Violence in relationships and its types, 5 signs of physical psychological emotional and moral violence in relationships and how to help, prevention

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The psychologist talks about psychological violence, to which we are accustomed to turn a blind eye, although it is precisely this that leads to beatings and cruel treatment.

When they talk about domestic violence, they mean sexual or physical violence - beatings, abuse. This also includes restrictions on basic needs - water, food, safety and medical care.

Before violence moves to the physical level, it necessarily manifests itself on a psychological level. The problem is that many people turn a blind eye to psychological violence and consider it “normal.” Close relatives often observe its manifestations, but believe that this is not enough to break off the relationship.

Signs of psychological abuse are as follows:

insults, rude words
criticism - “you will never succeed, you can’t cope with anything”
restrictions on self-realization, prohibitions
regular manifestations of jealousy
humiliation - “you will go in this dress, let everyone see how cheap you are”
control - requiring a report on actions, monitoring social networks
pressure through blackmail and threats - “if you don’t do as I said, I’ll take the child,” “if you don’t listen, everyone will know what kind of wife you are”
punishments - “I’m yelling because you deserve it”, “you won’t go on vacation, you don’t deserve it”

Psychological violence differs from quarrels in the regularity and presence of power in one of the partners:

material (the victim will be left without finances, livelihood, housing)
physical (threat of beatings, rape)
or mental (threat of losing a child, loss of a relationship with a loved one)

Below I will analyze in detail the first alarm bells. Pay attention to them at the beginning of a relationship to avoid falling into the trap of domestic violence.

Kinds

Imposing your own opinion. The tyrant tries to completely take possession of the soul of his victim. He inspires her with his own statements, and does it so cleverly and veiledly that it would never even occur to anyone that a suggestion had been made. In some ways, this type of psychological violence is similar to hypnosis.
Disregard for other people's opinions. This type of psychological violence can be seen as selfishness. The person does not want to help around the house, go to the store or to work. The tyrant sits on the victim's shoulders and dangles his legs.
Another type of psychological violence is criticism. The tyrant's eternal discontent may be unfounded. For example, a person may cling to the mess in the house, and immediately after general cleaning.
Blackmail. The tyrant tells the victim that if she does not comply with his demands, he will leave the family or use physical violence.
Control. Surveillance and reporting requests are signs that you are living with a tyrant. No normal person will demand that you tell them minute by minute every day how your day went.

If the violence is not physical:

Physical violence is hard to ignore. Your partner may hit, kick, or grab you hard. It can break your bones or cut you. You can become a regular client of an ambulance or emergency room. You spend a lot of money on ointments to heal bruises and abrasions, and on cosmetics to cover up the consequences of your quarrels.

However, violence is not always physical. A relationship that degrades your humanity and suppresses your will will not send you to the hospital, but it can certainly destroy your mental health.

Over children

Domestic psychological violence is very often committed by parents against their children.
And young creatures cannot even understand that something is going wrong. They have nothing to compare with. They sincerely think that in all families, parents treat their children poorly, demand too much and constantly humiliate them. Psychological violence against children is most often practiced by weak and downtrodden parents. No one from the outside would even think that this person could belittle his child. Everyone wants to be loved and respected. And, if a person is underestimated at work, and he does not want to spoil the relationship with his significant other, then the anger will take out on the child. Children may suffer from psychological abuse from overactive parents. Adults can take their child to all clubs, decide for the child what to do, where to go and what to wear, as well as what and where to say. And this seems normal when it comes to a 3-year-old child, but if a 10-year-old teenager finds himself in this situation, then we can safely say that something is going wrong.

Are you in an abusive relationship?

This is a pretty easy question, isn't it? Either yes or no. In order to answer this you need to understand two things:

Firstly

, you need to know what abuse looks like and how it manifests itself in relationships.

Secondly

, you must be able to look at your situation from the outside in order to objectively assess it.

When you combine these two factors to evaluate your relationship, you can definitively answer the question, “Are you in an abusive relationship?”

