Acceptance - rejection

I definitely saw it, but I don’t remember where!
This trope has very few concrete examples of use. Maybe you can remember at least a couple?

Five stages of acceptance: death, inevitable, grief. In Russian there is no established and unambiguous translation of the Kübler-Ross model, but in English it sounds like Five Stages of Grief
. Every time something truly bad happens to a person (the death of a loved one, a death sentence, the diagnosis of an incurable disease), the model states, he sequentially experiences five stages:

Denial (“No, the tests were mixed up!”, “She’s not dead, she’s just not picking up the phone!”)
Anger (“It’s the doctors who infected me!”, “I’ll find and kill that dispatcher!”)
Bargaining (“Maybe we can somehow amputate half of my brain so that I can live?”)
Depression (Usually there are no words here; a person feels bad beyond the rational understanding of the word “bad”)
Acceptance (“Yes, I will die. But while I’m still alive,” “Yes, she died, and I will mourn her all my life”)

Academic psychiatry was hostile to the model. The criticism, supported by scientific refutations with statistically reliable samples, comes down to a simple thesis: different people experience their grief in different ways (which Kübler-Ross herself also confirmed!). But where mass participation is important, and not an individual approach - in support groups - the model was picked up with a bang. Then the model leaked to various therapists, for whom scientific rigor is not as important as the clarity of the model. And again, it’s easier to type than to analyze... Well, then everything got into popular culture: psychiatrists by the sunbeds, stately doctors in white coats, smart, kind grandmothers who help the hero survive something that cannot be changed. From this moment on, it became useless to ignore the phenomenon. It exists and is actively used. All that remains is to see and recognize it. As a dramatic scheme, the model even turned out to be convenient!

Negation

Examples

The team says they will make it in time for release. Although the graph shows that even a miracle will not save you.
I don’t want to read a letter from a customer or pick up the phone
I definitely don’t want to wake up to an alarm clock
I also don’t want to do unpleasant things. Since “unpleasant things” are often a synonym for “unpleasant things” for IT specialists, the start of the conflict is postponed until the last minute: we don’t tell the wife a realistic time frame for coming home, the customer a plausible release date, and the idiot subordinate about overtime and impending dismissal.
One PM friend told me that he once received feedback from a customer with the minimum possible assessment of his work, like a PM. His first thought was “this is a mistake.” And he lived with this thought for several days, although his superiors convinced him that there was no mistake, and that this was a problem and needed to be dealt with.
When they told me that I needed surgery, I thought it was a mistake. I thought that there were ways to avoid it, and I went to take another x-ray with the faith that it would put everything in its place.
Steve Jobs was diagnosed with cancer at a very early stage. He didn't believe in the disease until it was too late.
Come on, maybe we can somehow exert ourselves and still make it on time?

Description

One of the first psychological defense mechanisms is denial.
Often, the first instinct is to ignore the problem. Act as if it doesn't exist. Act as if the event did not happen. When a person denies facts, it does not mean that he does not understand or is not convinced. This means that he is afraid to believe. Reality conflicts with his worldview, and to maintain peace of mind, he tries to convince himself that everything is going as it should, and everything will be fine. There is a benefit from denial - a person continues to work at the same pace or even faster. A person works according to the same rules and according to the same plan as before the news. And, sometimes, this strategy works.

A miracle will happen, the customer will change his mind, someone else will do the unpleasant job, etc.

A denial reaction does not necessarily occur in response to an important Event. It may be a small thing that you don’t want to admit. For example, at that moment when we are late for work, but angrily repeat to ourselves “I’ll be on time, I’ll be in time”, when a person pushed someone else’s laptop, it’s quite possible to hear: “I accidentally touched it and it fell”, “I didn’t do anything, I just pressed the power button...

To maintain mental balance, a person convinces himself and others that a mistake has occurred; in fact, everything is completely wrong. “This cannot be”, “stupidity”, “this will never happen to us” - such phrases are often heard in denial. Usually, at this moment a person does not even want to think about the unfavorable outcome of events.

