social-normative requirements of an adult in such a situation may be alien, and in some cases even harmful (despite their social normativity) for the spiritual and intellectual development of the child.

For example, to this day, modern researchers, from the standpoint of traditional pedagogy and psychology, consider the actions of teachers as always unambiguously correct, which allows them to mislead the parent community that the child’s negativity must always be overcome, persistently demanding the fulfillment of social norms and rules of behavior . This approach, in essence, is behavioral, that is, focused only on behavioral, external reactions, without taking into account the internal mechanism of their manifestation. However, authoritarian methods of pedagogical work should not be excluded: they are appropriate, in our opinion, but only in cases where the life or health of the child is in danger. In all other cases, the child puts the adult in a creative situation, which was and is being discussed by outstanding Russian psychologists: D. I. Elkonin, V. V. Davydov, N. N. Poddyakov, M. I. Lisina, V. S. Mukhina, Yu. B. Gippenreiter, A. A. Nikolskaya. An adult is required to realize his creative potential in searching for original, unconventional ways to solve problem situations, ensuring, on the basis of “child-adult reciprocity,” the solution of three problems:

1) providing social conditions for the child to realize his destiny;

2) accumulation of individual experience of self-creation (creative abilities) and, as a consequence;

3) promoting the constructive socialization of the individual.

In traditional educational practice, only the last task is pursued, neglecting the two previous ones, which require teachers and parents to have developed creative abilities.

At the same time, regardless of the reasons for its occurrence, a child’s negative behavior is a signal for adults to analyze their educational influences, since, having manifested itself several times in different situations, negativism can take hold and become a stable character trait. If manifestations of negativism are not constructively overcome by primary school age, then they will take an irreversible tendency to develop either into auto-aggression up to suicidal attempts, or into depression up to an asocial lifestyle as opposition to the long-term lack of love for him from neighbors (parents, teachers, peers) .

In the psychological and pedagogical literature one can find a significant number of definitions of children's negativism, but the diagnostic tools are quite poor, the choice of methods for determining child-parent relationships, self-esteem of a young child and recording an analysis of the negative manifestations of such a child is small. Diagnostic methods for studying children's negativism Interaction between a parent and a child (M. I. Markovskaya) Reveals the family upbringing style of each parent. Test for determining behavioral characteristics in conflict situations (K. Thomas) Reveals the psychological characteristics of parents and their relationships in conflict situations. Personality self-assessment technique (Budassi). Reveals the characteristics of the parent’s self-esteem and, as a result of imitation of the parent, the child’s self-esteem Test to determine the type of temperament. Reveals the child's leading temperament type

Thus, we can draw the following conclusions:

Firstly, by child negativism we understand such a child’s well-being and behavior in which he unconsciously tries to resist the directive influences of adults or peers. The reason for such opposition may be an unsatisfied need to take into account his desires and self-affirmation, to protect his Self from intrusion into the boundaries of individual claims, or to adverse influence from a close adult. Signs of child negativism, depending on the type of temperament, will be stubbornness and capriciousness.

Secondly, the reasons for the manifestation of negativism cannot be located inside the child, they always come from the outside: due to the psychological and pedagogical incompetence of the educational influences of the adults responsible for raising them. Thirdly, no special diagnostic tools for determining children's negativism have been found. We are developing a diagnostic set of techniques aimed at identifying signs of negativism. We believe that it is advisable to detect such signs in a timely manner - at an early age.

Sources

1. Large psychological dictionary / comp. and general ed. B. G. Meshcheryakova, V. P. Zinchenko – St. Petersburg: EUROZNAK, 2005. – 632 p.

2. The latest psychological and pedagogical dictionary / comp. E. S. Rapatsevich; under general ed. A. P. Astakhova. – Minsk: Modern School, 2010. – 928 p.

3. The newest psychological dictionary / V. B. Shapar, V. E. Rossokha, O. V. Shapar; under general ed. V. B. Shaparya. – Rostov-on-Don: Phoenix, 2005. – 808 p.