Above my wife

Most often, men play the role of tyrants.
They commit psychological violence against children and wives. How does this manifest itself? The man controls the family. Neither a child nor a woman can leave the house without permission. If a wife can go somewhere, she can only go with her man. The victim has no personal property at all. The couple has common accounts on social networks; the phone cannot be blocked. In such a situation it is difficult to remain yourself, and the tyrant takes advantage of this. He inspires the victim with the idea that home is good and safe, and this is where he needs to stay. In this way, any opinions can be instilled, and the victim will consider them his own. A man can humiliate a woman, tell her that she is scary, stupid, and has no talents. In this way, the tyrant rises in his own eyes, because his victim considers him smart and handsome.

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Above my husband

Psychological violence in the family is, unfortunately, a common practice.
Women who cannot self-actualize try to increase their self-esteem at the expense of others. They marry henpecked men and play with them as they please. How does psychological violence manifest itself in women? In reproaches and threats. A woman is always dissatisfied that her husband earns little, goes to visit friends or spends too much time in the garage. A wife can make scandals every day, break dishes and use various manipulations. Why don’t men leave the family in this case? A tyrant can inspire her victim that all women are the same, and she is an angel in the flesh. And the man is to blame for all the scandals, because he is bad, inattentive and uncaring. A man can sincerely believe in this and even experience remorse, which is completely unjustified.

Above parents

Psychological violence in the family can also come from children.
Any child is good at manipulation. Some parents can recognize them, others cannot. If the child is late and very desirable, the mother may dote on him and fulfill his every demand. And sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity. Parents have to spend their last money on buying an expensive toy, otherwise the child will throw a scandal, refuse to eat, or deliberately give bad marks. Teenagers often manipulate their parents by telling them that if their wishes are not met, they may commit suicide or leave home. Psychological violence against children can sometimes be very severe. If a child is spoiled, then he will grow up to be an egoist who will not, in general, take into account his parents. For example, he will take a pension from his elderly parents and spend it on entertainment, going to a club, and even on drugs.

How to recognize psychological abuse at an early stage

It is difficult to understand at first glance whether a person is a tyrant or not.
When starting an affair, people can fall in love and put on rose-colored glasses. Any sins of your soulmate will be forgiven. Total control will be perceived as caring. Psychological violence against a lover begins only after the wedding. Tyrants believe that a stamp in a passport allows them to perform any action with their victim. How can you avoid falling into the hands of a villain? You must always be aware of the actions of others. If a person does not give you free space, this should be the first alarm bell. If criticism comes to you too often, and sometimes it is inadequate, this should also be a signal to escape. It is worth understanding that people do not change after marriage. You can only get to know a person better by living with him for some time. Therefore, there is no need to rush things. As they say: trust, but verify.

If in the early stages of a relationship a person demands that you choose between him and your friends, that should tell you something. Normal people will not limit freedom of communication. If a person justifies his reluctance to communicate with your friends by saying that they are stupid and there is nothing to talk to them about, then it is worth parting with the tyrant, and not the close people who love and support you.

You should not build a relationship with someone who is selfish and arrogant. Make sure that your significant other knows how to do noble deeds and does not expect rewards or other honors for them.

Violence in relationships, its types and signs

Sometimes situations arise that harm the relationship and throw it off balance, and although they may be perceived as insignificant, in reality they matter and whatnot! Even in the most romantic relationships, you need to watch for certain signs that indicate the possibility or onset of serious psychological or physical abuse. Courtship is one of the most enjoyable times for a couple. Everything is perfect, and if it is not, then the problem is glossed over or embellished so that it seems small and insignificant. You discover new details about your partner, every day you are overwhelmed with emotions and pleasant excitement, and rough edges and inconsistencies are relegated to the background. We change, others change us, we argue and make peace, and the alarm bells behind all this seething of emerging relationships are not so obvious. And it is for this reason that abuse of power by one of the couple can go unnoticed.

How to pacify an offender

A victim of psychological violence should not play by the rules established by the tyrant.
If your husband criticizes you, you should not take his words for granted. You should think about whether he is right and ask the man to argue his position. You need to be able to distinguish real criticism from the desire to lower someone else's self-esteem. If your lover is trying to control you, you need to loosen your iron grip. You should explain to her that you should have your own space and there is nothing wrong with spending time apart.