To deny, it is important to convince oneself, so the person sincerely tries to believe that it is so.

Denial creates a paradox of thought. For denial to be effective, a person repeats everything that his interlocutors consider to be true, and then tries to convince them that they are mistaken. To find evidence of facts that he wants to refute, a person has to completely focus on what he urges his interlocutors not to believe.

Symptoms of Denial

Their essence lies in the fact that a person is actively looking for ways to deceive himself and his interlocutors.

One of the symptoms of denial is memory lapses, when the interlocutor cannot remember important events of the recent past. Or rather, he says he can’t remember.

The phenomenon of memory lapses is not just forgetting, it is selective forgetting of what causes mental discomfort and all the associated key points and plans.

Did we talk about this?
Yes, I need to call John, it slipped my mind, but today it’s too late, I’ll call tomorrow... and he forgets tomorrow too
Chronic tardiness under the guise of “I just remembered that we have a meeting” may also indicate this defense.

At the initial stage of denial, people are usually afraid that the changes will be negative for them personally: “The company may need this, but I don’t need it! I have stable and familiar responsibilities.” Denial can manifest itself in the following:

people do not come to meetings dedicated to the change project under any convenient pretext;
they do not participate in discussions;
they are indifferent or demonstratively busy with routine bureaucratic duties.

What you can do at this stage:

provide as much information as possible through various communication channels about the goals and reasons for the changes;
give people time to understand the changes;
stimulate discussion and participation of people.

Scale "Acceptance - Rejection"

Statements related to this scale: 3, 4, 8, 10 12 14 15, 16, 18, 20, 23, 24, 26, 27, 29, 37, 38, 39, 40, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 49, 51, 52, 53, 55, 56.

How acceptance is assessed by positive answers to questions: 3, 20, 27, 37, 38, 43, 45, 53, 56.

As a rejection: 4, 8, 10, 12, 14, 15, 16, 18, 24, 26, 29, 39, 40, 42, 44, 46, 47, 49, 52, 55.

The scale reflects the integral emotional attitude towards the child. At the acceptance pole, the parent likes the child for who he is, the parent respects the child’s individuality, sympathizes with him, strives to spend a lot of time with the child, approves of his interests and plans. The other pole (rejection): the parent perceives his child as bad, unadapted, unsuccessful. It seems to him that the child will not succeed in life because of low abilities, bad inclinations, and a small mind. For the most part, the parent feels anger, annoyance, irritation, and resentment toward the child. He doesn't trust or respect the child.

Scale "Cooperation"

Statements related to this scale: 6, 9, 21, 25, 31 33 34, 35, 36.

“Cooperation” is a socially desirable image of parental attitude. In terms of content, this scale is revealed as follows: the parent is interested in the child’s affairs and plans, tries to help the child in everything, and sympathizes with him. The parent highly appreciates the child’s intellectual and creative abilities and feels a sense of pride in him. He encourages the child’s initiative and independence and tries to be on an equal footing with him. The parent trusts the child and tries to take his point of view on controversial issues.

Symbiosis scale

Statements related to this scale: 1, 5, 7, 28, 32, 41, 58.

The scale reflects the interpersonal distance in communication with the child. With high scores on this scale (5-7), we can assume that the parent is striving for a symbiotic relationship with the child. In essence, this tendency is described as follows: the parent feels like a single whole with the child, strives to satisfy all his needs, to protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life. The parent constantly feels worried about the child; the child seems small and defenseless to him. The parent’s anxiety begins to increase when the child begins to become autonomous due to the will of circumstances, since, by his own free will, the parent never gives the child independence.

“Authoritarian hypersocialization” scale

Statements related to this scale: 2, 19, 30, 48, 50, 57, 59, 61.

The scale reflects the form and direction of control over the child’s behavior. With a high score (5-8 points) on this scale, authoritarianism is clearly visible in the parental attitude. The parent demands unconditional obedience and discipline from the child. He tries to impose his will on the child in everything, unable to take his point of view. For manifestations of self-will, the child is severely punished. The parent closely monitors the child's social achievements and demands social success. At the same time, the parent knows the child well, his individual abilities, habits, thoughts, feelings.