4. Psychological dictionary / author.-comp. V. N. Korpulina, M. N. Smirnova, N. O. Gordeeva, L. M. Balabanova; under general editorship Yu. L. Neimer. – Rostov-on-Don: Phoenix, 2003. – 640 p.

5. Psychological dictionary for parents / S. S. Stepanov. – Moscow: Academy, 1996. – 160 p.

6. Psychological encyclopedic dictionary / M. I. Enikeev – Moscow: TK Velby, Prospect, 2006. – 560 p.

Signs of negativism

Negativism is becoming common, so it can be easily recognized by:

• Rudeness.
• Stubbornness.
• Reluctance to obey.
• Conspicuously ignoring requests.
• Closedness.
• Compassionate, suffering, oppressed, aggressive statements regarding things or values ​​of interlocutors or society as a whole.
• Ignoring the opinions of authorities.
• Distortion of other people's words.
• Negative perception of the world around you.
• Criticism of people who do not speak negatively.

Negativism is always marked by harshness, rudeness, aggressiveness and speed of reaction. A person is usually unable to ignore, calmly discuss, or accept words with which he does not agree.

Children show negativity through moodiness or refusal to comply with requests. At an older age, an attempt is added to this list to argue their behavior with the incorrectness or unreasonableness of what is happening.

go to top

Symptoms of negativism

Signs of negativism include

• Closedness;
• Coarseness;
• Stubbornness;
• Demonstrative behavior;
• Ignoring requests.

If one person says: “It’s black,” then a person who has strong manifestations of negativism will immediately object: “No, it’s white.”

People often tend to suspect negativism when they see a person’s open-minded, fresh view of established phenomena. This is not entirely correct, since real deviation involves objections even where there can be no doubt or arguing with oneself. For example, a person loves milk and drinks it every day.

• Kolya loves milk, they tell someone about it.
• “It’s not true, I can’t stand him,” comes the answer.

Negativism in children

Children's negativism is the unconscious behavior of children, in which they demonstratively oppose the directive behavior of the surrounding world, adults or society. There are two age crises in which negativism becomes apparent:

1. The crisis of 3 years, when the child begins to become aware of himself, he develops independence, he often uses the expression “I myself.” At this stage, the child begins to move away from his parents and needs them less. Usually the child quickly transforms and gets used to the new life, but for the parents themselves this can come as a shock. The child who previously needed them no longer requires their attention and care. If parents cannot change their minds, then they will begin to suppress the child’s personality, which will lead to passivity, lack of independence, weak will and dependent behavior.
2. The crisis of 11-13 years, when a child becomes a teenager, gradually realizes his growing up and the need to separate from his parents at all levels. This period is reinforced by hormonal changes that occur in both boys and girls. If the child begins to fit into social life, then he will pass the crisis. If he fails, then this will become his pattern of behavior.

Children usually become stubborn or capricious when the phenomenon of negativism arises. This manifests itself in crying, screaming, falling on the floor, withdrawal, etc. Negativism in children is associated with the opposition between the desires of adults and the desires of the child or their interests. If a child wants to play, but adults forbid him, this will lead to negativism, since the child wants to do what he wants, not his parents.

go to top

Adolescent Negativism

For the most part, teenage negativism can be characterized by one phrase: “I don’t want to and I won’t!”
This is most often not stubbornness, but simply demonstrativeness - when children want not only to separate from adults, but to become equal to them. Although there are no real prerequisites for such equality: neither intellectually, socially nor financially. And then the teenager arms himself with stubbornness, he begins to rebel, because he strives to emerge victorious from this fight. Therefore, without arrogance and rudeness, the outcome of such a competition is predetermined. And winning is so important for self-affirmation, we wish you so! And here an adult should act wisely, showing rigor.

A teenage revolt is inevitable, but it is better if it remains a “local” rebellion and does not turn into a “world revolution.”

Why is this happening?