If baseless scandals occur in a family every day, you need to find a reason for them. There is no need to eliminate the investigation. Perhaps your significant other wants to hint at something, but is veiling their true goal too much. Try to ask directly what she or he needs, and if the desire is adequate, then it is worth fulfilling it.

It's difficult to live with a person who doesn't care about anything. But people marry by mutual consent. Therefore, if your feelings have cooled down and your significant other is ignoring you, you need to bring more romance into the relationship. You should spend more time together and find a joint hobby. Any relationship is built on positive memories. If there are not very many of them, then it’s time to create them. Take part in active sports. This could be something as ordinary as skiing, or something less trivial like horseback riding. Tourism is another way to build relationships. After all, when going on a hike, people are forced to spend a lot of time together. Moreover, in extreme situations we have to support each other both physically and mentally. For example, you can go kayaking on the river, or just go fishing with friends for a week.

How to help someone who is being bullied

The victim of violence, first of all, must understand for herself what situation she is in.
If your friend lives with a tyrant, but does not suspect it, you should open her eyes. We need to tell you that not all men belittle their lovers. After all, why are families created? So that people can enjoy each other's company and not be afraid to go home. It is not curtains or expensive furniture that creates coziness in an apartment. A good atmosphere is maintained by love. A woman who is afraid of her husband should know that there is no shame in asking for help. Psychological violence is dangerous because it can drive a person crazy or lead him to suicide. A woman who finds herself in a difficult situation has herself to blame. If a man puts pressure on her morally, it means she allows him to do it. Divorce will not be the best option. First you need to change yourself, and only then demand good treatment from others. After all, tyrants choose weak-spirited individuals as victims. You should become strong and confident. Yes, the tyrant in this situation will resist, but his own destiny is at stake, and one should live in pleasure. There is no need to be afraid of what people will say about you.

If a man finds himself in a difficult situation with psychological violence, his friends need to help him. You should raise the person’s self-esteem, perhaps offering him psychological training on leadership. Women love strong men. Most likely, the wife will even be only glad when her husband takes the burden of responsibility into his own hands and definitely takes off his iron fists.

What to do as a preventive measure

There are different types of psychological violence, and accordingly, the same countermeasures should not be applied to them.
But it is still better not to solve problems, rather than create them. How can you prevent a loved one from becoming a tyrant? You should always leave some space in people's lives. Don't be afraid that someone better than you might take it. Such a thought does not occur to a person with high self-esteem. If a person wants to cheat on you, he will find a way, even if you follow him. To prevent this, you should maintain romance in the relationship. Give flowers, have romantic dinners, spend time together, go to the cinema and skating rink. You can come up with a lot of ways to bring excitement to a relationship without resorting to jealousy and betrayal. To prevent a person from trying to assert himself at your expense, always maintain his self-esteem at a high level. Not only girls love compliments, remember this. Men also want to know that they are wonderful and that their significant other loves them no matter what. You should respect the friends of your chosen one, because these are his close people. And, even if you don’t like them, try to reconcile with them. Under no circumstances should you insult the parents of your loved one. After all, relatives are support and support, you should understand this.

And the main thing that many people forget is that you should talk. Do not accumulate resentments, because otherwise they can break out in any slight disagreement. Solve problems as they arise. If you don't like something about your chosen one, don't hesitate to let them know. A person does not always see his own shortcomings, so an outside opinion can only be beneficial.

Sexual violence in relationships

Yes it is possible!
According to the World Health Organization, 30%

women in relationships have experienced any form of physical or sexual violence from a partner. There are no current and comprehensive statistics on this issue in Russia, although in 2003, Moscow State University researchers had exactly the same figures:

23% of the women they surveyed from seven regions of the country admitted that they had been subjected to one type of sexual pressure or violence from their husbands.

According to the same survey, 75% of Russian women gave in to their husbands, agreeing to have sex when they didn’t want it, and every fifth woman made such concessions regularly.