Scale "Infantilization" ("Little Loser")

Statements related to this scale: 11, 13, 17, 22, 28, 54, 60.

The scale reflects the characteristics of the parent’s perception and understanding of the child. With high values on this scale (5-7 points), there is a desire in parental attitudes to infantilize the child and attribute to him personal and social failure. The parent sees the child as younger than his actual age. The interests, hobbies, thoughts, and feelings of the child seem childish and frivolous to the parent. The child appears to be unadapted, unsuccessful, and open to bad influences. The parent does not trust his child and is annoyed at his lack of success and ineptitude. In this regard, the parent tries to protect the child from the difficulties of life and strictly control his actions, which leads to the social disability of the child.

Forms of work with teachers

The forms of work can be very diverse; they depend on the capabilities of the kindergarten, the creative level of the team, and methodological support.

We offer the following sample topics and forms of work.

1. Creative work “Modern family - what is it like?”

2. Pedagogical Council “The role of observation in the work of a teacher. Types of observations".

3. Consultation “Directives in raising children. Their psychological significance."

4. Consultation “Raising a child with developmental problems in the family.”

5. Consultation “How to help a child get rid of fears and gain self-confidence.”

6. Round table “Parents and teaching staff: methodology of interaction.”

7. Problem seminar “Family as a system. Family emotional well-being."

8. Consultation “Psychological analysis of the results of a standardized observation of styles of parent-child relationships, carried out by educators.”

9. Training seminar “Cultivating tolerance through dialogic speech.”

10. Consultation “Preparing and conducting a survey of parents on the topic of interaction between kindergarten and family. Goals and objectives".

11. Training seminar “The position of the teacher in interaction with the family. Fundamentals of pedagogical effectiveness".

12. Consultation “Methods of family diagnostics in the daily work of a teacher.”

13. Seminar “The place of a child in the family and the life of parents.”

14. Lecture “Violations of family education - causes of behavioral disorders in children.”

15. Consultation “Family through the eyes of a child.”

Below are outline plans for lectures and classes by a psychologist with kindergarten specialists working with children and families.

Adoption

Examples

Okay, time to work
Let's think about possible solutions and consequences

Description

Acceptance is not a psychological defense, it is one of the constructive ways out of defenses. Without a description of this state, probably, the list of reactive states would not be complete, since often it is acceptance that is the final link in the chain of denial - anger - bargaining - depression. Acceptance is a reactive mechanism when a person accepts responsibility for all his actions.

Usually, in this state, a person adequately assesses his capabilities and obstacles to achieving his goal. Acceptance demonstrates the end of the reactive chain and the exit from it; usually in this state a person is most adequate in relation to his strengths and capabilities. Usually, after passing through this state, a person’s performance increases, and this is true for both monotonous work and creative work.

Symptoms of Acceptance

There are three main types of verbal messages that indicate that a person is entering the acceptance stage. These are conversations about consequences, talking about yourself in the third person, and paying a debt.

Let's look at a person who has been notified of a breakup:

Negation. For a moment he doesn't believe what he's saying. He thinks it was a joke or he misunderstood something. He may ask again: “What? What did you say?"

Anger. Once he realizes what is happening, he will feel angry. Most likely, you will want to throw it out somewhere, so at this stage you can hear the following phrase: “How can you do this to me, after so many years?” Or “I gave you everything, and you’re doing this to me!” Sometimes anger may be directed not at the partner, but at parents and friends. It happens that anger is directed at oneself.

Bargaining. After accusations, there may be a desire to revive the relationship: “Maybe we can try to start all over again?” or “What was wrong? I'll fix it! Tell me what can I do?

Depression. Despair and horror sets in. Loss of meaning in life. Loss of interest in life. A person experiences sadness, melancholy, loneliness. A person is pessimistic about his future.