It may seem that the logical reaction would be to meet the child halfway, allow him to demonstrate independence to the maximum, and try to remove almost all prohibitions.

But, paradoxically, this freedom of action will only add fuel to the fire, so it will begin to flare up even more. If you expand a teenager’s zone of influence, he will want to do this ad infinitum.

Sometimes it will seem to you that the child is deliberately running into a ban. For example, you allowed your daughter to paint her lips, and she immediately stuck three earrings in her eyebrow and dyed her hair charcoal.

You expanded the borders of the teenager’s possessions, so he wanted to conquer another new territory. You allowed your son to go alone to his grandmother for an overnight stay in the village, and in a week he will begin to demand that he be allowed to go to the sea with the guys.

Therefore, it is necessary to immediately understand one thing: a teenager will still explode and begin to rebel, this is inevitable, because this is how he strives to rise above adults, and not just get something.

Therefore, adults should not give in on small things to ensure the protection of their child. These are simple and later you will feel it, to some extent protecting your child from possible rebellion.

By not giving in to your child and showing rigor in your decisions, you seem to be putting on armor, armor that will protect not you, but your child.

You don't have to look far for examples. In Soviet times, teenagers at school were required to wear a uniform, wearing gold rings and earrings was prohibited, and wearing makeup and smoking were also prohibited.

Although girls could wear skirts and sweaters to school, and boys could smoke in the backyard or in the toilet, and at the same time they felt like real heroes, the bravest! This is how they realized their need to assert themselves. The rest of the guys imitated them in their dreams.

In those days, the rebellious need could be satisfied with modest means, with “little blood”! And we have to thank for this the sanctimonious and seemingly absurd strictures of the “stagnant” school.

And what have we come to? School uniforms are a thing of the past - wear whatever you want: miniskirts, trousers, leggings (for which 20 years ago a girl would probably have been expelled from school!), and your hair can be dyed the most incredible color.

And the inevitable teenage rebellion is now spilling over into other forms - drug addiction and prostitution, early sexual activity, abortion, crime, sexual perversion. The need for rebellion is always seeking expression; a teenager simply needs to protest in order to assert himself.

This school connivance pushes him into negative behavior; now children, rebelling, resort to means that are not as innocent as before. Today's trend is quite clear, which does not inspire optimism.

How to react?

Does this mean that a teenager needs to be banned from everything, his life turned into a prison? But still, reasonable boundaries must be present in everything, so do not rush to call traditional restrictions stupid and absurd. It is even more important to prohibit certain things for teenagers than for younger children.

Another thing is that prohibitions should not turn into a barracks-like, cruel regime, except in cases where your child is really exposed to serious danger. Of course, it is up to the parents to decide whether or not to allow their twelve-year-old daughter to put lipstick on her lips and whether or not to pour a glass of dry wine for her eighth-grader son.

However, do not forget that the first step will inevitably be followed by the rest. And much sooner than you thought.

Remember: the sooner you establish a ban, the safer it will be for the teenager to break it. If you are afraid to apply pressure (now it has become fashionable to be afraid of this), the child will completely go crazy.

After all, what is important for him is to provoke a violent reaction from teachers and parents, to enjoy their powerlessness and his victory. But there is no reaction! Do whatever you want, here you go, everything is allowed and possible. And it turns out that by their connivance, parents push the child into antisocial behavior.

And how else to get through them? A girl can only go to a party, and a boy can only rob a bank!

Let's look at a few more examples. Your daughter is going to a friend's birthday party and wears too much lipstick. You urgently demand to wipe your lips. And then the girl will still paint them, but with pale pink lipstick.

Or the son reports that he will go for a walk with the guys and will be home by twelve. If you do not react and agree with this, then the teenager, in order to anger you, will appear in the morning or will not come to spend the night at all.

And if you limit his walk to ten, then you can be sure that by twelve the child will return - he will realize his need for rebellion, and it will cost you quite cheap - you will bypass a sleepless night! And you will be glad that you get enough sleep, and the child will be satisfied that he violated the parents’ demands and embodied his longed-for protest. Is the principle clear?..