18.5% of women surveyed (185 out of a thousand) said that they had experienced severe sexual violence from their husbands, that is, “forced sex, rape or sex after beating.”

Many respondents to the study responded that a woman’s sexual needs in marriage should not be taken into account. (Information from the Meduza portal)

What is included in the concept of sexual violence, in addition to direct violence, as defined in Art. 131 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation “rape is understood as sexual intercourse (that is, only vaginal intercourse) between a man and a woman, committed with the use of physical force - or under the threat of its use.”

- sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent, who is in a helpless position: deep sleep, alcohol/drug intoxication, unconsciousness, etc. — forced petting, — forcing victims to manipulate the genitals, — voyeurism and exhibitionism, — forcing them to make “dirty” phone calls, — video recording of sexual contacts without the victim’s consent — forced sexual intercourse

Sexual violence in relationships does not always involve physical violence; often psychological and economic violence is used against the victim. The victim cannot refuse the rapist to satisfy his sexual needs, because she is afraid that she will be punished, they will stop giving her money, her partner will boycott her, will not let her out of the house, will take away or limit her communication with children, etc. (signs of psychological abuse are listed in the previous section).

Or maybe he should leave?

Victims of psychological violence often ask this question, but cannot decide to take a responsible step.
As stated above, and for good reason. After all, as you know, you can’t run away from yourself. You should understand that people treat you the way you allow them to. A person with low self-esteem may cry into his pillow over his difficult fate, but will do absolutely nothing to alleviate his fate. It’s worth thinking about, perhaps you were pushed around before marriage. Or maybe the problem comes from childhood? It often happens that a girl whose family was a tyrant believes that all men behave the same. In this case, she will simply force her chosen one to command her and belittle her dignity. You should have a good understanding of your feelings and understand where they come from. If you are not satisfied with something, change, no one will judge you. Of course, there are situations when the victim is not to blame for anything, and she is tyrannized for no reason. In this case, it is simply necessary to leave. Why endure bullying? Yes, the tyrant will not want to simply part with you. He will sing songs about how he will definitely change, but he needs to be given the 150th chance. Remember, people don't change unless they have a good reason to do so. So walk away with your head held high and don't look back.

What to do if the tyrant does not want to stop communicating even after breaking up? He can call, come to your parents and cry to them. Don't believe it. Time changes people, but not in a month, and sometimes even a year is not enough. You can offer the tyrant friendship, but nothing more. Value yourself, your time and your life.

Signs of violence (alarm bells or alarm bells).

The rapist seeks (consciously or not) to completely suppress the will of his victim, turn her into his property, and control any manifestations. They manipulate, instill feelings of guilt, try to suppress self-esteem, and deprive them of self-respect. If one or more of these signs are present in your relationship, your partner is most likely an abuser.

He/she forces you to have sex when you don't want to, or uses your body without your permission (while you're sleeping, for example).
S/he blames you when something bad happens.
He/she interferes with your work and study.
He/she controls your joint finances.
S/he baselessly accuses you of dating others.
He/she does not allow you to choose your own clothes or other things.
He/she is in complete control of your movements and/or social circle.
S/he is humiliated and ridiculed in public and in private.
He/she deliberately embarrasses you in front of other people.
He/she lies to you and then makes you doubt yourself.

There are also signs of an emotionally abusive relationship that you may notice in your changed attitude towards yourself. Answer the following questions and then think, are these your true thoughts about yourself, have they always been like this, or are these answers (if they are negative) dictated and instilled in you by your partner?

Am I a worthy person?
Am I smart?
Am I out of my mind?
Am I trustworthy?
Do others love me?
Am I as good as others?

Your behavior may also change. If you notice that you are afraid to show emotions so as not to anger your partner, choose your words and expressions carefully, and give up activities that bring you joy because your partner wants it, you are most likely in an abusive relationship.

How else can you recognize that your relationship is destructive for you? Do you approve of the behavior that your partner demonstrates towards you towards other people? Would you be happy if your best friend, child, parents, loved ones were treated this way? If not, don't allow yourself to be treated this way.