Adoption. The person understands and accepts what happened.

As we can see, in this example there was no talk of a fatal disease, but the stages coincided with the stages of acceptance of death identified by Kübler-Ross.

Although this is the final stage, leaders need to understand that acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement. People understand that further resistance is pointless, and they begin to evaluate the prospects: “Okay, it’s time to work. Let's think about possible options and solutions." Acceptance often comes after initial short-term results. You can see manifestations of this stage in the fact that employees:

ready to learn new things;
invest effort in making changes work;
feel involved and involve others.

To achieve results at this stage it is necessary:

strengthen and reinforce new behavior patterns;
reward for success and achievements;
develop and set new tasks.

Of course, in reality, people do not always go through all the stages sequentially. Moreover, not everyone reaches the acceptance stage. But managers and change leaders in organizations who understand these emotional dynamics have a number of advantages:

understand that resistance is normal.
realize what stage of resistance people are at and what reactions can be expected next.
are relieved to realize that their own reactions and feelings are normal and not signs of weakness.
can develop and implement appropriate actions to move through these stages quickly and efficiently.

Successful changes to you!

A complete collection of materials in the electronic manual “Change Management. Review of methods and tools" you can get for free.

The Kübler-Ross theory quickly found a response in wide practice, and psychologists began to apply it not only in cases with a fatal diagnosis, but also in other difficult life situations: divorce, life failures, loss of loved ones and other traumatic experiences.

Test - parental attitude questionnaire (A.Ya Varga, V.V. Stolin)

Test - parental attitude questionnaire

(A.Ya Varga, V.V. Stolin)

Scales:

acceptance/rejection of the child, cooperation, symbiosis, control, attitude towards the child’s failures

Appointment of the test.

Parental attitude is understood as a system of various feelings and actions of adults towards children. From a psychological point of view, parental attitude is a pedagogical social attitude towards children, which includes rational, emotional and behavioral components. All of them are assessed to one degree or another using a questionnaire that forms the basis of this methodology.

When answering the questions of the methodology, the subject must express his agreement or disagreement with them using “Yes” or “No” ratings.

TEST

1. I always sympathize with my child.

2. I consider it my duty to know everything my child is thinking about. 3. It seems to me that my child's behavior deviates significantly from the norm. 4. It is necessary to keep the child away from real life problems longer if they traumatize him.

5. I feel sympathy for the child.

6. I respect my child.

7. Good parents protect their child from the difficulties of life. 8. My child is often unpleasant to me. 9. I always try to help my child. 10. There are times when being unkind to a child benefits him. 11. I feel annoyed towards my child. 12. My child will not achieve anything in life. 13. It seems to me that other children are making fun of my child. 14. My child often does things that deserve condemnation. 15. My child is lagging behind in psychological development and looks underdeveloped for his age. 16. My child behaves badly on purpose to annoy me. 17. My child, like a sponge, absorbs all the bad things. 18. Despite all my efforts, it is difficult to teach my child good manners. 19. A child should be kept within strict limits from childhood, only then will he grow into a good person. 20. I love it when my child’s friends come to our house. 21. I always take part in the child’s games and activities. 22. Everything bad constantly sticks to my child. 23. My child will not succeed in life. 24. When people talk about children in a company, I feel ashamed that my child is not as smart and capable as other children. 25. I feel sorry for my child. 26. When I compare my child with his peers, they seem to me more educated and smarter than my child. 27. I enjoy spending my free time with my child. 28. I often regret that my child is growing up, and I remember with tenderness the time when he was still very small. 29. I often find myself being hostile and hostile towards my child. 30. I dream that my child will achieve what I personally failed to achieve in life. 31. Parents should not only demand from the child, but also adapt to him themselves, treat him with respect as an individual. 32. I try to fulfill all the requests and wishes of my child. 33. When making decisions in the family, the child’s opinion should be taken into account. 34. I am very interested in the life of my child. 35. I often admit that the child is right in his own way in his demands and claims. 36. Children learn early that parents can make mistakes. 37. I always take my child into account. 38. I have friendly feelings towards my child. 39. The main reason for my child’s whims is selfishness, laziness and stubbornness. 40. If you spend a vacation with a child, it is impossible to have a normal rest. 41. The most important thing is that the child has a calm, carefree childhood. 42. Sometimes it seems to me that my child is not capable of anything good. 43. I share my child's hobbies. 44. My child can piss anyone off. 45. My child’s grief is always close and understandable to me. 46. My child often annoys me. 47. Raising a child is a complete hassle. 48. Strict discipline in childhood develops strong character. 49. I don't trust my child. 50. Children later thank their parents for their strict upbringing. 51. Sometimes it seems to me that I hate my child. 52. My child has more shortcomings than advantages. 53. The interests of my child are close to me, I share them. 54. My child is not able to do anything on his own, and if he does it, it always turns out wrong. 55. My child will grow up unadapted to life. 56. I like my child the way he is. 57. I carefully monitor my child’s health. 58. I admire my child. 59. A child should not have secrets from his parents. 60. I don’t have a high opinion of my child’s abilities and I don’t hide it from him. 61. A child should be friends with those children his parents like.