Source: https://www.psyportal.net/4375/negativizm-podrostkov/

Bottom line

Negativism is a normal development of any person who gradually becomes aware of himself, his desires and needs. It all starts at 2-3 years old and continues throughout life. Negativism can clearly manifest itself during problematic or stressful periods in life, as well as during age-related crises. The rest of the time it becomes either situational or a permanent phenomenon, which depends on the development of the individual himself.

Negativism should be treated with condescension, since it is often expressed in situations of a person’s reluctance to follow social rules or desires. However, the consequences are important. If negativism affects the freedom and desires of other people, then it becomes harmful. If negativism does not harm or infringe on anyone, then you can allow it to manifest itself.

A person does not always have to follow society. The environment offers conditions in which a person can live and exist peacefully. Submission to social rules allows everyone to live in peace and stability. However, the public does not always correspond to the personal. Much depends on how much the rights and freedom of others will be affected. It's okay to behave negatively as long as it doesn't harm anyone. Then society will condescendingly perceive the negativism of such a manifestation.

Original approach

Here are some non-standard ways to deal with children's whims. 1) Help from a friend. When your child ignores your requests, try acting through a figurehead. Take his favorite toy (it can be either a soft animal or a car) and use it to “talk” to him: “Hello! I'm very sad. Let's go for a walk?" 2) Theater of the Absurd. If your baby is overcome by an attack of negativism and you know that he will turn any of your requests inside out, use the opposite method. Do you want to feed your little one fish? Tell him that he can’t have it! Should you turn right on the street? Say you're going left. 3) Holiday of disobedience. To be always correct and obedient is a difficult task. During the day, arrange for the “unwanted” one or several “holiday” hours, when he can do everything that is usually prohibited (within reasonable limits, of course). Don't want to get dressed? Please! Candy instead of soup? Cheers! A prerequisite is that the rest of the time the little one must obey you. 4) With humor. If the situation is hopeless (whether you want it or not, you need to see a doctor), overcome children’s negative emotions in the literal sense. Offer your child a comic fight, using whatever is at hand as improvised means: soft toys, pillows, newspapers rolled into “clubs”. This will allow him to vent his aggression, and the unpleasant episode will be forgotten.

Strategies for overcoming negativism

Gratitude

Focusing on the positive is the most effective way to deal with negativity.
How much good do we see in the world around us? Most people notice and remember morning traffic jams, not sunny mornings. However, for many, the day does not go badly at all, and it turns dark colors due to the negative events that we notice.

Two daily actions will help you notice more good things in life:

1. Keeping a diary.
   Start regularly making a list of things that bring you pleasure and pleasant feelings. The main thing is specificity.
2. Emphasizing admiration.
   Agree with someone close to you and ask each other two questions every six months: “What is the most exciting event that happened in the last six months?” and “What are you looking forward to in the next six months?”

Search for diamonds

If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, stop. It is important not to let them linger in your head, but to start looking for something good in what happened. The main thing is to always strive to find at least one thing that you will like.

There is nothing to say - it is better to remain silent

Negativism will begin to disappear if you refrain from negative statements. If you can't say anything nice, productive or helpful, don't say anything. It is important when saying something negative to consider your intentions and think about the effect that will follow the statement.

Internal dialogue

If you still decide to speak out, go through the dialogue in your head. And if you notice that it is being built in a negative way, then try to rebuild it in a positive direction, or at least in a neutral one.

Avoid "black holes"

Negative people are like black holes. They attract everything negative like a magnet. There will always be complaints and discontent around them. Even if you don't tend to be negative, being around them can steer you in the wrong direction. The main thing is not to succumb to their influence and not let the torch of optimism within us go out.

Find the positive

The best cure for negativity is a good dose of positivity, and the best source of positivity is another person.
Positive people are encouraged to take action and pursue goals, ask questions and seek solutions. They charge you with energy and motivate you to great achievements. Look for such people and try to communicate with them more.