Question: “My 10-year-old son spends all his free time at the computer. He either mindlessly watches all kinds of videos on YouTube, often angry and cruel. Or he plays tanks and aggressive shooting games on the Internet. Plays with big headphones until 4-5 am. In the morning he wakes up from school. He became withdrawn and does not communicate with peers. He says everyone is an idiot.
If I ask what you want, he says that it’s okay, as long as they leave me behind and let me sit at home at the computer.
I understand that Internet addiction in children is now very common, teachers and psychologists talk about this. But what should I do in such a situation? No amount of talking, persuasion or even shouting at him helps.”
Answered by Victoria Vinnikova, teacher
Anna, in your case it’s really time to sound the alarm - your son has become addicted. Nowadays, children’s addiction to the Internet is a phenomenon that is impressive in its scope and looks more like some kind of epidemic. We observe that our children are simply stuck in the virtual world. They become addicted faster.
At the same time, you need to understand that the Internet is just a tool, that same additional reality that has firmly entered our lives. The Internet itself is not good or bad, but the number of temptations that it contains, of course, makes it very desirable for children.
What steps should parents take to help their children overcome this addiction? What should be done to prevent a child from becoming addicted to the Internet?
Since Internet addiction is a purely psychological phenomenon, we will figure out how to wean a child off the Internet using information from the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.
Set a positive example
Children always look at what their parents do, unconsciously absorbing their habits and behavior patterns. Therefore, it is natural that they will feel a certain falsehood and not take adults’ comments seriously if the mother or father themselves spends hours on social networks and does not part with their phones.
The first thing a parent should do if they want to rid their child of Internet addiction is to get rid of it themselves.
Live, sincere communication, playing sports, reading books, creativity, help with household chores - for both adults and children this should be perceived as the norm of life, instead of hours spent online.
What should parents do when their child becomes addicted to the Internet?
If a child has already fallen into the trap of Internet addiction, then getting him out of there is not easy. Be patient and take small steps, gradually creating a stronger and stronger emotional connection with him.
You will have to re-establish emotional contact with your child.
Of course, the older your child is, the more difficult it is to do this. But in any case, parents can take the simplest steps to establish emotional contact.
- First of all, take time out of your family schedule and schedule time with your child. Just not on the topic of “how are things at school” and “what did you eat today”, but about what interests him. Perhaps, for starters, it will even be computer games. Find out about the essence of the game, the characters, which of them is bad, who needs to be defeated and what techniques are used for this.
- Show your interest, show your child that you are interested in his world. Do not judge or criticize the pointlessness of the game or the aggressiveness of the characters. In cases with teenagers, you can simply ask questions, the answers to which the child will look for himself.
- You can share with him that in your time there were no such games, you played with living children in the yard or pioneer camp, and you were also interested. Talk about your childhood, share your feelings with him. I'm sure you will find something to talk about with your son or daughter.
Allocate only 15-20 minutes a day for this, but only with complete immersion in the child’s feelings and emotions.
Spend time together and offer other activities
Often children hang out on the Internet only because they have nothing to do, and they are not accustomed to entertaining themselves in other ways. Start spending time together - going for walks, skiing, visiting cinemas or entertainment centers. At home, you can also find interesting alternatives to being in front of a monitor - arrange a themed dinner dedicated to your favorite movie or book, start watching a new TV series, assemble multi-component puzzles, color a picture by numbers, or construct three-dimensional models of world landmarks.
In addition, it is important to help your child find a new hobby or even a full-fledged hobby, or to encourage an existing one. If he is still small, then take him to music school, dancing or football. For an older child, you can present the desired sports equipment or a drawing tablet, a certificate for attending a master class on drumming or a subscription to hip-hop classes - in general, something that he will definitely like.
Causes of childhood addiction
Parents
Small children can live easily without the Internet. They don't even know what it is! But there will definitely be a mommy who will turn on a cartoon on her tablet or smartphone for her beloved child!
It’s so convenient: the child is busy, the mother doesn’t need to dance next to him with a tambourine. Finally, you can drink a cup of hot (not cold) tea and get yourself in order.
Psychologists have proven that by shifting responsibilities to electronic gadgets, mothers and fathers themselves lay the foundation for children’s Internet addiction.
Inability to communicate
The modern generation prefers to do this in the virtual world. You've probably seen a team of teenagers fidgeting on a bench like sparrows.
But you can’t hear the cheerful chirping. They correspond, share quotes and favorite music on social networks, and human speech, it seems, will soon be a rarity.
Self-realization
On the World Wide Web it is much easier to feel smart and strong. To do this, you don’t need to learn math or be the life of the party - choose the game you like and dive headlong into the virtual world.
Today I am a hero who destroys monsters, tomorrow I am the best racer, the day after tomorrow I am a tanker.
If you lose, you can always “save”. Well, in a chat under the nickname “Sexy_macho” no one recognizes a boring nerd.