Processing and interpretation of test results

Key to the test

Acceptance/rejection of child: -3, 5, 6, -8, -10, -12, -14, -15, -16, -18, 20, -23, -24, -26, 27, -29, 37 , 38, -39, -40, -42, 43, -44, 45, -46, -47, -49, -51, -52, 53, -55, 56, -60.
Cooperation: 21, 25, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36.
Symbiosis: 1, 4, 7, 28, 32,41, 58.
Control: 2, 19, 30, 48, 50, 57, 59.
Attitude to the child’s failures: 9, 11, 13, 17, 22, 54, 61. For each “Yes” answer, the subject receives 1 point, and for each “No” answer – 0 points. If there is a “-” sign in front of the answer number, then one point is awarded for the answer “No” to this question, and 0 points for the answer “Yes”.

Description of scales

Acceptance/rejection of a child.

This scale expresses a general emotionally positive (acceptance) or emotionally negative (rejection) attitude towards the child.
Cooperation .
This scale expresses the desire of adults to cooperate with the child, their manifestation of sincere interest and participation in his affairs.

Symbiosis

.
The questions on this scale are aimed at finding out whether the adult strives for unity with the child or, on the contrary, tries to maintain a psychological distance between the child and himself. This is a kind of contact between a child and an adult. Control .
This scale characterizes how adults control the child’s behavior, how democratic or authoritarian they are in their relationships with him.

Attitude towards child failures.

This scale shows how adults feel about the child’s abilities, his strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures.

Interpretation of test results

Acceptance/Rejection scale

High scores on the scale (from 24 to 33) indicate that this subject has a pronounced positive attitude towards the child. The adult in this case accepts the child for who he is, respects and recognizes his individuality, approves of his interests, supports his plans, spends a lot of time with him and does not regret it. Low scores on the scale (from 0 to - indicate that the adult experiences mainly only negative feelings towards the child: irritation, anger, annoyance, even sometimes hatred. Such an adult considers the child a loser, does not believe in his future, has a low assessment his abilities and often bullies the child with his attitude. It is clear that an adult with such inclinations cannot be a good teacher.

“Cooperation” scale High scores on the scale (6-7 points) are a sign that the adult shows a sincere interest in what interests the child, highly evaluates the child’s abilities, encourages the child’s independence and initiative, and tries to be on an equal footing with him.
Low scores on the given scale (1-2 points) indicate that the adult behaves in the opposite way towards the child and cannot claim to be a good teacher.
“Symbiosis” scale High scores on the scale (6-7 points) are sufficient to conclude that this adult does not establish a psychological distance between himself and the child, he always tries to be closer to him, to satisfy his basic reasonable needs , protect from troubles. Low scores on the scale (1-2 points) are a sign that the adult, on the contrary, establishes a significant psychological distance between himself and the child and cares little about him. It is unlikely that such an adult can be a good teacher and educator for a child. “Control” scale High scores on the scale (6-7 points) indicate that the adult behaves too authoritarian towards the child, demanding unconditional obedience from him and setting him a strict disciplinary framework.
He imposes his will on the child in almost everything. Such an adult cannot always be useful as a teacher for children. Low scores on the scale (1-2 points), on the contrary, indicate that there is practically no control over the child’s actions by an adult. This may not be good for teaching and raising children. The best option for assessing the teaching abilities of an adult on this scale is average scores, from 3 to 5 points. Scale
“Attitude to a child’s failures” High scores on the scale (6-7 points) are a sign that an adult considers the child a little loser and treats him as an unintelligent creature. The interests, hobbies, thoughts and feelings of a child seem frivolous to an adult, and he ignores them. It is unlikely that such an adult can become a good teacher and educator for a child. Low scores on the scale (1-2 points), on the contrary, indicate that the adult considers the child’s failures to be accidental and believes in him. Such an adult will most likely become a good teacher and educator.

Anger

Examples

In IT, the word “anger” is somehow not accepted. Instead, they usually use “irritation”, “anger”, “infuriates”, etc. Let's see what anger usually results in? It is no longer customary for us to hit subordinates; throwing a cell phone is also a thing of the past decade, but other manifestations are more common:

raised voice and aggressive posture
threats
throw the alarm clock far away
I saw several times how, after a small accident, drivers rushed at each other with their fists. Sometimes the cars remained completely intact and the situation was already over, but the drivers got into a fight and risked bringing the matter to a criminal charge.

Description

Anger can act as a psychological defense. A person slides into accusations, both justified and unfounded. The main position is that others are to blame. But anger is not only justification; anger is an attempt to return the situation under your control and back on track by force. Anger is focused more on fighting than on finding a compromise.

-.Who dropped the build? - this is Vasya... - Vasya, what’s going on!? - Yes, I didn’t do anything special, I just wrote a couple of lines, everything was fine there (denial) - Why then did the build crash? (a fact that gets you out of denial) - How should I know? (denial) The architecture is crooked because! (transition from denial to anger) From the very beginning, I should have written normally, and not shouted “deadline”, “deadline”!

Anger is a physiological phenomenon, accompanied by the release of very different chemicals into the blood. This gives 10 to strength, 10 to reaction, 10 to pain tolerance and -50 to intelligence. In the life of an office worker, this is exactly what you need.

Angry man

does not accept new information
become inflexible and aggressive
quickly gets tired both psychologically and physically. Not an employee, in general.

Symptoms of Anger

They are familiar to everyone: Raising the voice, clenched jaws, narrowed eyes, aggressive behavior (ignoring personal areas, clenching fists, demonstrating strength, sudden movements, a faster gait that hints at an attack, a long and persistent gaze). However, these are often obvious symptoms. A person experiencing anger may react in a seemingly cold and calm manner. At the same time, subtle movements and verbal signals of anger will give him away.

It is at this stage that it is important to understand that it is not the changes themselves that cause anger in people, but the losses that they entail: “This is unfair! No! I can't accept this!

As a result, employees at this stage can:

endlessly complaining instead of working;
fall into accusations and criticism;
be more irritated than usual, cling to little things.

In fact, openly expressed anger indicates people are engaged, and that's a good thing! This is an opportunity for managers to allow employees to let off steam from strong emotions, while at the same time examining the skepticism and doubts expressed - they may not be unfounded.

first listen to people without trying to dissuade them, acknowledge their feelings;
suggest ways to make up for the losses that employees are afraid of, for example, additional training, retraining, flexible hours, etc.;
Encourage people to focus their work energy on implementing change instead of criticizing and empty talk;
stop outright sabotage, but do not respond to aggression with aggression.

Examples[edit]

Literature[edit]

“Harry Potter” - in relation to Harry himself: The behavior of the protagonist after the death of Sirius Black.
: Initially, Harry is in the stage of denying Dumbledore's death, goes through the other stages, and defeats Voldemort through accepting his own, albeit temporary, death.