Develop uniform rules for all family members
Discuss with your child the time when he does not use the Internet, and begin to adhere to the same rules yourself. For example, the whole family always has dinner together and without phones, talking heart to heart and discussing the past day. Or, while studying lessons that require the use of only textbooks, the phone is deposited with parents.
Experts recommend designating gadget-free zones in the apartment, for example, the kitchen and living room, and also setting a similar condition for the car.
Bibliographic link
Semenova N.V., Denisov A.P., Denisova O.A., Kun O.A., Kuzyukova A.V. INFLUENCE OF ELECTROMAGNETIC RADIATION FROM CELL PHONES ON THE HEALTH OF CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS (LITERATURE REVIEW) // International Journal of Applied and Fundamental Research. – 2020. – No. 6-4. – P. 701-705;
1. Apollonsky S.M. Human life safety in electromagnetic fields. St. Petersburg: Politekhnika, 2006. 266 p. 2. Bekker V.N., Pashkov A.P. Security of cell phones / V.N. Becker, A.P. Pashkov // SIBBEZOPASNOST-PASSIB. – 2011. – No. 1. – P. 120-123. 3. Bezmenova M.D. Level of awareness of students in grades 5–11 of MAOU “Gymnasium No. 4” in Saratov about the influence of mobile phones on the health of users / M.D. Bezmenova // Bulletin of medical Internet conferences. – 2014. – P. 53. 4. Betsky O.V., Kislov V.V., et al. Millimeter waves and living systems. M.: SCIENCE PRESS, 2004. 272 p. 5. Vasilyeva T.I., Sarokvasha O.Yu. The influence of the electromagnetic field of a cell phone on the human body depending on age. / T.I. Vasilyeva, O.Yu. Sarokvasha // Bulletin of Samara State University. – 2012. – No. 3.2. – P. 29 – 36. 6. Vizirenko A.F. The influence of electromagnetic fields and radiation on humans in combination with other environmental factors / A.F. 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Kazakovtsev // Russian otolaryngology. – 2013. – No. 2. – P. 65-68. 14. Lyapin V.A. Features of morbidity in the population of a large industrial city / V.A. Lyapin, V.P. Kazakovtsev, N.V. Semenova // Modern problems of science and education. – 2014. – No. 2. Access mode URL: www.science-education.ru/116-12869 (access date: 12/15/2014). 15. Medical and social aspects of the formation of the health of young children / Denisov A.P., Babenko A.I., Kun O.A., Banyushevich I.A. Omsk, 2020. – 172 p. 16. Semenova N.V. The influence of the lifestyle of university students on eating behavior taking into account gender characteristics / N.V. Semenova, E.G. Blinova, V.A. Lyapin // Preventive and clinical medicine. 2014. No. 2 (51). pp. 54-58. 17. Surguchev P.A. Negative effects of cell phones. / P.A. Surgachev // Culture. Spirituality. Society. – 2014. – No. 15. – P. 87-92. 18. Uzdenov, I.M. The influence of school on children’s health and modern possibilities of rehabilitation treatment / Uzdenov, I.M. / Bulletin of the North Caucasus Federal University. – 2014. – No. 3(42). – From 106-111. 19. Shirinsky V.A. Hygienic assessment of the formation of public health in a large administrative and economic center in a changing socio-economic situation: abstract of thesis. Dis.. Dr. med. Sciences / V.A. Shirinsky. St. Petersburg, 2003. – 43 p. 20. Electromagnetic fields and public health: mobile phones. Information bulletin No. 193 May 2010 [Electronic resource] Access mode: https://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs193/ru/print.html. 21. Gandhi OP IEE Trans Microwave Theory Tech. / O.P. Gandhi, G. Lazzi, C.M. Furse // MTT-44. – 1996. – No. 10. – P. 1884–1896. 22. Kolodnyski A. Motor and Psychological functions of school children living in the areas Scrunda radiolocation station Latvia / A. Kolodnyski, Y. Kolodniska // Sci. Total Environ. – 1996. – No. 180. – P. 87–93. 23. 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Discover the useful side of the Internet
This method has many similarities with the second point on the list, because surfing the Internet can be transformed from an empty pastime into a developing hobby. If the child still spends a lot of time in front of the monitor, at least let him do something useful. For example, offer to pay for an online course on mobile photography, access to a film library in foreign languages with subtitles, or participation in a drawing marathon. Share with your children links to really interesting and informative resources, smart bloggers and good projects.
Don't be categorical
For both adults and children, any categorical prohibition is perceived with hostility and immediately evokes a desire to break it. Don't become your children's enemy and their strict supervisor, try to be a friend and, to some extent, a guide in the online world.
Internet addiction is a rather unpleasant and sometimes dangerous thing, especially when it happens to a still young, just emerging personality. However, a kind, understanding and responsible parent can help their child cope with it. It is important not to forget that in particularly difficult situations you should not hesitate to seek the help of a specialist.