Films[edit]

"Blade Runner" - Roy Buddy's behavior fits into the above scheme after realizing his short life as a replicant: Denial: escaping from the colony to Earth, in the hope of a new life as a non-replicant.
Anger: insanely aggressive behavior on Earth.
Bidding: begging for an extension of life from your creator.
Depression: the realization that everything is over for him and his comrades.
Acceptance: final speech under the cleansing rain in the messianic pose.

“Groundhog Day” - with certain stretches, Phil Connors’ behavior regarding the repetition of one single day:

Denial: At first, Phil tries to ignore the repetitions. It doesn't work out for him for long.

Anger: Phil behaves antisocially, knowing that nothing will happen to him for this.

Bargaining: Phil tries to figure out what he needs to do to break out of the loop. Unsuccessful.

Despair: Phil systematically kills himself.

Acceptance: Phil accepts both himself and the situation - and becomes a good guy.

TV series[edit]

“Clinic” - one episode of the fifth season is called “My Five Stages”. J.D. and Dr. Cox go through these five stages as a patient dies. A support group therapist highlights each stage. Tellingly, the cynical but highly professional Dr. Cox rightly considers these “five stages” to be incredible nonsense.
House - House mocks Cameron when she becomes overly attached to a terminally ill patient and goes through the five stages. Just like in the example above, House directly voices the transitions.

Cartoons[edit]

"Inside Out": If you focus on Riley, and not on the twists and turns of her anthropomorphic emotions. Denial: Riley refuses to accept her parents moving.
Anger: Riley argues with her parents.
Trades: Riley comes up with the brilliant idea to move alone to Minnesota, where she was happy. Well, the girl is 11 years old, what do you want?
Depression: Riley realizes the deplorability of her situation and is extremely depressed about it.
Acceptance: Riley returns home.

Animated series[edit]

(link)

"Robot Chicken" clearly demonstrates

"American Dad" - Haley's behavior after her husband is abducted by aliens.
"The Simpsons" - played out at least twice. When the children suspect that their mother is having an affair, smart Lisa begins to track these stages on her own. And when Homer finds out that he has eaten the deadly poisonous puffer fish, he goes through all five stages very quickly, which is monitored by a restaurant worker.
The Penguins of Madagascar is a parody of the trope. Due to an error in the documents, Skipper was recorded as a female. He went through all the stages of acceptance in just a minute.

Comics[edit]

Batman - There is a running joke that the only thing that can destroy Batman as a superhero is if he reaches the stage of acceptance. It's holding up for now. Tellingly, he even achieved and stopped being Batman a couple of times. The first time in the Golden Age, when he married Catwoman, became a father and went to work as a police commissioner. The second time in Frank Miller's comics, after the death of Jason Todd, but in the end he still returned to work. And finally, for the third time in the film “The Dark Knight. Revival of a Legend,” where at the end he left Gotham and also married Catwoman. Additionally, he was about to abandon his cape during his relationships with Andrea Beaumond and Silver St. Cloud. Thus, Batman's stage of acceptance is inextricably linked to romantic relationships. Perhaps that is why he subconsciously runs away from them.
“I Kill Giants” - Twelve-year-old geek girl Barbara is able to see the otherworldly magical world and kill giants precisely because most of the story goes through the first three stages.
Living with hipstergirl and gamergirl - jokes around. Sophie compares the story of a friend about her reaction to... pregnancy with model Kübler-Ross. Because in Sophie's eyes, becoming a mother means dying as an independent person.

Anime and manga[edit]

"Fullmetal Alchemist", the death of a mother for the Elric brothers: Denial: "She didn't die for long
"
Anger: Edward blames his father for his mother's death at the funeral.
Bidding: actually, transmutation, an attempt to bring the mother back to life
Depression: Realization of terrible results leads brothers to despair
Acceptance: yes, our mother died, now we need to fix what we have done

Board games[edit]

In poker there is the concept of “tilt”, which in miniature plays out exactly the same model, if a person loses, loses control over himself, and then loses to smithereens: Denial: “Nothing, I’ll win back !
” - but you just had to get up from the table...
Anger: “There are idiots around me, they generally play everything wrong, I’m losing because of this!”
Trades: “Okay, everything is clear, my playing style is wrong, now I will make the necessary adjustments!” - if it comes to this, the player’s money can no longer be saved. The fact is that the only thing that can save an emotional poker player is following a strict but flexible system, and not situational panicking.
Depression: “I’m just a complete loser...”
Acceptance: “It’s just a game!”

conclusions

Everyone falls into the sequence Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance. Often - several times a day.
It is better to use an appropriate communication style for each condition. What is good for Denial is explosive for Anger.
Before the stage of Acceptance, a person is not logical. It makes sense to go through the stages quickly.
After anger, depression is inevitable. The longer the anger, the longer it takes a person to move away.

Mindfulness helps determine the current phase. Knowing the current stage, you can consciously wait for the next one and quickly move into a working state.

Disclaimer: the article mentions many psychological techniques (active listening, etc.) without decoding. Please write in the comments if they are worth adding.

As a rule, when faced with negative events, we go through these stages in one form or another.
If you feel stuck in one of these stages in the process of accepting a negative event, try moving to the next stage or starting to go through these stages again. Perhaps a stage that has not been fully experienced interferes with acceptance
As you can see, the final stage is accepting the event as it is. Maybe it makes sense, when faced with life’s difficulties, to immediately strive to accept them as they are?

If the ideas in this article are close to you, then come for a consultation and we’ll work with it. Have a nice day!

The article was written by psychologist Roman Levykin.

Bargain

This is an attempt to postpone the inevitable. We try to “make a deal” with management or with ourselves in order to delay changes or find a way out of the situation: “If I promise to do this, will you not allow these changes in my life?” For example, an employee starts working overtime in an attempt to avoid an upcoming layoff.

Bargaining is a sign that people are already starting to look towards the future. They have not yet given up their fears, but are already looking for new opportunities and negotiating.

It is very important here:

direct people's energy in a positive direction, do not reject their ideas;
stimulate brainstorming and strategy sessions;
Help employees evaluate their careers and opportunities in new ways.

Examples

Come on, maybe you can come up with something over the weekend, and then I’ll try to get some kind of bonus?
What if this bug is not noticed in the demo, and we fix it later?
Let's add a crutch now, and after the deadline, we'll fix it.
This is partly my fault...

Description

Another psychological defense is called bargaining or negotiation. Bargaining is very different from anger and denial. When a person goes into bargaining, he, in fact, admits that the situation has happened, but at the same time the person is looking for ways (unconstructive ways) so as not to encounter the result of the situation.

Bargaining should be distinguished from an attempt to come to an agreement; in bargaining everything is exaggerated and slightly distorted. In bargaining, many things are taken to extremes. Bargaining often looks like an attempt to buy off problems. In fact, bargaining is an attempt to disguise reality without denying it. This is a mild form of deception and self-deception. Bargaining can look like an attempt to come to an agreement with higher powers (and unilaterally), it can manifest itself as an attempt to come to an agreement with a partner unilaterally (Let me do this, and you will accordingly do what you promised). You can designate the stage of negotiations as an attempt to return your self-esteem

The worst thing about bargaining is hope, hope that maybe everything will work out on its own. Because of this hope, a person makes wrong decisions, waits when it is necessary to act, and tries to shield himself at the moment when problems need to be solved.

The bargaining stage is often used by scammers. At this stage, the desire to buy off a problem makes a person very vulnerable. This also happens in IT:

In the heat of an argument, the programmer raises his voice at a colleague/lead/Scrum Master/PM or customer, makes some kind of personal attack or something else, for which he later becomes a little ashamed. So, while he is ashamed, they assign tasks to him that he does not want to do. Or they are simply pushing through their architectural solution.