Author: Anna Safronova, especially for Mama66.ru
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Anna Safronova
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“iGeneration”: who are they?
Those born between 1995 and 2012 grew up with smartphones in their hands, had an Instagram account before they entered high school, and have no memory of the pre-Internet era.
Millennials also grew up with the Internet, but they haven’t had it since early childhood—day and night. The older members of the iGeneration were teenagers when the iPhone came out in 2007. Jane Twenge's 2020 study of more than 5,000 current American teenagers found that three-quarters of them now own a device.
Previously, large-scale events - wars or technological revolutions - played a large role in the formation of various youth strata. But no single factor has ever defined an entire generation. There was also parenting style, school curriculum, and culture, and they all mattered. The advent of smartphones and social media has caused a huge tectonic shift that we haven't seen in a very long time, if it ever happened at all in history. There is compelling evidence that the devices put into the hands of young people are having a very profound impact on their lives - and making them much less happy.
Smartphones and tablets have changed every aspect of teenagers' lives, from communication to mental health. It affected all regions of the United States and all types of families: poor and rich, urban and rural, people of every ethnic background.
Some changes in generations are positive, others are negative, and others are both at the same time. Thus, today's teenagers are less likely to get into a car accident and are less vulnerable to alcohol use. But psychologically they are in greater danger than their predecessors.
In the early 1970s, photographer Bill Yates took a series of portraits at a roller skating rink in Tampa, Florida. In one photo, a teenager stands shirtless with a large bottle of schnapps tucked into the waistband of his jeans. In another, a boy who looks no older than 12 poses with a cigarette in his mouth. It was considered “cool” back then. The roller skating rink was a place where children could escape from their parents into their own world, where they could drink, smoke and cuddle in the back seats of cars. In the black-and-white images, baby boomer teenagers stare into Yates' camera, trying to appear mature and independent.
Bill Yates: Sweetheart Roller Skating Rink in Tampa, Florida (1972-1973). Big photo """
Fifteen years later, among Generation X, smoking had lost some of its romance, but independence was still popular.
Today's 12th graders go out for walks less often than eighth graders did back in 2009. The number of children who regularly spend time with friends has fallen by more than 40% from 2000 to 2020. The decline has been especially rapid over the past few years. Everything that children once wanted most: “nerds” and “cool”, poor and rich, C students and excellent students - roller rinks, basketball courts, swimming pools and places for hugs - all this has now been replaced by virtual reality.
Representatives of the iGeneration are also less likely to start romantic relationships. The first stage of courtship, which was previously called “liking” (“Ooh, he likes you!”) they now call “talking.” For a generation that prefers online communication, this is a rather ironic name. After two people have "talked" online for a while, they can start dating. Only about 56% of high school seniors in 2020 were in a relationship, compared with 85% for Baby Boomers and Gen Xers.
This trend has led to a 40% decline in teenage sexual activity since 1991. Now the average American teenager has his first sex in the 11th grade - this is a year later than a representative of Generation X. A later start to sexual life is considered the most positive trend in recent years. The teenage pregnancy rate has also reached its lowest level, down 67% in 2020 from its peak in 1991.
Previously, most teenagers worked in order to have financial freedom from their parents - or on the initiative of the latter, who wanted their children to understand the value of money from a young age. The iGeneration does not work and is not financially independent to that extent. In the late 1970s, 77% of high school students had a job, but in the mid-2010s, only 55% did. The number of working 8th grade students has been halved.
Traditional rebellion against elders has also lost its appeal for modern teenagers. And even driving a car is a symbol of adulthood and freedom in American culture. Almost all baby boomers had a driver's license before graduating, but now one in four graduates do not. Many young people say that they do not feel the need for this and only passed their license under pressure from their relatives.
Beginning with the Millennials, adolescence began to increase. Today's 18-year-olds are more like former 15-year-olds, and 15-year-olds are more like 13-year-olds. Childhood now lasts almost the entire time of school.
Smartphones and social media increase loneliness, depression and suicidal urges
In the era of the information economy, a higher education diploma matters more than work experience. Therefore, parents encourage their children to study more conscientiously. Teenagers do not protest because they are not very keen to go for a walk on the street - their social life is vibrant online.
Today's 8th, 10th and 12th grade students spend less time on homework than Generation X did in the early 1990s. Since they don't work, they have more free time. “iGeneration” spends it with a smartphone, alone in their room and often in a depressed mood.
Even though the iGen generation spends much more time under the same roof with family than their parents' generation, today's teens can hardly be said to be closer to their mothers and fathers than their predecessors. Quite the contrary. “I saw my friends with their families, they don’t talk to them,” Jane Twenge quotes one girl as saying. “They just say, “Okay, okay, mom...” or whatever they want while they write on their smartphones. They don't pay attention to their family."
